Jacinda Ardern (5)

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Okay settle down children, I’m going to tell you a story.

Once upon a time in a faraway land called New Wokeland there lived a tribe of people called The Keewees. One of the Keewees, a girl called Jacinda, was not happy because lots of Keewees were so poor their children lived in cars. ‘Make me your Queen’ said Jacinda to the other Keewees ‘and I will stop children living in cars, for I am Jacinda, I am kind and I can do no wrong.’ So the Keewees made her their Queen and Jacinda set about making New Wokeland a better place.

Some time later a strange yellow virus started affecting people worldwide. ‘We don’t want that here’ said Jacinda, so she shut New Wokeland off from the whole world. Even Keewees who were visiting other lands could not return home, and they were not happy. When vaccines against the virus were available, some Keewees did not want to have them, so Jacinda made them second-class citizens. Then she gave more rights to the Mowrees, a group of Keewees who had been in New Wokeland longer than the other Keewees, who were not happy. When some Keewees contradicted her Jacinda said ‘They all lie, only I am to be believed, for I am Jacinda, I am kind and I can do no wrong.’

Then some people from other lands wanted to live in New Wokeland to make a better life for themselves, but Jacinda would not let them come because they had medical needs and her doctors were already busy. ‘This is terrible’ shouted all the world’s Right Thinking People, assuming a horrible man called Donald or Boris must be King of New Wokeland. But when they found out it was Jacinda, they all chorused ‘That’s okay, for she is Jacinda, she is kind and she can do no wrong.’

But the Keewees were not happy. Three times as many children were now living in cars and Jacinda realised they didn’t want her to be Queen any longer. She had ‘nothing left in the tank’, a strange allusion to the burning of fossil fuels for a girl who believed in climate catastrophe. So she gave up being Queen, and all the world’s Right Thinking People were very sad.

But then one day, Prince Charming from the land where illegal immigrants live in hotels and army veterans live on the streets contacted Jacinda. ‘I want you to be Queen of the World’ said Prince Charming ‘and fly around the globe many times over to lecture the great unwashed about Climate Catastrophe’. This was just what Jacinda had been hoping for, as frankly New Wokeland had been too small to accommodate her ego.

So Jacinda became Queen of the World, and all the world’s Right Thinking People lived happily ever after.

Bbc news

Nominated by Geordie Twatt.

66 thoughts on “Jacinda Ardern (5)”

  2. If you’re feeling a little bit tired in the afternoon, forty winks can really help to recharge your batteries.
    Unless you’re from New Zealand where it sounds exhausting….

  3. Another woke zealot who is being rewarded for failure and probably being paid a fortune to ‘work’ a few days a month to lecture the rest of us on how we live our lives. This Earthshot crap dreamed up by Silly Willy is just a cabal of big business including Paul Allen Foundation (Microsoft), Jeff Bezos, Jack Ma (Chinky Jeff Bezos) and Michael Bloomberg to push vested interests dressed up as saving the planet.

  4. They are both bald for a start and Willie will have his fathers trait of shuffling the cufflinks I suppose.

    • This bint whose seen more air miles than a kiwi means well, but stay out of airports and the family car. Jump on a bicycle or walk if you want to save face.

  5. Nice work Mr Twatt.

    If this horse faced mental cunt wants to save the world then she and her colleagues in bullshit should stop talking about it and act upon their beliefs..

    Sell everything they own and set up a commune in the woods somewhere (I recommend Botswana) and communicate with their audience by carrier pigeon exclusively.

    Otherwise just carry on telling us what awful planet vandals we all are whilst eating eight course dinners in palaces,flying non stop around the world by private jet and investing your vast wealth secretly in Russian and African mining companies.

    Fucking windbag hypocrite cunt.

    Oven.

  7. Fucks sake. She cant keep out of GB affairs can she? Worked under that cunt Blair, now silly Willy has invited her to fuck us over again.

    Shergar, fuck off or I will ship you to the glue factory personally. Fucking horse faced nightmare.

  9. The big nashers seem to be essential for ugly wimminz who want to “be” somebody – Maggie “Bunny” Beckett, Jess Phillips, Thornberry – just a pity Pixieballs didn’t have bigger choppers.

  10. I keep having the same dream in which I turn into a horse, that’s four nights on the trot….

  11. Don’t fret yourselves… I honestly believe that in say, five years time, no fucker will even remember what Earthshot was!
    Just bide your time – I just hope I am still here to savour it all.

    • I have no idea what Earthshot is and no interest at all in looking it up. I have no doubt it’s bullshit, lying, climate change bollocks which I am NOT responsible for, never mind what some global travelling, hypocritical, rich cunt says.

  12. Shergars well in with Prince Baldybollock.

    The king is a blushing woke bush bothered
    And his bald at 15yrs sons are woke as fuck too.

    I don’t take advice off someone who doesn’t brush his own teeth
    Or off someone who’s a chin tattoo away from being a native.

    They can shove their green Messiah bullshit up their arse🖕

  15. Another one who’ll now be getting her rewards for helping the globalists.

    You know, the 200k per 1 hour speech. Huge salary for doing fuck all for some NGO.

    They’re all at it.

    Fucking shithouses.

  16. Ugly cunt but I think I still would.

    Would need to keep those gnashers away from me nob though.

    Could peel an orange through a tennis racquet.

  17. That Rob Walker fella who MCs the World snooker every year. On just now introducing the players.

    What the fuck does he do for the rest of the year?

  19. I don’t understand the Kiwis and the Aussies.

    Nowadays they proper pander to the indigenous folk. The Maoris and the Abos.

    I remember the Ashes last year. Before every test they had some abo giving an announcement in the stadium that ‘this land was, is and always will be aboriginal land.’

    They all clapped. Should’ve strung him up on the pitch.

    You got conquered and you’re lucky you weren’t genocided, like most other tribes did when they conquered others back in the days of no leccy, 40 year lifespan at most etc.

    Get back in your filthy caravan and drink yourself blind on your homemade moonshine, you gobby twat.

    • Always was, always will be, always banging on about it. Give the fuckers their land but no more welfare handouts and watch them die out.

    • The Aboriginal inhabitants of Tasmania were literally hunted to extinction by settlers.

  20. I like Aussies!
    Kiwis according to Charles Darwin are a subspecies of Aussie.

    Just a opposable thumb and a chromosome shy of a Aussie.

    Aborigines are cavemen.
    When we first landed on Australia they had invented the stick,
    That’s it!!

    Thousands of years of evolution and they came up with cutting edge technology of a curved stick.
    They’d peaked at that.

  21. I thought I backed her in the grand national, faller at the first fence.
    Neigh payout for me.

    • Excellent article although I feel author should really say what he means and stop holding back… 😉

    • Hey Harry,

      Great article. And appropriately titled:

      The good; Seabiscuit is out of office.
      The bad; She is advising the Royal Family.
      The ugly; That’s obvious.

  25. Despite scanning all the comments carefully I am amazed to find no response from the imitation Keewee called Flaxon Saxon…

  27. In the news story she looks like a donkey.

    It’s good to see her and the future king smiling.

    Their combined carbon footprint must be the same as a small town of people.

    I doubt if either of them would be seen dead on a pushbike.

    Fuck them both, and their futile cause.

  28. She is nothiong but an evil conniving bucked tooth communist whore taking the piss.

  29. That’s a great article. I kept thinking this could be a description of Blair. Hardly surprising when you know that she learned at the feet of the Great Evil himself.
    Prince Baldybollocks can fuck right off as well.

  30. As a once proud New Zealander I am always pleased to see our former leader get a well deserved kicking on your esteemed site. She is a worthless sack of shit and a virtue signaling moron who has done irreparable damage to our country. Of course she couldn’t have done it without the help of most of my compatriots who showed themselves to be craven idiots when things got a bit tough. However I would like to point out that we have produced a few worldbeaters such as Ernest Rutherford, Edmund Hillary, Peter Snell and Anthony Wilding. Keep up the good work and I will no doubt tune in tomorrow for the next round of cuntings.

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