Bizarre Sex

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I’ll own that over my many years, I’ve been a keen student of the weird and wonderful world of human sexuality, and even at my age, you can learn something new every day. Sometimes however, you just have to wonder at how odd people can actually be.

Take the recent case of a couple of middle-aged swingers from Oz, who have perpetrated a ‘sex act’ involving, er, a trout. Details are frustratingly, if understandably sketchy, so we can only imagine the indignities that the poor fish was forced to endure.

Police have charged the tossers with bestiality, and quite right too; IsAC readers will, I’m sure, join me in expressing sympathy for the poor fish. It gives a whole new meaning to the expression ‘trout pout’.

Daily Star

Nominated by: Ron Knee.

101 thoughts on “Bizarre Sex”

  1. Poor fish indeed……..unless it was a Sturgeon! That needs a good fucking …….any volunteers?

  2. Just try to imagine the sex life of Eddie Izzard, the poof who so hates being a poof he dresses up as a woman to get a bit of dick. Too many “men” like him and Angela Rayner would join a convent.

  3. Bestiality will be next to be added to the Alphabets’ ever growing list of weirdos and degenerates.

    Fish Pride festivals anyone?

    Not sure what the animal rights groups will think!

  6. Should have rammed an Australian pike up her snatch. That would have been a bit more sporty.

  11. Were they Tasmanian?
    How does a Tasmanian know that his mother is on the blob? His brother’s dick tastes different.

  12. Anyone else noticed how filthy pædos prefer to be known as “m.a.p’s” (minor-atracted persons)?
    Kiddie-fiddlers, by their own admission, can’t be ‘fixed’, so rather than chemically castrating them, Pfizer ought to be allowed to test all manner of experimental but necessary drugs upon them, reducing the approval period.

  13. Aussies banging fish in the cemetery makes one long for the good old days when the sons of convicts were shagging sheep in the outback.

  14. It’s not just homo sapiens that likes a bit of extra-curricular activity with a different species. I recall a mate of long ago who had a large, horny male rabbit with a particular penchant for cats, and he wasn’t too fussed about which of kitty’s orifices he invaded.
    Why can’t Attenbollocks make a series on the subject of animals fucking other animals instead of lecturing us plebs on our carbon footprint from his vantage point up Greta’s arsehole? That’s one series I might actually watch.

    Incidentally, after pleasuring themselves with the trout, I trust our friends in Australia cooked it and ate it. I don’t like to see food go to waste.

  15. I go to bed with a rhododendron, I do
    Me and my rhododendron we’re the best of friends
    I stick my swilly in it
    I stick my swilly in the rhododendron
    I stick it right in
    Because me and my rhododendron is the best of friends
    Nobody can make us part, we’re the best of friends,
    Me and my rhododendron friend.
    I stick my swilly in it, got me?!
    Rhododendron, rhododendron, I love my rhododendron
    I stick my swilly in it, got me?!
    Good morning.

  17. I’m quite easily pleased, aslong as I get to do a bit of hair pulling when I’m taking them from behind, and I can get my hand around their throat during some intense missionary, it’s all good.

  18. The aforementioned video in the nom was recently doing the rounds on WhatsApp.
    Courtesy of some work colleagues, I got the chance to observe a woman getting fucked by a live trout that her partner inserted repeatedly into her!
    Suffice to say a very weird perversion and I seem to remember the woman having a large ‘balloon knot’ asshole to boot!

    I know Aussies are are pretty strange bunch, but wanting to fuck your partner with a live fish is next level!

    I sometimes wonder what the outcome would be had he used a pirhana? 🤔

    • I remember a story from years ago about a couple of gays who were supposedly ‘inserting’ a gerbil or hamster into each other.
      A mate told me that he’d seen the story in the paper after the pair had been to court, but I was never completely sure as to whether it was just apocryphal or not.
      Wouldn’t surprise me though.

  19. Since the dawn of time, fish have never had their say in whether a hook in the mouth was pleasurable or not. Yet the barbaric act is still allowed to go on.

    • Why didn’t they use eels of the electric variety at that. They’re most likely able to wriggle themselves out of any smelly infected holes with ease.

    • They are playing a very dangerous game. One cross word between them. I think the piranha will come into play.

  20. This story reminds me of a woman I knew back in my uni days, who admitted after a few drinks that she fantasised about sex with an alsatian dog (not sure why, but it was an alsatian or nothing).

    I don’t know whether she ever did, but it wouldn’t surprise me. She was a filthy bitch.

    People are really weird and wonderful.

    Ah well. Morning all.

  23. Worked with a bloke once who was highly religious, attended church every sunday and didn’t like our smutty conversation one bit.
    One day he didn’t show up to work and no sight of him for the next few days.
    We later found out that his wife found him in the basement hanging in her clothing.
    We were fucking gob smacked.
    The irony of the story is that his wife was a Psychiatrist at sussex university

  24. I hate deviancy.
    Sex is a unnecessary evil strictly for procreation.

    And the good lord sees you ‘touching’ yourself.
    You dirty little bleeders.
    That’s a sin.

    I’m a strictly vanilla type,
    A quick in/out with a ping pong ball up our kybers, frogman suit on and genital piercings.

  25. A WhatsApp group I belong to shared this video and I had no idea about this couple until I saw said video.

    At first I was sure it was a prank, thinking the fish was some rubber imitation, boy was I wrong.

    Having seen the video it put me off sex for a few weeks as each time I had a randy thought I just saw this image of a slimy trout being used as fornication – it still sends shudders down my spine thinking about it.

    These two are fucking weird and I pleased they have been charged. Keep whatever turns you on private.

    Kippers for tea anyone?

  26. Seeing as Bizarre Sex follows on, quite understandably, from Nicola Sturgeon…
    Shock news!! McKrankie is about to resign.
    She will be replaced by a deep-fried Mars bar, and a can of Irn-Bru.

  28. Remember…..it’s only a perversion if one of the party disagrees. Otherwise it would be considered ‘normal’ within those circles.

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