Insomnia

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is a fucking gargantuan cunt.

I haven’t much to add to this nom except that I am just basically, almost reaching out, like some sad needy cunt, to any fellow cunters who have ever suffered from this bastard of an affliction.

Up until recently – I have never struggled to kip. Not even during the most turbulent periods of my life. Until now that is. And there’s fuck all stressful going on either.

My job and my family life can be as stressful as the next persons but it’s not like that’s anything new.

I suffered my first 3 day bout of total sleeplessness approximately a year ago and it has reoccurred on several occasions since.

I am currently in the middle of another sleepless period where I feel tired but at the same time feel like I could climb the walls or run a fucking marathon.

Went to see the GP recently and they prescribed some pretty heavy sedative/anti depressants which I very reluctantly tried, just to get some decent shut eye but the things made me feel like a zombie for the whole of the next day and then some.
Allied to that is the fact that as we’re only a small business – I can’t justify crying off sick for long periods over something as simple as a decent night’s kip and need to be on my A game.

Been doing a bit of running and other exercises to hopefully burn up some nervous energy.

I’m hoping this is just a phase and something that will pass.

First world problem I know and no doubt all in the mind – but Christ on a BMX – please just let me sleep.

Any suggestions are welcome.

Daily Fail

Nominated by Herman Jelmet.

81 thoughts on “Insomnia”

  1. Sounds like you’re doing the right thing with the exercise.
    Booze gets you to sleep but the sleep quality is poor.
    Try some chamomile tea an hour before bedtime.
    Or Listen to a party political broadcast.
    Good luck!

  2. i’m lucky to not suffer this. Same with my dad. My mum and brother however do suffer with it quite a lot. My mum is a worrier though and i think that plays its part.

    It’ dangerous for anyone who works on building sites, especially up on scaffolds and where there are telehandlers, dumpers etc trundling about the site.

  3. Fucking hate lying awake at night proper cunt. Still better than working.

  6. Do you have a steady routine?
    I’ve been down this road big time. I self medicated with red wine, by the box but while knocking me out, left me ultimately, after 3 months, fucking exhausted, zero appetite and shaky.
    I got into a routine in the evenings and weekends, just odd jobs here and there, kept myself occupied,mind and body.
    I had the shakes for 2 days after stopping but now I generally crash about 9 or 10pm.
    I have Zopiclone for the times when I know I’m going to struggle to sleep, don’t ask me how I know, it just ‘is’ but those times are rare. It’s not a sedative as such so normally I’m not groggy if I have had more than 4 hours kip.
    One things for sure; the less shit (events or people) in your life the easier such a routine becomes. obvious I know, but worth mentioning.

    Failing that, channel your inner starseed ! 🤪

  7. A clean conscience.
    Working out for an hour each day.
    Eating and drinking no sugar. (Basically a Keyo diet)
    A cup of camomile tea with a spoonful of coconut oil before bed.
    Your welcome.
    Oh! Busting a nut before you sleep helps too.

  8. Try listening to an audio book or podcast via earphones in bed…relaxing but also interrupts any thought processes that might be keeping a chap awake.

    Emptying the nuts and a brandy,in that order,also helps.

    Good luck.

  9. Retired early from work, from then onwards head hit pillow, lights out…..😴

  10. ASMR videos, send me off.
    With headphones on, I can find myself slipping off the chair.
    Whisper ones are the best, especially if in a language other than English.

  11. Hello Herman,

    Sorry to hear of your trouble.

    Try cutting out stimulants, like coffee and alcohol for a period and hit the gym.

    Exercise is the best medicine for a lot of things.

    Even if it doesn’t help you’ll be fitter/stronger.

    But if I’ve had a hard day at work or been the gym and had a good sweat on I normally sleep well.

    Hope you sort it
    Chin chin ,👍

    • Bob on, MNC. Exercise saw me get off the anti-depressants a few years ago.

      Down the gym three or four times a week and less booze. That keeps me on the straight and narrow. And I’m less of a fat cunt these days.

      Glass of milk or a camomile tea helps things along, too.

  12. Dear Herman. I sleep like a baby.

    Be careful of your caffeine intake. Never drink coffee or tea after mid day.

    Getting shitfaced on a bottle of scotch before bed will just see you wake up feeling like shit. Try to limit your alcohol intake. It gives disturbed and sweaty sleep.

    Take the hound out for a brisk stroll about 21.00 and then relax with a glass of fine red.

    Shag the missus or any other willing partner just before sleep time. shooting your load releases endorphins that will send you off to the land of nod very quickly. (self love also acceptable).

    Read a book in bed. you will feel your eyes get tired and then everything else follows.

    When you get into bed, swaddle and let out two big sighs. That is you letting go of the stress of the day. Then clear your mind to accept sleep.

    If all else fails, get a nice lump of hash (squidgy black is best) and roll a nice bifter an hour or so before bed. If you don’t smoke, eat about a quarter of a gram two hours before bed.

    If you are lucky enough to know someone who grows their own, ask for the sugarleaf trim once it’s cured. make that into a tea and relax in a hot Radox bath. please stay awake long enough to get out of the bath though.

    I’m in a lovely routine where I’m in bed and fast asleep by 22.00 and wake up fresh as a daisy at 05.00 on the button without an alarm.

    Hope the above helps.

  13. Maybe it’s guilt Herman?

    Your subconscious telling you your naughty.

    I know you didn’t send me anything for my
    birthday.

    Maybe send me a gift see if that works?

  14. I had really bad insomnia for a little while during and after university. If you haven’t already try some white noise or a desk fan. A weighted blanket can help too.

  15. I find listening to ” white noise”, like whale song, helpful.

    It works best for me if I have the sound down really low, so it’s just a murmer.

  16. Listening to something read by Derek Jacobi. My daughter lent me a fascinating history of the theatre read by him, but his voice is so utterly soothing that I was always fast on after less than ten minutes. Took ages to complete!

    Going from class to crass, I always sleep like the dead after a rigorous workout with the wife.

    • Are you suggesting that Herman has a rigorous workout with your wife Ron 😂

      That’s damn public spirted 👍

      • Yeah I thought Ron was offering up the services of Mrs Knee for a minute there 😂

  17. Sleep anxiety, going to bed with the worry you won’t sleep is difficult to stop, I had a problem (long time ago) with waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to get back to sleep.
    A month of sleeping pills cured it, no idea what started it off but the pills finished it.

  18. Hello HJ, I have the perfect solution.
    Red vein kratom. It’s a powdered herb from either Cambodia or Indonesia.
    It’ll put you into a lovely, gentle and deep sleep. It’s legal, simply because almost no-one in the west has ever heard of it. You can buy it from a UK supplier, next day delivery.
    I get insomnia from time to time and take some the following evening and I’ll sleep for 7-8 hrs (normally only sleep 5)
    It’s very bitter though, tastes disgusting. I mix it with Vimto and even then it takes 3 minutes to emulsify.
    If you want more info (I know lots), I’m happy for admin to forward you my email.

    • Don’t take it Herman it’s poison!!

      He’s going to drug and bum you.
      Probably film it and put it on the dark web!
      😄

      • The dark web gets a bad rap(e).
        I’ve managed to procure all manner of very interesting things on there…

      • Thomas@

        If Herman wakes up dizzy in the centre of a pentagram on Mark oatens living room,
        Bereft of undercrackers,

        I’m going to report you to Chief Admin.

        I’ll press the Rabbit button.

      • Ps

        Like what?
        Whatve you got?
        Can I get one?

        Guns? Explosives?

        Hope it’s nothing ‘blue’.

        You know how I feel about smutty stuff.

      • @MNC…the things I’ve acquired…they’re so illegal, I wouldn’t even mention them on this hallowed site…
        But as for the kratom, that’s a legit, legal solution and would work well for HJ if he’s willing to give it a try.

      • Its a cult Miserable, Mr Cunt Engine and his dark web voodoo potions. Dick Fiddler is probably in his basement after refusing to disclose the location of the Fiddler hoard.

      • He’s like the Devil LL.

        Putting ideas in vulnerable minds on here,
        While he twirls the tips of his moustache and laughs.

        He got me hooked on cough medicine.

  19. I started getting it in my early 20’s and I’m turning 41 in a few months…….. it is indeed a cunt.

    Imagine looking like Uncle Fester but without the scruffy brown habit, the bald head and the light bulb in your gob……. well that’s what I look like.

  20. At the risk of sounding daft, if you can, reposition your bed, or swap the side you usually sleep on.
    Are you warm/cool enough?
    Maybe a new pillow?
    Is it worse with lighter mornings/evenings? Maybe try heavier curtains.

  21. Go to bed thinking happy thoughts, like the houses of Parliament and Lords simultaneously collapsing when full to the gills of grasping cunts..

    Always works for me..

  22. Counting backwards from 100 to 0 can help. Quite often to send me off i imagine im on the flight deck of ark royal in the 1970s preparing my buccaneer aircraft for a catapult launch. I think nice things.

  23. Thanks fellas for all the advice and well wishes.
    It really is very much appreciated. 👍

    As it happens I’ve slept well for the last few nights and feel like I’m approaching something like being back to normal (fingers crossed)

    Been running 3 miles per day and started taking Ashwaghanda capsules in the mornings, getting (or trying to get) the legover a bit more regularly and it would appear to be working a treat so far but as I say – it could be all in the mind.

    • Evening HJ, hope you’ve seen my recommendation above.
      Failing that, you could always try and procure some Tranq from this morning’s nom…

    • Oh, and please avoid SSRI antidepressants…they’ll knacker your brain chemistry and they have horrid side effects.

      • Evening Thomas.

        No I won’t be bothering with SSRI’s.

        I took the things many years ago for a period and the side effects must have lasted 6 months after stopping using them.

        The Red Vein Kratom sounds like good stuff. I’ve just had a read up on it.

      • Jolly good. If you do get some, let me know. I have experience that’ll help you maximise its benefits.

      • Thomas
        Herman @

        Just googled it.
        It has been linked to liver damage and seizures.

        I’m out.

    • That last comment is bang on – people always underestimate the role that mentality plays in these things.

  24. Lifelong insomnia right up until heart failure got me

    The drug mix has me getting a steady 8 hours a night. And about another 4 every day, if I can fit it in.

    Can’t recommend chronic cardiac arythmia for anything else though.

  25. Good news, HJ.

    Long may it continue.

    It’s a good nom and interesting to read about alternative solutions to insomnia. The only thing troubling my sleep atm is 4.5k of fooking dog, at 3am. I’m going to end up removing his vocal cords if he doesn’t STFU!

    • Cheers JP

      I thought it would make for an interesting nom at the time when I wrote it through weary eyes.

      The anxiety I was feeling at that time I wouldn’t wish on anybody.

      Ok then maybe Gary Lineker or Piers Morgan.

      • Dunno whether you’ve had it but the anxiety was the worst part of having insomnia for me – just that feeling of panic that you won’t sleep and the inevitable weary eyes the morning after. At one point it was so bad I couldn’t even sleep on my own.

      • That’s another thing.
        Is Sleep Anxiety a posh way of saying insomnia?

        I’m getting outdated phrasing anxiety!

      • It usually causes insomnia JP, but they’re not exactly the same thing. Not everyone with insomnia will necessarily have it.

  26. I’ve never had a good sleep since 16. I actually have better ideas when I am sleep deprived.

    I’ve been micromanaged and listened. And I’ve worked for myself. I’ve always felt better working for myself. I felt more freedom and no time constraints.

    Best Advice I can give pay your staff, tell them what to do and if they want to work for you watch the magic and don’t employ whipping boys.

  27. I sleep around 6/7 hours.
    I’m always up early.
    Don’t do lie ins.

    Dog won’t allow it.

    A old fashioned approach is best for most things.

    Early to bed early to rise.

    Fresh air is a good tonic

    As is getting a sweat on.

    Wash in cold water.(southerners remove the ice first)

    Don’t take pills.

    I don’t take any medication or supplements.

    I don’t trust quacks or flaky chinky herbal shite.

    Eat fruit if you need a shit.

    Drink water if thirsty.

    The body is a simple thing.
    Easily maintained.

    • I bet the very nature of your job almost guarantees a solid kip Mis.

      Whenever I’ve grafted during the day I’m gone by 10 at night.

      I’m not as physically active at work as I was these days and find myself having to deal more with shit. Organising, having to think more and probably worrying more.

      Some days I’d prefer to just shift a couple of tons of bricks from A to B with a wheelbarrow than have to deal with people.

      • MNC is conveniently forgetting to mention the two hours a week that he goes dogging with Steve McFadden and Stan Collymore; he’s usually pretty tired after that night. But only because he’s the tall one that has to give a piggyback to the other two so they can see in the misted-up window of a muddy 2004 Range Rover, where a grey, wrinkly, middle-aged couple are having an unenthusiastic shag.

      • Pretty much Herman.

        If it’s a big job a ‘grueller’
        I’m falling asleep in my tea.

        Wonder if there’s some research into sleep issues and manual labour ?

        If I worked in a office the stress would probably kill me.

  28. I remember in early 2019 I did a cunting about lack of sleep. At the time I said I wasn’t a full blown insomniac but that I kept having random periods of struggling to sleep. A little over three months later though I developed insomnia as a result of crippling sleep anxiety. In hindsight maybe those ‘random periods’ were warning shots about what was to come. I was frequently doing the closing shift at work and drinking a load of energy drinks as well, which probably didn’t help matters.

    • Just had a look at that nom OP

      It probably passed me by at the time in all honesty.

      It wouldn’t now.

  29. 🎶 It’s nature’s way of telling you, something’s wrong… 🎶

    All the best to you Herman. 🙂

  30. Can’t sleep? Have you tried reading Harry Markle’s book?

    Waaaaaaaaaah!

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