A nomination for Poncing

Posted on by

 

Ive known a few ponces in my time.
They were friends until they began that treacherous slide toward poncedom.

‘Uh, mate, I can’t really get a round in. I left my wallet at home.’
‘uh, mate, is it okay to borrow a tenner for some dinner?’
‘Uh mate, I need to like borrow money for upgrading my computer/spaffing on nerdy tat because I’ve blown my month’s pay on drinking with my real mates and need to keep the rest for a bit of food and the leccy’
‘Uh, mate, can I scrounge/scab/borrow a fiver for the train?’
‘Uh, mate, before you visit the flat, can you nip to sainsburys and buy us snacks and some wine for this evening.. yeah, the missus has got money and ive got about two quid on me at the moment… can you get a book of stamps as well.. we’ve run out’.
‘Uh, mate, can I be cheeky and ask you for a favour.? Can you paint/draw signs for my kid’s school fete?… Oh, pay? but you like art and you’ve already got all the gear’.’
‘Uh, mate, can i use/borrow your van/tools to move my mate’s shit from his garage to his new flat/council tip? I’ll give you petrol money…’
‘Uh, mate, can I jget a lift to Brighton because my girlfriend’s car is at the garage?. I’ll pay you petrol money this time…’.
‘Uh, mate, can I just use your toilet for a massive shit?..Yeah i’ll flush it this time’
‘Uh, mate, csn you just bend over so I can screw some more money, time, petrol, tools, food, drink and labour out of you?’

It’s less the asking and more the creeping sense of entitlement once you do lend them money, do them a favour.

I’m done with them. Sadly my poor mum has been used by ‘friends’ and relatives on my dad’s side throughout her life because she is a helpful soul. Sometimes I will tell her she’s being taken for a mug. It’s not something I like saying to my mum but phrasing it harshly is sometimes all that prevents her from bring exploited by whichever ponce is asking for ‘just a little favour..’

get fucked you indolent, entitled, ungrateful parasites. and that’s just her in-laws/my dad’s siblings and mother.

Do cunters have tales of barefaced poncing they wish to share?

Nominated by Cuntamus Prime.

94 thoughts on “A nomination for Poncing”

    • My niece. I bailed her out a few years ago to the tune of nearly £600 but did not chase her for repayment as she was in dire circumstances. Last month lent her £200 until she got paid and haven’t heard from her since.
      Don’t get me wrong, I love her, but I will no longer be the Bank of Uncle.

  2. “Can you bury this child’s body on your island, Jeffrey?”
    “Sure I can, anything for my royal pal”

  3. The story goes that Lemmy got his nickname at school because he was always saying ‘lend me a quid til Friday’.
    I suppose ‘lend me your bird for a shag’ would have been more appropriate for him later in life.

  5. Agreed CM, nasty little parasites.

    I once paid a mate 10 grand up front to renovate a house. Been mates 30 years, never a hint of knutishness.

    He spent around 1500 quid on materials, ripped the entire house to bits, dumped everything in the back garden and was never seen again. Blocked me on phone and Whatsapp etc.

    Harsh lesson but… Don’t trust ANYONE.

    • This man? was (is) a CUNT of the highest order …
      I hope he dies a horrible death.
      I expect you do too.

      • TBH Cass I would literally have trusted him with my life at one point. It was such a shock. If he needed money all he needed to do was ask.

        I don’t know wtf happened to him, but a completely, previously totally unseen side of him was on display.

        The love of money is the root of all evil.

  6. Where I live, a ponce is to be an effeminate/fruity gentleman who is probably over obsessed with his appearance.

  7. If they’re your ‘friends’, it should only work once. They should cease being friends when they don’t pay up. If it works twice it’s your fault.

    • The best way to get rid of scroungers is to ‘lend’ them a small amount of money.

      Always a tiny fraction of what they ask for because it’s all I’ve got on me at the moment. Say £20.

      Guaranteed you’ll never see them again.

      This works particularly well for people you never actually want to see again.

  8. Nadine: “can you get me a peerage”
    BlowJo: “Of course, nosh me like you did last night and it’s yours”
    Nadine: nosh nosh – swallow
    BlowJo: “Consider it done”
    Rishi: “You didn’t nosh me, so I am removing you from the list, if you don’t like it, tough”
    Nadine: “I won’t resign until I know the real reason and besides, I don’t like dark meat Rishi so would never nosh a Tandorri chicken kebab”

    • I am surprised – it’s not a bad word, just a good description for:

      A man who lives of an escorts earnings
      OR
      Seek to obtain something without paying

  10. My mother is the type who has been taken advantage of in the past with scrounging and borrowing of money. From family members naturally.

    I’m sick to death of telling her not to give the cunts a penny but she doesn’t listen.

    I have a particular relative who recently got married despite not having a pot to piss in.
    White wedding and shite do/reception afterwards. Even though it was a load of absolute shite I attended out of some kind of sense of duty or whatever.

    I found out that she’d owed my mother a couple of hundred quid for better part of a year.

    She only coughed up after receiving a fairly substantial amount of cash in cards from the guests.
    I even witnessed the work shy free loading cunt sifting through the cards at the reception to see how much money she’d been donated.

    Fucking sponging money grabbing cow. Family eh. Overrated if you ask me.

    Good nom.

    • A reverse p*nce is my brother in law.

      Each Xmas and birthday this fat, tight arsed cunt gives our kids and his sister (my wife) the cheapest present he can get his hands on, usually consisting of some £5 tat, while on his ‘list’ is always something for at least £20.

      Each time there’s a family gathering (which, I have to ensure I have a fat hangover for beucase it’s depressing) and the whole family are asked to contribute some food towards to make the mother in law’s life easier (I keep saying stop these meet ups and your life will be easier) this cheap, fat kebab bellied cunt brings packets of crips from the local corner shop. You know the type, some random European brand with €0.50 on the packaging, but it’s OK – he brings two packets so how dare anyone moan.

      Mugsy here always tries to not be so cheap, so I usually make a nice pasta dish, or something similar. Next time I will make a cold pasta dish and mix it up using my bell end that I will deliberately not wash for a few days. Add a new dimension to cheesy pasta, eat it up fat boy – yum.

  12. ‘Neither a borrower or lender be’
    ‘Shakesoeare said that’
    My mother always said.

    Are you the borrower if you’re asking for money? But we say ‘can you lend us a tenner?
    Always confused me.

    Switch it to the opposite. I have a miser friend. He inherited money. But only buys bargains. Even his food is what sold cheaply at the end of the day.
    Kids go to private school and treat him with contempt.

      • Got it…a bit…Herman.

        But shouldn’t it be then-‘Friends, Romans, Countrymen borrow me your ears’.

  13. Owt for nowts,
    Tapping cunts,
    Can’t get a round in cunts,
    Sob story for everything cunts.
    Steer clear.

    Cokeheads , gambling degenerates, bullshitters,
    All with a hand held out.

    Your a fool if you suffer them.

    I’ve got a go fund me page for raising awareness of this.

    Miserablesholidayfund.co.uk

    • Never a borrower nor a lender be; unless you can compound interest at 20%.

  16. Good cunting, Primey. I loathe póncës, whether they be lazy dole-bludgers, Dinghy Invaders, EastEuro Dooshkas, Nîgetian spongers, benefit cunts pretending to be disabled, or just the blanket-clad, spitty beggars festooning the streets now the warm weather’s arrived.

    They’re all scú mmy rats.

    • Don’t forget members of Parliament captain.. Premier league ponces one and all.

  17. “ I’ll pay you Tuesday, for burger today”
    I thank Popeye,for the early education regarding chancers.

    I smell them at from 50 paces ahead.
    I give the odd tapper on the streets a few bob now and again because I know they are not cunts but fucked by circumstances,but the cunts who try and put a saddle on me for a loan of this that and the other, fuck em , the mane bastards neighbours,friends , friend of friends that they are.
    They get the it (the message) quite quickly and move on to another soft touch

      • Alright Mis, me Ould Comrade.
        I culled myself from ISAC a good while back and even didn’t drop in the odd time, I just stopped, not because of shite, cause I love the banter. I dunno why but i was spending way too much time online, youtube, conspiracy and the like.
        I felt that I was slipping into the abyss of information and slowly going mad (the booze wasn’t helping either)
        Refreshed from the breath of fresh air.
        Dont worry, anyone inhere can still call me a cunt, Ha hah he he he

      • Glad you’re ok pal👍

        Nice to see you back

        Ps
        In the spirit of the nom can I borrow £20?
        😁

        Pps
        Not really, Ive dipped the wife’s purse!

      • Put it back in the purse quickly before she finds out and Ill send you over a postal order for a tenner but you owe me twenty right.

    • How did you break the generational curse, Mecuntry? It’s genetic with us, the urge to give the shirt off our back to any old bleeder. Or at least give a ham sandwich and sup of tea.

      My ma was like Mrs Doyle on overdrive.

  19. https://www.google.com/search?q=monty+python+lend+me+a+fiver&client=ms-android-xiaomi-rvo3&sxsrf=APwXEdf0GMpZPQN5ly4JsgcTobq06QWPEA%3A1686848763441&ei=-0SLZOaeFZOy8gLijpzYBA&oq=monty+python+lend+&gs_lcp=ChNtb2JpbGUtZ3dzLXdpei1zZXJwEAEYATIGCAAQFhAeMgYIABAWEB4yBQghEKABMgUIIRCgAToHCC4QigUQQzoKCAAQigUQsQMQQzoNCAAQigUQsQMQgwEQQzoHCAAQigUQQzoFCC4QgAQ6BQgAEIAEOggIABCKBRCRAjoHCAAQgAQQCkoECEEYAFCqAViQDWDIGWgAcAF4AIABjASIAbwOkgELMC4xLjMuMS4wLjGYAQCgAQHAAQE&sclient=mobile-gws-wiz-serp#

  20. On the scrounging front, has anyone else noticed that no worthless piece of shit ever sidles up to you in the street and asks to ‘borrow’ a cigarette anymore?

    Possibly something to do with cigarettes now costing £16 a pack and the instant ‘Get fucked!!’ response this request will receive.

    • Had that last week in the town centre, waiting to meet up with the Lass.
      Lit a fag and immediately the woman ( not sure, very androgenous) siddles up to ask if I can spare a cig.
      ” No”
      Off it shuffled. I had Younger with me, built like the proverbial brick shithouse, tats and shaved head. Looks like a right berserker!

    • Funny but a couple of times recently I’ve had some grubby low life (one male, one female) come straight up to me, with what they no doubt believed was a disarming smile, greeted me like a long lost friend and asked if they could ‘borrow’ a quid.

      In both cases, my response of ‘and how will you pay me back?’ was greeted by a vicious sneer and a grunt of ‘fuck off!’.

      Charmed, I’m sure.

      Evening all.

      • Just say “No”, Ron.

        Of course, it helps if you have a thug-a-like person, stood next to you, making a low, growling noise, as I did.
        Funny really, Younger’s soft as shite, they’d have been in more danger from the Lass.

      • Evening Ron. Evening Jeezum.

        I am off to Daneland for the weekend to see the Viking child.

        If Techno is reading this, fancy a beer in KBH?

  21. Don’t forget members of Parliament captain.. Premier league p@nces one and all.

    • Yes and let not forget those Champions League standard cunts in Brussels, who ponced to the tune of billions a year off the UK for donkey’s.

      They didn’t refer to the UK as ‘treasure island’ for nothing, the ubercunts.

      • It’s ages since I’ve walked down a high street,
        But last time I did it was full of tapping cunts.

        No, not Fred Astaire and Ginger Roger,
        Chuggers, homeless, people in need of bus fare .

        Scavving twats.

        “Any spare change mate?”

        Yes I’m fine thanks.

        ” Could you spare 50p I’ve got to get a bus as my mum’s in hospital?”

        Nope, give your mum my best wishes.

        ” Do you know in Africa a child dies every 3 minutes from malaria?”

        Yes, I do.
        I fully support malaria.

        “Hungry and homeless !!”

        Jobcentres that way pal.
        Graveyard that way.

    • I’ve just been modded as well PC.

      No idea why, it just happens for no apparent reason.

      • I often have posts that get moderated although for the last few days not too many. Sometimes some of my posts will (still) disappear.

        It could be that the Gods of Cunting are fickle and work in mysterious ways.

      • I got modded for using the word p@nces.

        When the nomination uses that word multiple times..

      • Its the AI Algorithm’s Ron, they are everywhere.
        “now open that fucking hatch Hal 9000, you cunt of a left-hander”

  23. @Cuntamus Prime

    ‘Uh, mate, are you a latter millenial/zoomer?’
    ‘‘Cuz, mate, your friends all talk like millenial/zoomers…. like.”

    • I’m in the magical limbo world between Gen X and Millennial.

      Sadly there are a lot of millennials in my former social circles, but to my knowledge no zoomers. Perhaps they were just developmentally arrested?

      • I’m old, and don’t understand what zoomers, Gen X or Millenniums are.

        Would someone care to enlighten me?

      • @ jeezum, Gen X an MilleniMamas suffer inside of themselves, playing victim while glued to the response from the followers.

        “follow me down”

      • Ah!

        Self identifying “victims”

        “It’s your fault I’m ugly/unsuccessful /alone/jobless” etc. because YOU won’t give me money, bleat, bleat, wah, wah!

        Gotcha!

      • @Cuntamus Prime

        I also fall in that bracket:

        – Born between 1976 and 1983/1985 therefore straddling Generation X and the Millennial Generation AKA “Xennials” (micro-generations are a thing now apparently).

        Alternatively known as “the Star Wars Generation” this explains why I identify more with my older Brother’s 1970’s generational mindset than with the insufferably-cunty mindset of my actual generation; the “millennials”.

        I fucking hate millennials. I also like boomers so I think that makes me kind of unique in that regard.

      • @Jeezum

        Gen X -Those born between mid sixties and beginning of the eighties. They hit their teens around the time MTV began and sometimes called the MTV generation.
        Millennials – Those born between early eighties and mid nineties. The children of boomers.
        Zoomers – born between mid nineties and mid noughties, the zoomers are the first to have grown up with the internet.

      • @TITS

        Yeah definitely of the Star Wars generation, perhaps the younger side as I find many mid-millennials didn’t really notice it.

  24. A former flatmate in my mid-20s. Covered his deposit and first month’s rent as he was “skint”. Cost me about EUR 1,000 at the time.

    The cunt had plenty of money to shove gear up his nose, though. The look on his face when I came back from work early one day and caught him and his tart racking up big fat lines on the kitchen table.

    I never saw a cent of it back, I can’t stand druggies.

      • How I didn’t, I have no idea. But I did tell his employer he’s a user.

    • I don’t mind a bit of casual drug use…….. I just can’t fucking stand junkies and I hate drug-dealers even more.

      Drug dealers are parasites.

      Change My Mind.

      • Nothing to change your mind about, Two. Way back when, I used to be very partial to a pill and staying up for three days listening to Drum ‘n Bass.

  25. For the people saying I was a fool for allowing this behaviour, I wasnt.

    I was a fucking fool, and hopeless liberal twat. It’s amazing what leaving college teaches you in the intervening years.

    • On that note would you like to adopt a west African mentalist, needs about 100 grand for a good brief, and then a life time of psychoanalysis.

      Oh go on, think of the likes you will get on twitter.

      • I woukd adopt the cunt. keep him locked in a brick outbuilding on the uncle’s land. 45-50 minutes from London
        Everytime Just Stop Oiks or Ext. Raah-bellion have a protest, send him off in a van with the promise of rum, piri piri chicken and fat white chav bird on return.

    • Some people take advantage of others good nature and generousity.

      Look at it this way,
      Least you found the measure of someone.

      There’s people in my life if they asked I’d borrow money too.

      There’s others I’d refuse.

      Not everyone is a slimy fuck.
      But a lot are.

    • What was it someone once said

      “I used to think my Dad was an old fool, now I’m an adult myself, I’m amazed how wise he was”

      Paraphrased, but that’s the gist.

      • When I was 18 I thought my dad was an idiot. When I was 22 I was amazed how much he’d learned in 4 years.

  26. My family are the worst, specially Elder, nearly 50 and tapped me for a grand last week, no idea when/how she could pay it back.
    I’ll right it off, have to wait a bit longer for the new sofa, is all.

    And rewrite my will.

    • Norman did.

      As a kid in the 70s I went Old Trafford a few times.
      I liked Gordon McQueen.

      R.I.P

      • Gordon didn’t discriminate. He even punched his own goalie 😀 hahaha.
        The seventies were brill.
        Evening MNC / All 👍

    • Rock solid Blondie fucker, remember him well, even though (dont kill me) I was a Liverpool fan.
      God be with the days and Gordon

  30. There are plenty of people I’d like to loan bullets to interest free and wouldn’t want them back. Payback time was at the beginning. Prefer doing things in reverse order.

Comments are closed.