Exaggerated Sneezing


This has annoyed me for bloody years and years but it only just occurred to me to cunt it. I freely admit that I am easily annoyed by other people. However, by way of compensating for this, I try not to be socially disgusting or annoying.

When I sneeze, I hold it in as much as possible so I just twitch and make a sort of flat grunt when it comes out. I think this is being considerate to others, although it does feel like my eyes are going to fall out sometimes. It probably spreads less germs as well, when done like this.

By contrast, I seem to be surrounded by cunts who make a full-on production of it, making it as loud as possible, sometimes unbelievably loud, and flailing their arms about whilst doing it, “AAAAA-CHOOOOOOO!!!!” and all that fucking shit. It seems to be popular with fat cunts and those cunts who think they should have been a comedian, but success has strangely evaded them.

It’s never just once either, you get three or four in a row, then just when you think it’s OK to come out from under the table, they let rip with another one. I swear I am going to deck the next cunt that does this right behind me, thankfully I don’t have a weak heart.

Maybe it is all the “bless you” cobblers that they enjoy, they do say any attention is better than none.

Nominated by : Mary Hinge

49 thoughts on “Exaggerated Sneezing

  1. Sorry Mary.

    You would hate me.

    I love a good sneeze.

    I am considerate in as much as I wouldn’t deliberately be an obnoxious cunt and sneeze all over people in a confined space but by God do I enjoy letting out a loud exaggerated sneeze whenever I do get the chance.

    Altogether now…..Aaaaaaahhhhh CHOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

    • Morning HJ…fucking right. And I have the added whinge of having terrible hayfever so have sneezing fits of 20 pissing minutes or more, does my swede in. My colleagues must hate it, but tough shit.

    • Haha, yes agreed Herman. I have a super loud sneeze, although I don’t purposely do it. It just happens, usually without warning.
      Although even if I feel it coming on, I never try to suppress it, I just let rip with full force. Waste of a good sneeze otherwise. But never over other people though, that is true cuntishness.

  2. I would also do the same in public and soften the blow. Whereas indoors, I live alone and let rip for the pleasure of.

  3. I remember an incident in the PE changing rooms at school where a half naked (except for a towel) larger than life character school mate was being a cunt by sneezing and snotting all over people trying to be a clever cunt.

    Anyways – our PE teacher who was a foul tempered retired rugby player happened to walk in and caught him in the act.

    All I remember is seeing his naked arse being dragged and kicked all over the shower area much to everyone’s amusement.

    Great days.

  4. I am a very considerate sneezer. I always cover my face when exploding one out.
    Mrs Twatt, on the other hand, doesn’t and that’s how she passed bat flu on to me earlier this year, the bitch.
    Is this grounds for divorce? Or justification for homicide? Could any legally-qualified cunters advise me?

  5. With this godawful summer and all the pollen in the air,
    I sneeze more often.

    I do it like I make love.
    Loudly and quickly.
    And don’t care if it bothers anyone else

    I don’t try and stifle or disguise it.
    Don’t cover my face.
    I spray airborn COVID and droplets of snot in a 10ft arc.

    People don’t like it?
    Wear a astronaut helmet and fuck off.

  6. I love a good sneeze, me.
    Like a good shit.
    But not in public.
    Good morning.

  7. I like a good sneeze, you have to take your little life pleasures where you can, a nice reliving fart or a good belch 😂

  8. You’d hate me, Mary. I like to deliberately make myself sneeze. I put cotton buds up me nostrils to set myself off.

    Do a proper “AAAAAAAAAAAAACHHHHOOOOOO!” and all. All over me T shirt, usually. It sets off a ten minute sneezing fit. I fucking love it.

    I wanted to know if this was a thing and I found somewhere it was believed to be a sexual kink or summat.

    Fucking right p e r vert me.

    • Apparently sneezing produces endorphins, which create a sense of pleasure (same as, but less intense than, an orgasm).

      You’re on to something here Cunty.

      • Aye. Snot isn’t the only sticky liquid flying out of my body when I sneeze a lot.

      • Wasn’t there some woman on That’s Life years back who couldn’t stop sneezing?

        I bet her knickers were wetter than an otter’s pocket.

  9. Had an English teacher, sixty years ago, in his class one day one of the girls sneezed and did the full-blooded, loud, authentic “atishoo” noise. Teacher’s immediate response; “Affectation, pure affectation!” Took that on board, always stayed with me.

    • We had a geography teacher that had really bad dandruff – like so bad every time he sneezed it looked like someone had shaken a snow covered evergreen tree and snow had settled around his shoulders.

      It was one of the only classes I rushed to get to so that I was not having to sit at the front of the class in case his flakes landed on me.

  10. I recall a regular in a pub I used to go to did this, messing about, and shit himself. The look on his face was priceless.

  11. Always say ‘Bless you’

    ‘It was believed that sneezing was the way for the body to rid itself of the devil’s evil influences.’

  12. The consequences of trying to hold off a noisy sneeze are horrible.

    You might end up with a huge amount of snot hanging out of your nose, looking like a used condom.

    In severe cases you might shit yourself.

    If you feel like you will sneeze and you don’t want to then bite the tip of your tongue until it hurts.

    The nerves from the tongue will shut down the need to sneeze.

  13. I violently disagree with this Nom. I sneeze with abandon. Yes putting my whole body into it. I especially like those ones that don’t come straight away and you inhale and and inhale and catching your breath till finally is catches and you sneeze. Such joy! Such release!
    I can’t stand women that do that snivelling little sneeze. Their little hand over their nose and mouth.

    • There’s some bird in my office who does that, her sneeze sounds like a mouse squeak.

  14. I used to take my mask off a couple of years ago and pretend to sneeze in supermarkets, was fucking priceless.

  15. Can we include loudly blowing your nose whilst in a cafe or resuarant??

    Cunts that do that really fucks my wife off.

    • I reckon that fucks most people off Chuff. Pure bad manners.

      Even worse is cunts holding their nose and snorting their snot straight onto the pavement, or gobbing in the street. Esp. when you’ve got flu and Covid around.

      It might just be me, but when I’m unfortunate enough to witness these shameless actions, the perpetrator tends to be, shall we say, of a certain persuasion…

  16. Covid robbed me of the fun of tapping my finger on a mate or my brothers shoulder, them turning round and me sneezing in their face. Fuck it, I might start up doing it again, life’s too short.

  17. Lady C does – really fucking annoys me. I get her back by forcing out any farts.

  18. When i get hayfever, not so much now i am fifty bizarrely, i used to get really hungry that i would have to eat pronto. The sneezing behind someone trick with a trigger spray water bottle is the best thing ever, right cunt me.

  19. I read once that a bloke in Australia sneezed so violently that he blew out a portion of the frontal cortex of his brain thus rendering himself a vegetable.

  20. my late Grandad would do 12 or 13 sneezes on the bounce one after the other, never heard anyone do anything similar since he died!

    • My grandfather did that too, usually about 10 sneezes in a row, not especially loud ones, something like heehoooo!!!

  21. I wish I had COVID again and could sneeze all over Boris and watch him wheeze. In fact, I would round up everyone that had COVID bad and ask them to sneeze on him, a kind of bukkake COVID party.

    He’s a uber cunt’s cunt, the Grandmaster Flash of Cunt, Cunt of the Universe and even though I despite his trollop looking, buck toothed pig of a wife, I’d doggy style her in front of him just for a laugh and poke my finger into her bottom for an extra squeal.

    When will this odious, genetic pool of slop and fuck off, he’s damaging (not that they need much) our Govt. country and English values, and is making himself look like a used condom that’s be turned inside out for sloppy seconds.

    Just do everyone a favour and fuck off.

    • Seconded.
      Except I wouldn’t place my burning phallus anywhere near anyone Johnson had been up.

  22. Thought I was the only one hates cunts which make a meal from sneezing loud.
    Honestly it’s a pet hate.

  23. I love it when some quiet mild mannered sneeze in a quiet pub and try to stifle it but a massive loud fart booms out across the bar and it goes really silent and then cunt starts to snigger, normally me because I’m a right childish cunt like that.

  24. Have to take issue with this cunting as I am afflicted with horrendously loud sneezing. I wish it wasn’t so but I honestly can’t do anything about it…

  25. Sneezing is normal in hay fever season. To reduce it, keep away from traffic fumes and meadows. Live by the sea like me.

  26. A truck carrying 40 tonnes of Vicks Vapor Rub has overturned on the Sydney Harbour Bridge…..fortunately the Police say there is no congestion….!

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