The Millennial BBQ

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A cunting for the Millennial BBQ.

That is, A BBQ in a park or somebody’s garden, town or country, with the majority of the invited being gormless millennials.

I know lots of IsAC’s posters are older, but let this be a warning. I’m of the age that can be considered Gen X or millennial, but Ive worked with older blokes most of my life, had older mates when I was in my teens and generally identify with the Boomer/Gen X mindset. I like to help out at a bbq and often cook the food because I can. Nobody has ever complained.

The problem is that buying a fair bit of extra food, cooking and generally helping out a host is seen by some as a reason to take the piss, especially by millennials.

Some ‘rock up’ with 3 extra people the host wasnt expecting. They don’t bring any food with them, just a six pack of Fosters between 5 of them. Somebody else’s booze will do.

There’s the mercenaries who turn up, repeatedly ask when the food will be ready, then go home. telling the host to ‘let them know when it’s ready’ (this happened to a friend having a house-warming get-together.in a very small garden. She knew what the cunts were like but she was far too nice and they left her in tears).

There are the impatient cunts and groakers who want you to get their food on so they can eat up and not have to socialise.too much It doesn’t matter that other people arrived before and you’re the one cooking it all. To rub it in they’ll tell you to cook the daughter’s a bit longer, just to make sure. The groakers hang about,waiting for the first burger to get the first hint of a caramelised crust, waving a cigarette around snd holding their bap open.
‘Is it ready? Is it ready? Is it ready? Yeah just stick it in.. no ain’t got a plate no time for that taken long enough as it is… ‘fella’!’

Then there’s the piggy carnivore.
Loading their plate with burgers, chops, shish kebabs and taking more than enough meat for one sitting.

No salad, and not even a burger bap.

‘Yeah i don’t really DO salad’.

My girlfriend at the time. ‘Well, you do here.. please’. The bloke in question was an absolute child and checking going back to nab burgers or anything spare on the meat front. Never invite the unemployed to a bbq. They have enough troughs to cater for their entitled, grasping nature.

These days I only bother cooking for close family. All of those lazy entitled millennisls can sit in their public parks near dog toilets or Brighton beach cooking value burgers on a foil tray while getting sun burn and food poisoning..

Fucking pikey millennial cunts.

Vice

Nominated by Cuntamus Prime.

81 thoughts on “The Millennial BBQ”

    • ” Let me know when it’s ready”

      That would be either
      A. Never
      B. Never
      C. Three hours later, when the shitflies had finished laying eggs on the remains or
      D. Never.

  2. Not for me this over socialising and the change of getting poisoned. You can guarantee something will kickoff. That’s why they always have BBQs in murder mysteries.

  3. I will say as a genX cunt that subsequent generations seem to be more selfish and thoughtless leaving messes behind, imposing on others, and have an arrogant sense of entitlement. I’m reminded daily of this.
    Look at todays role models and how they behave. No wonder looting, demands for reparations, and debt typify todays younger folks. Maybe as they age some objectivity and wisdom will set in. We can only hope.

    • Totally agree with you. The only thing that keeps me sane is to be an antisocial cunt. Today’s generation are such entitled cunts, it’s unreal.
      I mourn daily for the loss of our old friend, common sense. Arrogance, entitlement and the ongoing “Me, Myself, I” ethos is an agenda pushed by the media like someone pouring poison into the water supply. “Remember kids…you must NEVER take ownership of your own fuck-ups and it’s ALWAYS someone else’s fault. Manners don’t matter anymore. Just say you’re offended and the world can be yours to exploit. Social Media is the answer to everything”. Sad times we live in. I have no interest in wondering about the future, as it will be like Demolition Man.

  4. You’ve missed out one important BBQ spoiler;
    The vegetarian.
    Yes, we all stood there stuffing ourselves full of overdone pork, chicken, and beef, to be confronted by someone asking, ” Have you got any veggie burgers”?

    • I fit into that piggy category.

      If forced to attend a BBQ I won’t be eating fuckin salad.

      I’m there for meat.
      And meat only.

      I’m not Karen Carpenter or Gandhi.

      Shove yer salad up yet arse.

    • The reply of choice, is no, now fuck off. If you wish to add a complimentary cunt, that’s your choice. From CuntyMort’s school of etiquette.

    • Yes, briefly grill lettuce and tomato, throw it on a breadcake.

      Oh, hang on, no salad, here’s a toasted breadcake, help yourself to dressings.

      Fuck me, muppet, it’s a BBQ!

      • “…” Have you got any veggie burgers”?…”

        Well seeing as you’re in the garden hand the cunt a trowel and tell him he’s welcome to scavange whatever he can find in the border planting.

  6. We do a few BBQ’s. Yours truly on the BBQ. Her indoors is sorting the garlic bread. Chicken is cooked in the oven then given a few minutes on the BBQ. No Delhi Belly at our soiree’s.

  7. Like CP I’m just about considered a grandpa millennial (b1981) and have nothing in common with the vast majority of my generation.

    I think the sum of this fine cunting is never invite millennials to any social function. Assume they are all weak, pasty vegan scroungers with dietary requirements.

    Unless its me.

  8. Aren’t beef curtains vegetarian ? Suppose not if you’re a cannibal.

  9. Never understood the BBQ, people pay 20k for a kitchen and then cook outside on a stinky fire and burn everything…. Idiot’s….🤡

    • ‘stinky fires’.

      Only if you use a gas bbq.

      Do you prefer your food boiled and pureed?

  10. BBQ, no thanks, Im not going to eat a sausage that was grilled on a contraption that was in the shed for the last year covered in shit
    You can keep last years charcoal poison
    Usually cooked by some cunt who hasn’t a clue and that includes the cunts that sell the burnt shit in markets and festivals.
    You’d need a blow torch on site to clean the fuckers, just to much work

  11. Best BBQ’s are always cooked in the oven and then placed on the BBQ for 5 mins for taste. Saves on getting food poisoning. Also fuck that men cooking. Mrs E/cunt does 90% of our meals and is 90% better at them than I am.

    I’ll keep the beers in the freezer so that they are ice cold. If women want a glass of wine then they can be in charge of that..

  12. Naw, I love Barbequed meat!!

    The Aussies do it better than us,
    And so do the yanks.

    Meat and 🔥 fire 🔥
    Triggers your inner caveman.

    Some get it wrong.
    Charred at one end
    Raw at the other.
    I couldn’t give a fuck!

    I’ll eat it
    Get worms
    And drag my arse across your lawn.

    BBQ is great done right

  13. My ex sister-in-law, a fucking veggie, came to a bbq at my house.
    “Can you do my stuff first, Mr Cunt Engine?”
    “Why should you get yours done first?”
    “Because if you do it afterwards, the grill will have had meat on it!”
    “It’s a big brand new grill, I’ll do both at once, keep them seperate.”
    So she agreed and all was well until she sidled up and said (patronisingly) “Now you ARE keeping them seperate, aren’t you?”
    “Of course!”
    I’d been drizzling meat juices all over her veggie shit from the word go.
    “It tastes meaty, uugghh, disgusting!” she wailed 20 mins later.
    “Probably just the smoke” I smirked as she dry heaved, overreacting like a spastic
    So all she ate was salad, the stupid, sanctimonious bitch.
    “Don’t throw it away” I said, “let’s see if Stanley (the dog) will eat it, offering Stan her veggie shite. Even covered in meat juice, he didn’t want it and walked off huffily.

    • No point veggies or vegans attending BBQs they just spoil things for everyone.
      Like Rolf Harris at a Bouncy castle
      Or Michael Barrymore at a christening.

      Unless they pick up the paper plates to recycle they should bow out gracefully.

      I want one of them hog roasts.
      Full pig
      Fire
      Loads of ale
      Jesters
      Axe throwing

      No fuckin salad.

      • In my defence, I had to have the in-laws round…that was back when I was still knobbing her sister with enthusiastically loving spite.

    • I cannot, for the life of me, fathom why a vegetarian /vegan would go to a BBQ.

      The very name implies vast quantities of meat. OK, there may be a corn on the cob, if someone’s showing off, possibly some of those enormous mushrooms, but on the grill with all that meat?

      Refuse invites to BBQ ‘s, non meat eaters, then you won’t drag the party down.

      • Vegan barbeques are fucking wank. My sister in law invites us round for BBQ and as she is a fully committed vegan thinks that we should be two. Grilled veg, yeah I can do a bit of that, grilled mushrooms are okay , salad I can also do but without a fuck off massive sizzling oozing lump of animal to slide along side it all seems pointless. My brother doesnt even argue the toss the fucking pussy, he goes along with it because its easier than arguing with the self rightious cunt. As for her meat substitute burgers with vegan cheese…….. fucking cheese? Its nothing like fucking cheese, its just the same colour. The irony of eating nothing but vegan food is also lost on her. I asked her last time how many millions of invertebrates she thought might have had to do as a result of insecticide useage required to produce her wank diet. That doesnt count apparently. Theyve got a cat as well. It eats meat. Not a very vegan choice of pet. Get a tortoise you cunt.

    • I’d love a pizza oven, but cost, storage, use…. yeah… sadly not gonna happen.

      • The cheap ones from the likes of Tescunt are just as good as the fancy ones Moggie.

        You can cook anything on the buggers and a decent bit of tarp over it in winter does the trick.

      • I know Aldi were doing one recently, not expensive, wish I’d got one really.

  16. Used to go to Kos a lot.

    Little eatery near Kos town, all they did was spit roast pig, chips if you really had to.

    Pile of pulled pork and crackling on a square of greaseproof paper, no plates or cutlery, or salad.

    Absolutely divine!

  17. Most folk who do ‘barbis’ are bellends.

    Talking loudly when pissed, the smell of burning charcoal and crap lager, bloody shite music like Adele, Dido and Ed Sheercunt blaring out. A bit of peace and quiet on a nice Summer weekend? Forget that. It’s funny that most people who do and are invited to these things are loudmouthed cunts, who get even louder when they are on the pop.

    These cunts were out in force during the lockdown. Boris is under the grill for his antics and rightly so, but every fucker was doing it. Shouldn’t every cunt who broke the lockdown get the same treatment?

    • This, Norman, is one of my “really” things.
      Like there’s a fucking force field that prevents the stupid, loud mouth, braying inanities at the boundary fence.
      Also, why the fuck, when I, and others, have washing out, do they think it’s OK to light the BBQ, and chuck the Iceland family pack on.
      I could forgive them, if they were roasting a whole pig.

  18. We used to throw spuds in the embers of our bonfire’s when we were kids, I suppose that was an early type of BBQ . We used to eat the charcoaled skin and all.
    Never did us any harm…🔥

    • With you there CQB, absolutely delicious,
      As always, never had salt nor butter, to get the Michelin Star

      • ANYTHING cooked on a campfire tastes great!

        Chicken with all the juices trickling out, the skin crisping… delicious.

        We ate an cooked like that for thousands of years.

        Skewer it put it near the fire🔥

        Chicken, beef, pork, rabbit, fish,
        All best cooked outdoors.

      • I have cooked the odd fish Miz, outdoors in the wild Atlantic shorelines.
        Great experience when conditions suit and I have actual time to take advantage and freshness guaranteed.
        My favourite though is river wild brown Trout
        No barbie required, just a small pan and a pinch of salt an pepper an butter to get the skin tasting crispy

        I need a Holiday, on my own, hah

    • We used to chuck aerosol cans int o the bonfire when I was a lad. They used to explode. A bit daft, but we were back then.

    • Miles, why have you asked Admin to bin your nom, it sounds interesting.

      Unless it’s about skullfucking, I can’t thole with that.

      I’m sure you’ll find us sympathetic.

      • I’m intrigued by this bonus hole but this being IsAC I’ll probably end up wishing that I hadn’t of asked.

  20. By the description of yourself, and the ‘Cuntabot’ pseudonym, I’m going to say your year of birth was 1981.

  21. Meanwhile, in the good ole U.S of A…
    Barbie is having a nervous breakdown!!
    While Ken looks on I give her lots of barbiturates…
    Is Barbie’s heart still beating?
    Yup, but she’s not happy yet.
    Uh-oh! Now Ken is having a mental crisis because his ‘RV’ payments are overdue!
    This big ‘diet pill’ here will make him think of other things, like his extra-marital affairs!
    Now we’re having fun, but the News says a nuclear meltdown is coming this way!
    Barbie, what should we do?
    Barbie says take Quaaludes in gin and go to a disco right away!
    But Ken says WOO WOO! No credit at Mr Liquor!
    Ha ha – Ken and Barbie are suing for divorce while I’m performing major operations on them.
    They really are a swinging couple!!
    But they won’t need mind altering drugs anymore,
    Because I injected them with pure petro-chemical by products,
    YOW!
    Whoa! Ken and Barbie are now having TOO MUCH FUN!
    It must be the negative ions.
    The only cure is to give them more pills, I’m afraid.
    C’mon, you two, open up!
    Uh-oh!! Now Ken and Barbie have totally forgotten if they parked their Datsun B-210 at the supermarket,
    The bowling alley, or
    The meditation centre!!

  23. Only know people my age and older, plus the dogs, so there’s no chance of me having a 20 year old around sulking in the corner with its mates demanding free food and banging on about climate change and how great Tik Tok is. I expect these young types who gate crash BBQs call this a ‘life hack’. Twats.

  24. Years ago we used to eat meals inside, shit and and piss outside. Now its the reverse. Have things really improved ?

    • Well Sammy.
      I’d like to say summat profound about that, but as I’m pissed as a fart, I can’t.

      Amazed I can still type coherently.

      Night, night all.

  25. As a Boomer. I find the idea of a Millennial BBQ most unsettling.

    Or anywhere where there’s people. To be quite frank.

    I’m not big on people.

    Although I must admit that after decades of marriage to Ethel. I’m starting to get used to her and her incessant chatter.

    The silly old goose.

    Now I must wake up my four legged friend, whose next to me on the couch, snoring her head off, and put her to bed.

    There should be far fewer people and lots more dogs.

    Rambling now, so I’ll Fuck Off.

    Goodnight. 👍

  26. I hosted a BBQ (one of many as I like cooking like a caveman).

    Some cunt once asked when his raw burger was going to be ready as I was one of three engagements he had that afternoon, off to see some bit of fanny whose knickers he reckoned he was getting in to that day.

    When it’s cooked I replied.

    But I want to catch the 15.45 train to see Tilly

    I’m not stopping you, go if you want

    a few minutes later…

    Is it ready now

    Not sure dude (you cunt would have been too harsh in front of other friends)

    OK, I will eat it now, looks cooked

    Looks, but might not be, but please sign this waiver as I am suggesting you wait

    Cunt ignored me and helped himself

    Next thing I heard the bell end was sick later that day, hopefully (I prayed) over his escort date.

    Never seen the cunt since, or cared

  27. I only ever bbq for me,Dirty Harriet and the brats and girlfreinds, mate of mine got collared into bbq,ing for the whole street on V,E day, didnt even get a thanks apparently.
    We fucked off to the beach with our Jack Russel rather than spend the day sat in the street with our cunt neighbours for fear of having a couple of beers and telling the fuckers some home truths

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