Death [2]

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Yes, it comes to us all in the end and obviously we want our demise to happen as quietly and as painlessly as possibly.

However, in my lifetime I have seen my parents, grandparents and some of my in-laws succumb to death via different variations and levels of pain through cancer.

It really is quite hard to watch you mother, father, grandfather etc. take their last breath in some hospital/hospice bed. One minute they’re alive, the next they’re gone!

On all those occasions I kept wondering what they must be thinking in their sub-conscious state? They’re probably aware of what cancer means and that they will succumb sooner or later. But to be lying their in bed just waiting for the inevitable must be quite unbearable.

But then it also got me thinking about how they prepare for death to arrive. Do they think “I will never walk again, never eat again, never laugh again. Could this be my last breath? What happens after that? How will I know if I am dead or if I’m asleep?”

And that’s what bothers me most. How do you know when you’re dead? How does your mind/body tell you’ve reached the end of the line and everything simply shuts down!

I would like to think that crossing the death threshold will be very similar to falling into a deep sleep. It’s just that when we do go to sleep we hope to awaken again a few hours later. But if you go into a deep sleep how do you know you will wake up again?

I think I would hate having to wait around in some hospice bed for death to arrive. Uncertain of when or how it will arrive. Instead you’re just hanging on to the last thin threads of life until your body/mind shuts down for good and there’s nothing you can do about it.

(A very existential nomination, but one that has been bothering me for some time now)

Nominated by : Technocunt

171 thoughts on “Death [2]”

  2. Can’t say for sure, but I think you know when the end is imminent. Don’t ask me how. My Dad knew 3 days before he passed – he started saying his goodbyes.

    Not a thing I like to give headspace too, to be honest. It’s there, but tucked away in a dark corner. One box I like to keep shut and locked so I can try and enjoy life.

    • You fuckin goth Techno.

      I was in a lovely state of mind till you started on about the Reaper.

      I’m alright.
      I’m young !!

      It’s you he wants.

      • To be honest a couple of weeks ago the missus wanted to know if I had any life insurance and how much it would be worth if I kicked the bucket any time soon!

        So now I’m on red alert!

  3. Something that has bothered me for some time too Techno. Yes. “How do you know when you’re dead? Maybe it’s when all the real friends, & relatives turn up at your funeral. I guess the best way is to just enjoy life while it lasts, because it may not come round for a second time. Or there again! That might just be another story.

    • Being dead is exactly the same as before you were born. Stars going supernova billions of years ago created the heavy elements that make up our bodies. We were in the middle of those epic explosions. How awesome is that.

    • Read Neale Donald Walche’s-‘Conversations With God’ trilogy.A whole new way of contemplating the unavoidable.

      • It’s the knowing you are going to die, everyone knows they are going to die, can’t escape it, at what point do you actually start to take it seriously.

      • Help! Help!

        I’m having a whitey,
        Just realised I’m gonna die?!!!

        Waaaaa!!!!
        😆😆

        Hey hold on.
        I always knew.
        Fuck it.

        I’ve had a smashing life.
        Never seriously hurt anyone.
        Never cheated people.
        Kind to little kids and animals.

        Life well lived 👍
        And I regret nowt.

      • The essence of it for me Sick.
        I don’t fear death, I fear the process of dying. I guess that the best we can all hope for is that it’s as quick and painless as it can be when our time comes.
        I somehow think that it’s not the end tho, and that in some form our consciousness lives on and leads us to greater knowledge and understanding. Our life on this ‘plane’ is just one aspect of reality. If we really do just blink in and blink out, our existence here must be the most profoundly pointless and meaningless thing ever.

      • Bloody hell Ron, now that’s getting into ‘why are we here’ territory 😂
        However very true, in the grand scheme of things we are just a blot on the landscape.

        As this is a techno nom, perhaps think of it like a computer or iPhone, we start off all shiny and new with everything working perfectly but as time goes by the software becomes obsolete and the hardware isn’t quite what it used to be.
        Eventually there are no upgrades available and finally one day it just doesn’t switch on anymore.

      • I think we should stop thinking of ourselves as something “special”. Surely, in actuality we are simply just another one of the millions of organisms that inhabit this planet – albeit an extremely (possibly the most), complicated organism – but just another one.
        And our reason for being here? Simple, just like all the others it is to produce the next generation.
        Ain’t rocket science – that’s just one of the games we’ve become involved in !!!!

  5. ‘How does your mind/body tell you’re reached the end of the line…..?’
    Simple Techno. It’s when you’ve started buying the Daily Mail.

  6. Never used to give it a thought, but as I approach 74 I think about it a little too much. I mean it’s difficult not to, like when you get a new passport and think that’s my last one, or car etc.
    Grandkids arrive and you know you won’t see them grow up to adulthood, they keep mentioning drugs to reverse the ageing process, well they need to get a fucking wriggle on.

      • Fuck death.

        When my numbers drawn I want to be doing 80mph on the M62 ,
        Oncome coach full of illegal immigrants,
        And massive heart attack.

        See you in paradise
        Don’t forget your passport

      • I found that quote from Socrates encouraging Ron, until I remembered that when he died he was the same age as I am now!

      • @arfur

        Ol’ So-crates was a glass half full kind of guy, a real fanny rat by all accounts, when he wasn’t pondering on the state of the government.

        I always found this observation of his, as recounted by Plato in ‘The Republic’, to be profound;

        ‘I love to eat moussaka and I love to eat pastitsio, but most of all, I love to eat fanny’.

        He knew a thing or two, that lad.

  7. Don’t worry about it Techno. If you like to believe in reincarnation, think of it like this. What year was I born in? Ok where was I the year before? I didn’t exist. Then all of a sudden I did. I’m only returning to where I’ve been before.

    If this thought is comforting, fine. I think it’s a load of bollocks myself. I’m of the nihilist / pessimist / anti-natalist persuasion. Life is a load of crap, it involves a lot more pain than pleasure and we’d be better off not existing in the first place. When the end comes I just don’t want to suffer, but the thought of death itself doesn’t bother me. We’re all in the same boat.

    • Mostly agree with you Allan though having experienced pain and pleasure I’ve had the good fortune to have had more of the latter than the former. Maybe I’ve just been lucky. I’ve no doubt that the reason many people believe in a sky fairy is because they find mortality so unpalatable. I think that in the overall scale of the universe we are utterly insignificant and when the human race goes extinct, long before the sun goes nova, it won’t matter a toss.

      • Bleak but true Arfur.

        No point anyone’s bottom lip trembling either.
        YOUR ALL GONNA DIE.
        Accept it.

        I have a artisan funeral parlour to deal with my remains.

        My urn is a bespoke camphor piece thats painted country cream.

      • After you demise Mis and the ‘quickie’ funeral the wife and kids will be home sharpish, ‘turn that heating up’ 😉

      • 😁😁
        Definitely.

        I’m to scatter my dad’s ashes atop Kinder Scout.
        And my dog Freya will go there too.

        I want mine there but everyone is to lazy.
        Mine won’t get any further than the carpark bin in Hayfield ☹️

      • Put a clause in your will, Mis.

        No payout until your ashes are scattered at Kinder, observed by your brief.

        Problem solved.

      • Fair point.

        I keep on hearing people squawking about parents “squandering their inheritance”
        Who the fuck do they think they are?
        How dare they try to dictate how their parents spend their own money.

    • I hope this isn’t reincarnation. You could come back as anything – slug, moth, flea or any other species currently found in the current Labour party!

      But seriously – I just hope that once you’re dead you’re dead.

      • Some people today are hoping that when the die, they go to in infinite, eternal…

        GREGGS where al the pies are FREE.

  11. Bob Monkhouse used to say…
    I want to die quietly in my sleep like my father did.
    Unlike his passengers, screaming and shouting!

  12. As long as I don’t go like Fiddler probably will, falling off a ladder while raiding a pigeons nest for dinner and then being eaten by the hounds.

  14. Dying doesn’t bother me, it’s inevitable and there’s no get out of jail free card.

    Being in pain, however, does. I wish we could have a choice. I’d chose suddenly, without warning over long and protracted any day.

  15. Thought provoking. Would anyone want to know how long you’d got left? Not sure I would, and that might be coloured by how healthy you were on getting the news.

    • No but I would like to know exactly where I’m going to die So Long. Then I would make sure never to fucking go there.

  16. If Techno is so worried about dying he should go down the local Mosque and piss on the Qu’ran. It will all be over in a flash. Of course he will be forever known as a FAR RIGHT TERRORIST but that’s not so bad.

  17. That header pic?
    I got a birthday card off my best mate with a similar image
    An it said

    “Come to poppa..”

    Hahaha 😄

    • I hope I don’t snuff it before I’ve finished this large bowl of jam sponge and custard.

      TBH, I’m not worried in the slightest.

      I’ve received certain guarantees.

      In living fire.

      I’m going to live for ever.

      I will never die.

      When the Sun 🌞 conks out.

      I’ll witness it.

      I am eternal.

      Unlike you poor cunts.

      For whom the shadows lengthen as The End draws near.

      Good evening.

  18. When I was 34 I got acute haemorrhagic pancreatitis the fucking pain was so bad it made me unconscious that was before the medics pumped me full of opiates that knocked me out for over a week I wasn’t expected to live and if I hadn’t I would have just gone from one side to the other without a clue, but coming round and being told it may happen again was infinitely worse. The knowing your at risk of or being told your on your way out fucks your brain up.

  19. When I was in India I went to Varanasi which is a very holy place for Hindus. Day and night they have dozens of funeral pyres burning on the ghats by the Ganges, all in the open with locals and tourists (me included) gawking at the whole thing while the families perform their rituals and last rites, its quite something to see really.

    But then I think they ruin it by chucking the burnt corpse into the river along with all the rubbish, sewage and human waste. They are quite relaxed about death maybe because of reincarnation but would be pissed off if you can back as a fish in said river or a flea on some scabby dogs arse.

  20. Blue Oyster Cult didn’t fear the reaper so why should I?
    Animals don’t know they’re going to die. Maybe ignorance is bliss eh?

  21. You often hear people say that they want to retire and spend their last days ‘in the countryside’.

    Fuck that.

    I want to retire and live above a knocking shop in Bangkok.

    I intend to fuck myself to death.

    • I don’t understand that, either, unless you have some kind of fetish about animal shit, roadkill and watching sheep.

    • Fuck yourself to death? Ambiguous phrasing, to say the least. Die fucking I could live with, so to speak.

      • You’d have to have a 3 foot-long cock to fuck yourself to death. If you shoved it up your own arse, you’d look like a petrol pump.

      • I’d like to go out like Mr. Hastings, in the Derek & Clive “Nurse” sketch.
        Oh, and in the middle of a Barenboim concert, if the old cunt is still extorting his toll on life.

  23. Been lurking for years. Great Nom Tech. Got the Cancer last year, they said its gone now after Chemo and Surgery but who knows if it come back. I done my death prep and was strangely calm. Relaxed even.

  25. Not bothered.

    Had enough of this life and the bunch of cunts I have to share this planet with who have made the last 50 years utterly miserable.

    The only reason I stay alive is because it really pisses off the cunts who hate me.

    Can’t wait to see fallen friends, beloved family members and faithful pets again.

    • Any of you lads fancy coming coffin shopping with me?

      Pick out something nice?

      Mines gonna need a few extra pall bearers 😁

      I’d like a tasteful no fuss service.

      A ram’s horn blares mournfully,
      The pipers start up ‘ the last post’ on Stockport town hall.

      I’m laid out in my favourite Motorhead t-shirt and comfy on sheepskins,
      My axe in my hand for the afterlife,
      Women sob hysterically
      Men raise a glass of ale or mead,
      The six midnight black horses step on the rose petal scattered highway,

      We pull into the boneyard and the chief druid welcomes my cadaver.
      A 30ft bronze statue of me is unveiled,
      Leering at the world in insolence.

      In the film I’d like to be played by The Rock.
      I like him!
      Tyson Fury maybe?
      Or if he was to upset and refused then that fat Aussie,
      Russell crowe.
      I like him too.

      • I’ve told my wife to throw me in the garden waste bin, under some grass clippings so it doesn’t look suspicious.

      • Careful Mis. The 30′ bronze statue is going to disappear faster than you can say ‘Thieving pikey scum’.

        Is the casket in a tasteful country cream? 😀

      • Then what?

        Push you out to sea in a blazing longboat?

        Build a platform on a mountain, leave you on it to dry out, then come back next year to burn you, toasting marshmallows and drinking beer.

        Lob you in the Ganges, with the dead donkeys?

        I’m having a pyramid.

  26. I want to disagree with this nomination but sadly I can’t. Death is a natural part of life which has a very appropriate purpose and place………. unlike fucking cyclists.

  27. Near-death afterlife experience from the 1980 film, Resurrection, starring Ellyn Burstyn, the mother in The Exorcist…

    (skips to 6:47, lasts about 5 minutes)
    https://youtu.be/ohjvxz9ZXpg?t=407

    Kinda spooky. What happens when we die? We enter another realm, matrix, simulation? Repeat our lives like in Groundhog Day until we live this life never ever being an asshole? Hmm…

    • Scots have a low life expectancy Gordon.

      Poor diet, unhealthy lifestyle etc.
      Nearly 20yrs shorter than some parts of southern England.

      Some of the old blokes on here will probably outlive you?!

      To a similar aged lad from say Surrey,
      He’d look a lot younger,
      Like you’d aged in dog years.

      Your probably just entering your twilight years now,
      Time to start planning for the big day!😁👍

    • Only £2.80 delivery that’s a plus point.

      Better off getting the kindle version plugging it in and dropping it in the bath.

      • I’m not dropping my Kindle in the bath!
        How silly would that be.
        Just delete it, or return it to Kindle Unlimited.

    • £120?!!!
      Fuck that.

      I’d go with trial and error.
      How hard can it be?

      Anyone interested,
      For £120 I’ll massage your cranium with half a house brick and you can be playing the harp within 15 minutes.

      More money than sense.

      • Well, Mis.

        Ain’t that the truth. I could flood this site with items to buy that would make you think
        Why?
        How much?
        Do fuck off!
        No!

      • Paid £18 for mine about 12 years ago.

        It’s no longer in print, which is why it commands such a high price on the secondhand market.

        A pity, because it’s extremely comprehensive and informative. 😁

      • Ruff: “It’s no longer in print…”

        Did the staff at the publisher’s all kill themselves?! 😀

      • Ruff: “A pity, because it’s extremely comprehensive and informative.”

        List some of the weirdest methods, please!

        Is one of them: “Read the complete works of Ruff Tuff Creampuff at http://www.is-a-cunt.com ? 😀

      • Ruff: “Paid £18 for mine about 12 years ago.”

        14th February 2011 was the day he met Gutstick Japseye at the YMCA Valentines Dance! 😀

      • Gordon @

        Never mind fuckin about and winding up Ruff,

        Clocks ticking!

        Have you thought about your funeral plan?

        I can sell you a great package deal,
        Mates rates obviously.

        The icy touch of the Reaper touching your collar😄

      • PS: £120 wouldn’t put me off if I seriously wanted to research the best way to pop my clogs, which is what I doing at the time.

      • Joking aside, Ruff, I’m glad you didn’t end your life. Did you realise your problems were fuck all and just soldiered on? We’re in amazing times, this decade, you’ll see things that will make the century so far and all Hollywood movies look, sound and smell like a FART IN A HURRICANE! 😀

        Play a record…
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aBAW8fsyeuw

      • Oh dear, Gordon.
        Apparently, at 68 years, I have to verify my age to “play your record”
        I’m old, not stupid, I know a scam when I see one.

  30. All you old fucking cunts shouldn’t be moaning about dying. Think of the life you led compared to the poor brainwashed, dippy pathetic yoof of today. The music, the culture, the films the telly, the birds, the drugs, the booze, the comparative lack of w*gs. When I think of the things I did as a yoof no cunt could afford that these days.
    I once went to the funeral of a 14 year old girl, died of a brain haemorrhage. That, my friends, was a tragedy. Think yourselves lucky you lived when you did you moany old bastards.

    • British men who were born in the 1950s and 1960s act like they lived through some Hellish epoch of plague, civil war, famine, nuclear fallout. I think it’s the news media, Hollywood movies and the contrast to this even cushier age we are in that causes this. In reality, the past sixty years were a piece of piss compared to previous six-thousand years.

      Life is what you make it, you can’t blame others if you have shit life due to not taking risks.

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