Paul Gascoigne (3)

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Football legend Bobby Robson once described Paul Gascoigne as ‘daft as a brush’. No doubt the former footy star has done a lot of daft things over the years, and his latest effort has left him looking like a bit of a wally.

On new Channel 4 shit show ‘Scared of the Dark’, hosted by entertainment giant Danny ‘The Geezer’ Dyer, Gazza told an anecdote which frankly, left me feeling a little bemused.

Gazza related how on a visit to Downing Street back in the day, he’d given Maggie Thatcher a hug. Okay, nothing earth shattering there, you might think. However he then went on to relate how the experience gave him a boner, and he had to retreat to the toilet ‘to whack one out’.

Now let’s be fair; Big Mags was a giant on the political scene in post-war Britain, but she was no Susan Boyle when it comes to getting cocks twitching. Well to each his own, I suppose, but then as for going on national tv and relating the incident, I’d have to say ‘bloody cringeworthy Gazza’.

So is he a bigger cunt for getting the horn for Mrs T, or for going on the goggle box to relate the story? Bit of both I’d say, bit of both.

Daily Fail

Nominated by Ron Knee.

65 thoughts on “Paul Gascoigne (3)”

  1. If he was in the dark, he probably thought no one was listening the fuck-wit.

  3. I’m sorry Ron!!! Did you say she’s no Susan Boyle???

    Is there another one we don’t know about?

  4. If I received a hug from Italy’s Georgia Meloni then I’d be stabbing her in the stomach with something.

    Maggie Thatcher though??

  5. Gazza’s a National Treasure.
    Let’s not forget that back in 1992 before an international match against Norway, a Norwegian reporter asked if any England player had a message for the Norwegian fans. ‘Yes, fuck off Norway’ said Gazza.
    What an ambassador for the English game! One wonders why he didn’t join the diplomatic service after retiring from football.

    Definitely NOT a cunt.

    • Paul Gascoigne is up there with the most naturally gifted footballers that the British isles has ever produced.

      If he’d had the temperament to match his skill and physical strength then he could have been one of the all time greats of the game.

      • Just being reading about Raoul Moat and Gazza. In a drunken haze he turned up at the police cordon with a fishing rod and some sandwiches convinced Moat was his mate and was going to try and talk him down. Excellent player, Italia 90 was one of my favourite World Cups despite the fucking Germans.

      • Agreed Lord Liquors, a splendid tournament only ruined by the Krauts. Gazza might have been a loon as well as a Yîddo, but he must be remembered for 1990 AND the wonder goal plus subsequent dentist-chair celebrations of 1996.

    • I think the outstretched leg against the Nazis would’ve connected if it wasn’t for the eleventeen pints the night before.

  6. Been watching it. Gazza has been good. Helping that Max George with his grief for his band mate Tom Parker.
    It all came out. Hasn’t dealt with it.
    Chris Eubank was a spoilt child from the very beginning. Great relief when he left.
    Such an arsehole.
    ‘I’m a warrior’ and afraid of the dark.
    It’s been interesting. One fella is nearly blind. And can ‘see’ better. In a sense.

  7. The Susan Boyle remark is hilarious! Nonetheless, even compared to her, I don’t think Maggie T inspired a lot of wood to grow.

    • Its like admitting getting the horn for Madeline Albright, although apart from being dead that’s where the comparisons with Mrs T end.

      • You are correct LL. Madeline Albright was and still is a cunt of cosmological proportions.

  8. I’ve been trying, but can’t find one ounce of bone for Mrs T.
    Gazza must like the thought of power.

  9. Gazza channelling his inner Cecil Parkinson, go on my son… Not as gross as John Major and Edwina

  10. Mags brought out the ‘Big Daddy’ in me.

    Iron Lady?
    She was called that because she hardened up my cock as if it was an iron rod.

    Pity she didn’t take it up the shitter, but the lady was not for turning.

  11. As Gazza spent so much of his time pissed his recollections may be a little hazy. I suspect it was Dolly Parton he was standing next to on this stimulating occasion rather than the Iron Lady.
    Just a thought.

  14. Surprised nobody came up with Katie, which was a slip of the tongue by Ron. Who wouldn’t blame him.

    • I’m more surprised that Paul’s liver and himself are in two different places at once.

  15. Anything hosted by Dan Dyer must be shite and anyone appearing on shite must be a cunt, gave Maggie a hug and got a stiffy, fuck me, all that alcohol has fucked his brain.

  16. Despite his highly questionable romantic tastes Gazza is the very antithesis of modern football and it’s ridiculous participants..

    Plus he’s been very highly entertaining on and off the field.

    Therefore no cunt in my book.

  18. Go on Gazza!!!
    Fuck her up the dirtbox!
    She luvs it!

    Oway the lads!
    Canny, like👍

  19. Should have been sectioned when he turned up at roider Raoul Moats siege with a fishing rod.
    And left there to rot.

    • Where will this historical revisionism end?
      It’s well known that Cleopatra was Amanda Barrie and white.
      Phoarrrrr – until she changed sides.

      • Once met Amanda Barrie in the Hacienda around 1988. Tasty as fuck for her age, and she didn’t act like a cunt.

  21. He did score one of the best free kicks I’ve ever seen, and made the jocks look like cunts though so….

  22. I don’t think he’s a cunt…..a fucking pisshead loser who’s had more than his fair share of opportunities, but not a cunt. However this shitshower new program is a cunt and deserves a cunting in its own right.

    As someone who get the horn over Debbie McGee and Jennie Bond…I see no issues over him getting a boner over Maggie

    • Jennie Band? Terrible legs…
      I saw them at Windsor once, and NOT in the 2.40 either…

      • I had a friend who had a senior position at the ITN. She told me Jennie Bond never wears knickers.

    • Evening Jack.

      That was splendid – way back when the Bond franchise didn’t take itself too seriously.

    • Indeed Jack. The bit that always makes me laugh is when “Maggie” slaps “Dennis'” hand for trying to pinch a grape out of the colander.

      The look on his face is comic timing at its best.

      • And it was probably quite close to reality too.
        Ethel goes ballistic when I nick a warm scone that she’s just taken out of the oven.
        I love warm scones.

  24. Let’s not forget that Danny Baker and Chris Evans were his boozing pals back in the day. I blame that pair of cunts for ruining his football career. It’s easy to go on the piss when you don’t have Vinny Jones trying to rip your bollocks off the next day.

    • Baker is a loudmouthed fat cunt, and Evans is a loathsome little turd. Ginger Bollocks was despised by all who worked at Piccadilly Radio in Manchester. Even when he was an apprentice there, Evans acted the cunt.

      And I agree, they were no help to Gazza. George Best was on a self destruction kick. But at least he had genuine friends who tried to help him like Malcolm Wagner and Rodney Marsh. Gazza just got cunts like Evans and Baker, who lived off Gazza’s fame and were like leeches on his back.

  27. Not so much Fog on the Tyne with Lindisfarne as Fog on the Brain with ketamine.

  29. I reckon Gazza is on the wind up, he has to be taking the piss. A classic Gazza prank, if you ask me…

    I wish Maggie was here now, to deal with the migrant hordes, those EU bastards, the leftie scum and cunts like Sunak and Suckdiq Khan. But a Hilary Swank over the Iron Lady?! I couldn’t even crack one off when Gillan Anderson was playing her.

  30. When Ali from Glasgow died, the imam and mourners were shocked to find him laid out in the front room in full Rangers kit.

    ‘What is dis?’ asked the outraged holy man. ‘This in disregard of holy law!’.

    ‘But…but…’ stammered the oldest son of Ali’s thirteen kids, ‘his dying wish was to be buried in the Gazza strip!’.

    I’ll get me coat…

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