Shitty Hollywoke Film Remakes

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I think the general consensus here on IsAC is that we have reached a point in society of cultural stagnation. Bland sanitized music, the recent Shit Awards a prime example, woke comedy, preachy TV dramas and reality shows catering to ball scratching dossers and social media addicted yoofs…and pointless film remakes.

Writers today are just such uninspired lazy cunts, so devoid of original ideas for scripts its just so much easier to take a classic film from decades ago and utter those words that no cunt wants to hear, “Updated for modern audiences”. The remake adds nothing to the story, its just a chance to shoehorn in some social engineering and correct any historical wrong think from back when men had penises and the 14th century England was white.

Over the years many have been butchered to varying degrees of shittyness. Who can forget The Wicker Man with Nicholas Cage, Sly Stallone in Get Carter or the abomination that was Ghostbusters with a bunch of ugly feminists? Even one of my favourite westerns True Grit has fallen victim, being remade in 2010.

“Sorry Duke, your too ‘problematic’ and have been rebranded for modern sensitivities. Maybe a diversity workshop and a course on preferred pronouns in the workplace?”

“The hell I won’t”.

Stacker

Nominated by Liberal Liquidator.

108 thoughts on “Shitty Hollywoke Film Remakes”

  1. Rollerball a great film, the remake had a lead who should of had ice skates on and a sparkly leotard, mincing to the bolero.

  2. I pray to all that is holy the last Bond film to be ever made has already come out. The Craig ones were fairly decent, but mired by the odd bit of woke crap.

    • As much as I like the Bond films, it has to be said there has been an element of laziness in the plots.
      Bond goes rogue again.
      Mi6 ally surreptitiously helps get him out of the shit.
      The bird he’s shagging is working for both sides.
      The villains lair will invariably be in or on a mountain somewhere remote.
      M discovers Bond isn’t such a bad sort after all.
      The end.
      Oh well. Things can only improve when Mtebe gets the role.
      Just think of all the racism story lines they can choose from.

      • Here, take this little blue pill, it wont make you james bond but will make you roger moore. I thank you.

    • The last Bond film reassigned the 007 title to a black woman – says it all. I really do think that’s going to prove a case of “go woke go broke” and rightly so.

    • DC wasn’t really classically handsome enough for the role of JB but an excellent thesp nontheless,especially in Munich.More KGB than MI6.

  3. I agree about Wicker Man LL,
    That tit Nicholas cage spoils any film he’s in.

    The original is a brilliant film.

    Disagree about True Grit though.
    The remake is better than the original.

    Jeff Bridges plays the character of Rooster Cogburn better than John Wayne ever could.

    I’ve seen both, the modern one is much better.

  4. Here’s an idea for a new film:

    ‘The Grassing, Ticky Fairy Trolls on ISAC vs Dick Fiddler.

    They’re bullshitting, won’t provide a link, and Dick’s angry’

    A blockbuster!

    • I see the tick fairy has been busy overnight on a nominations by Mystic Maven, Herman & Gutstick. I wonder, has he / she / they aquired a new nom de plume of Onasty as I don’t recall seing that name before?

    • They could make the baddie a Trans-man tubby biological lezbo who sips testosterone cocktails and has had sewn on a rod and beanbag.

      “You und I are verry similar, Mz.Bond.”

    • I saw recently that all the James Bond books are to be rewritten to reflect modern sensitivities.

      Whatever the fuck that might mean.

      I am not sure if they intend to burn the old Bond books, but it wouldn’t surprise me.

  8. The Mark Wahlberg version of The Italian job was a real sh!tfest. What, no camp Freddie / Freddy? You’d have thought that these days he’d have been a shoe-in for a main character.
    The film version of Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy wasn’t fit to kiss the @rse of the BBC production either.

    • I forgot about the Keanu Reeves version of The Day The Earth Stood Still. The remake, even with the superior special effects technology available, was cr@p in comparison to the 50s version with Michael Rennie as Klaatu.

      • That remake of The Day the Earth Stood Still is a pile of utter wank.
        No remake could match the original, one of the best sci films ever made, and way ahead of its time for 1951.

  9. I’m still angry about Nicholas cage.

    I despise that little fuck.
    He only gets jobs because he’s related to Francis Ford Coppola.

    They made a film called Ghost Rider
    About a young bloke who sells his soul to the devil.
    I used to read the comics as a kid.

    He should be a early 20s moody rebel type,
    James Dean sort of thing.
    Who plays the part?

    Fuckin Nicholas in a wig and big goofy turkey teeth!
    Middle aged cunt in wig and leather pants.

    I was furious.

    Meant to be a flaming skeleton , the dark spirit of revenge.

    He looked like the ghost of Freddy Mercury.
    Cunt.

    • 🤣🤣🤣

      If it’s any consolation – I can’t stand the fucker either.

      He couldn’t act the goat.

      Morning Mis/All

      • belated morning Herman👍

        sorry went out on a job.
        He spoils everything that Nicholas cage.😡

        he started going bald when he was 8yrs old and thinks he’s some great actor?!!!

        Go work in the catering trailer slaphead.

  10. Most films are shit these days. Guess I’ll have to keep re watching pulp fiction and Shirley valentine over and over again

    Fn. the gentleman was ok.

    • I watched once upon a time in Hollywood again the other night.

      Rare I watch a film more than once,
      But Tarantino films are a acception.

      If you haven’t seen it here’s a clip

      https://youtu.be/jyWdtVEtN3o

    • I tried watching Pulp Fiction the other day, for the 3rd or 4th time. Yet again I gave up after about 15 minutes. I had no fucking clue what supposed to be going on and was bored shitless. I won’t bother again.

  11. The only remake that surpassed the original is Dawn of the Dead. The original is fantastic, but a bit ploddy.
    Looking forward to viewing ‘Cocaine Bear’ this weekend!

    • I loved all of George Romero’s Dead films up until Land of the Dead, which was terrible. Clever humour and satire replaced by clunky, obvious messages and Dennis Hopper’s crap George W Bush impression.
      A sad end to it all…😞

  12. The Wicker Man was an excellent film, with superb performances from all concerned, in particular Edward Woodward, who, as an actor, pisses all over Nicholas Cage.
    Christopher Lee actually put his own money into getting the film made, he loved it, unlike his role as Dracula, for Hammer,which he’d come to loathe.
    To matters sexual, the film also starred the juicy Ingrid Pitt and Britt Ekland.
    For some obscure reason, Britt didn’t mind showing her tits in the film, but was very coy about showing her bottom, for which, a body double was used.
    Perhaps she had a pimple on it.
    Anyway, modern films are rubbish
    This is Jack The Cunter, for ISAC Film Review.
    Good morning.

  13. I’ve always been fortunate were the land of cinema is concerned, after finding out from an early age that the halfwits from across the pond couldn’t make films for toffee, except for some of their earlier film noir, cinema of which they stole the idea from we europeans in the first place. Since the dawn of film making, the yanks have always gone for remaking foreign films and ended up making a pig’s ear of things.

    • I’ve heard a rumour they’re remaking KES with a diverse cast😦

      Billy will be played by Nicholas cage

      And Idris Elba as the shop keeper
      Denzel Washington as ‘ our Judd’.

      https://youtu.be/UoD6qTOa76o

      • Will they get that tranny Ellen / Eliott Page to shave her head in order to play the sports teachers role majestically performed by Brian Glover?

  14. Night Of The Hunter with Robert Mitchum and Shelley Winters is a superb dark film.
    If you’ve never seen it, it’s well worth a watch.
    A masterclass in acting.

  15. Fucking Disney are the most egregious company in this area.
    A race-swapped darkıe “Little Mermaid”…absolutely ridiculous.
    The only sootıes that belong at the bottom of the sea are the ones who have drowned after capsizing.

  16. Just waiting for a remake of the Towering Inferno.

    With Lammy taking the hero Steve McQueen role to get all his ‘friends’ out of Grenfell.

    Cunt

  17. The remake of Total Recall made my brain hurt it was so shit.

    I never cease to marvel at the level of deranged thinking by the coke addled money men in Hollywood.

    I wonder if they’d consider forming a British political party?

  18. Not too many films/series I’ve watched twice except for …
    The Sopranos
    Cinema Paradiso
    The Godfather

    Remakes are invariably shite with the odd exception.

  19. Hamshanks are only interested in making money. They even tried to destroy the early Italian neorealism cinema in the forties, when the likes of Vittorio de Sica were using none professional actors for authenticity and the septics tried to force him to use big named actors to make more money.

    The likes of “Ladri di Biciclette” one of the greatest films ever made would never have existed.

  20. No interest in Superheroes, Harry fucking Potter, Lords of Ringpieces or cartoons which most films seem to be. I am no longer 10 years old.
    I avoid remakes. Get Carter? Get to fuck.

    • How about a remake of How Green Was My Valley?
      It’s the updated story of a young pre-op Welsh tranny from Cwmscunt who disguises himself as a woman and becomes a WPC in the Gwent force only to be forced out when his true identity is revealed when his “truncheon” is groped by his sergeant at a boozy Policemans Ball.
      In shame the young lad flees his home town and, against the advice of his best friend Greta, becomes an organic, fair trade, leek farmer in the valleys. However, Greta’s warnings proved to be correct and the once lush valley he farmed soon becomes a dust bowl due to lack of rain caused by climate change.
      Again he was forced to move, this time to England where he sought his fortune as a bare knuckle prizefighter in Worcestershire but that didn’t turn out well as no-one ever showed up to his bouts.
      Disheartened, he moved to Lincolnshire where to this very day he works as a scarecrow in the pea fields.
      I believe Boggs Productions (Belize) were initially interested in acquiring film rights but thought the script may be too far fetched even for the wokies, after all who the fcuk would ever think it would stop raining in Wales.

  21. Some dozy cunt remade 12 Angry Men a while ago. I have never seen the remake but there was absolutely no point in remaking it. The original was perfect.

  23. The destroyers of the English language, even had the audacity to try and better Akira Kurosawa’s “Seven Samurai”. At least they could’ve made the effort and chose another number in the first place. It wouldn’t have mattered, they made the predictable “Town Hall’s” of it in the end, even trying to better their own effort with an almighty flop.

    • Even the plagiaristic heathens attempts at another of Kurasawa’s master pieces “Yojimbo” starring the great Toshiro Mifune, when they used cunt eastbound, who tried to look as menacing as the famous Japanese actor.

  24. Another example is the gradual watering (or more accurately, wokering) of the original Star Wars franchise.

    Started solidly with New Hope, ESB and RotJ, but then starting going a little wokey and shitty with Phantom Gonads, Attack of the Arseholes and Revenge of the Shits.

    And 10 years later the franchise really has gone woke with The Farts Awakens and Rogered One, capped off with the tick-boxing shitfest that is The Rise of Skywanker.

    • The Mandalorian was great. But I dare say that will be woked up soon enough.

      Obi Wan Kenobi was pure woke dog dirt. With that mouthy ‘feisty’ sambeau strutting around. She actually goes one on one with Vader and survives? My fucking arse.

      • Oh, and Darth Vader kills all Jedi in the temple, but he saves/spares a ‘special’ dark personage to train. Funny how that wasn’t in the original story. And, funny how they had to be black. Amazing, how all gifted people are female and black nowadays…🤔

    • I used to be a bit of a fan but these days just like the original 3.

      i’m too fed up with Disney to give the Mandalorian a go also it isn’t a story i give two fucks about and Baby Yoda is a gimmick.

  25. That upcoming ‘movie’ about an all black and all female unit during World War II….
    You just know that they are ll going to be ‘badass’, they are all going to be ‘feisty’ and have ‘attitue’, they are going to go one on one with hard case Nazis and win, they are going to be cleverer and braver than all the other soldiers, leaders like Churchill and Monty will defer to them, and they are going to walk with that wobbly head ‘talk to the hand’ thing that all black women in modern films and TV do (see that daft bitch from that Obi Wan Kenobi atrocity).

    In other words, it will be revisionist inaccurate woke misandrist shite of the highest orser.

  26. One of the lowest points in all of this remake/rehash shite has surely got to be the 2016 version of Ghostbusters.

  27. They even made a balls up of assassinating their own president and knocking down a couple of towers.

  28. How about a film about a no-nonsense, hate-filled hard-case called Jeffery, who’ll take on all-comers, if they turn up?

    ‘The Bout Behind The Bike Sheds in Worcestershire or Ruislip’.

    It’s a winner.

  29. Next will be a remake of The Great Escape. But rather than being set at a WWII German prison camp, it will be filmed at 4 star hotel in Brighton containing 300 newly arrived dinghy riders planning their escape.

    “Big X” will be played by Lenny Henry
    “The Forger” played by David Lammy
    “Tunnel King/Queen” – Sam Smith
    “Intelligence” – Diane Abbott
    “Evil Bad Guy” – some white hetero bloke
    “The Cooler King” – Stormzy

    That should tick the correct boxes I think.

  30. If you want to watch menacing cinema, try the films of Michael Haneke the Austrian director, instead of eyewash from the septic-tanks.

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