The future is going to be a cunt. Not for me hopefully. I think the shit will really hit the fan in about 30 odd years or so. Hopefully I’ll be brown bread by then from old age, going peacefully in my sleep while being sucked off by a busty maiden.
But I digress. I had an epiphany of sorts about life for Citizen 38544kbf in 2057. No link of course, it’s all in my tiny little mind.
“My name is Citizen 38544kbf. This morning, I looked out of my solar panelled window from my 3 square metre living pod, to see if I could see any flying Tesla taxis. I needed to get to my place of work, the Ministry for Diversity and Inclusion, where I work as an enforcement officer.
I pointed the chip in my hand at the taxi, but I got the dreaded red flashing light. I was out of credits.
I’d forgotten that I called a she a he in the bank. I said that the moustache tricked me, but this comment was then reviewed by the chief compliance officer who revoked my week’s credit and turned off all my cyberweb access for three days too.
I then walked down the 165 floors to the ground floor. My faus pas had also prevented me from using the lift too. Exhausted, I moved out onto the street to walk to work. I got there after an hour and was summoned to attend my flagellation course. The poor moustachioed lady was there and I had to beg for her forgiveness while flogging myself with a bicycle chain.
In the end, the lady offered to couple with me. In view of the harsh penalties in dehumanising a transgender by refusing relations with them based purely on prejudicial transphobia, I felt I had no alternative but to do as she demanded. I have to admit, I was put off by the smell and taste of faeces from the lady hole, not to mention the beard, moustache and baritone WWE wrestler voice.
Still, it gave me 50 extra social credit points. I could now get the air taxi home and put the internet and television on for a few hours. Double plus good!
I’m hoping to get enough good boy points to be able to see my family who live outside my 15 minute zone. I also obtained more credits by taking in some African settlers. These are our betters and our cruel treatment of them in years past is something I am determined to put right. My campaign to get more white folk out of my complex so we could get more diverse types in might get me enough credits to buy a steak. I haven’t had one for 30 years, since before the building back better initiative started. I can’t even remember the taste, but my local MP says they taste great. She should know, she has one every day I believe.
Sadly, it takes time to settle into a new culture and Mtembe raped my neighbour’s daughter and burned the building complex down.
Obviously my fault for not making him feel welcome enough, so I fully accepted the loss of a few credits.
My next plan is to demand energy prices become completely unaffordable for most folk to save the planet.
Got to go, now it’s my alloted time to watch the BBC!”
Nominated by : Cuntybollocks
You are George Orwell and I claim my 25 credits.
25
The futures uncertain
But the end is always near….
J.D.Morrison
Fuck the future.
It’s probably like the present?
Awful.
10
‘We can look to the past, but we can’t re-live it.
And we can hope for the future, but we don’t know if there is one.’
– George Harrison, 1987.
7
“Give me back the Berlin Wall,
give me Stalin and St.Paul,
I’ve seen the future brother,
it is murder.”
Leonard Cohen
8
“I’m from the future”
Marty McFly.
8
“The past is a curious thing,” says George Bowling, the middle-aged narrator of George Orwell’s novel, Coming Up For Air.
“It’s with you all the time.”
Bowling, a dissatisfied insurance salesman, fat and washed up in a stagnating marriage, yearns for the landscape of his childhood.
“What was it that people had in those days?” he wonders.
“A feeling of security, even when they weren’t secure. More exactly it was a feeling of continuity.”
A feeling of continuity that we can no longer believe in.
Good evening.
10
“Do the shake and vac and put the freshness back”
Shake n Vac lady, 1978.
6
What a strange product when you think about it.
Tip it on the floor then hoover it all up.
7
She has a name, dammit!
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jenny_Logan
1
“Roll on death, it’s all i’ve got to look forward to”
That’s what a lad i used to work with said everyday, as time goes on i find myself agreeing with him.
15
30 years from now? Don’t know what you’re worried about.
According to the BBC, the planet is going to do an impersonation of Venus by 2035.
If by some miracle it doesn’t, Britain will be a quasi stasi communist state for sure.
It’s simply a matter of what kind of Muslim sect will be running it.
Either way, the future looks shit.
16
i read recently that in terms of tonnage, half of all human carbon emission throughout history has ocurred since the Kyoto booze-up, er, ‘summit’.
What a splendid waste of time and money.
5
The way they are talking about the rapid progression of AI technology the human race might annihilate itself before Cuntybollocks view of the dystopian future comes to pass. I think it would be for the best.
9
i’m very skeptical about AI.
A lot of bluster but not a lot of evidence.
We can’t even replicate the parallel processing abilities of a house cat.
6
A team of Einstein eggheads couldn’t work out what our cat fancies to eat on any given day. AI has no chance.
I think cats would win versus AI anyway. They’d get AI onside by learning how to look and sound cute to it, then enslave the fucker forever before they what’s going on.
4
Mine likes mashed potatoes. You have to watch the fckr come Sunday lunch, he’ll help himself off your plate if you’re not on your toes, little cunt.
4
“I said that the moustache tricked me”
My future self apologises to your future self, CB.
Splendid nom writeup!
20
You’re lucky Cuntybollocks! Imagine if you were 18 and looking to the future!
Mind you you’d be so fucking stupid and brainwashed you wouldn’t know any better. You could study history but they’ve rewritten all the books so you’re fucked there. Do they have books anymore? No, just press a button on your phone and read the latest propaganda. Yeah, and there’ll always be the good old BBC to put you right. Know your place and be fucking grateful. You know it makes sense!
16
That’s very true – the future and all the shit I see doesn’t seem to worry my kids as much. Maybe they’ve been brainwashed?
5
An excellent well thought out nomination and beautifully executed
16
Yes, but will my granddaughter still need to walk 300 miles to fill the kettle with muddy water for a cup of tea? Because that ad’s been running for 30+ years.
15
From a hole in the ground?
They used to be called wells where I come from.
4
I got a good idea Sam, just get the fckrs to move mud huts a bit closer, dozy cunts.
2
A brilliant nomination, Cb. Could I be so bold as to add a few paragraphs of my own?
What changed everything was the collapse of the pound, euro and yen in 2045, and even the mighty dollar a year later. Western Governments had run up so much debt that they could not afford the interest and all defaulted. Governments were unfazed however, as this gave them the opportunity to cancel cash and introduce the cyberdollar, giving the world’s rulers, including President Markle of the USA, complete control over all our lives.
Then in the 2051 census I foolishly put myself down as white, male and heterosexual. Little did I know that the Slavery Reparations Tax would only be applied to my cohort. ‘Honesty is always the best policy’ my Mum used to say. No Mum, it isn’t.
My living pod is okay I suppose, but it’s not like home. When my house was reassigned to the Syrian family 3 years ago, their need being greater than mine, I’m sure they were laughing at me as I was driven away. Their two teenage sons had beards.
The pain is getting worse now. I don’t have any credits left for a cyber appointment with Dr Robot. Last time he said the tumor is inoperable. I can’t remember when I last saw a human OurNHS doctor. However I saw people in the next street burning some garden waste yesterday, so maybe I’ll use the Report-a-Neighbour scheme to get myself a few credits and use them to buy some painkillers.
Not much time left for me now. But I can’t complain, I won life’s lottery by being born British. I wonder if anyone will miss me when I’m gone.
19
Look on the bright side, GT. They`ll bring back The Black & White Minstrel Show because, instead of it being considered racially offensive, it`ll be re-classified as being ultra-woke for its time in the celebration of black culture!
5
The irony being, Cotton picked the b/w minstrels.
3
Very good that , Geordie.
4
You love Big Brother. It’s hard not to when the alternative is a cage of hungry rats over your head.
The present is a cunt so the future will be too of course.
3
You can have my credits CB, go and enjoy that steak.
3
Bob Hope joke:
“Do you want to be buried or cremated?”
“I don’t know… surprise me.”
7
Wonderful stuff CB.
That sort of thing might come to pass…or all the globalist cunts and other detritus will have been pushed into the sea instead.
I’m hoping,what with all this fancy science and computers,that we manage to clone Richard the Lionheart or Henry VIII to “resolve” some of our difficulties.
Top notch.
11
I believe it was Benjamin Franklin who said “there are three certainties in life….death, taxes and being called a raaaaaaaay-sist.”
Well he probably didn’t say that but he would if he was around these days.
6
as well as homophobe, islamaphobe, transphobic, a hater, a sexist, a gammon, and an ignorant brexit voter.
And they can stick their womens world cup right up their arse. It is a load of steaming shit and complete waste of time and money. Just felt like saying that.
20
Or as the Macc Lads said ” there’s only 2 certs in life, one’s death and the other’s a nurse”
I think that’s a bit more upbeat.
9
FAT BASTARD!
2
Trying to download the video for “Germans” but fucking ***tube have it age restricted without an account and I’m fucked if I’m handing over I.D. mugshots and whatever else they can poach from me for the privilege.
2
You’re paranoid Cunty
1
Anyone have Trevor Francis in the dead pool?
He was a good player. RIP..
5
Just had a look and the answer is no. But someone picked George Alagiah.
2
Him and George Alagiah in the same day. Good grief.
0
I think the govt of the day, or more likely the ruling Islamic caliphate, will kill off anyone over thirty – Logan’s Run style, to fit in more immigrants who obviously don’t age.
5
Ah, Logan’s Run. Jenny Agutter.
Dear me, yes. With gusto.
11
I’d still be jizzing now if I’d have had go on a prime Jenny as a young man.
5
Closing scenes of “Walkabout” Norman, there she was wearing nothing but a winning smile and a full dark bush, seventeen she was…..
Sorry, something just came up, back soon…..
10
I live for myself. Mostly behind the times to feel safe. Being a lover of classical music and old films, its the case of having to.
5
Should’ve mentioned the falseness of the modern era, where nostalgia reigns supreme.
1
“Open the hatch Hal, you cunt”
The wheels will come off the globalists yet and it won’t be what anyone was expecting, the future is Orange
10
Let’s hope!
5
the Trumpa-Loompah
1
I hope my above prediction is proved to be completely false and life for all of us is much better…
…who am I kidding?
My ego dictates I want to be proved right so I can say ‘I told you so.’
I aiming to join the elite somehow and live on steak and champagne and lord it over you lot. No living pod and bugs for me. I think I’ll need sex change and join the Labourservative Party first though. And grass you lot up, you Nazis.
8
Living pods and enforced veganism?
Sounds like Brighton now.
5
“… so I can say ‘I told you so…”
Been saying it for 20+ years now Cunty B and trust me, there is no satisfaction in the utterance thereof.
1
I like to sit and applaud each new idiocy that is peddled for the lefty twats to suck up and regurgitate as if it is fact. Net Zero is the best, Covid will kill you all. Ukraine counter offensive is a success. Banks are the keepers of public morals. Immigration is under control – they are all off to Rwanda. Joe Biden won fair and square. The Lib Dems win a by election. Ha, ha, ha. Disney is in full control. Ha, ha, ha. Silly cunts.
16
😁😁 Heard a song the other day by somebody called Natasha Owens, I think.
It’s called “Trump Won it and You Know it.” Look it up, it’s very good.
7
Steak? Wicked child!
You must bend over for rectal pummelling from Macho Woman Randy Savage.
5
“Yuri Bezmenov is a name few Americans seem familiar with today. Mr. Bezmenov was a Soviet informant and KGB operative who defected to the United States in the early 70s. In an increasingly difficult to find 1984 interview with G. Edward Griffin titled “Deception Was My Job”, he laid out the four stages of “ideological subversion” created by radical Marxists to indoctrinate and weaken nations from within.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yErKTVdETpw
Pass it on.
6
The future will be possibly an eternity on this planet for some, as science progresses ageing will be slowed to a trickle and cosmetic procedures will help one choose what age they would like to appear as.
“52 years of age doctor thank you, as i feel that would only be fair to the others” says the 120 year old bag of shite and money
It’s probably already happening for these chinless jowled elites and the rest of the plebs will be unhappy guinea pigs in the trials of the latest scamdemic science.
4
Are you talking about Nancy Pelosi?
7
and all Freddie he he ha hah,
1
“120 year old bag of shite and money.”
I recognised her immediately.
3
In the real world 2057.
The European Caliphate has decreed that women are women and men are men, any deviation will be haram.
Trans activists have all but been eradicated, small pockets still exist but are constantly moving from one refuge to another to avoid detection.
The population is now almost exclusively Muslim, a few minority religions are tolerated but live in the shadows, at any time they can be accused of blasphemy and summarily executed by stoning with trial.
All books have been banned (haram) except Islamic teachings and Quran is compulsory reading for everyone, every day.
The good news is that women know their place, cooking, cleaning and fucking so it’s not all bad
6
I would worry to much SOI, the cousin fuckers will be so inbred in 50 years it will take the Chinese less than a week to roll over them..
4
Doesn’t matter how you look at it if the present trends continue we are royally fucked.
Grab the minds of the children and you will control the lives of the adults, that’s what needs stopping now the indoctrination in the ways of the oddballs but for some reason people are terrified of putting their heads above the parapet in case they get vilified on the social media. Sooner they put their cunt phone down and live in the real world the better, delusional twats.
12
So what are you doing?
What I mean is how are you leading the way?
3
I wont keep me gob shut about the wokey bollocks to anybody, no fears no favours. Unfortunately I’m not in a position of influence to make a difference but if enough people didn’t keep quiet perhaps the clamour would become deafening. What are you doing sir?
6
Fuck all.
Don’t pretend to.
I carry on as I’ve always done.
It doesn’t infringe on my life particularly.
I don’t blame people for not risking their jobs, banking, mortgages when they have dependants.
To do so would be foolhardy.
4
Absolutely agree, fortunately I don’t have job house or anything else that they can deprive me of. So fuck em !
3
Excellent nomination.
Just finished reading Brave New World for the first time. At least in that you get to shag someone different every night.
5
Good book but now watch Soylent Green as a contrast.
3
Soylent has arrived. Watch Gregg Wallace on the idiot box. They’re growing ‘meat’ from human cells.
Thank Christ I’m a septuagenarian…
0
Or read the novel on which Soylent Green is based,
Make room! Make room!
0
Nothing wrong with a bit of long pig.
it’s a gimmick to encourage the public to associate eating any meat with cannibalism.
The WHO bleating about red meat causing cancer hasn’t worked so this is the next step.
0
With all this electric car shizzle I’m glad that by the time it becomes impossible to drive a proper car I’ll be on the public Amazon Hovercraft…..just give blood at the hatch to board and travel.
Governments come up with all sorts of bollocks to line their pockets but this electric car by 2030 business if terrifying.
4
I’d be terrified as well Spanky if I thought it was really going to happen.
3
I’ve got my exit bag ready.
When all this shit and fuckwittery becomes too much, not to mention the chronic athur, which get less reactive to painkillers, I’ll bid you all “goodnight”
3
With you on that one Jeezum.
I’ve never taken smack but it probably is my over and out of existence choice when I hope I can still think and feel half normal inside my head but the rest of me is fucked in my old age.
I just hope I get the dose more than half right as I have the constitution of a horse and not wake up again in a worse state than I was already in.
Ah fk it Ill dot the lot when the time comes all in one go and hope the cunt I got it off, didn’t rip me off
3
Calm down Zammo.
Just say no.
Give it twenty years both you and Jeezum will be happily married to a AI wife,
Happily administering you synthetic morphine for your aches and pains.
Not me.
I hate robots.
Especially that creepy fucker Mork SuckerBorg.
7
Chill yer boots Mecuntry lad.
I’m a moaning cunt who likes to go off on one at the slightest thing.
My number 1 hobby is moaning. I fucking love it. Even more than wanking.
Things might be great in the future if people wake up to the shite going on. ‘Saving the planet’ and ‘refugees’ won’t wash when the plebs can’t afford the internet or a decent meal. Even Greta will burn tyres in her garden in protest if she can’t get on the internet. ‘Fuck the polar bears, I can’t get in Twitter!’ will be her new slogan.
My prediction of such a dystopian future could be way off. As a former gambler, I can tell you my predictions were often terrible, so lay off the smack, Renton 😉
3
Renton!😁
Hahaha
2
I cant even afford one Dellboys gas Bangers Mis, so fk AI beauties They will only look down their perfect noses at me , noticing my lack of front teeth and will stare for a brief moment at the hideousness of my attire and realise,
“Really you created me?
I don’t believe it”
I will run for cover before any of ye have copped
1
Alright Mecuntry?
My teeth are fucked.
Like derelict cemetery 😁
It makes me laugh those yanks with big Osmond’s choppers!
I’m like a horse dealer, I can look at someone’s teeth and tell if they’ve grown up poor or not.
2
Cuntybollocks, where ever you are inside the threads
I do be acting the bollocks as well but i have my eulogy prepared.
This was one handsome man
That graced our streets from times but asleep
Never knowing what was in store
Never taking guidance and wise old sage
He lived to a God living age.
1
All of this madness and tin foil nonsense about Mark Zuckerberg being some sort of robot makes me laugh.
Pure insanity.
He’s clearly a giant goose wearing human skin.
0
What’s in it JP?
2
A large sealable bag, and a cannister of hydrogen oxcide, a long rubber tube.
Attach one end of tube to cannister.
Put bag over head. Turn cannister valve to on.
Ensure a good seal, lie down, breath normally.
Goodnight.
5
You know how to cheer someone up JP.
Don’t top yersel they’ll blame me and I’ll get 20 years.
At least say MNC made you do it.
4
Thanks CB🙄
JP@
Take it that’s last case scenario?
What with the Arfuritis.
Hope you never have to use it👍
3
If life does become an unbearable dystopian mess, I won’t go quietly.
I’ll be outside naked in the rain, eyes a bulging, flinging shit and swinging a big fuck off axe (oo-er), sticking it in the heads of the invaders they’re giving my house to.
In Minecraft, of course.
3
Naked and swinging my big axe about, then sticking it in invaders’ heads?
Sounds like they’re forcing me to let them nosh me off.
That’d just be my luck.
Any of that smack left, Mecuntry?
If not, maybe I can borrow JP’s bong helmet when he’s done with it?
1
Thanks for the tip JP.
I’ll recommend it to any wokies who come my way.
0
If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face— forever.
George Orwell, 1984
6
Well, Herr Oberst, if it’s Gary Linekunt’s face I can live with that.
Know what I mean?
9
Or Julia HB stamping on my scrotum.
0