Fanny That’s Been Around The Block

Posted on by


As a noted old cunt and older than most I seem to be in some demand as a wedding guest and on one recent occasion as a best man. Various nieces and nephews have posted me what these days counts as an invite, a little card with dried flowers, ribbons and similar sentimental shit glued to it alongside a wedding favour with a vicious pin to wear at the event. They all know – or should – that I do not do wedding presents and certainly never cash. What I do do, and only too happy, is to offer marital advice to either party free, gratis and pro bono. Words of wisdom based on over sixty years of hard earned experience in the yoke.

Thing that comes up time and time again is sloppy pussy. Disappointed groom is outraged at the lack of tactile sensation provided during the statutory wedding night. Despite having countless trial runs before point of sale, the poor punter wakes in the cold dawn of the morning after listening to his beloved’s snores and is hit by the realisation that there are more than two in this relationship. Probably all of his mates and most of the lads down the pub have trod that well travelled path. Nobody expects virginity in these modern times but going down the betrothal/engagement/marriage route at least implies some sort of exclusive contract. 

The heady implosion of Young Love. Fury and Outrage, a wish to do Violence (alright you can kick her out of bed and then pretend you are dreaming) but no my son, “Welcome to the con”.

Love, Marriage – what is that?

Life’s great deception. A life time marriage only works by mutual agreement, mutual blindsiding one’s mutual peccadillos (nothing to do with Michael Portillo) and getting on with it. EG: she does not tidy your porn stash or change your passwords and you do not open her little parcels from Ebay. Extramaritales? Whatever you can get away with and vice versa but do make sure all valuable items including the house and car are in your name for later convenience.

Have spent some time in India where a bride’s price is dependent upon whether she is intacto or not. Needless to say many dodgy quacks are available to do hymen or ‘fanny repairs’. They advertise in most main newspapers as do ‘certified intact’ brides seeking men of good family.

Where have all the virgins gone? (After Pete Seeger)
Long time passing
Where have all the virgins gone?
Long time ago.
Where have all the flowers gone?
The guys have picked them every one.
Oh, When will you ever learn?
Oh, When will you ever learn?

durexindia

Nominated by : Somehow this has been lost – own up if you will

102 thoughts on “Fanny That’s Been Around The Block”

  1. A good wife should keep her hubby’s belly full with great food…

    ..and his balls empty with great sex.

  2. I’ve not any disastrously sloppy adventures.
    Most of the ones i’ve enjoyed have been active rather than laying back and waiting to be stuffed like a turkey. Can’t stand lazy shags. Too many of them in college. Half of English girls there don’t know what to do.
    Lazy slags.

  3. Ron Knee has just put a nom up that I can hardly wait to comment on.

    Anyway, try living without a missis.
    I have, for 10 years, and I’m fucking miserable. I’ve cleaned the bathroom today. It’s surgically clean.

    That’s it. That’s my life. Tomorrow, the big bedroom, yesterday was the downstairs toilet.

    FML.

    • But the upside is that you can fart out loud and walk around nude when looking for a clean pair of jocks.

      • Cheer up JP👍
        You’ve at least had a taste of happiness some people never have that.
        And daughters and granddaughter,
        And you’ve got us😁

        Your a lucky man
        Have a nightcap

      • Jeezum mate, I can only concur with the view expressed by Mis. Though whether being associated with us weirdos on here counts as a plus I’m not so sure.

        Mecuntry, I’m not quite with you there, I live with my wife and do those things anyway. Must admit one of the daughters stayed over recently and when she saw me walking about upstairs wearing just my watch and my socks she expressed annoyance but was unable to hide her amusement.

  5. Tight fanny or one like a cart horse collar, I can make em all moan in the bedroom it’s easy just wipe me knob on the curtains they don’t shut up then.

  8. I never realised that there were so many romantic souls on here, it warms your heart.
    Personally I long for a sloppy fanny, better than a dried up post menopausal one.

  9. The yanks will be wondering what’s all this fuss about the back passage. Let’s keep the thick cunts guessing.

Comments are closed.