Indiana Groans and the Fail of Destiny

 
I love the original ‘Indiana Jones’ trilogy; pure escapist entertainment with no axe to grind or agenda to push. Sadly ‘the Crystal Skull’ jumped the shark, and it appeared that as the franchise ran out of steam and Harrison Ford got ever older, things would be left to rest in peace.

Sadly not. Disney purchased Lucasfilm, and inevitably, looked to squeeze Indy for every last conceivable buck it could. So now ‘Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny’ is about to the hit the multiplexes.

Needless to say I won’t be shelling out my cash to buy a ticket. This is because I predict that it will be complete and utter gash. Why? Well it’s odds on that Disney will do what it did to ‘Star Wars’, namely trash the legacy and alienate a huge swathe of the fan base.

Producer Kathleen Kennedy has already pretty much stated this, and had a go at fans in the process. Responding to talk of a potential fan backlash and boycott, she claimed that fans who refuse to see the film or purchase a ticket ‘are not real fans’, and they’re angry at ‘the change we are bringing to the franchise with diversity and female empowerment’. Well Miz Go Woke Go Broke, here’s the thing; fans want entertainment from Indy, not a lecture on your agenda. Oh, and they can choose where and when they spend their hard-earned cash, thanks very much.

As for that ‘female empowerment’, well it appears in the form of the insufferable Phoebe Waller-Bridge, as Indy’s goddaughter Helena Shaw. Word has it that she’s a typical Kennedy ‘Mary Sue’; you know, that idealised female character who has no faults and is indomitable. And almost certainly utterly unlikeable. I’ll bet she can out-think, out-shoot and out-run poor Indy, leaving him as a grumpy old git shuffling about in her wake. Just what we need; another ‘girlboss’.

So there’s my assessment of how this will turn out. I think it will tank, and moreover, I fucking hope it tanks, and big time. Hollywood, and Disney in particular, seem hell bent on patronising audiences and talking down to them, while simultaneously abusing them for not appreciating the woke guff it wants to dish out. Then they have the gall to get annoyed when the fans say ‘fuck you’ and turn their backs as they see another film legacy being disrespected.

‘Go woke go broke’ Disney, and the fucking sooner the better, you cunts.

Youtube

Nominated by Ron Knee.

128 thoughts on “Indiana Groans and the Fail of Destiny

  1. Fuck me.
    What’s next ?
    Joe Biden as James Bond?

    Harrison ford should knock it on the head.
    Take his sanatogen, put his slippers on,
    Put a Werther’s original in his gob,
    And count his money.

    The fuckin rich old skellington can’t get enough.

    Oh and take that earring out!
    You look ridiculous.
    Clive Dunn motherfucker.

    • I’m tempted to nom the cunt in the Deadpool if I could think of any more names.

    • If old Joe was James Bond he’d be shaking and not stirred. God save the Queen, man.

      • According to his mob, he was talking to some cunt in the crowd.

        Who, the fucking brown bread Queen of England?

      • Do you expect me to talk……coherently?

        No Mr Biden, I expect you to read from the autocue and fuck it up.

  2. The film lasts 8 hours because Harrison Ford can’t hear any fucker.

    6 hours of the film is him shouting, “Eh?” or “You what, sorry?”

    He gets the girl of course, but falls asleep as soon as his arse hits the mattress.

    • And he is to avation and flying what Ocean view is to deep sea exploration.
      Dick Dastardly was a better pilot.

    • In fact, the first scene of the film is that little Chinese kid ending up with bleeding eardrums, after walking into Indy’s gaffe while he has his telly on full blast.

      “Indy you tur dow! Too roud!”

      “You what cocker? No sorry, I don’t have a stepladder.”

      etc

    • “He gets the girl of course, but falls asleep as soon as his arse hits the mattress.”
      Sounds like me. Except for the getting the girl bit, of course.

  3. Wonder who Disney would cast if they ever remade `The Jazz Singer`? Your nominations, please, cunteratissimos …

    • Chris Rock.

      He could do ‘whiteface’ as Jolson when he wasn’t performing ‘Mammy’.

    • Tommy Robinson, hopefully.

      I’d pay good fucking money to see Zelensky cast in ‘Fiddler on The Roof’, too.

  4. I can remember all the media getting a hard on over Fleabag, never watched it, sounded like a right pile of dog turd.

    Indiana Jones was OK, entertaining action film, now it’s doing what, empowering women…. Yawn.

    No one gives a shit, any woman who is ‘empowered’ would probably have zero interest in Indiana Jones.

    • I watched a bit of ‘Fleabag’ but gave up. The whole thing had that air of self-referential smugness about it. Plus it wasn’t funny.

      • The first two Indiana Jones were bearable, but the one with scotch cunt Connery was shite. Couldn’t be arsed with the aliens one.

        Fleabag was woke vomit with that pompous bitch with the squashed Malteser on her forehead so I’ll skip this shite too.

        South Park summed up Indiana Jones with their rape of a trouserless Ford by Lucas and Spielberg.

      • I liked Fleabag because it seemed to be everything they claimed it wasn’t, to the extent that I was convinced I was watching a different show to the journo bints that wrote about it.

        Far from being some kind of feminist empowerment/single women melodrama the waller-bridge self-insert character was an absolute loser who’d fuck anything. She also literally has to be saved in the end by a man, in the form of a generous bank manager who prevents her shitty posh bollocks business from going under.

        Yeah, you go girl!

    • Fleabag was one of those things i gnored on the strength of the people liking it being cunts.

  5. I suppose we should be grateful that Indiana Jones isn’t being played by a black pooftah.

    • They would have to make a sequel for the sensitivities of modern audiences – ‘Indiana Jones and the Temple of Groom’.

    • The next Doctor Whoke is a black woofter.
      And his sidekick is a girl with a dick.🤢

      ‘Exterminate’ ? I wish they would….

  6. Dear RK – while I completely agree with everything you pen, I must say leave Phoebe Waller-Bridge alone. I would love to see her gash. For me she has a sexual presence that makes the hairs on my balls stand on end.

    The rest sir, I agree with.

    • Fair do’s CM; she does have that certain sensuality about her alright.

      From what I’ve seen excerpts and trailer wise however, and from media and Ytube commentary, the consensus is that she’s not in the least likeable or relatable in the Helena Shaw role.

      A lot of this is Kathleen Kennedy’s fault for wanting to foist her agenda onto the audience again with another ‘Mary Sue’ character, but the word is that W-B had a lot of influence on the script backing Kennedy up, so she’s got some responsibility.

      This is supposed to be an ‘Indiana Jones’ film, but between them, Disney, Kennedy and W-B have contrived to pull another ‘bait and switch’ as the Americans say. It appears that after the recent ‘Star Wars’ debacles, the fans have got wise and don’t like it.

      Looks like it’s going to tank big time.

      • Indeed, as with a lot of the wokiness that exists these days it is sad to see this is what our society has come to.

        If women are indeed now equal then I wonder what these lezzer feminists and wanting changed now.

        Regarding the temptress W-B, I’d give her a good rogering and she would soon forget being Mary Sue as she realises she needs more sexual teachings.

      • She probably has more hair on that hideous facial mole than on her tuppence down below.

        But if I’m wrong, wouldn’t mind a peek.

      • About as sensual as a bad egg. And a snotty feminazi woke luvvie cunt to boot.

        Thing is, for all her man hating tripe and woke bollocks, I bet she has sucked and screwed her way to the top, The ones that make the most anti-male noise are usually the biggest slags.

  7. I can’t wait to “borrow” it from “somewhere online” just so I can stare agog as another knackered franchise gets ground to dust by a bunch of drug addled feminazis from california.

    What the fuck Harrison Ford is doing is beyond me? Has he spent up?

    Anyway I watched The Man With The Golden Gun last night,that’s from when nobody gave a fuck and the films were fun..shootings,exotic locations,fit wimmin in bikinis,midgets,sumos,flying cars..the lot.

    Fuck Off Disney,you set of Cunts.

    • Know exactly what you mean Unk.

      Last night I watched ‘Bend of the River’, a cracking James Stewart-Anthony Mann oater from 1952. Superb location photography and not a sniff of CGI, loads of action and men who were men (and women loved it).

      The Yanks sure don’t make ’em like they used to.

  8. Ford was a lad in his day. Tubbing Carrie Fisher on the set of The Empire Strikes Back. I salute then man for that. But now he’s a decrepit relic who is aiding the woke agenda.

    Kennedy is a fucking bitch. Ruining The Mandalorian, by sacking the lovely Gina Carano, and putiing the thunderous beast that is Lizzo into series 3 as black royalty.

    And you all know my views on that misandrist facsist woke luvvie slag, Phoebe Waller Fucking Cunt.

    • One can only assume that Kennedy has got the serious goods on the powers-that-be at Disney.

      How she survives is beyond me otherwise.

  9. Waller cunt has already ruined James Bond. Now it’s Indiana Jones, then it will be Superman. Dirty Harry, Flash Gordon and many more.

    Waller Cunt has been unleahed by the corporate woke pigs onto the male movie hero like a woke misandrist version of the Black Death. And, believe me, this bitch will kill them all…..

  10. When occasionally the world of cinema crops up on here, I tend to differ from most of you. Especially now woke ideology as taken a stranglehold and effects the films you love, where they can’t even fart in certain companies incase its likely to offend. Whereas my preferences are left alone, mostly because I tend to view films from the French New Wave era and the Italian Neorealism. Most recently there’s been the Danish Dogma 95 selection of films.

    • I love the eary Godard films Sammy.
      And Bicyle Thieves is an Italian classic.

      • Thanks for replying Norman. You’ve jogged my memory when you talked about meeting Anna Karina and she had some harsh words to say about Godard, if my memory serves me correctly. Anna starred in his Vivre Sa Vie, an apt title in my opinion. I particularly like his A Bout de Soufflé.

      • Cheers Sammy. Anna said she wasn’t on speaking terms with Godard and when she became ill (whatever that was) Godard ‘let her down’ and just found ‘another muse’.

        Lovely lady though, and those films like Alphaville were great.

      • Yes, Ladri di biciclette, for none professional actors. Its always stuck in my mind, that the yanks called it The Bicycle Thief, because only one bicycle was stolen in the film. I’m still laughing now as I type.

      • I also enjoyed Alphaville. You can also buy it on a DVD in both English and French versions.

  11. The Crystal Skull one was shite. With that other luvvie cuint Cate Blanchett and that utter knob Shia Le Bellend.

    But this new ome will be worse. Waller Cunt will see to that.

  12. The first one was ace. A swashbuckling hero, A-rabs getting shot, Nazis all over the place, a superb fist fight (Big Pat Roach RIP), heads exploding, a huge snake pit, a monkey that did Nazi salutes, the ark of the covenant, and the vey sexy Karen Allen.

    What’s this new one got? An old dodderer, a woke agenda, and a pucker faced man hating woke luvvie posh bitch who thinks sarcasm about men is funny. Not very proimsing….

  13. Indiana bones .

    He had a fair crack of the whip but that’s enough now.

    Enjoy your money you grabbing cunt.
    Be gracious in your old age.

    He was a carpenter.
    Like Jesus.

    Got lucky!
    Got rich
    Got great roles,
    Hans solo
    Indiana

    Not bad for someone who made bird houses and spice racks.

    • As huge as Star Wars became, Ford, Mark Hammil and Carrie Fisher were not great actors.

    • it shows that training to be an actor will only get you so far. A lot of success id down to charm, warmth and rugged good looks, as well as being characters, something fewer male actors seem to have.

  14. To many good classic movies to worry about garbage like this..

    Vote with your wallet, make sure it tanks.
    It’s the only language these woke twats understand.

    • I’ve gone onto all the tom cruise films as of late ,all the mission impossible franchise,it’s bloody great stunt wise never boring ,decent scripts kinda gave up on everything else at cinemas yonks ago but still some decent flicks not many but hey entertaining enough

      • I loved ‘Edge of Tomorrow’, a great sci-fi actioner. Emily Blunt was as hot as fuck in it as well, which was a bonus.

      • Mind your own business @

        The last mission impossible film (whatever it’s called) was partly filmed in the Peak District.

        I walk my dog in a old Quarry above Castleton.
        One afternoon I walked up and some security cunt said

        “Private property”

        I said
        ” is it fuck.its a public right of way.
        Fuck off.”

        Then there was 3 security guards.

        ” You can’t come on here.
        It’s private property”

        I said
        ” and you and your mates can fuck off.
        It’s not private it’s public.
        And I’m walking my dog.’

        Then two more security guards.

        One sensing it was getting out of hand said

        ” You can’t go into the quarry but can go to the pool”.

        I said
        ” That’s where I was going.
        But if I wanted to go in the quarry,
        I fuckin well would.
        You’ve no authority.
        This is a bridle path.”

        So me and all the security guards walked the dog.

        Turns out in the quarry Tom Cruise was filming a stunt.

        The daft cunt.

  15. Loads of great stuff available online, usually with no ad breaks.
    Just stick to the small screen and avoid going to the flicks; after all, who would want to waste a load of money to watch shite, whilst being surrounded by cunts munching popcorn or stinky hot dogs and yakking on their phones for two hours?

  16. Film directors had a pattern of shagging all leading ladies until they’d had their fill and discarded them like waste litter. Two stand out particularly, Ingmar Bergman and Pedro Almodovar.

    • Must stress that both parties consented in the sexual acts at the time. Other than the casting couch of the yank versions have duly been locked away, for good I hope. The dirty bastards.

  17. Agree with you Norman, Kennedy firing Carano makes me want to fire Kennedy, preferably out of the barrel of a 15 inch iowa class battleship gun, or tie her to a post and have an a10 go on a straffing run or put her in the ring with a 21 year old Tyson that hasn’t eaten for a week. Woke bi’ach.
    She was only lucas’s gopher, how the fuck did this cretin get so much power?

    • Evening PC…we can only hope the marks the genuine beginning of the end for Disney.
      Between losing 4 billion on streaming, hundreds of millions across their/Pixar’s unending failures at the box office and their parks going tits up, surely the shareholders ought to vote ‘no confidence’ in the board members? Plus they have to buy Hulu, I believe, for several billion dollars?

    • PS…I’d like to see a deepfake video of Gina Carano fisting both Darth Kennedy and Phoebe Waller-Bridge with a pair of chainmail gauntlets as punishment for what they’ve done to Indy.

      • Good evening Mr Cunt Engine sir.
        Totally off topic, but
        I’ve been meaning to ask you,
        When you do your 40 day fasts,
        Do you include alcohol?
        And how often a year do you do it?
        PS: I see the Australian medical profession is now prescribing magic mushrooms for depression.
        Good. It’s a start at least.

      • Evening MJB, I do it once a month for about 40 hours, maybe a little longer.
        Every day, I only eat once a day, about 1500 calories. The aim is to reduce gut inflammation. There is a very interesting doctor on Youtube named Eric Berg who has some excellent videos on the subject.
        The shrooms are surprisingly difficult to grow…should you ever decide to have a crack at it, I’m happy to share my knowledge about a successful grow.

      • Cuntengine @

        How fuckin hard can growing mushrooms be?

        My missus grows mould on white bread.

        Piece of piss.

        I’ll ask her for some tips if you want.

      • Evening Thomas.

        I’ve watched a few of Dr Berg’s videos.

        Very interesting and enlightening stuff.

        I’ve followed some of his advice and changed my diet with occasional fasting.

        I’m running personal best 5k’s in under 18 minutes. In my mid 40s.

        1500 calories seems low when you consider we’ve been told to consume 2’500.

      • Evening Thomas, evening all (that’s the pc in me!) will the gauntlets have spikes?
        I wonder who their shareholders are, no suprise if the likes of blackrock have some investment.

      • Not spikes, but little plastic models of Chewbacca on one hand and space resort-owning sootıe Lando Calrisian on the other.

      • Thanks for your reply, though no mention of alcohol?
        Presumably included in the 1500 calories per day.
        Yeah, I got it wrong about 40 days,
        Got you confused with Jesus, lol!
        Not had mushrooms since the 1990s,
        They were a godsend!
        Wouldn’t be half the man I am today without them.
        Thanks for the offer re growing your own, may get back to you…

      • Oh yeah…forgot about alcohol.
        Can’t help you there, I almost never drink. Can’t imagine it’d be a good idea to drink on a completely empty stomach though, you’d feel like shite!

  18. Sorry OT.. a go fund me for the French copper has raised 1 million euros while the one for the dead enricher has raised only 200,000.

    Says alot about the French people.
    Vive la France.

    • Any film has to have the perfect cocktail of guns and monkeys for me.
      Or dinosaurs.

      I like them too.🦕

      If not? It’s shitcanned.

      Treasure of the Sierra madre?
      Brilliant!!!
      Had guns.

      Whistle down the wind was good despite not a single monkey or velosaraptor.

      But exceptions are rare.

      How much better would Notting hill have been if Clyde the orangutan had played the lead instead of some goofy yuppie who likes crack whores?

      Same with shindlers list.
      If theyd have been fed to CGI t-rexs I wouldn’t have fallen asleep in the cinema.

      • You may like The old Harryhausen classic, The Valley of Gwangi. Cowboys vs a dinosaur. Not sure it had a monkey though.

  19. I do know of a person who puts people in front of a camera to perform gratuitous violence for no apparent reason. But nature has its own way of retaliation on this twats over enlargement of facial features to a laughable fizzog.

    • It seems like she is on a mission to emasculate iconic male film roles from the last century. She had a hand in the latest James Bond but to be fair it was dying on its arse before then and now Indiana Jones. Who’s next? Rocky? Rambo? Any of Clint’s westerns?
      I don’t think Miserable, president of the Clint Eastwood Fan Club would cope.

      • That does appear to be the case. I don’t think she’ll win the majority of people over tho.

      • She’s a fuckin mitmot.
        Fuck her.
        Can’t erase the originals!

        As for foreign films,
        I indulged in some high brow 60s Italian cinematic film ,
        The Good,The Bad, and the Ugly.
        Magnifique.

        The rest are a load of shite.

      • @MNC…here’s some foreign films that’d be up your alley:
        Grotesque (a Japanese romance)
        A Serbian Film (a tender family drama)
        Murder Set Pieces (a light-hearted look at dating in Las Vegas)…

      • No thanks Thomas,
        I hate Japs and refuse to watch the little yellow sex offenders.

        Does it involve putting small octopuses up a ladies tuppence?
        They like that,
        The slit eyed deviants.

        Are the others “blueys”?

      • Ho ho, not blueys…but they are (in my opinion) the most disturbing and evil films ever made…brilliant!

      • Can’t say that I’ve seen that many Jap films, but I did enjoy ‘In the Realm of the Senses’, a bit of arthouse erotica from 1976.

    • When did you start eating hard boiled eggs again, Ron. After watching that Japanese film, which nobody else since have had the gumption to make.

  20. My observations when walking past a house and there’s continual flashings of light, it means someone with the merest concentration span, will be watching shite. I’m a cheeky sod.

  21. Very surprised that Harrison did the “Indy” role again. He must have been given shed loads of money. He’s no spring chicken, fucking stupid.

    • Wonder if Ron Ely is still alive?
      He was great as Tarzan.

      He got badly mauled by a tiger (for real) when filming.
      People were more relaxed about a stars safety back then.

      It always puzzled me about the little kid Jai who was Tarzans mate,
      What was a little Mexican kid doing in Africa?

      Anyway , it had the best opening credits ever.
      Check this out!

      https://youtu.be/7e4Ct_7otnQ

      • Ron’s still going.

        That was the best Saturday lunchtime TV in the 70s.

  22. Indiana Jones and the Steam off his Pissed in Pants. If it wasn’t bad enough they ruined Star Wars, now we have this. My earliest Cinema memories are Star Wars and the first Indiana Jones. Pure escapism with no agenda that just made kids dream, the magic of those films, the toys, the build up to the sequels. Now it’s woke infested liberal bullshit that lectures and browbeats. For fucks sake, we just want to escape the real world for a couple of hours, not be entertained by Joseph Goebbels love child.

  23. These modern day film directors are ruining cinema with lack of the master-shot, the closest you can get to reality, similar to a stage play. Its because actors can’t store the amount of dialogue like they used to for the stage, which continued on into early cinema. When there’s a conversation taking place in a scene these days, you know full well the actors aren’t in the same room together. Each individual actor will read their lines from a cue card then the scene will be spliced together to make it appear as though they are having a conversation. Not like the old days when they had them both in the master-shot. That’s why I prefer to watch old films.

    • If you think a few minutes of celluloid is difficult these days for a scene to take place. Take heart from Aleksandr Sokurov for filming Russian Ark in 2002 that lasts for 95 minutes, in one single take !!!

      Catch your breath and think about it.

  24. Cuckoos Nest, Taxi Driver, Cool Hand Luke, Midnight Cowboy, Goodfellas etc etc. Proper films for fucking adults. They don’t make ‘em like that anymore.
    By the time they went through all the trigger warnings all the dullards would have fucked off home.

  25. On the odd occasion i’ve been able to look at that bloody Kennedy woman without
    my crucifix getting in the way,
    she looks like a downs sufferer licking piss off a thistle.

  26. Rumour is Kennedy’s next film project is going to be Lizzo vs Godzilla.
    Two great fearsome massive beasts battling it out over Manattan.

    But I do know how it ends. Godzilla calls Lizzo fat, and she erupts in a gargantuan tantrum and her tears drown New York,

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