Selfish Cunts and Angry Cunts

Posted on by


Cunts come in all shapes and sizes, and with any amount of objectionable attributes. Earlier I had the misfortune to encounter two of the common or garden variety (whom I’ll label ‘Little Miss Selfish’ and ‘Mr Angry’) within the space of a couple of minutes when gardening. Allow me to elaborate.

Our front garden faces onto a narrow suburban road. On the opposite side from us, somebody had parked a bloody great Toyota. As I was finishing up, up comes a little old wifey in her car, and parks on our side, virtually opposite to the Toyota. Little Miss Selfish then gets out, locks the car, and starts up the road. ‘Erm, excuse me’, says I, ‘you’ve blocked the road’, at which point she inexplicably raises her arm and says ‘you should have my poor arm’ (don’t ask me what that had to do with anything). ‘Well it can’t be that bad if you can drive’ says I, ‘can’t you move along a bit?’. At which point she mutters something about ‘they can get through alright’ and shuffles off.

Ffs, you don’t need to be Nostrodamus to guess what happened next. Along comes a second cunt who sees that he can’t get through, and promptly leans on his horn for half a minute before leaping out and heading straight for me. ‘That your fucking car?’ he bawls, ‘ you need to fucking shift it!’. ‘Nope’ says I, ‘and before you ask, I don’t who owns the Toyota either’. ‘But it’s blocking the road!’ he rages. ‘No shit’ says I, ‘what do you expect me to do about it?’. ‘Well it’s outside your house, you should phone the police’ replies Einstein. ‘Good idea’ says I, ‘I’m sure they’ll come within the next week and tow it’.

By this time I’d had enough, so gathering up my stuff, I headed through our side gate and around into our back garden, leaving Mr Angry opening and closing his gob like a goldfish. So there you have it; two prime specimens of the genus ‘cuntus vulgaris’ in rapid succession. Some mothers don’t ‘alf ‘ave ’em, and the rest of us have to put up with the fact. Cunts.

Nominated by : Ron Knee

57 thoughts on “Selfish Cunts and Angry Cunts”

  1. You should have told him you’re just the gardener and the householder is Philip Schofield. Oh…..and that’s his bummer wagon on the other side of the road.

    • What really boiled my piss about these two cunts was their sense of entitlement.

      Firstly the little old lady thought it was perfectly alright to block the road to suit herself when she could easily have just moved a bit further along. She was so selfish that she just couldn’t be arsed.

      Secondly there was Mr Angry, who thought because HE was blocked, it was up to ME to do something about it.

      Low level cuntitude I’ll grant you, but a major piss off when you’re on the end of it.

      Fucking cunts the pair of them.

      Morning all.

      • You should have tested him with the garden rake Ron, only language these tests understand.

      • I would of spiked the bitchs tyre’s..

        available on ebay..

        Enjoy the three hour wait for the AA.

      • Good advice lads, but I’d probably have had the rozzers on my neck unfortunately.

      • The “sense of entitlement “ that is the biggest piss boiler for me. The cunts cannot see further than their own immediate interest, like you many of us have experienced this arsewipe behaviour.
        Not good, not polite fucking life wasting, kudos for keeping your cool Ron.

      • “…I would of spiked the bitchs tyre’s.. …”

        Aye, That’s how you do it. A few moons ago there was the annual fair on the common and as I was shifting into reverse to back into the last space within 200yards some cheeky bastard swept into MY fucking space!!! Cunt! Words exchanged but with a car load of kids and the missus wanting a day out it wasn’t the time to get lairy. I parked up in a nearby pub carpark and retrieved a pair of pop rivets and some 2″ plasterboard screws from me toolbelt in the back. ‘Twas but a moments work to wedge ’em under both the fucker’s back tyres… take the piss? well fuck around and find out y’ selfish prick.

  2. I had some twat shouting and swearing at my missus (I was the passenger, drink had been taken).

    After about 30 seconds of abuse I asked him nicely not to make me get out of the car. Cue What youse gonna do bout it, ay, ay? c’mon then, etc, etc.

    Ever the gentleman I thought it necessary to oblige, got out and as he was pansying around with his arms and hurling streams of abuse at me I smashed him in the mouth. The look of utter disbelief on his face was fckng priceless, how DARE anyone slap him, don’t you know who I am, all that shit, so, another smack. He wasn’t that thick as he realised he was onto a loser. I asked him to apologise to my missus, who was fckng raging (with me), he obliged, got back in his shitty Fiesta and fckd off.

    I suppose I’m lucky he didn’t try and stab me. Worthless scum, just fckng rodents.

  3. There is an ever increasing army of these arseholes, seems to be proportional to the decline in common sense shown by all sectors of the country.
    Everyone makes mistakes, but these wankers refuse to acknowledge theirs, dig in, and get violent.
    A land of gentlemen indeed.

    • You’re right So Long.

      Arseholing and shithousing seem to be a major growth industry in the UK. We could become world leaders in fact.

    • I like it Miserable!

      Funnily enough I used to be a neighbourwood watch co-ordinator many years ago in our old house. What a fucking waste of time that was.

      People used to phone me if they saw anything untoward, from somebody climbing over a wall into a garden, to cunts throwing litter about.

      ‘Phone the police’, I’d say. ‘Oh we thought you’d do that’, would inevitably be the reply. ‘I don’t want to cause any trouble’.

      Ffs, bone idle cunts would let you wipe their arses for them if they thought you would.

  5. A good one if some nob is shouting in your face, is to wave your hand up and down in front of your nose, pull a ‘pooey’ face in an action that obviously means that their breath stinks.

    For added effect say, “Fucking hell. Your breath fucking STINKS!”

    • “OF SPUNK” you might like to add, if you fancy getting into a fight.

      • Trouble is Thomas, most cunts are a lot younger and fitter than me these days!

        I’d end up getting a kicking!

      • “…Trouble is Thomas, most cunts are a lot younger and fitter than me these days!…I’d end up getting a kicking!…”

        There are circuits on the t’interwebs for scratch built low volt (5-10kV but still effective) tasers … erm… apparently…

      • Indeed they are, not that I, as a law abiding citizen, would possibly know where to purchase such a device.

    • If someone who is being aggresive gets close enough to my face for me to smell their breath, I find a good old fashioned head butt works wonders.

  6. Inconsiderate parkers are cunts.

    I have a big sign on the fence with my business name on it.

    Clearly for a removal van.

    Some fuckin nurses kept parking in my spot, I’d nowhere else to park!

    Little 2 door bag of shite car they could of parked anywhere.

    I blocked the cunts in for a few hours and didn’t answer my phone.

    I’m glad now I didn’t bang saucepan lids on my doorstep for the piss taking cunts!

    • Is there a little asterisk after your phone number, MNC?
      In little writing underneath it states “MNC Removals…we 𝓭𝓮𝓯𝓲𝓷𝓲𝓽𝓮𝓵𝔂 have a waste carriers licence, honest”

      • 😁😁
        I do have one Thomas,
        Only ever asked for it once when pulled over by plod.

        I’ve been lucky upto now , VOSA have never given me a tug,
        Removals men phone each other up and warn where they are!

        But my dad got fined a grand for being overloaded😁

        Wouldn’t let him leave till another van came to take half the weight off.

  7. I get it all the time when waiting for a taxi to take my shopping home. Fat bastards park in the pickup point area and have ludicrous replies to my questions of why ? I’ve given up on that. Now I park my full trolley load of shopping in the same place, leaving lazy cunts fucked without an excuse.

  8. I would have fucking loved that situation. I would have immediately stopped gardening, got a deck chair and a few beers and sat in my front garden to watch. Brilliant entertainment

    Cunt watching and the cause of their actions is a hoppy we should all covet when it happens

      • It’s that time of year, drivers acting like cunts. A bit of sun and they lose their minds. Windows open, shouting things at pedestrians, determined to inflict their crap music on everyone. People in general are cunts, driving a vehicle just gives them an opportunity to prove it.

      • Allan, I’ve had two people in two days do their best to smash into the side of my car in a ridiculous attempt to zip merge where there is no fucking room.

        At least one had the nerve to stick his head out after I gave him the Harvey Smith V and judging from the fucking beak on him I can only conclude he was some kind of Slavic peasant.

    • Sounds like a good reality TV show : Cunt Watch.
      Could run for years

  9. Should have phoned the pigs and said someone’s knocked on my door and said they saw a little old lady park outside your house, open the boot of her car and then was seen fiddling with some wires, batteries a clock looking device and chemicals, before shutting the boot and calmly walking away.

    Her poor little arm would be proper bent up if the pigs got hold of her and I’d stand by my window smiling and waving at her if that was me.

  10. We used to get this sort of shit in our area a couple of years ago, to the extent that buses couldn’t get by. Despite soooooooo many times of asking, people refused to move so the bus company stopped running the buses round the estate. Cue moans of despair and entitlement, bus company basically told them “fuck off, it’s your fault”. I hate Arriva but, in this instance, they were correct.

    • Only a total fuckwit sees a car parked on a narrow road and parks directly opposite even though the rest of the fucking road is empty. We have one intransigent old cunt round the corner. EVERYBODY on the rest of the road parks partially on the pavement. Not this old bastard, he’s got to be difficult and parks fully on the road. Now this road leads to a small industrial estate (in the middle of a housing estate, good planning that) and there is a school at each end and 44 tonners are a regular so I’m waiting for the day one takes his car out. I suspect there will be much giggling.

    • I never realised people actually lived in London…..I’ve always seen it as some souless place that people go there to pillage from other fucking idiots with more money than sense, and then once they’ve made thier money, fuck off out to the shires. To me London is a watering hole for people to plunder and fuck off.

      • Funny you should say that. I came home to a wife with a face like thunder today.

        On the 10th of June at exactly 04:05, some thieving cunt walked backwards up our front steps and nicked one of her hanging baskets right outside the front door.

        caught on doorbell camera.

        The filthy, thieving Europikey cunt.

        how do I know it was a Europikey?

        The back of his head was flat.

  12. Sometimes I wish I looked like Ronnie Kray in his prime. Not even saying anything to cunts like the two in the nom, just stand there and stare at them silently. Then hear the squeak of them slowly shitting themselves, moving the car and the other twat silently driving off. Wankers.

  13. The heat makes them mad and brings the Karen out in people. I find it hilarious.
    I can take a fair bit of heat after working outside for years, but many seem to lose it.

    The difference i’m usually prepared for hot weather as well. This stupid country seems to break in hot weather. No air con makes it worse for the less tolerant.

    For me the major problem is tree and grass pollen, but i can alleviate that with piriton and keeping a sun hat in the cool box.
    Road rage in summer months is part of British culture and a source of schadenfreude. If get mr or mrs angry shouting at you, laugh at them, and watch them go nuts, then leave them stewing when the lights go green and they stall their BMW or other Krautmobile.

    Wonderful.

    • I saw something in the paper a couple of days ago about solar panels not working properly because it was too fucking hot.

      Jesus I thought that was the whole idea with solar panels; you know, sun shines, they soak it up.

      Apparently a coal powered station had to be fired up to provide electricity as a result.

      Something for the ‘no fossil fuels’ brigade to think about (providing, of course, that they are capable of considering the matter rationally).

      • Fuck me, rational consideration? I remain to be convinced that they are even capable of independent thought.

      • Speaking of bizarre things not working in the heat, amazon emailed me to say they can’t deliver my coffee pods if the temperature is over 25 degrees!! WHAT?

      • Apparently solar panels on have a useable life of 25 years…after that they slowly degrade to a point they don’t produce anything and you can’t recycle them.

        So these cunts (and I include my neighbour in this) who have forked out £12k for solar panels, which apparently will take approximately 12 years before you start saving money, means that you will only save money for around the same time as its taken you to recoup your money…then you are back to square one, but with the additional cost of having to pay a fortune for an ‘approved contractor’ to remove your fucked panels and dump them in a hole in the ground…along with all the worn out blades from the windfarms…also, which cannot be recycled.

  14. There was one cunt of a neighbour that used to move my Honda CB-1, when he parked up his MR2, and fom outside my own home too. Cunt.
    After being out on the piss one night, I found the cunt had moved my bike yet again, so out came half a sliced loaf that went over his motor.
    As soon as it was light, every seagull in the area was pecking the fuck out of his car. Good job he was an insurance salescunt.

  15. A nice soft piece or two of fox shite rubbed into the air intake of the car so the small cube pieces fall deep (and irretrievably) into the air box below. Better than dog shite. The smell would overcome the old dear and she’d probably end up running into a traffic island.

    Oh, how we all laughed.

  17. Take a photo of an inconsiderately parked car and post it on parkslikeacunt.com
    I think that’s what it’s called.

  19. Last week some cunt in a Vauxhall parked on the double yellow lines near my house. On a blind corner.
    The cunt did it 3 days in a row so on day 3 I filled in a form on the council website and to my utter amazement within an hour a traffic warden appeared and ticketed the cunt. Job done I thought…

    But no. Today the cunt is back again parked in the same spot, so I filled in another form. Amazingly, the warden appeared within the hour and ticketed the cunt. Amazing. A system that actually fucking works. How novel.

    I walked up the road to check for a ticket and sure enough there it was under the wiper. Looking through the side window there was another ticket in the passenger foot well and another two in the pocket by the gear stick. None of these had even been opened from their yellow packets.

    What the fuck goes through these cunts heads apart from fresh air?!?

Comments are closed.