Programs about Devon and Cornwall

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Don’t get me wrong Devon and Cornwall are beautiful places but this is a cunting that’s been eating away at me for far too long now.

What is it with these ‘White’ bastards from London who infest the media and seem to think that regardless of how low the production value, stick Devon and Cornwall on it and it’s a winner, much the same as they used to say ‘stick a Labour red rose on a donkey in Yorkshire and they’ll vote it in’.

I thought ‘Cornwall with Caroline Quentin’ was a low point, it seemed to me she just wanted to brag about the fact she once lived there and knew it better than all of us Prols watching.

Then there’s that big fat fucking chef who’s on a march to diet then pile it all back on or maybe it’s the other way around and then make a program about whilst walking coastal paths – in Devon and Cornwall and laying on thick his West Country accent. He can fuck off,
fat cunt.

That said I don’t mind Rick Stein but it’s important to point out he’s not from Cornwall and is a descendent of the German Stein Brewery dynasty and his inheritance enabled him to indulge his passion to cook fish and chips in Padstow back in the early 70’s then charge more than the Light Brigade for the same shit 50 years on.

Then there’s Devon and Cornwall with Simon Reeve, Julia Bradbury, Miranda something or other, Micheal Portillo, Susan Calman (who the fuck is she) apparently a fat lesbo comedian and thats the funniest thing about her, because that’s the last thing the fat fuck is anyway to name just a few and of course you can be assured that at some point John Nettles will pop up narrating some shite voice over.

As I say I thought the low point was the Caroline Quentin gig but I didn’t bargain for ‘My Cornwall with Fern Britton’.

After watching 5 minutes of this utter shite it occurred to me that screwing a rusty nail into my temple very slowly would have been far less torturous.

It’s hard to describe how bad this shite was. But it sort of squared the circle for me.

There was a saving grace which was Fern posting pictures of herself in her 20’s and fuck me you would. Seriously. But alas the menopause and an inability to stop shoving cake into her gob has taken its toll.

Regardless Devon and in particular Cornwall is the poorest county in the U.K. I’d like to see Susan Calman or anyone of the above named cabal do a documentary on the Council Estates of Cornwall.

…..’this is Jethro, he’s from a place called St Buryan, Penzance to you and me, he’s not worked for the last 30 years but he calls himself a comedian, we on the other hand know better……..

Right. Got that off my chest.

Cornwall live

Nominated by CuntyMcCuntface.

82 thoughts on “Programs about Devon and Cornwall”

  1. It’s probably because in many ways this area of the country is like the old Britain we like to be nostalgic about. Ironic that these luvvies are all over it as they’ve helped make the rest of the country a third world crap hole.
    And even more because the people down there who have little cash are probably worse off than everywhere else as you say

  2. Cornwall is infested with celeb scum, Gordon Gecko London money types,
    And Hawaii 5.0 wannabe surfer mongs.

    I prefer the indigenous pasty shaggers,
    Webtoed miners and straw chewing smugglers of yesteryear.

    So I won’t be going there.
    I can get a cream tea in Buxton.

    Not that I would.
    I prefer chips&gravy

    • Do you put the gravy on the chips or the chips in the gravy? Which comes first? Wars have started over lesser issues.

      • How can anyone not understand that liquid is poured on solids.

        It’d be like putting tartar sauce on the plate, then adding the fish.

  3. What’s not funny about Susan Calman?
    She just got to appear on the screen and I’m laughing my tits off! Doesn’t need to say anything. What a fuckin’ sight.
    Then she starts her ‘presenting’ spiel and it gets even more hilarious.
    She has ‘presented’ two or three programmess this year – invariably travel programmes, so she must be real cheap – ‘cos she ain’t no fuckin’ good!
    Anybody ever seen her do a stand-up gig?

  4. Susan Calman is very ‘nice’. She goes visiting places and she’s very nice to all the people she meets.
    She giggles at her own feeble funnies but that’s alright because she’s nice. She doesn’t say anything original about the places she visits but she smiles nicely. Her lame comments are about her uncomfortable campervan accommodation and the weather. But it’s ok because she’s nice.
    What else you you want?

  5. Caroline Quentin had Martin Clunes up her fanny and Neil Morrissey in her mouth during a break in filming “Men Behaving Badly” in 1995. It might sound sexy, until you discover that Leslie Ash was to be seen violently pegging jug-ears Martin.
    Nowadays Caroline Quentin looks more like Mirian Margoyles:
    https://images.app.goo.gl/dgxRFMW2dyrrjFWv5

    • She’s always been ropey.
      She’s gone from a young frump to a middle aged frump that’s all.

      I always assumed she was a fish supper?

      Happier climbing trees or playing football?

    • AAAHHHH My eyes. Thomas you cad, I’m going to tell admin on you. Fuck me what a horror. I thought they’d dug mama Cass up for a moment.

      • That’s got me thinking about the fit bird from ‘The Mamas and the Papas’.
        Mama Cass literally looked like a fucking sea monster next to her.

      • Michele Philips Thomas.

        Right slag too!👍

        She was married to Dennis Hopper for about a week.

        Lovely voice,bit of a sly cunt.

        Whereas mama Cass was a genuinely nice lady, and very talented.

        Problem being she looked like a compost heap in a frock.

      • Cass and Denny were the talent. Proper singers. Papa John was a weirdo, fucking crackpot he was. And Michelle was a megaslag. Only Joni Mitchell and Grace Slick rivaled her in the hippy slapper stakes.

      • Mama Cass’s virtue was always safe at a hippy live-in.

        Normally relegated as a bean bag,
        Or they’d show a light show on her ample arse.

        The Grateful dead used to fill her belly button with water and use her as a bong.

      • Slick shagged every member of the Airlplane except Marty Balin. Joni had two thirds of CSN. And Stevie Nicks tops the lot. Lindsey Buckingham, Mick Fleetwood, Rod Stewart, Derek Taylor, Don Henley and many more. Hard to say what went up her chuff more, coke or knobs?

    • If Clunes and that scruffy cunt really did that to Quentin, they should be called Brave Men Behaving Badly.🤣

  6. Caroline fucking Quentin. Now starring as the feisty single mum. Also, see her in another series as errr the feisty divorcee single mum. And don’t forget her amazing performance as ummm the downtrodden gutsy single mum…

    Devon used to be nice. Until its hotels were filled with dinghy filth and apprentice rape gangg.

  8. It seems parts of Devon and Cornwall could go the same way as Sandwanks in Dorset, a mecca for rich bellends like ‘Arry Redknapp.

    Also beach huts for the price of a house in other parts of the country that you can only use seasonally and still pay the local council, still its probably funded by some Islington cheese knob downsizing their shoebox flat.

    • Arry bought his arse in 1971, they were cheap then and not trendy.
      Dread to think what the profit margin is…..

      • And was managing Bournemouth in the eighties in the old third division, so not too rich.

  9. I am currently in North Devon, not seen a mosque and the taxi drivers are English white bloke’s.

    This was England….🇬🇬

  10. Cornwall is swarming with wannabee wags or old people that somehow think they’re special compared to the rest of the UK.

    Money attracts them like flies round a cows arse. Cornwall is lovely but full of pricks.

    I’d rather buy some fried Chiggin in Saaarf London and get mugged down Coldharbour Lane by a crack head clucking for their next hit.

  11. There is nowhere in the world that isnt vastly improved by the accompaniment of a washed out fucking tosser off the telly.

    • Jane McDonald would get it. I like brassy northern birds with big tits.
      Back in the nineties I would’ve climbed on Fern Britton and Caroline Quentin. I was a randy little goat in my teens. If it had big tits I got a semi at the very least.

  12. Whose responsible for spelling programme incorrectly ? Always remember to add me on the end.

  13. At least the northern centric tv types who make outdoor programs have realised there’s a tad more to England than the Yorkshire dales or the Lake District.
    Don’t get me wrong, they’re beautiful places, but it’s been done to death.
    Then there’s the hairy bikers, who’d have us believe that there’s nothing edible south of Sheffield.
    I can see Devon and Cornwall going the same way as the above mentioned, not helped by the desperate choice of presenters and lowest common denominator scripts spouting cliche after cliche.
    Which reminds me of Clarksons Rotherham pisstake.

    https://youtu.be/mmT3WnMkE98

    • By the way and slightly off topic.
      Is anyone else waiting with baited breath for tonight’s The Repair Shop Windrush Special?

      • ” Muh flick knife won’t flick, ‘bro ! I ain’t stabbed no fuckah all week, innit ”

        Does this programme really exist ?

        Really ?

        Not a pisstake ?

        Fuck me drunk.

      • They will have to repair my tv screen if I watch that pile of grifting, box ticking shite.

      • Can you repair this jamaican pattie I dropped in your duck pond on the way to the barn?
        By the way the ducks are all laying on the grass drinking red stripe and listening to Judge Dread.

  14. I’ve been to Devon twice. Exeter for a university open day, foggy on the way there and dark on the way back so saw nothing. Then Exmouth for a wedding, dark both ways so saw nothing. Never been to Cornwall at all. Looks nice, too far to walk.

    • I like Cornwall.
      I like the Scottish Highlands, too.

      How about a compare and contrast programme, featuring Caroline Quentin as the presenter, of course.

      Or dog rough areas of Sheffield, compared with fucking Fulwood, Dore and Totley.

      She’d need an armed guard in Pitsmore.

  15. Devon and Cornwall pedantic scone botherers, no one’s cares about which goes first jam or cream.

    • exactly and no cunt cares whether it’s scowne or sgone. shite horrible things. waste of dried fruit.

      • Also drier than an OAP’s fanny.

        The only thing that makes scones edible is jam, cream and butter, sliced like cheese, on the fucking thing.

      • melting butter and cheese makes them pretty edible, but even with cream and jam, the sweeter ones need a gallon of tea, not that i eat many scones at my age. More of a Lamb Madras, double quarter pounder fish and chips and twelve cans of lager man myself.

        *PARP*

  16. I have an idea for a new Cornish themed tv show – Car Park Wars.

    Various Cornish car park pirates battle it out to see who can get away with the most outrageous car park prices to fleece the grockles.

    “ Wanna perk ere’ do ee – soxty poonds”

    I’m sure Ron Knee Productions would be interested.

    • Ever heard of the Cornish pasty company?

      Like the Mafia but deal in baked goods.
      Mainly pasties 😁

      About 10 year back,
      My missus was quite ill.
      Very delicate.
      I took her to the lake District for a weekend to cheer her up like.

      We pulled up at the services and there was a van for said firm,
      Advertising on a little canopy above the serving hatch.
      And I said
      ” Anyone want a pasty?

      3 yes’s.
      (No, my missus doesn’t stutter
      Me mam an dad were there)

      So I ordered 4 pasties.

      “That’ll be just £34 please”
      Sorry?
      “£34 please
      Think you’ve got the wrong order luv.
      Mine was just 4 pasties.
      “Yes,£34, 4 pasties.
      Fuckin ell!! You sure?!!
      Cunt just stared.

      I couldn’t kick off.
      My old mam and dad
      My poorly missus.
      That cunt in the van doesn’t know how close she came to having that service hatch repeatly slammed on her nut,
      The robbing twat.

      I still get upset about it.

      So fuck Cornwall.
      I’m glad those London yuppies are taking your houses you bunch of piss takers.

      • if I paid that for a pasty it would need to be stuffed with a class A filling. fuck my old boots

      • I was fuming Mr Thompson.😡

        A painful memory.
        Every mouthful tasted of shame.

        But I couldn’t upset my missus.
        I’d of chopped my fuckin hand off before upsetting her at the time.

        But I’ve held a grudge.
        Next time I see one,
        I’ll let that advertising hoarding smack my head or trip over the sign.
        Sue the cunts.😁

        I’ll not leave there till put on the air ambulance, grinning on the spinal board.

        I want interest on that 34quid.

      • I hope you gave him a tip mis.

        Anyway I heard the pasty was invented in Devon first,and the six fingered freaks copied it.

    • ‘grockles’

      That was the word I was trying to remember the other day.

      Not to be confused with ‘groakers’, or half of my extended family.
      ‘you finished eatin’ that?’
      I’ve only just opened the fucking lid!

      Cheers MMCM.

  17. Used to have a pasty van at the beach, like an ice cream van, but hot pasties.

    They were fucking excellent!

      • Oh, Mis, Cornish cunts, but before they became cunts, and called you’re Mum “maid” when she went to the van for lunch.

      • Well they can shove their pasties up their arse now.

        Probably £34 each now with inflation?!

        Besides, can’t beat a Holland’s meat & potato pie.

      • Sounds a bit foreign to me, Miserable.

        Better off with a Fray Bentos steak & kidney meat pie – new improved recipe!

        33% more meat!

      • Now you’re talking creampuff, extra goat.

        I’m gonna live up to my stereotype, can’t be a Gregg’s steak slice 👍

      • Has anyone tried playing the Fray Bentos ‘Meat’ Pie as an instruument?
        Lots of pipes and tubes to blow when cooling off a forkful.

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