Vicars

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Church of England vicars are calling for a pay rise in line with the cost of living.

Or they may strike!

Do it.
Nobody would notice.
Your congregations are a few old ladies,
And tramps escaping the rain.

They get a massive house,
Job indoors,
Hardly hard graft is it?

Not going to get a hernia being a vicar!

Let’s be honest they’re workshy and mostly alphabet types.

Get fucked Timothy I’d give you nowt.

Guardian

Nominated by Miserable northern cunt.

68 thoughts on “Vicars”

  2. Turn all churches to mosques and make them convert to Islam.
    Seeing as most of them don’t seem to care about the march of the peacefuls in this country.

    Oh and behead Justin Welby will your at it piss-weak cunt.

  3. I remember when I was a little kid I was made to go to church because it was “respectable”. The vicar took a shine to me and my parents were well pleased when he invited me to his house to see his pet snake. Snakes were just things you saw on the telly in those days, if you had a telly, so I was well excited.
    Anyway, he held it in his lap and invited me to stroke it. The snake looked weird to me and I didn’t like the look of it. It’s head was a sort of purple colour and it looked very angry. Eventually I got up the courage to touch it and it shot its horrible white venom all up my arm.
    I’ve been shit scared of snakes ever since.

    And vicars.

  4. It’s hard work sipping tea from a bone china cup and nibbling cucumber sandwiches with the diminishing members of your congregation.

    Money for the rent isn’t a consideration. They only need enough for the odd loaf of bread, fish and bottled water so Jebus can turn it into a family sized KFC meal for them with a Vienetta for afters.

    Fuck off.

    Good cunting, BTW, Mis. 👍

    • Jesus was keen on a mint Walls Vienetta.

      there’s no evidence but it’s more likely than most of his miracles

  5. I went a funeral last week.

    An the vicar did his act.
    Kept it light-hearted.
    Very professional.

    Worra little puff.
    I thought.
    Looked like he played bass in the Communards or something.

    He was super clean !
    Like just gotten out of a bath?
    Like he’d never gotten his hands dirty.

    You could boil wash me in bleach,
    Never get me that clean.

    • That Vicar seems to have got everything except the most important thing, a pay rise.

      • Just remembered Viz magazine in their profanisaurus section, having mentioned the “Vicars Wash” ? Still never got to the bottom of it.

    • I’d love to hear an honest funeral speech:

      “Dearly Beloved

      We are gathered here today because all your prayers didn’t work…”

      • The Almighty One was also on strike, watching Homes under the Hammer and after a cup of tea and ham cheese and pickle sandwich, met up with ex-employees Lucifer and Astaroth for doubles. Gabriel was his partner, which Lucifer kept making homophobic comments about. He’s still got a chip on his wing, that Lucifer.
        Next time the Almighty will invite Abaddon. That’ll shut the horned-head wanker up.

    • The vicar in the Steptoe episode with the “What the Butler Saw” machine was a good’un too!

  9. Cursed be the woke for they will lead us astray.

    Cursed be the Progressives for they will obscure the truth.

    Cursed be the Leftists for they will bring forth tyranny.

    Cursed be the politicians for they shall divide us.

    Cursed be the media for they will lie to us.

    Cursed be the elites for they will put their interests above ours.

    Cursed be the immigrants for they will destroy our way of life.

    Cursed be those who oppose us for they are cunts.

    Thus ends the lesson for today.

    Fuck ’em. Let ’em go on strike.

    Cunts!

  10. At the end of WW2,
    My grandad on home leave was walking home with his kit bag through the Cheshire countryside.

    He stopped at a vicarage to ask for a cup of water.
    The vicar phoned for the local Bobby.

    This led to my grandad despising vicars.
    He taught his sons that vicars aren’t to be trusted.

    “Interested in saving souls?
    …oh aye.
    Arse souls!!”

    As one of those sons my dad taught me the same .
    Vicars?
    Workshy
    Money grabbing
    Effeminate
    Unmanly.

    • The package is worth £50k equivalent. WTF is wrong with that??? Greedy cunts.

      Not great PR given how attendances are falling eh?

      It’s a shame as I believe as soon as we as a nation turn our backs on Christianity then we’ve had it. It used to transcend political boundaries and unite us. The man doesn’t want us united. We are easier to control divided

      • I never get divide and conquer, I prefer divide and unite. We all got jobs to do. Can have everything too centralised.

    • Do you think the Vicar calling for the local Bobby had anything to do with the Waffen SS uniform your Grandad was wearing?

    • Best religious “worship song” I’ve e er heard?
      I was walking down the street one day
      And saw a house on fire
      There was a man at an upper storey window, shouting and screaming to the crowd that was gathered down below
      For he was sore afraid…

  11. “You shall not covet your neighbour’s house . . .
    your neighbour’s wife . . .
    your neighbour’s ass . . .”
    Sodomy 3:1

  12. “You shall not covet your neighbour’s house . . .
    your neighbour’s wife . . .
    your neighbour’s ass . . .”
    Sodomy 3:1

  14. Apparently weak bollocks Welby is selling off the C of E’s huge stock of oil and gas shares to “protect God’s creation from the threat of climate change.”
    😃 Is this fucking prick having a laugh?
    Predictably the wokies are totally unimpressed. They won’t be happy until they have his stupid head on a spike on London Bridge. You can’t appease these cunts. Take note King Chimpboy and Prince Baldybollocks. You wankers.

    • If that disgusting cunt Welby believed in Dog then he wouldn’t sell his oil shares at all as he would know that Dog would wave a magic wand or summat and stop the whales drowning etc.

      The pakis will see him dead.

      • Quite right…..he’s number one on their list. They always go for the weakest first. If they’ve got any sense of irony they’ll crucify the bastard.

      • Did dog bot create Oil? Did dog not create Coal ? In fact, did dog not create all the stuff these fuckers want to ban? How about banning their oxygen?

      • God invented… rubber…
        Stretch and repent!
        Spike Milligan, The Bed-Sitting Room.

    • Yes but God made the oil!! The thick cunt.
      Welby you are a Satanist in disguise.

    • The Almighty doesnt need help protecting his creation from lickspittle shits. He has his own nuclear button. In fact he has several in the Old T. Floods, Plagues, the Angel of death (once his mum has finished ironing his Slipknot Hoodie).

  15. I don’t like monks either.
    Hiding away with other men.
    They used to decorate books with gold and jewels,
    Same with reliquaries.
    A bone from Jesus hand (pack of 5)
    Would be venerated,
    Put in a box encrusted with gold and jewels.

    In the 8th century the Vikings learnt of this and came to collect in Lindisfarne.

    The monks being lazy and effeminate just flapped their arms and cried.

    ” Are you going to bum us?”
    They shrieked.

    The Northmen were confused?
    Treasure guarded by sandal wearing, inspiral carpet haired virgins?

    Weird.

    So they slaughtered them like pigs and stole any loot.

    They didn’t bum the monks.
    That was wishful thinking on the monks part.

    Anal sex with monks is a dirty habit.

  17. ‘No man whose testicles have been crushed or whose organ has been severed shall become a member of the assembly of the Lord’.
    Deuteronomy 23.1

    ‘When one of your number is unclean because of an emission of seed at night, he must go outside the camp; he may not come within it’.
    Deuteronomy 23.10

    Oh dear Justin Welby, that’s buggered it for you.
    Enjoy Purgatory for eternity mate.

    • “any who will prefer the bum to my cunt, should burn in hell for ever more” ( Slack Alice. Raby St .Byker )

      • leviticus 223 (r marley) it is better to live in the house top with(a child bearing women)than to live in a house full of confusion.although the vicars havent exactly been prone to scandals tho

    • Camp and Seed seem to go together. Especially where Welby-Cuntuar is concerned.

  19. Unfortunately vicars have had it due to their weak acceptance of other more aggressive faiths.

    They should earn their pay by donning full armour and riding out to destroy the saracen.

    Churches would be packed then.

  20. These people with collars back to front, seem to be missing the most important thing and that’s the job of believing, the gift they were given. If that’s no longer the case, pay them their redundancy money and tell them to fuck off.

  21. Hellfire sermons and telling the congregation what evil sinners they be in a bellowing Ian Paisley type voice might help fill the pews and throw in some snake handling. 😃

    • might work better than a vacuous pre-amble about modern life and pop culture, followed with a ridiculously torturous comparison.

      ‘In that way, Kim Kardashian was a bit like Jesus…’

      She has middle eastern heritage and from behind looks like Jesus riding his donkey amongst his followers

  22. You forgot to mention the fun vicars have with the choir boys . A nice perk .
    Morning Miserable

    • These choirboys are much too quiet boys. They should reveal all, unless they enjoy it ? Its made me think. Is the reason they’re asking for a pay rise, is to keep these lads happy ?

  23. They should follow the example of the very Reverend Jim Jones and get their remaining congregations to drink the Kool-Aid and fucking snuff it.
    Fucking credulous arseholes.
    Go on, fuck off wankers.

  24. I do wonder if Welby has been put in position to hasten the destruction of the church and, thereby, implement the Marxist doctrine which seems to have no end. Whatever one’s views, the church used to give moral guidance to the, once, homogeneous race we were. Christianity is rapidly being replaced with Islam as the religion of this country. Once christianity’s hold has been broken, Islam will be next. We are all being played.

    • The overwhelming majority of people in this country couldn’t give a fuck about religion, Christianity or any other, thank Dog.
      Haven’t done for decades.
      Let us pray it long continues to be the case.

  25. Getting paid for the easiest job in the world. Making up excuses from someone who doesn’t exist ! Isn’t it bloody well marvellous.

    • “Religions are advertising agencies for a product that doesn’t exist”

      Can’t remember who said that, may have been Clive James.

  27. Jesus has a lot to say about the religious leaders of His day. The world was full of cunts back then too. God and The Bible are NOT religion. Religion does not bring you to God or even closer to God. Just the opposite. Jesus was bad for business so she was murdered by religion. He taught salvation by Grace, religion teaches that you must earn it somehow and use fear to keep their followers.

  28. C of E vicars are largely captured by Marxism and the Common Purpose/Envirowanker mindset snyway. they’d be better off giving it up.

    Half of them are gay, asexual or into kids.

    Bunch of misfits. They’d be better use to their precious communities in the park with a bin bag and scoop.
    Word of God?
    Turd of dog, now keep moving along the verges, virgins.

  29. For my sins (Geddit?) I deliver medication for a retirement home of former clerics. A bigger bunch of cunts you would be unlucky to meet.

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