Michaela Ogilvie

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One for the ISAC horn section, after hearing about this daft strumpet.

This brain donor has been working as an ‘adult entertainer’ (whore in old money) on OnlyFans. She says she makes about a grand a month after ‘falling out with her boss’. Yes, she seems trustworthy, getting her flabby arse and tramp stamps out for muggy virgins on a dodgy website.

But I digress. She decided it would be a great idea to take some slutty photos inside a cave for her ‘fans’. Well, it was in a cove and the tide came in.

Sadly, the RNLI had a boat spare from ferrying the dinghy riders on this afternoon and managed to rescue her from Davy Jones’s locker in the nick of time.

I wasn’t going to cunt the daft bint until I saw she’d taken grinning selfies during the fucking rescue.

Bill the silly spunk trumpet for the costs. And loads of tats on a bird is worse than genocide anyway, so a double cunting is warranted.

And I wouldn’t touch her with yours an’ all.

Daily Fail

Nominated by CuntyBollocks.

81 thoughts on “Michaela Ogilvie”

  1. RNLI are right meddling cunts.
    Cheated Davey Jones of many a visitor.

    I have to say I’m disappointed in Michaela.
    I was a punter I’d be asking for a refund.

    She’s got the body of a school dinnerlady.

    And that’s either burst blood vessels in her cheeks or badly applied rouge.

  2. I have to say that I would in fact touch her with mine 💪💋

    But of course, I would then proceed to throw her out into the street 😀

    I wouldn’t like her hanging about.

    One has to consider the neighbours.

    Good afternoon.

    • She considered climbing up the cliff face😄
      In high heels!
      Hehehe

      If any of you have been on sea cliffs they’re fuckin lethal.
      Slippery with bird shit,sharp, and sheer.

      She of made a meaty thud as she fell 50ft onto the deck of the lifeboat.

      I can see why she didn’t get along with her previous boss!

  4. Dinner ladies are jolly souls.

    Big tits and plum duff.

    What more could you ask ?🙂

    Afternoon, MNC

    • Afternoon Jack👍

      I’ve never loved a woman like I loved Doreen my dinner lady when I was in infant school.
      😁

      • I know what you mean MNC. The smell of chip fat on a woman still gives me the horn 😀

      • I’d swagger to the serving hatch Jack

        ” Morning Doreen,
        Looking delicious those dumplings! (Saucy wink)

        (She’d giggle,
        All women melt at a cheeky 8yr old.)
        ” Double pie an chips please luv, skip the veg,
        Heavy on the gravy.
        Pudding?
        Oh I’m sweet enough luv!
        Tell you what wrap it to go.
        I’ll have it in P.E.
        Hey Doreen!
        Make it 2 spoons.
        Come an share it on the exercise mats ( cheeky grin).

        I’ve always had oodles of charm Jack.😁

      • There was a enquiry…
        People got fired…
        Few went to prison…

        The meals suffered for it.

  5. Still nice of the RNLI to pick a white person up..fucking racists, some brain surgeons might of drowned while they were picking up that bint…

  6. And hope she was grateful enough to let the whole lifeboat crew discharge their naval cannons in her.

  7. Our dinner lady back in the sixties used to read Palms, said I’d be in trouble with the law.

    Apart from an sp30 , nahh .!

    • One SP30? Pffft!

      My early ones cost £5, £7, £8, £10, £30 and £100. I was thirty by then and I gave up keeping track.

  9. I hope she gave all the lifeboat men a good nosh after being rescued.
    Bloody ungrateful bitch if she didn’t.

  10. I don’t know why they call it only fans, Lonely Wankers is a much better name.
    What kind of tragic tuggers pay these low rent scrubbers to see their saggy tits and worn out clouts? They could pay similar looking grunge smack money for a gobble and grunt, or go upmarket to a wash and wank palace to get something a bit cleaner.
    Surely paying for a fantasy wank would be for something way out of your league, not fucking readers wives level grumble?

    • Modern porn is too professional eh, GJ? Only men of a certain age will remember finding your Dad’s copy of Knave / Fiesta / Whitehouse (if your Dad was cool) and seeing the readers’ wives. Women who looked like Rose West on a bad day.
      Christ, imagine seeing your Mum in there?!
      Maybe that’s what turned Raoul Moat mental?

      • She wasn’t bad looking in her 20s it seems, old Rose.

        Would I have done her?

        I think she’d had too many up her for me to bother (she had a reputation as a whore). Always kept way from VD type birds.

        And ending up on a meat hook with naked Fred West smashing your skull with a hammer, while a bean flicking Rose screams ‘Finish him Fred!’ would be a sour end to the evening’s proceedings.

      • Yeah, cb you would be better off drinking bud lite and tugging to readers wives.

      • As a naive, horny young man, I once bought a copy of Readers’ Wives in a ‘top shelf panic buy’. No internet wanking in those days. Had to be brave and buy your porn in a shop. Always bought from a Pakistani bloke. Never if a lass was serving. Would’ve felt like Peter Sutcliffe doing that.

        Anyway, back to buying Readers’ Wives. Got it home, all excited. Trousers down, opened said publication and almost vomited.

        Scorched into my memory was a photo of a flabby arsed middle-aged woman, with a filled ashtray on the bedside table in a filthy, cluttered bedroom. What made it even worse was what seemed like a big shitty skidmark on the sheets.

        Had to wank over a picture of a normal looking bird with her tits out on a phone sex advert in the back in the end.

        Remember porn mags that had the words ‘For masturbatory purposes only’ on the front or inside cover?

        What the fuck was that about? What did you think I bought it for? To eat?

        Although how anyone could force a wank out of Readers’ Wives is beyond me.

      • Used to secrete mine in a thick broadsheet, worked every time. Who says porn is only free these days.

      • I only have a couple of smut mags, Club International, of 1976 vintage, rescued from a garage clearance. Nostalgic as fuck, as it was of the era when we used to find them dumped back in the day.
        Proper birds with fucking huge muffs, not a fake tit or tattoo in sight.
        Modern filth does nothing for me I’m afraid. 🙂

      • Having been the lucky recipient of a private education and also a filthy, but enterprising teenager, I was lucky enough to be the school porn magnate.

        Using birthday money to procure a couple of jazz mags for my personal pleasure from an unscrupulous corner shop owner, I showed a couple of classmates my epic score! One of which had one of the Mel and Kim tarts in it.

        Word got out and the orders poured in. Double the cover price.

        Sadly my empire came crashing down when some snitch piece of shit grassed me up for selling ninja throwing stars (guilty as charged) and my inventory was confiscated.

        The only thing I was left with was a pristine copy of Reader’s wives that was impossible to sell, due to the incredibly low quality of 1980’s readers wives.

        Gutted.

      • The first full frontal magazine i had was acopy of For Men Only when i was about 13. i enjoyed the tits and arse but most of the models had drooping beef curtains that made me grimace.
        I think think modern shaven twats with tge lips tucked away are a lot more appealing, even if hslf of them have plastic tits and tattoos.

  11. I used to love finding my dad’s wank mags or hedgerow porn.
    Tatty pages, out in the elements, lovely!!

    As a youth I’d get so aroused I’d roll on it like a dog in foxshit

    My voice would become guttural
    And my eyes spaced out.

    Often I’d howl as I shot hot baby batter into the nettles.

    Oh to be young again..

  13. Fucking tattoos ruin a woman. Says a lot about her mind too. I don’t feel the need to permanently scar my epidermis with shit that I think is “meaningful” that will look like a wadded up old jizz rag when I’m 70. Any woman who does is a turn off to me.

    • I agree, MC.

      Elder came home with her navel pierced, at 16.
      I locked the door and bolted it, with her outside, until she took the piercing out.

    • i’m not keen either. Something small on the ankle or belly isnt too bad but a face like scrapyard or tattoos on the neck?
      Leave her to the Royal Marines.

  15. She should count herself lucky the lifeboat wasn’t full of our multicultural friends on their way to a new luxury life in good old England…

    She’d still be in that cove now,with her head caved in and her arsehole even more like a windsock than when left her bedsit.

    Dear me.

  16. She has 50,000 followers and makes 1,000 a month.

    That’s 2p per follower per month.

    Perhaps not something to be proud of.

    • Too much emphasis on looks nowadays.

      Im attracted foremost to a womans intellect.
      Looks aren’t important to me.

      It’s what’s going on in the mind!

      I fell for Mrs Miserable because she was academic and held deep conversations on our dates.

      This is her

      https://pin.it/6kMiUw7

    • £1k a month?!!!

      Daft cow she should be monetizing fuck out of it.
      Some of these lasses are coining it and make £250k a year!!!
      Living in £900k houses and driving Porsches.

      She needs to up her fucking game the dopey fucking slacker!!

      • They are the exception rather than the rule. £1000 a month still puts her in the top 10-15% of earners on OnlySlags.

  17. Some bloke got up in my face in the pub last night and said, “What’s this I hear, that you’ve been looking at pictures of my girl on-line?”

    Before I could answer he said, “And why the fuck are you giving them likes?”
    I said, “Yeah,sorry about that, my finger must have slipped while I was having a wank”….

  18. I don’t get only fans, only morons more like. You can find as much free nudity as you want with a google search but there are guys financing council estate Katie Price wannabes with their hard earned.

    Some of these bints pay other people to reply to messages and drum up new income by messaging subscribers pretending to be them.

    I don’t get it? What’s the attraction to giving money away to old slappers on the internet?

    • There are some seriously lonely men out there Sixdog.

      Spent their life wanking themselves unconscious over internet porn and playing call of duty and now don’t know how to chat up a bird in the pub

      No people skills

  19. A grand a month?
    She’d better double her output, then, because she’d be paying that until the RNLI had recouped the cost of her rescue, if I had my way.
    Daft cow! It’s not just herself she put in jeopardy!

  20. An interesting exposure of Santonian and Coniacan Chalk, there, with a prominent black flint band. Otherwise, meh.

    • A man can get lonely.
      I understand.

      I know a few on ISAC long for the touch of a woman but are painfully shy.
      Blushing and stuttering.
      Or can only go out at night in a hat due to your looks.

      But OnlyFans isn’t the answer.

      Get a ladder!

      • Mis, you’ll be the death of me!
        I was choke /laughing.
        I literally couldn’t breathe.
        The cat was concerned!

      • Evening JP👍

        Doing anything over bank holiday?
        Seeing your daughter’s or grandaughter?

        I like bank holidays
        Out with missus and dog tomorrow,then a lazy afternoon of Colombo🙂

      • Only if I’d been licking my arse, Baz.

        I’m too crippled with the Arthur these days, to contort.

      • No need. I have an old transit, several syringes full of intravenous temazapam, and some rope.

  21. Yes, to both Mis.
    Elders for Sunday roast and a kiss from my Lass, what could be better?
    Sunday am with Sis, though.
    She’s getting worse, absolutely barking!
    She really shouldn’t be driving, she’s a fucking accident waiting to happen.
    Tried to speak to my brothers, they don’t want to know.
    Not until she shakes a 7, then the pair of them will be all over her £££.
    Tough shit lads, she’s left it all to me!

    • Nice one JP👍

      That’s what it’s all about.

      I’m going to ask our kid out for lunch next week.
      I have two nieces,
      One is 4yrs old and she can get anything out of me or my dad🙂

      • They’re brilliant at that age.
        Absolutely no barriers. Speak what they see!
        Sat in the GPS waiting room with a 5 year old Elder.
        This woman comes in and Lordy Lord!
        Dark didn’t do it justice.
        Elder says, in that audible tone that only 5 year old kids can achieve….
        “is that lady Chinese?”
        Cue entire room, including the “Chinese” lady, laughing.
        Kids, eh!
        Stringy, hardly edible.

      • Indeed JP…my youngest 7 years ago when he was 5:
        “Daddy, why is that lady fat?”
        “She isn’t fat, she’s going to have a baby”
        Two weeks later (quite loudly in the supermarket, pointing at a massive fat monstrosity:
        “Daddy, is that lady going to have a baby?”
        The fat slug was not amused when I laughed loudly!

  22. I know I always say this but…….. “I’d fire one into her”.

    For those who say I have low standards; I would say that I have “eclectic standards” (which makes me sound pretentious, therefore sophisticated, therefore better than you picky bastards).

  26. As for OnlyFans, a grand a month puts her in thee top 10-15% of its ‘models’.

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