The Munchy Box

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An obese wheezing, grease-stained cunting for that Glaswegian delicacy, the munchy box.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Munchy_box

Are you a greedy fat cunt living on hand-outs?

Is one item of greasy, deep-fried muck no longer enough?

Do you desire an early death?

Look no further than the munchy box, the portable banquet designed by Glasgow’s finest epicures, food technicians and pest controllers, making it’s way across all grim, run-down towns and estates across the British Isles.

The munchy box (AKA shitbox to anybody whoes ever eaten anything green or from a butcher) offers the discerning council diner an array of deep-fried shit in a single grease-sodden pizza box.

Common items include doner meat, fresh from the elephant’s foot, chicken wings with no meat after being deep-fried, chips with cheese melted on them, a slice of pizza or perhaps a battered jumbo sausage, deep-fried macaroni cheese ‘bites’, deep-fried spicy chicken ‘goujons’, and perhaps a small tub of ‘dip’.
The Health fascists will be relieved that coleslaw is available in a small tub, even if that is made of mostly mayonnaise and salt

Members of the underclass may pay for their shitbox in installments, making sure their access to grease, salt, sugar and the occasional rat dropping isn’t hindered by the complete lack of earnings or waiting for dole money to drop into their account.

This is the closest you’ll ever get to experiencing Man vs Food as you’ll never be able to afford to visit America, but those in the know across the pond say yes, if we all wanted to die before 40 and live like the most wretched, toothless, gormless welfare recipients of the UK, we’d order the munchy box’.

The Munchy box. The taste of failure.

Nominated by : Cuntamus Prime

94 thoughts on “The Munchy Box”

  1. Great Scottish cuisine, it’s a step up from sheep’s intestines?

    No wonder they drink themselves to death, helps avoid the food.

    • Love macaroni cheese, me.
      Got to be made with extra-mature cheddar though.
      Good afternoon.

      • I went off it for years after finding a hair in some at primary school. That catering company were so awful that they eventually got replaced after enough parents complained.

      • Has to be made with proper fresh pasta too.
        None of yer slimy, tasteless, ultra processed, tinned Héinz muck!

  4. Burgers from those burger vans at fairgrounds and country shows are always far better than McDonalds and Burger king.

    Dunno why.
    But they are.

    I like fried food,
    Like Elvis for that stuff,
    Hot dogs, burgers,
    Fried chicken,

    I think the yanks are better cooks than the French!
    They just cook whatever they can scoop out from a pond.

    • One of Elvis’ favourite dishes was squirrel deep fried in peanut oil.

      No wonder he died young.

      • As well as breaking Rock n Roll to the masses and making some great music,
        Elvis is overlooked in his contribution to the culinary arts.

        I’d never dream of twinning bacon with peanut butter if not for him.

        Squirrel? Your nuts!

  5. That’s why all the illegals in Dover are clambering on foot and other means of transport to tuck into this shite, after already living on deep fried everything else.

  6. I saw plenty of that on the pavement this weekend..
    Not sure if it was in a box..

    And looked as if it had been eaten at least once..

    Even the seagulls were blanking it.

  7. If you put that thing in the fridge at night then you can guarantee that it’ll be wrapped itself around the pint of milk by the following morning

  8. If it winds up the health Nazis, the vegans and the wokies I’m all for it. They don’t really need anything else to make them feel superior but I like to help the cunts out now and again.

  9. Back in the day, after 20 pints, and a fiddle with the local moped in the alleyway I would have been all over this and woken up on Saturday to a feeling of euphoria at a good night out.

    • You need food like this in Scotland,
      Protect you against the weather.
      It’s no good eating salad like a fanny if you have to be out in minus 5 horizontal sleet.

      And they counter balance it with a bucket of porridge a day.

      Porridge is good for you.
      That’s why HMP Barlinnie is fully booked

    • Yeah, I remember rolling over in bed one morning and feeling something horrible and squishy around my arse. I thought I’d shat the bed after a massive piss up the night before. Turned out to be a half eaten doner I didn’t even remember buying. Chucked it on the floor and went back to sleep.

  12. To be honest, that sounds fucking lush.

    Can’t get a decent Donner round these parts for love nor money.

    • As my fellow pedant, Odin, I trust like me you are disappointed to see Admin spelling ‘diarrhoea’ the American way. Tut tut.

      • I was shocked Geordie. Shocked to my very core.

        But surely by now the yanks have also cottoned on to rhyming slang.

        Diarrhoea should henceforth and on both sides of the pond be referred to as a nasty case of the Markle-Hewitts.

        On this point, I believe we can agree.

    • I don’t mind a decent doner, but not all the fried shit.
      Like you i’m a good 30-40 minute drive from a half-decent kebab.

      That’s one bad thing about living in the coountrtside; most takeaways are shite

      • I live in the posh bit of London and can’t get a doner kebab anywhere.

        It’s all Meze, Iraqi, Iranian, Persian or any other form of mystery meat, just not doner meat.

        How I long to be able to fall out of a pub, eight pints down and collapse on the counter of a dodgy doner shop next door while mumbling something about ‘a large doner and chips, everything on pal’.

        I just now retire to my study with a bottle of single malt and a service revolver, as Geordie will have picked up on the fact I spelled doner with two ‘N’s in my first post.

  14. I can’t fathom why people want this stuff. We had maintenance contracts with McDonalds and KFC at various times and on visits I was frequently offered free food. I never accepted, I never fancied any of it. I always took sandwiches to work anyway because I knew what went in ’em and I never knew where I was going to be. Must have saved some money as well over the years though that wasn’t really a consideration.

    The photo is obviously a set up. It’s not from Scotand; there’s no sign of the deep fried Mars bar. And in English there’s an “o” in the word diarrhoea.

  15. This is why the oldest living Scotchman on record was Hamish McNesbitt who lived to the ripe old age of 37.

      • Krankie’s munchy box is what she gives that female French diplomat to slurp on when they’re on a campervan holiday together.

      • There’s nowt wrong wi’ Sturgeon that a voice transplant followed by a face transplant followed by a head transplant followed by a body transplant wouldn’t cure. It’s a typical embittered Scot: if only it could brush that caber off its shoulder, but it can’t.

  16. The header is making me feel hungry after the weathers starting to turn cold and in need of warmth.

  17. Is this Scotland’s equivalent to free school meals? Is there a Scottish Marcus Rashford pleading for affordable donor kebabs and curry sauce?

    • Or the ‘stonner’

      a jumbo sausage, wrapped in doner meat, then battered and deep fried.

      • I was once in a very nice Italian place in Edinburgh, which did its own ‘home made’ pizzas in a wood fire oven.They were delicious, and I was waiting on a couple to carry out.

        In walks some cunt to order a pizza, but not one the restaurant’s own, oh no. The twat wanted a frozen pizza, deep fried. To my amazement, the guy went and got one from the fridge,and deep fried it in a small fryer that they kept just for that, as it’s a very popular choice, with a deep fried Mars Bar or Bounty for dessert.

        The dying Scot; life expectancy 26 yrs.

  18. It’s got to be an improvement on haggis, which is truly vile. No wonder they drink vast amounts of whisky on Burns Night feasts. They need it to choke that disgusting thing down.

    As for the square sausage, I don’t think there’s actually any (legal) meat in it.
    Utterly tasteless.

    • Years since I’ve had a kebab.
      Only ever had them when absolutely bladdered.
      No sauce
      No salad for me pal.
      Just questionable meat.

  19. I’ve heard the Krankies love this traditional Scottish fayre and wolf it down just to stick it to the hated Sassenachs.
    That’s where that 600 grand went.

    • I understand that Scots don’t use garlic to fend of vampires.

      They batter and deep fry that.

      No, they use lettuce, with a low calorie French dressing.

  22. That reminds me…..I need to pick up some dog shit in the garden.
    Might sell it to those Scots cunts……….

  24. I was in the borders on holiday with the family last year. On the Friday, we went into town to get fish and chips (or a fish supper as they say). My son saw the munch box and ordered one, whcih we shared. To be fair, it was excellent if you were hungry. However, a heart-attack in a box with all the grease. Topped off with a 2 litre bottle of pop. I can’t recommend this cunting to the house I’m afraid.

  25. I used to visit relatives in Inverness. They lived on ‘The Ferry’, which if any off you are familiar is a bit of a shit tip.

    One day, about 8am, we hear this grinding noise.
    Oh, says Aunty, the scavvies ( binmen) are here. Scuttles off to the kitchen, comes out with a 4 pack of beer, just as the honey waggon draws up outside. Bin is duly emptied, Scavvie knocks on the door, Aunty hands over the beer, and off they pootle.
    “What the..?”
    Well, says Aunty, they’ll leave an awful mess if you don’t, me and the neighbours take turns, they’re (scavvies) are always drunk.

    What is it with them?

    • A 4 pack of beer?

      Not even some of the famous couscous?

      I suppose since the Munchy Box is considered a delicacy up there, it would have been wasted on the said scavvies.

      • But the did it on every street, about every 20 stops, there was about 1000 houses on the Ferry.

      • “scavvies”😆 hehehe
        That’s a great word.
        Perfect.

        I like the Scots.

  26. The munchy box’s appeal is directly proportional to your alcohol intake.
    Even pissed i’d say fuck that. Give me a doner any day, no sauce. I use to throw all the salad away as i walked home trying to sober up.
    Could have made a candle out of the grease solidified to my hand.

  28. Looking at that nomination picture, I’m not sure whether to lick my lips or have a wank.

  29. Speaking of munching, I see 6 coppers where bitten at the Notting Hill chimp out.

    Flabbottus son must of attended, Or the local nisa run out of jaffa cakes and lammy went bananas..

    Still what a advert for London aye, cunt Khan.

    https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-12457685/Moment-knife-thugs-armed-huge-machetes-brawl-street-crowds-revellers-Notting-Hill-carnival-final-day-marred-violence-eight-stabbed-police-officer-sexually-assaulted.html

    • You can see the coppers at their station before going on duty.

      Radio, check.

      Baton, check.

      Stab vest, check.

      Rabies shot, check.

      • I hope a terrorist doesnt ever bomb the Notting Hill Chimp out!

        That’d be awful.

        But it’s a sacred cow for the politicians.

        ” mostly peaceful”…
        Nearly 300 arrests.

        If some terrorist realises it’s the darling of Uk metro luvvies it’d be a target

        I’d be really, really upset.
        Honest!

      • @LL
        surely that should be eyeliner , check.
        rainbow scarf, check.
        free Palestine poster , check.
        thermos of herbal tea for just stop oil , check.

    • A great deal of this mess could be cured by the liberal use of napalm.

      Dark key bbq.

  30. This looks fucking brilliant. Must have been scraped straight out of Nicola Sturgeons gusset.

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