Slug disposal (3)

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Now, I know you lot are all keen gardeners, so this will be of interest.
You may remember a post I did last year regarding banning of slug pellets and ” alternative” methods of slug disposal, like putting cardboard down, that these unsightly and greedy fuckers crawl under. You then, supposedly lift the cardboard with all the slugs stuck to it, and what??

Anyway, here’s this year’s gem for dealing with the cunts, that are turning your hostas into lace curtains.
Eat a melon! Yes, that’s right.
Then what, shit on them? No.

You put the scooped out half melon skin on the floor. These delightful creatures flock to gorge on the sweet pulp, and you can easily dispose of them.

Again, as with the slug encrusted cardboard, how? Where?
Garden bonfire, maybe. Next door neighbour because you hate the smug twat?
Train them to do tricks and go on BGT? Gnaw my own arm off first.
Half a fucking solution, yet again!

Huff post

Nominated by Jeezum Priest.

60 thoughts on “Slug disposal (3)”

  1. Slugs like beer JP.

    They’re a bit like the French.

    Ugly, slimy,and will drink themselves to death.

    Put a bowl of ale out and the cunts will get that pissed they fall in and drown.

    Then throw them over the garden fence.

    I don’t bother about them.
    No pesticides in my garden.
    I’m very eco aware I am.

    • I’ll try that, Mis, but they’re getting the cheap shite from Lidl.

      I’m not pampering the ugly, useless things with good stuff.

      • Yeah, any old shite will do.
        They’re not fussy JP.
        Like Scotsmen in that regard.

        Although they like Doom bar if your buying?

      • Not for the slugs, no.

        Happy to treat you next time you’re thump, bang, fucking hell, is that my exhausting in Sheffield, though.

  2. Go out about half eleven, spear the cunts, then throw them in the compost bin and let nature take its course. It’s amazingly theraputic.

    Morning all.

  3. Mrs Bottler (the gardener in the family) chucks them in the brown bin.
    Calls them mini Dianne Abbotts.
    The council then takes them away every fortnight.
    Job done.
    Good morning.

  4. I remember when I was a lad, we used to tie slugs to bangers and then light it and throw it towards a rival gang. Bang, slug splattered urchins.
    Wonder what elf n safety would make of it these days…💥

  6. built a little pond a few years back. I now have loads of frogs and newts. They like to eat slugs and snails, so the problem has pretty much gone away.

    • I like to coat them in salt and watch them turn into snot.
      Cracks me up every time.

      • Indeed.

        A most rewarding pastime of an evening Geordie.

        I don’t try it often tho; don’t want salt getting in the soil.

  8. Slugs do love beer, 650 slimy buggers will be drinking taxpayer funded cheap beer all year round..

  9. OT. Regarding the Nottingham killings. Mental health issues have already been suggested on the BBC.
    Here we go again ?
    We’ll see.

    • Was it ‘a man’ again?

      Sounds like a right dangerous cunt with all those crimes he’s done.

      Half a shilling holy communion shoes song.

      • lolol, send the buggers back, all together now, I wanted fooking white ones but they sent me fooking black 🎵🎵

    • Also noted the evasiveness to confirm the cunts skin colour..

      Can’t think why..?

      Again.

      Oven.

    • If he’s a muzzer he is, by default, a mentalist.

      Look what has happened to GB in the last 60 years. Where the fuck are we going to be in the next 60?

      I fear for my grandkids.

      • CM, I know a woman that works with severely disabled kids. She reckons that at least 75% of them are the result of inbreeding.

      • Sadly it’s just what I expect from the media organisations that:
        Lied about Brexit.
        Misled the public about Trump and Russia
        Misled the public about Covid.
        Nottinghamshire police joined in as well, using an image of a white arm in cuffs on a media post.

        Fuck the media, fuck the plod.

    • Expect this story to be memory holed within days.

      An old woman who was an eye witness described the bastard responsible on Channel Four.

      All of a sudden Channel Four news online doesn’t even feature this mass murder as a news item at the moment.
      Too late you leftist treacherous appeasing cunts – the interview is on Twitter.

      It is fucking terrifying what is going on in this country.

      • BBC news have a clip available of this woman’s interview.

        They’ve cut out the part where she described him.

        Sorry to go off topic but this is a fucking scandal.

      • Just to get this out there:

        ‘A west African illegal immigrant with a history of violence’.

        Hope that clarifies the situation.

      • What a fucking surprise!
        Now he gets to stay in the UK, at our expense, for many years, which is exactly what he wanted.
        Bring back hanging!

    • Let’s use hhe SS way, 3 dead then 300 invaders will be burned to death in their 5*hotel.

  10. After I’ve rounded our slugs up they face a short hearing during which they are invited to provide their defence for their crimes against my garden before inevitably being sentenced to death by hanging. Its a bit labour intensive but I believe its fair.

  11. If you grow in pots, like I do. smear a continuous line of vaseline around the pot.

    Keep the little fuckers off the crops.

    As does the bag full of slug pellets my Dad gave me.

  14. I used to have this bald fuckwit cunt of a neighbour that I used to take great delight in tormenting after he passed me off a few times, and I hate slugs, so I killed 2 birds with one stone so to speak.
    when I found slugs eating my plants it was a short catapult trip for them to the white siding panels on the front of chrome domes house.
    the best bit is the carcases drying in the sun smell like Shammishittas knickers. so baldy, his horse faced Mrs and their affeminate teen used to get to enjoy that on a regular basis, even got one through an open bedroom window once…
    terrible I know, the cunt has moved now and good riddance to the cunt, but this fucker deserved it with bells on

    • Sis keeps a spatula handy, to flick the revolting things over the fence into next doors garden.

      She loathes her neighbour, who seems to think weeds are ornamental.

  15. A band of copper around pots and raised beds reacts with the slime.

    Works on dinghy riders in thunderstorms as well.

    I’m sorry but i only supplied the copper. God supplied the lightning.

  17. Bought a bottle of Slug Pellets 2 weeks ago off Chinazon, they seem to be working. Slugs were attacking a Basil plant which has since recovered admirably. Can’t complain. Will have to use it on my Lettuce once it emerges.

    From memory the old stuff was better( nuked and gone.) The new stuff is like a feeding regime you put out daily. Copper tape still helps though.

    • You were able to buy caustic soda on Amazon until not long ago, had a problem with the drains. Just have to use soda crystals now and they’re fucking shite. All because the rapey people like using it to attack people. Now my drains smell like the unwashed Just Stop Oil people. Fucking cunts.

  18. Used to race snails as a kid, mine was crap, always last.
    So i took his shell off to make him more aerodynamic.
    Didn’t work.
    If anything it made him more sluggish.

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