This an experience cunting so no link im afraid, this one is for all those cunts who avoid/do the bare minimum when it comes to servicing their cars, we advise various faults found/ jobs recommended when these cars are serviced.
This job due, that job due, this recommended, that recommended, do these fuckers listen, do they hell.
Then we get the, im going on holiday this weekend and the jobs you recommended a year ago are now urgent,because all of a sudden the auto gearbox dosnt feel right, or the brakes pads wont make it to Switzerland and back, or that slight water leak is now a flood.
Then we get,,,,,what do you mean there is more damage done or more parts, labour time, agro due to siezed bolts,parts on back order, usually followed by HOW MUCH?, fucking cars are shit and it needs to be done ASAP.
Well guess what cunts, you did it to yourself, the saying goes[ you can have it done when its possible, dry your eyes, go back and read the advises on last years service sheet and the year before that and then shut the fuck up,,,,,cunts, even when its spelled out in black and white…..
RAC Link. (Link driven home by Jeezum Priest)
Nominated by : Fuglyucker
Goodness knows what it must be like trying to maintain a shitty modern vehicle.
Yes, they drive well and are fast as hell but as soon as anything goes wrong, you’re in for hundreds of pounds for even the smallest thing, so given people’s tendency to put expensive things off and not see the bigger picture, it’s understandable.
I work on cars every day, everything from the 50’s right up to brand new supercars and, apart from little fleet of classic shitboxes, my regular car is a 2006 Corolla, just change the oil every 4k miles and, apart from brake pads/discs, that’s pretty much it forever.
New cars are fucking wank, so much unnecessary tech in them and people are gullible fools wanting all that tech.
31
Where are my manners?
Good morning, Gents.
15
Morning Mr Cunt Engine
7
Dead right Cunt Engine. I have a 2016 Triumph Sprint and that is going to be my last bike. I can do everything on it myself, have a hooky service manual and the minimal software needed from the interweb. I will keep it until I am forced off the road by whatever lunatic legislation they dream up next.
15
Fucking right, LC.
I’ve ridden old Suzukis for 35 years now and if they ever ban motorbikes, I’ll just ride completely illegally.
Nothing apart from a serious accident will ever stop me riding GSX-R’s whatever the legal consequences.
Gotta catch me first (with no reg plate), you pig bastards!
21
…agree. Notice all new car adverts don’t actually show you the virtues of the car. Large load area, better mpg, more comfortable seat, better handling, softer ride etc etc. Not…it’s all the fucking electronics they show you. All the different lights, flashing this and that, whether it’s got apple play. Selling cars now is just like selling laptops and mobile phones. People aren’t interested in whether the fucking car is any good…just whether the techs ok.
Bunch of cunts…that the manufacturers to deliberately installing obsolescence tech and the playstation generation for wanting all these gizmos
2
I never skimp on car maintenance. Living in the back arse of beyond a reliable motor is essential.
That said I’ve let the spark plugs do another turn this time round.
5
You evil devils should be walking or cycling.. car’s are only for the important people.
Gary Lineker’s chauffeur doesn’t need you riff-raff blocking the roads.
18
Whose face would you rather put a half-brick directly into the middle of, BZ….Lineker or Jeremy Vine’s?
7
Can I cut a whole brick in two and do both of them thomas?
And good morning to you.
13
You’d like to “do both of them”?
Saucy!
8
In my experience bricks are reusable.
6
Got to be Vines, except it would be a truck load of bricks.
5
Apparently, the cunt got a “standing ovation” in the M&S in Barnes over the spat with bbc. He is so unaware of what a parody of a middle-class wanker he is. Of course the rest of the cunts in Barnes think you are a hero – because Barnes is full of cunts like you Gary. And of course, no immos there.
15
Who all happily pay for the licence tax, fucking dull sheep..
5
Indeed…..worrying about car maintenance will soon be a thing of the past. Leave that to the likes of Suckdick and other important people. Get yourself a bicycle pump and a puncture repair outfit. You can get them at Mr Patel’s Transport Emporium at a reasonable price. You fucking white trash.
13
I rather like all the cheeky scallywags damaging the ULEZ cameras in your neck of the woods, FTF…long may it continue before the idea bleeds out beyond Londonistan’s outer reaches, hopefully it’ll put other councils off the idea.
16
The latest idea out of that Khan cunt is to give everyone in London 2 grand to make cars ULEZ compliant.
First, is 2k going to cover it for most? Second, I’m sure this won’t be open to corruption and false claims on cars for scrap (cough cough peacefuls).
And finally, where’s the money coming from for this? Oh yes, the magic money tree, I forgot.
Khan is the biggest cunt on the planet by the way. Nobody comes close.
13
Indeed CB – have you seen the list of the London boroughs with the largest payouts? Co-incidentally, the ones with majority Joe Daki populations!
4
I always get any advisories done before my next MOT.
Common sense.
My garage has gone under new ownership.
I’m gutted.☹️
I knew all of the mechanics by name,
I’d do jobs for their families cheap,
Take them a crate of ale at Christmas.
They’d rush through my van if any work was needed,
And do work for free on it when the boss wasn’t in😁👍
Now, I’ve lost all that.
No cunt remembers my name,
No one says hello.
No fuckin beer for them come Christmas 🖕
17
I sort of understand this cunting, but the problem arises when the garage tries to bullshit the owner (generally a woman) that the brake pads & discs, or some other safety related parts, need changing.
This happened to Mrs TSG not so long back & I thought it was odd because the discs looked fine, but bought some new pads anyway. Saturday morning, wheel off, looked at the top of both pads – 10mm remaining & no scoring or heavy wear on the discs either.
So I called the garage and asked them why they’d said it, did they see something I couldn’t? Obviously they’d have to have the car back to take another look. Yeah right, fuck off!
17
I like the system we have here in Spain. The MOT is done in a dedicated station, not a garage so they won’t tell you that you need unnecessary parts or work done, just pass or fail with a list of what’s needed for you to sort out.
10
Now THAT is a good idea sir Mali!
4
Apart from when the tester gets in to rev it for the emission test and check all the dash warning lights work, you do everything else. Drive through to the light testing part, then brake check finally he goes into a pit under the car and leaves you with a walkie talkie while you brake and wobble the steering to check all the suspension and steering components. No hammering along the sills or floor as cars never seem to rust because of the climate and not using salt, in my area anyway, may be different up north
6
In this part of the world you can get your car MOTed at the local police station. I know this is not universal so if the idea grabs you you’ll need to check your area. (Or drive to Bucks?) There is no discount on the listed price unlike most test stations and be aware the test is absolutely thorough, they will find anything amiss! However if you are selling your car an MOT with a police stamp is cast iron and puts you in a powerful negotiating position.
5
I never knew that!
Learn some useful stuff on here sometimes.
Nice one Arfur 👍
2
Thanks Mis, you’re most welcome.
2
This is the sort of shit KwikFit got a reputation for, rightly so. I went to get a puncture repaired and when I drove off there was a clunking noise. They tried to tell me the rear suspension was knackered. I just got out and shut the boot hatch properly, they hadn’t. Never went again. Another time I had my car MOT’d (not KwikFit) and discovered a few days later that 3 of the 4 brake calipers were seized. I got them swiftly shut down. It’s easier panning for gold in your local park than finding a good, trustworthy mechanic.
10
We see this all the time were cars that have been for work elsewhere, had one yesterday in fact, car was crashed, went for some insurance work and the fucking bodyshop wanted to replace his front brake pads and discs.
Dirty Harriet pulled the service sheet out from 1000 miles before to find it had 4 or 5k left I the brakes, saw to car 4 or 5k still left on the brakes, so nothing required for the foreseeable… So there are fibbers out there….
2
Bravo on the cunting, Fuglyucker, one of my pet peeves. Car and van get serviced at the MOT test time. ANY noise round to the garage, have a look at that please. Penny wise and pound foolish putting remedial work off IMHO. Morning all.
7
Fuckers round our way can’t even be bothered to wash, so what chance they would maintain their motors? Cunts.
Good morning, everyone.
12
Yeah but there’s a tube station and a good bus service in Brixton.
4
Old cars may be easier to work on but they need to be because they are WANK.
Like most cunters on here I guess I’ve been driving many decades.
My first 5 cars in the 1970s
Hill man imp
Fiat 127
Fiat 128 3p coupe
MG midget round back wheel arch rare. Handled like a horse and cart
Spitfire 1300 cc model
All were WANK compared with my current one. Wait for it at da
A Skoda diesel.
Does 60 + mpg 130 mph thought not at same time. Climate control parking sensors electric windows etc.
just like any car old or new change the fucking oil regularly
8
Mine like wise.
Hillman imp- engine cooked + rust.
Morris 1000- wheel fell off+rust.
Mk1 escort GT- clutch+ rust+rust.
Triumph 2500 prop shaft universal joints, big end bearings+ rust.
Suzuki Jimmy, 17 years old never broke down…..🚐
13
My Imp also ended up boiling. Suspect a common problem mate
6
Wouldn’t disagree Every, but I must say those five cars you list were piss-poor even by the standards of their day. The Imp was a bad design like the Porsche 911 but its main problem was being assembled by Scotsmen who most of the time were so drunk they didn’t know what day it was. Fiats always were and are rubbish. The Midget was the epitome of all the failures leading to Rover’s ultimate demise. The car was decades out of date and badly assembled by a disaffected work force. The plant in Abingdon was demolished and replaced by a police station.
My last company car was a diesel Skoda and I share your opinion. A quality vehicle, fast and economical. Like most modern cars loaded with all manner of silly and distracting toys but half an hour with the handbook and all switched off permanently.
10
Skodas have a good name now. An old bloke I did work for about ten years ago had one and said it was an excellent car. He knew a few things about mechanics as he was an engineer in the RAF for thirty years.
7
They are VW, s under the skin, same as Seat and Audi, all basically the same car with trim and panel differences
4
I am one of these cunts. I used to be terrible for it and had to scrap my shitty Kia during lockdown because even if I could afford the MOT and service, it probably would have failed on emissions so would’ve had to be scrapped anyway. I got over 170 quid for it so it wasn’t a compelete loss.
6
I had an American “uncle” (married to my mum’s cousin) who had flown everything from B 17s to B 747s , his favourite aircraft being a toss-up between the B 24 and the Lockheed Constellation. He preferred flying old aircraft as he and the service team knew from experience what parts would fail and when so they were changed well before they did. That conversation was about 50 years ago but I have maintained that philosophy with my cars. I change the oil twice as often as the service book recommends as oil is like blood in an engine and if that’s clean it stops a multitude of sins happening. The Mondeo is sitting outside with 226k on it and I would drive it to anywhere in Europe tomorrow.
Change the tyres as well after 5 years even if they are not worn down as they can tend to perish.
6
Share your experience of the Mondy Wanksock. Owned our ’51 reg 2.5 V6 since 2009. Deadly reliable, fast, comfortable, sharp handling on ‘Y’ rated Continentals and costs little more than fuel and consumables. Mind you, it’s only done 132,000 miles so really no incentive to change it for years yet.
Nice to see all cunters appreciate the importance of good oil. I change the oil myself, engine thoroughly warmed up, swich off and pull the drain plug immediately, followed by the filter then go away and leave it for a couple of hours for maximum effect. I always buy the car makers filter since I cannot know what’s inside. I don’t want to risk oil starvation due to too much restriction or inadequate filtration allowing any debris to keep circulating. Doing the job myself also means I set the level correctly unlike the garages who always overfill.
3
It’s not just old cars v modern cars now is it?
We are all supposed to be looking to EVs even though they are impractical, unaffordable and bad for the planet. A complete con trick.
If Labour get in next time watch out for new taxes designed to get ICE cars off the road. They’ve already started with ULEZ although Sir Flip Flopper is trying to row back a bit after Uxbridge. Gobshite Rayner wants to roll this out across the country.
I don’t know how any of us survived this long when a lot of us breathed polluted air, including lead petrol fumes. The air is wonderfully clean now by comparison yet the hook nosed poison dwarf and his cronies pretend that 1000s are dying.
I am an eco warrior as I drive a 20 year old Jag which is much kinder to the environment than new EVs with their 16 battery packs costing a grand each, cobalt and lithium mining by child slaves, transported across half the world and driven by smug, middle class twats.
8
That nom photo reminds me of the roughest ‘art film’ I’ve ever seen.
Bird was winched in the air by the mechanic and all sorts. Well rough it was.
I was utterly appalled and had to turn it off after 80 minutes.
14
I brought a brand new Sportage 2 year’s ago.
7 year or 100.000km warranty.
Just as well.
On long journeys something fucks up with the transmission.
It’s manual.
When the engine gets very hot, like after 2 or 3 hours on a motorway at 120kpm, I can’t change gear.
The fucking gear stick is stuck in 6th.
Not good when you leave a motorway onto a slip road with a fucking HGV behind you.
Can’t change down so I have to stop.
Kia have had it back 4 times and the cunt of a car has spent months in the workshop.
2 clutch slave cylinders.
1 master cylinder.
The last time they changed the thrust bearing.
I haven’t been on a long run since so I don’t know what will happen.
Of course this all happened just after I could have rejected the car.
5
My old man sold his Sportage after owning it for two years. I drove it back from his hospital appointment and found the visibility terrible. a windscreen that is half a mile in frontbof you and squat like an armoured car. The door pillars are fat as well.
2
After advice on this auspicious site, I now have a bicycle. Junior (Rastus) Beau “found” it for me. That should reduce time taken to fetch water from the well. But I`ll need to maintain it.
9
A postal order for half a crown is in the post, Sam.
6
In the future just remember to have your horse shod regularly.
And have a nosebag to hand.
6
OT but Imran Khan has just been given 3 years in prison for some political bollocks.
This is the cunt who went on about how racist the English are, all because we didn’t like his team being the cheating bastards they were, in an excruciatingly sycophantic interview with Michael Atherton last year.
Can they take Atherton with him to wipe his arse for him in prison, he’d fucking love that.
And take that other Khan with them and all.
Enjoy prison, you cheating anti white bastard! If only you’d tried to get into ‘racist, white supremacist, islamophobic’ British politics instead of your perfect Pakistan eh?
15
One Khan down, only 35,000,000 more to go !
9
I drive a 19 year old x trail 2.2 dci, plenty of fiddly bits to fiddly about with, even have a spares ship which i had to liberate its rear diff and put in mine due to a high speed catastrophic failure and the limp home of shame, all in a weekends work. Gets more attention than er indoors.
5
Exactly the same age and model as my xtrail, Dorset.
I spent £600 on MOT and soon after it literally blew up on me. Engine wouldn’t turn off, great clouds of smoke, revs racing. A write off.
Something called diesel runaway. Rare but terrifying and destructive.
4
Engine oil above max level is the cause of the runaway, ironic really cuz that’s all you can do is runaway and wait for the bang…
4
A well known problem with diesels. When we had Vauxhall diesels on the fleet it was a regular event after the cars came back from service at the Vauxhall main dealers no matter where in the UK. Clutch down, first gear. brakes hard on, lift clutch and stall engine. Much cheaper than waiting for valves and pistons to meet.
2
One of my colleagues has an electric car for which he gets the piss taken out of him on a daily basis.
He just had it serviced. 600 fucking quid! For what? Valve clearances? New cambelt?! He wouldn’t say what the work actually entailed. What a mug.
How soon will the government admit their plan to not sell ICE cars past 2030 is pathetically ridiculous and unworkable and do a U-turn?
12
They’ll make sure about £100bn is spaffed on it, just like HS2.
Rishi and co have lost any right to point fingers at Labour over wasting taxpayer cash. They are all pulling wads of the tree.
6
Indeed, CP…they’re all WEF underlings undoubtedly following Unkle Klaus’s orders.
9
I heard that Sainsburys are selling edible insects.
Hope the label on the packet features a flattering portrait of Herr Schwab with a slight smirk.
2
I took my Specialzed mountain bike in for a service, they phone me up an hour later and told me it’s going to cost me just shy of £500 FFS.
My old Toyota Yaris doesn’t cost that much for a service . Told them to fuck off i’ll do it myself
8
Arseholes.
5
Service, on a push bike…..!
10
An electric one..?
5
I keep an eye on things but wish I had a more reliable garage near me but I don’t. I put my ’03 Fiesta in to the one i used to use but it took them two weeks to find the fault (manifold), then another week to order and fit parts. I said to uncle it’s a Ford Fiesta, not the fucking Space Shuttle.
When I sold it because it was dying, i bought a Renault Kangoo for work from another local garage and it had a lot of niggling issues like the catch on the boot not working properly and these little things took a lot of sorting out.
The guy who ran the garage seemed as if it was all too much bother and huffed and puffed over it.
The trouble is these problems were there when I bought it from him and needed fixing.
Had he he sorted these out while out on the lot this wouldn’t have happened.
4
to clarify, I sold the fiesta to the garage for spares, not to a new owner, hahaha.
4
Most(?) garages have no idea if a car has any problems as the simply put it straight out front to sell. Not even a quick clean. I’ve seen cars with fucking McDonald wrappers and bottles of crap still in the footwell, along with dog hair, mud and probably pubes and puke as well. I saw a car I part exchanged on sale out front before I even left with my new one. For a £1k more than he paid me, I might add. Thieving cunt.
2
I remember my Ford Cortina Crusader from the 1980’s… Now that was a Fanny Magnet 💪💪💪
9
I wouldn’t mind giving the young fillie in the nomination picture a free oil check
3
You hear on the radio of so many breakdowns causing jams these days. I wonder if they’ll see how many times you’ve had it serviced and fine you if you haven’t?
3
My wife’s Aunt has a 2001 Honda Civic. She bought it when it had around 10k on the clock. She has never bother to service it since.
Insane, but the thing is fucking bombproof!
9
The only saving grace now is we don’t do electric cars thank god and never will, the can’t get the petrol/diesel Mercs right so their electric ones are going to be a total joke, but electric cats look like a bad idea nowadays so I’m looking forward to their next set of ideas….
3
Electric cats? Tell me more……
2
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_kk8mGqBj8
Oh yeah.
1
My 2006 Rover 75 diesel (160hp) is due an oil change. Service kit is £30, including all filters.
Warm her up and pump the used oil out with a Pela pump. I don’t even have to jack her up and drop the undertray.
5
I only do about 7000 miles a year. The car is serviced once a year at a Ford garage. It is a Ford Fiesta with a 1L ecoBoost engine which needs a new cam belt every 10 years or 125,000 miles. It is 10 years old this year. The cam belt is a wet belt, running in oil so they do the belt, internal oil filter and replace the oil. It is a pig of a job. If it breaks it will knacker the engine. I tried to tell my wife but she doesn’t give a shit. Price at a Ford dealer: £1500-£2000. Price at an independent garage: £980. A con.
If I had known of this I might not have bought the car:
https://www.aaronsautos.co.uk/another-ecoboost-having-its-wet-belt-replaced-just-in-time/
I had a 2005 Ford Focus 1.4L which I liked and owned outright until some young pratt ran into the back of it. He said I hesitated at a roundabout but he was going too fast. The cunt. It ran until 2019. 14 years lifespan for a car was not bad.
Last week I needed a new headlight bulb. I went into Halfords but there was a bewildering set of LED bulbs. Cost to fit: £25. For a fecking headlight bulb! My local Ford garage charged £17. An experienced Ford mechanic had to wrangle for 10 minutes using a mirror to see what he was doing to fit it. How would Halfords have managed it?
I read that the average cost to replace a head light bulb in the UK is £80. The greedy car companies, garages and eco mentalists are making motoring so expensive is it any wonder that people are leaving their cars in disrepair?
2
Our 2003 Honda minivan has developed a nice “self changing” feature for the engine oil.
1
Never had a car. Biker since 18, always serviced them myself…badly at first, but practice made reasonably competent.
Latest is a 2017 Yam Tracer 700…bit bland after the SV1000 which I sold just in time, but adequate transport. Don’t like the integrated electronics (the SV had an ECU module, which could simply be replaced, and was, at one point), and I wasn’t keen on having ABS, but everything does these days. Previous owner had modded the suspension most beautifully, though, and it’s a pleasure to ride without feeling an obligation to howl past everything in sight (while generally being able to). Economical, too – due to the AI-mediated wide power band, I guess. Otherwise free of bells and whistles: basic servicing and mechanical repairs are still possible. I added a centre stand, which is a rarity these days but makes chain and rear end maintenance a lot easier.
Haynes is my faithful friend.
1
I drive 1979 mgb and 1986 unimog no tax no mot cheap as fuck insurance under £220 for both,lovely. Mg easy to work on, Mog needs a specialist but not to often, both very reliable so far, touch wood.
3
Hello Civvydog, What is the purpose of the Unimog? Just asking as a bloke on my street has one with a wood chipper on the back.
2
mine registered as agricultural motor
1