Old age golfers

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Old age golfers (Seniors as they are known) are cunts.

Some years ago I cunted golfers. I know quite a bit about this because I am a golfer and a bit of a cunt. Why old aged golfers?

Here is why, I moved a couple of years ago and therefore switched golf clubs. This means that I don’t get to play with my mates that much. It means that if I want to play in competitions (they are called medals), and I do being a competitive cunt that I have to play with other members to sign my scorecard.

Seniors at every club I have every being a member of like to play Monday, Wednesday and Friday at ….wait for it 7.00 am.. Their argument is it leaves they rest of the day to ourselves. “What, to take the fucking Mrs shopping, fall asleep in a chair waiting for God for the rest of the day”. Cunts.

I haven’t even had a good shit by this time and neither have they by the smell of it. I have a dog that needs a good hours walk in the woods a wife that needs a lift to work. Cunts.

Here’s another thing at 7.00am in the morning the course; even in summer is damp with dew and plays crap compared with say at 11.00 am in the morning.

I’ve tried to persuade a few to play later in the day but no fucking chance stuck in their ways. Need to get home to sit all day and wait for the grim reaper or take Ethel to fucking Tesco.

This is a personal thing but when I lived nearer my old golfing buddies this getting up at cock crow and teeing off before a decent crap wasn’t a problem; now it is.

Two more things the old cunts can’t ever see where they have hit the ball and can’t count. Now I am not calling them cheats :- just senile fuckers that can’t count. I am classed as a senior in my sixties but I still have a functioning Brain still see moderately well and know that it is better to tee off late morning early afternoon than at stoopid o’clock.

The pros do. only the cunts at the back of the field tee off then. Senior golfers are therefore Cunts.

Nominated by Everyonesacunt

84 thoughts on “Old age golfers”

  1. I was a golfer I’d be in at 6am.
    Argyll jumper on, plus fours, tartan hat with pompom.
    And I’d look at my watch shaking my head as the other old dodderers rocked up at 7.

    “Had a lie in did we?”

    • I thought you would have already been there after sleeping in the bunker overnight and laying a fresh steamer on the putting green, Miserable.

      • I’ve been at war with golfers my whole life LL.

        I grew up near Reddish vale golf course.

        I’d play on there with my dogs,
        We’d build dens in the surrounding woods etc.

        But some tartan trousered old cunt would always have a go at us.
        Threaten to hit us with a golf club?!

        So, we’d brick them into submission,

        (A gang of 9yr olds can throw a lot of bricks, stones, before getting bored)

        And in the summer months set fire to the surrounding long grass smoking them off the green.

        I’ve never made peace with them.
        Never surrendered.
        We were like the mudjahadin of Stockport.

        Nick Faldo still has a bounty on his head.

      • Lovely. Between you lot and me and my Bojo Haram tearing up Denton golf course, I bet we made quite a good combo in S.East Manchester.

        Punching the greens after a good rain session was fun: watching people put in distress was excellent.

        By the way, I am not, and never was a member of the Denton Boiz, Dane bank crew or the Crown Point North Retail Part Development Crew.

    • When I was a youth me and my mates used to fill those ball cleaning things up with all sorts of stuff, Paint, piss. Old oil stolen from round the back of the chippy.

      Fuck golf

    • You’d be alright until an unhinged Michael Douglas starts walking towards you with a bag of guns and ammo.

  2. Didn’t read the introductory bollocks to this. All I know is that floG is really annoying. I’d forgotten about until I was reminded. Now I’ll have to wait until its eroded from my mind once again.

    • I’ve flogged my mind to what interests it brings, but could only be thankful it still gives us wide open spaces that can’t be built on.

      • Only 8 bedroom houses for the illegals and their families and friends. Not for us.

  3. My mate has great terms for different types of golf shots. Here’s three I remembered.

    A Douglas Bader – Looked good at first but didn’t have the legs.

    A Marc Bolan – Looked good until it hit the tree.

    A Rock Hudson – Thought it was straight but wasn’t….

  4. Can’t participate as I’ve never played golf. Never will, just looking at golfers makes me feel violent.

    Logically if old golfers are cunts then……

  5. Another reason to give golf a miss. I will stick to archery, knife throwing and riding my bikes badly. Do agree that playing before the dews evaporated is somewhat daft. A good friend of mine was a head green keeper at some posh course in Kent. Before anyone “teed” off him and his little gang would swish the dew on the greens with old fishing rod sections attached to long canes. This would knock the dew to the bottom of the grass shoots breaking up large droplets and reducing evaporation time. Must go got a twenty three year old Honda firestorm that needs a run after the shite season hiatus.

  6. Never seen the appeal of golf. Would rather just take the dog for a walk in the countryside than try and hit a small ball a long way into a small hole 18 times.

    Crazy Golf on the sea front on the other hand is fucking brilliant

    • Same here, slthough plenty of mates and lads ive worked with love golf.

      I’ve only played the ones at various attractions in the West country, usually invllving a small windmill, a crocodile and a few chutes with a todfler waiting the grab the ball then run off with it to a picnic table or launch it.

  7. Philistines, Golf is ace though at time is a frustrating cunt. Golfers can be cunts especially old ones and ..Women.. Trans golfers can’t be cunts though.. They are DICKS.. sorry have dicks

  9. Golf courses are great for me, lots of little flags telling me which way the wind is blowing when I come into land. Plus nicely mown landing strips.

    As for the game ( not sport) of golf, nahh …!

      • And as for golf, about as interesting as football, rugby, cricket, netball….zzzzz………

      • Hangligers in my youth, paragliders now I’m a bit older.
        Easier to carry up big hills..😁

      • Yes, sorry CQB, we discussed this in an earlier nom. I’m losing my grip I think. Alzheimer’s.

  11. Golf is a proper game.

    I have played golf all over the world.
    I always take my clubs on holiday.

    Some courses are stunning.

    Golf is good exercise and it keeps you fit.
    I enjoy the game and the practice.
    I like thumbing through Golf magazines to see what is new on the market.

    Golf gets you out of the house and away from the wife for hours on end.

    What I don’t like is the pompous crap that surrounds golf.
    The club Captain who invariably is a cunt and the rules and regulations of the club house.

    If the old golfers want to tee off at 7am then that’s fine by me.
    It gets them out of way for the main part of the day.

    Also I have no problem with Ladies Day.
    I can just fuck off to another course and avoid them.

    I used to play regularly with one guy, then he decided to encourage his wife to take up golf so he could spend more time with her.

    The stupid cunt.

    • Having a dog keeps you fit, gets you out everyday. With the added bonus that I don’t have to dress like a cunt, carry a bag of bats around and it doesn’t take 3 hours and in the time it’s taken to play a round I’ve walked the dog, enjoyed some fresh air, got some decent exercise, scenic views, stopped off for a couple of ales and a ploughman’s in the local and had half hour kip.

      I know what I’d rather do

    • To be fair, as I got older and gave the sport a chance. The feeling when you hit the ball sweetly is beautiful, even for that split second.

      Golf is a great game if you can land most shots on the course.

      If you aren’t very good at it. It is one of the most frustrating and infuriating games around.

  12. The only I enjoy about golf is when my cat looks behind the TV for the little white ball, when it’s televised.
    He does the same with snooker, when the ball is potted.
    His face is priceless!

    • I bet he shits himself at the snooker when they have that in the pocket camera angle that looks like a massive snooker ball is about to fly out of the tv

      • Naw, the daft twat sits there, then whips a paw up to bat it back!

        I absolutely piss myself laughing, it never gets old.

    • I bet Labour will call to have snooker banned. Potting blacks! Knocking the brown out of the way with the white!! Snooker is rife with racism.

      What was that Diane?
      ‘Twelfty!’

    • As an avid cat lover ,that is fucking cute it’s priceless,I’m also quite fond of hedgehogs I think ones fucking adopted me lol.

  13. Old golfers are indeed cunts, no more so than corrupt sex offending cunts who want too be president again.😂
    It’s on topic, so fuck off with the moaning.😀

      • I can see why Everyonesacunt likes golf.
        Fresh air,
        Bit of exercise
        Chat with mates
        Bit of friendly competition.

        Some of the courses are pretty nice.

        One in Disley has some spectacular views.

        I go with the dog
        (Don’t brick anyone, grown out of that😄)

        And it’s each to their own.
        If you enjoy something?
        Go for it .

        As for dressing like a cunt,
        I do that anyway.

      • I had a hole in one once Mis, took a shit in one at my local cunt course. Shame I couldn’t hang around to watch if someone had a handful of my Mowgli.

      • I shagged a bird on the golf links,
        In one of those sandpit things.

        I felt like James Bond so I did Gutstick.

        Nearest I got to the beach in Mauritius.

      • Trying to jam a Sandy bellend into a dry minge almost did for me one year on holiday. Poor tadge didn’t thank drunk me for that!

    • ‘corrupt sex offending cunts who want too be president again’

      Doesn’t really narrow it down does it?

      Out of the 6 living presidents only Jimmy Carter is ruled out due to his terminal condition.

      Even if you confine it to Trump and Biden…..

      • Ron Desantis is probably America’s best hope at the moment but not sure he will ever get there

      • And only one of them is a self confessed sex offender.
        Grab a pussy for America today!

      • I have no idea, but he hasn’t been found guilty of sex offences in court yet, as you well know.
        Triggered again

      • No he hasn’t but he acts very creepy around young girls. In much the same way as people like Savile, Glitter and Harris did if you watch any old footage.

        Draw from that what you will…

      • I think Joe Biden’s behaviour around children – especially little girls, is entirely normal.

        I think it was a normal election victory, it’s normal presidency, a normal administration and a normal foreign policy.

        There is nothing unusual about Joe Biden. Or his behaviour. Or his brain.

      • The protectors of Trump are out in force!
        I haven’t mentioned the child sniffing weirdo, so he’s being used as deflection from my intended target. Good job everyone.
        Bizarre how the anti fiddykiddler brigade always give Putin a free pass, when he’s even on Russian state tv kissing little boys on their bare bellies.
        That’s ISAC for you.🫠

      • Insinuating that Biden is a wrong un isnt protecting Trump. I think he’s a cunt too if I’m honest

  15. guts sick why don’t you go and nominated a cunting yourself ??? it’s not hard. Maybe you might cunt something interesting; who knows?

    • Lots of famous people love golf.
      Donald Trump
      Loves it so much he has a few courses.

      Comedian Larry David .

      It seems to be one of those things that becomes more than a hobby.

      I get the feeling I’d like it against my will,
      Enjoy it despite myself.

      • Yeah, I forgot Alice Cooper.
        Wouldn’t think he’d be into golf would you?

        Clint I can see playing.
        But not Alice.

        Like finding Ozzy Osbourne playing badminton.

      • Footballers are into golf but then their handicaps match their IQ’s.

      • Real Madrid signed Gareth Bale on the strength of his golfing ability. He almost forgot he was a footballer until they phoned up during a game against Mike Reid’s noisy ghost and asked, ‘could we trouble you for a screamer against the scousers in mid-May?’

      • Oliver Hardy was a keen and fairly reasonable golfer which is surprising given his size.

        Stan Laurel used to do multiple takes of scenes just to exasperate Ollie to the point that a lot of his frustrated expressions in the scenes are as a result of him being late for golf.

    • I do nominate from time to time, but my idea if cunts doesn’t go down too well.
      My comment was on an ageing golfer and a cunt, both within the parameters of the cunting.
      I didn’t go off topic so whats the problem?
      Fuck me, the amount of times I see others go off topic and nothing is said.
      Obviously it’s a touchy subject.

  16. The record for the longest putt ever televised is held by…….

    Terry Wogan.

    He holed a 100ft putt in a pro-am tournament.
    Gleneagles, if I remember correctly.

  17. why the fuck do golfers only wear one glove, dozy fuckers, a successful pro must of had a mate who had a stock single gloves years ago and between them hatched a plan to get rid of them by getting the pro to wear just one and before you know it they were all doing it. And why all the stupid coloured clothing , my old man used to play a lot and he looked like a pastel bedecked old poofter. Had an uncle who was “news of world” champion and head green keeper mad as fuck. I hate sport all of it 100%.

    • Most golfers don’t really need to wear a glove.
      The majority of them grip a club like grim death.

      People that actually know how light the grip should be on a golf club wear a glove because the fucking thing would fly out of their hand during the swing if they didn’t.

      Silly coloured clothes should only be worn by golfers that have the game to back it up.

      Unfortunately there are many golfers that think it is mandatory to buy the most expensive equipment, wear the most outrageous clothes and wear a glove, except for putting, in which case it is tucked half way into their back pocket in the classic professional golfer style.

      These people tend to know all of the rules of the game, having read the Royal & Ancient handbook cover to cover.

      All the gear.
      No idea.

  18. I once worked very briefly as maintenance man in a golfing hotel. In stickball Mecca, aka St Andrews. (Disclaimer: I only did it for the very meagre money: I have never committed golf) The sight that stayed with me ever since was that of turds wrapped in the sheets brought down to the laundry, daily. The clientele – generally having arrived by tour bus – was so old as to be incontinent, it would seem. Well, that’s one explanation of several, and it supports the proposition that old golfers are cunts.

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