Wireless Routers

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We just moved! No, it did not go well but that’s a different cunting for a different day.

At our new house we signed up for 1 Gbps internet. Never had that speed before so that was pretty exciting. I thought I was a bit flash with 500 Mbps at our old place, but 1G!!! Well, aren’t I just the most dandy cunt on the block now? Well I would be if I could actually get 1G. Speed tests showed I was getting upper 300s at best. So less than half of what I’m paying for. Time to summon a tech from the ISP (Internet Service Provider) and give them a good kicking. That went well.

The piece of sand dwelling shit that showed up had all the gizmos to measure this and diagnose that, but claimed he wasn’t technical when I started to quiz him on networking stuff. Hmmm. Well, according to him we’re getting about 980 Mbps coming into the house. Which means my wireless router is the bottleneck. Like fuck it is, thought I. It’s spec is up to 1 Gbps, so matey boy has got to be wrong. Turns out he wasn’t. Bollocks!

Bought a new wireless router. Take a note of this: TP-Link AX10000. This fucking thing is the embodiment of evil whose sole purpose in life is to waste days of your time. Meanwhile, TP-Link’s 24×7 online chat support is fucking useless. Staffed by a bunch of guptas who obviously have never seen fire, a wheel or running water before, let alone a fucking wireless router.

I’ll spare you all the excruciating details and cut to the chase. Wireless devices like mobile ‘phones and our Rokus all connected to the wireless network no problem. Our computers on the other hand could not. The same computers which were hard wired into my network could not access the wireless network. TP-Link support could not explain why.

When setting up DHCP (the mechanism whereby a specific device is given a specific IP address), I spent over 2 hours typing in the details of almost 60 devices, one at a time. Why is there not a quick and easy method to configure DHCP from a file? While “diagnosing” the computer wireless issue, one gupta said I needed to do a hard reset on the AX-10000 to restore factory settings and try again. Yeah and wipe out over 2 hours work. Nice try. Have another dog shit chapati you cunt.

I eventually figured out the computer wireless issue on my own, only to run into the next show stopping problem. Computers connected to the same network and hard wired into the same network switch could not communicate with each other. That is insane – it’s what a network switch is supposed to do! I first noticed this when I wanted to RDP (remote desktop) from one computer to another. Windows told me to fuck off. So I tried to ping the other computer. I got “request timed out” and 100% packet loss. Which is ping’s way of saying “I have no idea what you are trying to see”. The best part was the hard wired computers could ping wireless devices, but could not ping other hard wired computers. Again, that is insane.

All of this was working perfectly with my old router in play, so this TP-Link piece of shit is somehow preventing basic low level networking capability. Forty-five fucking minutes online chat with another gupta from the dark ages before it admitted it knew shit all and would have to escalate to a “senior engineer”. What’s that then? Some other cretin who’s been there 10 minutes longer than you? Oh do fuck off.

Shortly thereafter the AX-10000 was back in its box ready to start its journey back to Bastard Amazon and my old router was once again performing perfectly, albeit at half the speed it should. Should have got another Netgear router. Lesson learned.

Nominated by : Imitation Yank

91 thoughts on “Wireless Routers”

    • The one sentence explanation:

      The box of trickery which allows devices in your home to connect to the internet was not working as intended and the manufacturer’s support of said product was beyond shite.

      Hope that helps. 🙂

      • Now that I do understand. Thank you IY, I wasn’t meaning to be rude btw.

      • No probs, Geordie.

        This whole episode was massively stressful and a huge drain on my personal time, so the thought of cunting it came to mind as a way to exorcise the demons, as it were.

        I do hesitate droning on about tech stuff because it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. Cheers – IY.

  2. Lol. Reuters are cunts for sure but thought they were run by witchcraft and The numbskulls from the beezer comic.

    See who is old enough for that one.

    • I remember one Numbskulls strip where the human host had just eaten a slice of toast, which sent their various teams into panic!

      Routers? On our third one at work within the space of 2 years. Dry soldered together in a dark, humid rotting asbestos sheet shed held together with cable ties, 10 miles outside Islamabad.

      • Numbskulls. Whizzer and Chips. Sweeney Toddler. J.R Hood (He’s anything but good). Sir Coward De Custard. Frankie Stein. Those were great comics and characters.

        Now, almost every comic character is black.

  3. Well you’re a better man than me imitation, something or everything would of got broken if that was me..

    Just been shouting at the predictive text while typing this reply..

    • Baz – on the subject of predictive text – had an update to Microsoft Office which has introduced fucking predictive text to Word. Once again, their new shit is all turned on so I have to spend my valuable time trying to find out how to turn it off.

      Microsoft are a bunch of weapons grade cunts.

      • Simple. Don’t upgrade. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

        I’m using Office 2000…

  4. Thanks IY..

    So,in short,it’s confirmed beyond any shadow of a doubt that Bill Gates is a cunt.

  5. My brain is ‘hard wired’ into not having a clue about computer technology.

    • There are days when I think you’re better off, Miles.

      I work in IT, but networking is not my area of specialty. I know enough to setup a network and configure networked devices and so on. But when you know way more than the towelhead who works in tech support, you know you’re up shit creek.

      Why has the world not yet figured out, outsourcing IT to the third world is a BAD idea?

  6. I got this TP LINK THINGY. from National Broadband, it works off the 4g network. You have to insert a sim card in it. It’s for areas where wifi is crap apparently. I’m still getting a shit connection.

    • Good monring Fenton. I believe the 4g is for where you have an iffy phone line, so the 4G picks up the slack. We had one at work – utter shite as the 4G signal was next to fuck all.

      If your wifi is shite (indoors), you might need to hassle your service provider and ask them to send you a wifi extender. These are usually a gizmo that you plug into the mains and it bolsters the wifi signal, especially useful if you live in some country mansion with a large floor area.

  8. Technocunt is the man who could help out here IY but unfortunately he departed these shores for the frozen north where they make the bacon and the Lego and we don’t hear from him any more. It sounds like you are using static IP addresses and I’m just wondering why? Dynamic addressing is very much easier to set up and by its very nature avoids a lot of problems since if connection fails it will simply move on and try again with a new address often without the user even noticing.

    • I don’t get a static IP from the ISP, arfur. That’s more money. I use static IPs on my network though. I agree that using dynamic is easier to setup, but I’m paranoid and very suspicious.

      My router has my own predefined range of IP addresses and each device has a predetermined IP address within that range which is mapped to its MAC address. I also turn on ACL and turn off the feature to allow “new” devices to connect. That way I know which devices are on my network thus making it virtually impossible for any cunt to hack my network and steal my bandwidth.

      Yes, it’s more work but it is more secure.

      My router has 3 wireless networks one of which I don’t use. But I turn it on anyway, lock it down (of course) and give it the name FBI SURVEILLANCE. Hope it freaks out the neighbours. At my old place, I setup an old wireless router and broadcast a wireless network name of the house number of a cunt I didn’t like. Something like “1430_IS_A_CUNT”. Made me laugh anyway.

  10. What I know about Routers could be written on a postage stamp but i did lose my temper with the guptas from Tthree while trying to sort out a new phone..They kept asking the same questions over andvover and then said they werre the wrong department.
    In the end I said ‘fuck it and fuck you lot’ and went to the shop where a new phone was sorted out in about 40 minutes by two English lads.
    Part of me thinks my brother was winding me up by recommending i organise a new phone through the customer ‘help’ line.

      • “…Adjust the rabbit ears and give it a thump….”

        …which funnily enough describes Mizz’s sum knowledge of foreplay technique!

    • Absolutely the first thing to try Freddie; fixes most computer faults! I’d suggest removing all power for a couple of minutes though so that the capacitors in the PSU fully discharge and the network realises that you really have fucked off.

  12. 500Mbs, 1Gbs? You ought to live in the UK where you might get 1.5Mbs and be grateful if the bastard thing actually connects at all! Plus, the cunts in government are planning to tax that to pay for their state propaganda arm (the BB fucking C).

    • I sympathise and completely understand your frustration Mikdys but it’s down to geography. Large areas have piss-poor or even no connection but our younger for instance in Milton Keynes has a rock solid 1Gb on fibre into her house. When the big ISPs talk of having 90%+ coverage they are counting population not area.

      And as for putting the fuckig BBC tax on your broadband…..

    • This is the fucking United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland is it not? Or am I fucking mistaken? Perhaps I am just a white heterosexual agnostic male tax paying CUNT.

    • Legalised defrauding of the tax man if you use the right name for the sky fairy.

      • We could begin to worship the holy, ancient deity of ISAC, who believes in priority for the indigenous, ISAC-worshipping man and woman.

        The religion strictly forbids the payment of any taxes and any interest on loans. It does accept ‘gifts’ to ISAC followers in the form of interest on savings.

        I see how this is no different from the Ropers defrauding the tax system in clear sight.

        CUNTS.

  14. Imitation Yank downloads 1 GB of data per second? Is he a Japanese tech firm or a Chinese cyberterrorist? Is Hunter Biden living in his attic wanking furiously? Clear things up, Yank. 🙂

    • By “clear things up” I mean the confusion… and Hunter Biden’s rancid crack-cocaine-containing cum.

    • Yep, I’m getting close to 1 Gbps down and almost 25 Mbps up. Not bad.

      No tech or cyber terrorism going on in my house, but the faster access to naked filth has been a joy.

  15. I’ve got sky broadband, it seems to work ok but after reading the nom I feel I am missing out, or am I 😂

  16. My thingamybob seems to be working fine. Is what IY getting at, that it should’ve arrived yesterday ?

  17. I NEED 900 mbps as it really, really, really bugs me why Miriam Margolyes’s face breaks up in 4K on my 120″ home cinema screen… which is covered in rancid jizz. My shrine to this goddess thespian national treasure double-dyke.

  20. What the fuck was that?? All the work of Satan, none of that shit will work during winter power cuts….

  21. I had some problems over the last month with what I initially thought was the router but worked out was the line cutting out. The suntanned female expert told me to change the wireless channel. I pointed out that that would be like telling me to change the brand of petrol I put in my car when the engine had been stolen. 1st engineer fiddled at the cabinet and replaced the master socket in the house. Line went down same afternoon. 2nd engineer replaced connections on the pole outside my house and, do far, all is good. I get 32mb for £23.50 along with free calls, including International, with Now broadband (Sky lite). Been with them for about 6 years and this is the only problem I have had and that was actually nothing to do with them. Can now get 1Gb FTTP but it’s too expensive and a phone is extra, plus I simply don’t need that speed.

    • That’s just it – most people don’t need that speed. That’s for Tokyo, London, Paris, Jew York stock exchanges and the underground nerve centre for child abuse video archives. Which is located under David Jason’s secret bungalow.

      • People also seem to think that if you have a 1Gb speed then everything you do is at that speed. They are totally unaware that content providers don’t work that way and you may only connect at 1Mb.

    • Bear in mind though Moggie that the PSTN is scheduled to be switched off at the end of 2025 and presumably after that we will all be on FTTP. (Or disconnected perhaps!) I can see the event being a lot of hassle for many people. To me a significant downside to losing the PSTN is that you will no longer have the reassurance that your simple land line telephone i.e. one not needing mains or battery power, will work in an emergency in a power cut because it is powered from the PSTN. Commonly when you bought a fancy hands-free phone from Argos there would be a note in the box advising that you retained your simple non-powered phone for this very reason. Such notes have quietly disappeared.

      • I remember looking at VOIP handsets recently and seeing the warnings that they wouldn’t work during a power cut. But they will if …..you just buy a £500-£5000 UPS. Yeah, right.

  22. Are you sure you couldn’t Just configure a DHCP range? Not seen a domestic router where that’s not an option, failing that download a standalone DHCP server and run it off a pc or laptop that’s always on.

  24. I don’t bother with any of this stuff. If I have a computer problem, my seven year old granddaughter sorts it out for me pronto.

    Morning all.

  26. Not too bothered about speed myself. Given the frenzied advances in the field since I first had a 48Kb/s phone modem for my W95 PC*, I have nothing to complain about. I live within my means, and my means do not embrace 100s of Gb/s.

    On second thoughts, yes I have. Our dependence on IT for every aspect of our existence means that in the event of a big solar flare, or antsy Russian or Chinese cunts, or even just plain shit happening, we are much more utterly fucked than we would have been if using analogue systems and trained counter staff. We are already beginning to see coercion by the robotised banks (cf Farage and Coutts).

    Not that that will stop clever little speccy Silicon Valley cunts making ever-more impenetrable systems to deprive us if any incentive to continue living. Alexa, for fuck’s sake fuck the fuck off.

    *
    https://www.gwsmedia.com/articles/how-internet-system-requirements-have-changed

    • I remember my first desktop back in ’95, a P75 running Win95, on a 28.8k modem, then the sheer frustration if trying to get an internal 56k recognised, then configured. At one point I had bonded ISDN at 128k but it was bloody expensive. 256k ADSL in 2000 was a welcome revelation.

      • i remember listening to the late, great Terence McKenna (magic mushroom geezer) on Art Bell’s radio show in the 1990s and Terence was living way up in the slopes of the Big Island of Hawai’i and he was bragging about having a 128k connection and Art Bell, a tech nut, was blown away!

        41-minute excerpt of interview
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5kjG_8YfaBk

        Terence and Art have stronger connections to the Divine Data now, though!

  28. I genuinely have no idea what anyone is talking about, if it cant be manipulated with a 3lb catshead I’m bolloxed.

    • Tell you what Civvydog, I can say from personal experience that when it’s 3 am and you’ve been fighting one of these things for half an hour in the ceiling void of some god-forsaken motorway service area, manipulation with a catshead would look a very attractive option!

  29. I have a home tech business and I hate getting that call from a client that is doing goddamn seed tests and wondering why he’s only getting 287mbps on Wi-Fi instead of the 1000 he’s paying for. First of all they all think Wi-Fi is internet. It’s not. Second, speed tests are not reliable. Third, if you’re not having any issues, then just carry on and don’t worry about it. 1gig of speed is like having a 12 inch water pipe into your house when all you need is 1 inch. The key is not ISP internet speed but rather network setup and performance. With a good network you could have only 50mbps and never know it wasn’t 1Gig. If my ISP would let me I’d only pay for 50 but all I can get is 600.

    • Exactly. Wifi is heavily dependent on where the router is sited relative to the laptop or whatever, and needs a bunch of additional bandwidth just to work. And if your ISP is advertising – or only implying – “up to” n Mb/s, ask, “and down to what?”

      (@Civvydog: WTF is a 3-lb cathead? Can’t find one on Ebay, even under Pet Accessories)

      • it’s a hammer specifically designed for making horseshoes, it had a cross pein on one side and a nipple on the other, you knock a lump of metal out with nipple and draw it out with the pein to form a clip, the point that sticks up on the front of the shoe to stop it moving back under the foot.

      • Gotcha, Civvydog. Cross between a geologist’s hammer and a ball pein, sort of thing? Thanks.

    • You make a great point, MC.

      Do I need 1 Gbps? Nope. Was everything I was doing working OK with the old router at 300ish Mbps? Yep. But my ISP was doing a promotion at the time I signed up. 1 Gbps was the same price as 800 Mbps which was only $10 more than the level below that (400 Mbps). Plus, if I signed up for their mobile phone service (which was cheaper than what we had) I get a $30 discount on my internet service. That was too good a deal to turn down. All prices locked in for 2 years. Result!

      Only to find out my old router wasn’t up to the task of accessing the full speed of my connection. That’s when the problems started. Grrr.

      Still, it’s all good now. Consistently getting in the low to mid 900s (hard wired). The wireless is pretty fast too, but I don’t use that much. I run an ethernet cable out of the router to another 16 port switch and have my toys connected directly to that. Get in!

    • I value reliability over speed every time. The worst year I had was with Virgin. 100mbps service which was usually nearer 10 and it would drop out for hours at least once a week. Coupled with a fucking horrible TiVo PVR and CS that made our government look competent and with the attitude of a traffic warden and I was happy to pay to leave the contract early.

      • That’s a valid point too, moggs.

        Most of the time our connection has been OK. I have noticed that if it drops we get a new public IP each time which is a pain. My old ISP would respect the lease time and give you back the same IP if you rebooted the modem. Xfinity doesn’t seem to do that. The net result is if the connection drops in the middle of the night, when it comes back with a new IP, the router can’t dynamically pick that up, so it drops off the internet even though there’s service to the house. So I have to reboot the router too. That’s annoying. There’s got to be a way around that.

  30. 21st century laws of life
    (1) nothing ever works any better than 75%
    (2) customer service no longer exists
    (3) computers have become so complex that nobody understand how they work
    (4) it’s someone else’s fault
    (5) stuff breaks the day after the warranty rums out
    (6) internet speeds are meaningless
    (7) white people are evil
    (8) gay people are normal
    (9) everyone is entitled
    (10) intelligence is a curse

    • Point (3) absolutely true Dioclese. It was reckoned that no-one had a complete understanding of how a processor chip worked back in the days of the pentium.

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