Pantry Porn

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Pornography. There’s an awful lot of it about. Just go on the internet, and the sheer volume of it will burn out your laptop if you aren’t careful. I’ve seen it all, or at least I thought I had…

Then the other day I came upon something called ‘pantry porn’. Now before any of you lot start, let me quickly point out that this doesn’t involve getting your other half into a cupboard and slowly rubbing her down with warm olive oil (not that this of itself lacks appeal). No, it’s something far more outlandish and kinky than that. Pantry porn is a name that’s been given to the shocking fad of *gasp* posting pictures of your well stocked and ordered larder on social media for others to see.

By now some of you may have guessed that pantry porn is yet another loony contruct stemming from America’s deranged culture wars, and you’d be bang on the money. It’s the thesis of a giant of American academia, one Dr Jenna Drenten, who lectures in marketing or some such useless shit at Loyola University, Chicago. I’ll let Dr Drenten spell it out in her own words;

“Cleanliness has historically been used as a cultural gatekeeping mechanism to reinforce status distinctions based on a vague understanding of ‘niceness’; nice people with nice yards in nice houses make for nice neighbourhoods. What lies beneath the surface of this pro-niceness stance is a history of classist, racist and sexist social structures”.

According to Drenten, looking at pictures of a clean, nicely organised pantry thereby equate with viewing pornography. She calls these images ‘pantry porn’. Struth, who’d have thought it? A sexist and racist pantry. And who’d have thought that people can actually get themselves a tidy little sinecure in cloistered academia in order to come up with this piffle?

Meanwhile out in the real world, people are doing real jobs like collecting refuse and driving buses and trains, nursing the sick, producing food to feed us, and energy to light and heat homes and businesses; you know, the sorts of essential tasks that enable academics to sit in ivory towers and churn out worthless shit.

Here’s an idea Dr Drenten. Why don’t you get a real job and contribute something of actual value to the world? Just a thought…

Daily caller

Nominated by Ron Knee.

A racist Pantry, whatever next? CA.

96 thoughts on “Pantry Porn”

  1. I really can’t get over some of the shit that is classed as ‘research’ and which people get actual money for.

    • the grievance industrial complex is alive and well (coined by Dr Doug Stokes)..

  2. Racist pantry?

    Bananas organise themselves..
    A right bunch in America.
    Not very ap”pealing”

  3. Commonly known as the war cupboard, full of tinned treats and deliciousness, so not a new thing.

    • I’ve been doing this for decades.

      It really turns me on.

      I started by sending pictures of my immaculate larder stocked with Bovril, Bisto,
      Yorkshire tea, baked beans and Bakewell tart to Ethiopians in the 80s.

      Then the same with celebs with anorexia during the 90s.

      My larder door is painted Farrow and Ball Elephants breath.®

      Hinges, wrought iron by a artisan blacksmith.

      It’s divine.

      Much nicer than any of yours.

      I have taste you see!

      You can’t buy taste.

      • Ethiopians don’t need bovril, they have hot bison piss straight from the horses mouth… sorry bisons pizzle.

        Tastes better I heard.

  4. Oh, I had better get my ‘pantry’ organised, I wouldn’t want anyone thinking I am not racist.

    What was that film where the husband had to have everything in the right place, in the end his wife flipped and chopped him up and placed all the bits neatly labelled in a cupboard 😂

    TRUELY screwed these days, is there nothing exempt from links to racism and sexism.

    • Can’t you do anything right, can’t you? Can’t you do anything right, can’t you d……..(meaty thud) Akh.

  5. So if you’ve got a nice clean house and a nice tidy garden you’re a white supremacist and if you live in a shithole you’re black?
    Sorry, who is the racist again? Just remind me one more time. I wonder where this dizzy bitch lives? Nowhere near any blacks that’s for sure.

  6. A Pot Noodle, a tin of tuna and a pack of Cupasoups is a very challenging wank.

  7. My pantry is as racist as Fuck, full of traditional slave harvested goodies and it’s dead sexy too…….. fucking big melons, juicy dripping peaches, pungent clams, the fucking lot.

    I wouldn’t have it any other way.

    I’ve just had a Whitby fatty with jam and cream, so that’s discriminatory as well.

    Absolutely spiffing 👍

  8. Young people today are shit.

    Even in secondary school in my day a teacher coming out with this type of bollocks would be heckled and would end up running our, crying.

    And these are university students that turn up for her lectures.

    If a cupboard is tidy and organised it must be sexist and racist.
    Therefore if a person keeps themselves tidy and organised they too will be sexist and racist.

    So let’s all dress in scruffy clothes and don’t bother with tidying up your house.

    We need to aspire to and achieve the lowest common denominator in order to fit in.

    What a stupid cunt this woman is.

    • In my day half of my teachers ended up running out crying anyway.

      My old comprehensive was more like a zoo.

      We listened to rave music in RE.English lessons were sacrificed by the soppy teacher trying to prevent pupils jumping from windows onto the grass or running out into the corridor.

      I think it was bulldozed and replacred by a new academy out of local shame and the sheer amount of Satanic energy, like the tower in Ghostbusters.

  9. Mrs e/cunt is a hoarder I only go in my pantry once every couple of years to chuck stuff out that is years out of date. And only when she’s out. She hates waste see.

    • My wifes is a cunt for that. fortunately she goes away with the girls a few times a year (or so she says) and gives me the opportunity to go through the fridge for all the out o date stuff. When she comes home she never believes I’ve thrown out of date stuff out so I have to photo all the use by dates of stuff I’ve lobbed.

  10. Needs a good fisting. Should stop all those silly ideas she’s got.

  11. There was a certain 1999 movie which I believe contained “pantry porn” but it involved the main character Jim Levenstein shagging a warm apple pie.

    Those were the days…. things were so much simpler and wholesome back then – men were men, women were women and words had meaning.

    • That’s right .
      Adding your own custard as it’s known in the pantry porn community.
      It’s got to be made with Golden Delicious though to get my Cox Pippin💪

    • Yes, I went to the cinema to see it.

      Shannon Elizabeth as the Czech exchange girl.

      Some sweating going on in my row of lads.

      • She had some superb norks on her to rival those of Jeri Ryan…… who still hasn’t got them out for the lads.

      • Jeri Ryan of Star Trek?

        I think they’d be knocking her knees nowadays, but in her prime she gave the young actor who played her deborgified ‘son’ a stiffy on set and he had to go somewhere to recover.

  13. Heres a little more on this oxygen thief, check out her areas of ‘expertise.

    https://jennadrenten.com/consulting#

    I wonder what her neighbourhood looks like and if she has a well stocked larder ….? She’s worked for bananas and popcorn dontcha know.
    If you needed more evidence of our dumbed down clown world , this is it.

  14. These fucking morons will find an ‘ist’ in anything.

    Just when you thought you’d heard it all now we have Pantry Porn which is classist, sexist and racist.

    If this seriously deranged bitch actually believes what she’s preaching then by association she has to be saying that Black people are the complete antithesis therefore dirty, disorganised and lazy.

    At the best that’s bigoted but very probably racist.

    Then again she earns her keep by finding ‘ists’ in everything.

    And there lies the problem.

    Put it on a ducking stool and if it lives burn it at the stake.

    • She sounds like that marketing bitch who thought it was a good idea to use a dirty little poof trannie to promote fucking beer to real men. That worked well didn’t it arsehole?

      • Miller Lite was always a bit of a poofy drink…I mean adding ‘Lite’ to anything sounds a bit bummy

      • I wonder whatever became of her?

        Gone on to even greater things no doubt.

  15. I hope a tinned Fray Bentos pie and a can of Stag Chilli double team the mad cunt.

    Woof!

  16. I hate this fad of using the nomenclature ‘Porn’ being added to anything that is not pornographic. I mean what is pornographic about a well stocked pantry?

    We get food porn (yes, that in itself can be and is pornographic in what I consider the true meaning) but what this ‘food porn’ is, is actually excessiveness or indulgency or desirability…..it has fuck all to do with eating creme eggs out someones chuff.

    Porn should only be used in it’s correct descriptive term and not be used to describe something that is simply obsessive on tik tok or whatever shit you live your life through.

  17. And I should have added…….

    How does she know that these light hearted videos are posted by ‘predominantly white women’?

    Has she seen them all? I doubt it. But then again this is a tactic used by these piss boiling leftist cunt, they make sweeping statements that are never challenged and taken as gospel.

    And besides, who really gives a fuck.

    Burn bitch burn.

  19. By this rationale a posted picture of a fine automobile would be “garage porn”?
    This is why I detest social media.
    I don’t give a shit about your life and I like to keep mine private.
    What about “closet porn”? Want to see a picture of my shoes?
    Fuck off.

  20. The British call it Larder Porn. Somewhere you can get a lard-on.

  21. Butters Stotch would not approve of a well organised pantry. If you know, you know.

  22. Has the genius Drenten ever heard of rats, mice, flies, maghots and El Cocka-rocha?

    What a demented fuck. Stay in Chicago snd grt shot, you thick cunt.

  24. Chicago the home of the bears,and the fridge perry.

    Smarter than the average bear dr jenna ain’t.

  26. I thought it said ‘Panty Porn’.

    That word ‘panty’ is funny.

    The plural ‘panties’.

    Or as it’s pronounced in America ‘paintes’.

    • Because they tend to have cleft palates Miles.

      Miles I’ve found a new spiritual inspiration.
      And he’s Catholic.

      If something is Racist
      ,Transphobic, sexist or anything that makes modern folk cry?

      https://youtu.be/E8AIh2qoSnM

      • Evening MNC…all this porn talk has got my blood heated.
        I’m definitely having a wank later, but will happily take leftfield suggestions about what genre.
        Elderly black lesbians wearing boxing gloves beating up each others’ wizened tits is my initial suggestion.

      • What about Sci Fi porn Mr Cunt Engine? Up there in zero gravity floating around.
        Mind you would have to careful at the docking tage or you might just bump into the lady.

        You could be the first of The 100, 000 mile high club.

      • Back in the early noughties there was a site called Rotten.com

        or the Russian site Women in Coffins?

        All very wholesome stuff.

  27. This sort of bollocks just goes on and on, will it ever end ..?

    Unfortunately, no ….💩

    • The grift that keeps on giving, until people start defunding these institutions and pressure governments to cut their subsidies.

    • God nobody else can make a receipe sound like pure filth.

      What a milf.

      • Little known fact – In both Norfolk and the Isle of Wight, the word MILF contains a comma….

  29. My missus had a seen a program on C4 about weird sexual stuff and said that she wanted to introduce some vegetables into the proceedings at the foreplay stage, later that night.

    I’ll admit, for the first half hour it was fucking good fun but when they started drooling over our velour headboard it really put me off….

  30. It won’t be long before this loony is looking in your pantry for old Uncle Ben’s Rice and Robertsons Jam.

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