‘Good afternoon. This is IsAC’s Social Affairs Correspondent Ron Knee speaking. In these worrying times, we strive to bring you stories from the lighter, not to say zanier, side of life. Today, we’re going Down Under to hear the heartwarming love story of “Rod” (not his real name). So, “Rod”, tell us all about it’.
‘Yeah g’day all. Well, I was feelin’ a bit down on account of my sheila had fucked off an’ left me. I was in need of female companionship, so I shelled out $2k and sent off for a life size Barbie. I call her Karina. Say hello to the nice man Karina’.
*’Arro beeg boy (whirrr…clunk) spankee spankee fifty dollar*.
‘Yeah sorry about that cobber. I think she came from the Far East originally; Korea or some such place’.
‘No worries, as you Aussies say. So how are things between you then?’.
‘Well between you an’ me sport, I’m frazzled. She’s got all the right parts, if you follow me, and all I need to do is leave her plugged in over night an’ she goes fer hours. I’ve lost a stone since I got her. And she does a great prawn on the barbie. Fair dinkum’.
‘Quite. Now I understand that things are getting serious between you, and that in fact you introduced Karina to your mother at Christmas. How did that work out?’.
‘Well I’ve got to say that at first, things were a bit awkward. The old girl’s 85 and set in her ways, and she didn’t take kindly to me takin’ up with “some foreign tart”, as she put it. But after a few tinnies an’ a turkey dinner, the ice was fair broken. Now they do make up an’ go out shoppin’ together, and get on like a house on fire’.
‘That’s great news. Well, I’m sure that I speak for all our followers when I wish you all the best for the future, and a happy ending for you both’.
*Happee ending beeg boy? Fifty dollar*.
‘Well as we often say on here, it really does take all sorts of cunts. This is Ron Knee, for IsAC, returning you to the studio’.
Nominated by: Ron Knee
Looks like Taylor swift has added a bit of baggage.
7
I’m hoping Mr Cunt Engine will be along soon with analysis of this heart warming tale.
5
How dare you compare this thing to the delightful taylor. You flaming gallah.
7
Fuck me, Ron.
I was reading an article about folk who ‘believe’ they are really animals, one had a wolf costume, and did consider a nom, but naw! Been there, done that.
This takes delusional wierd to a whole new level.
Excellent nom.
4
https://www.vice.com/en/article/mvxgwa/from-dragons-to-foxes-the-otherkin-community-believes-you-can-be-whatever-you-want-to-be
Here you go, another whole weirdworld.
4
Aye up Jeezum.
Ffs, ‘otherkin’. Well I suppose that for the most part they’re harmless; better than being out on the rob or knifing people.
I’d be fascinated to learn just how far these affectations/fetishes go with some individuals. Are there people who identify as a spider, or a dung beetle?
5
Strangely enough, the ones I’ve read about all identify with something furry, and strokeable, mainly.
Dalmatian, collie, cat, tiger. One was unsure if he wanted to be a snake or a lizard, had a half-hearted go and ended up looking like an idiot ( not an anagram) instead.
2
Makes the innocent days of youth wanking over readers wives or some big breasted beauty centre spread with one staple through her clam and another in her nose seem positively archaic and neanderthal compared with Rodney.
12
‘Rod’ from Oz seems a little drab, dull, and pedestrian compared to people who enjoy dressing up as anthropomorphic cartoon animals and having a bit of rumpy-pumpy while in costume or Biden’s pup-play fetishist.
https://studiomatters.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/05/Screen-Shot-2022-05-23-at-3.37.32-PM-610×820.png
Or B&WC’s fetishes….or even our resident washing line undercracker pilferer 😃
Struth Rod. You need to up your game cobber!😃
6
Mr Knee you deserve a knighthood or at least Cunter of the Year 2023. Pure gold that was!
No offense Miserable but it appears you might need to “up your game” to retain your belt.
Can y’all tell me if these dolls are self cleaning? Don’t want that showing up on my search history.
13
Or a bigger bribe to the admins.🤪
7
Go on Rod, get stuck in lad!!!💪💪💪😁
Just don’t give her a love bite.
Too be fair she’s out of his league,
Has a frozen expression a bit like Nicole Kidman,
But he’s paid for her so get your vinyl assets out Karina.
Does it have a chip built in where after 8months it’s arse gets fat and it becomes a moody cunt?
16
There you go MC. These people think of everything…
https://sextechguide.com/ai/sex-robots/automated-cleaner-sanitizing-sex-robot-easier/
4
I can’t see why people are being so negative….summat to drain yer tetties into without having to listen to any of the outraged yapping about being “selfish” and not thinking about her needs when you shoot yer bolt,roll off,fart and light a cigarette while congratulating yourself on not telling her that you’ve seen better tits and a tighter fanny on a knackered old Fresian cow going loaded into the slaughterman’s wagon.
I’ll be asking ordering one tomorrow if anyone wants to contribute to my GpFundMe.
18
I bet she leaves him Dick.
7
I bet mine fucking well would,,,,be calling a taxi and pocketing valuables within half a fucking hour of arrival,
Grabby Tart.
12
End of civilisation when these become mainstream.
Where do I get one?
7
Hi, I’m Barbie. I love you very much.
6
Two thousand Australian dollars? Does she do anal?
8
Of course it’s a convict country. How do you think they made the long boat trip.
9
Yes.
The instruction manual suggests that you fill up her “anal fukkee fuckee tube” with rancid peanut butter to make the experience more lifelike.
2
…..and sweetcorn and tomato skins from my past experiences.
2
As the old ‘News of the World’ used to put it, ‘all human life is here’.
3
Ha ha ha twat
3
He’s punching
2
I bought an inflatable doll once; took it back and told the man it kept going down on me. The cnut then charged me extra…
13
Get your coat.
5
That was old when I put it in my college rag mag in 1973….
5
I saw a documentary once about some family firm in America who flogged these things. Every so often their customers sent the doll back for re conditioning. This consisted of replacing the fanny and arsehole because they had worn out. I don’t like to think about it. 😫🤮
13
I thought they just drained them every six months 🤮
She might have a sump plug, like a Morris Minor…
12
What was the job title in the help wanted ad?
Presumably – Silicone maintenance and stress test technician. Better than worn silicone arsehole and cunt replacement worker.
3
Can you imagine going for a job interview at a new place and being asked what you did before?
I imagine that you’d have to fudge it and waffle on about being ‘in admin’ or something.
3
I’m offering a more economy version of Karina.
And offering a limited discount for fellow cunters!!
For £80 you to can have a free spirited, sexy babe who doesn’t know the meaning of NO.
Hot love and happy trails
Any interested parties go through admin.
https://images.app.goo.gl/RrsBVgqc9Fe9NsKc7
6
When I clicked on the link I was expecting a pic of angela. The Ashton eva peron.
5
I was almost too afraid to open the link, but thanks, Mis.
That did make me laugh.
However, I didn’t see an economy version, you know like Value range, for the cash poor teenager/ dole wanker.
5
Here’s my Welsh version JP.
https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fi.ebayimg.com%2Fimages%2Fg%2FYnEAAOSwxuJhTsOw%2Fs-l1600.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.ebay.co.uk%2Fitm%2F264209675586&tbnid=yIFcbChgOsuHRM&vet=1&docid=gqeGqiGevvuaaM&w=1600&h=1600&source=sh%2Fx%2Fim
6
So lamb chop finally found happiness.
https://images.app.goo.gl/rFRArsKWesjzg9ue8
6
Absolute bargain!
I’ve ordered two, for my nephews, both a pair of useless wankers!
6
Hey Rod (or whatever you’re called), what’s she like Down Under?
5
Harry Hewitt would have been better off marrying one of these. It’d be a lot easier for him to get rid of. Because it’s going to be a lot more difficult for him to bin off Megain…
11
Westworld here we come…
5
If they can make a sex robot that looks and fucks like Evan Rachel Wood I’ll be busting open my non-existent piggy bank so I can bust a load in her.
4
I thought you were in Bankok or summit?
Surely Putang-fucking-central!
4
I see Buzz Aldrin has married some bird. At 93, I reckon he’ll be in the dead pool next week.
11
Indeed Norman. You wouldn’t kick her out of bed for eating biscuits.
Lucky cunt, that Buzz.
6
Beep-beep-beeeeep
“The Eagle Has Laaaaaaande…….”
Nurse….
12
That loser is still trying to make up for being second on the moon.
6
Not a bad runner-up prize.
4
He likes to come second apparently.
7
Apparently, some Japanese technogeek cunt has made a robot doll of Scarlett Johansson. Fucking hell, I wouldn’t know whether to flog it io ebay or to give it one….
13
I suppose that you could give it one (or three, if you get my drift) and then flog it on e-bay.
Just advertise it as in exceptional condition, one owner only, low mileage.
In fact, you try advertising it on here (I’ve got a friend who might be interested).
8
Haha, it turns out the sad fucker also set up an Instagram account for Karina and Lauren as well as Onlyfans pages.
https://www.instagram.com/karina_luvly/
I think a little bit of wee just came out.
6
Well, gag me, as a Valley Gurrl would say.
Fucking Hell, Two.
That’s beyond sadsack.
5
Does she take it up the arse
3
It’s Australia.
They take it in the pouch.
2
They don’t half have a job to keep the fucker from bounding around though.
5
https://www.theguardian.com/science/2023/jan/21/over-the-moon-buzz-aldrin-marries-long-time-love-on-his-93rd-birthday
I wouldn’t say no.
1
I wouldn’t say yes. She looks like she’s got more plastic in her than Rod’s girlfriend.
4
Houston we have a problem..
5
I saw a programme about sex doll owners and one old fella was interviewed sat in his armchair with family photographs in background bold as brass about his toy, the film cut to his bedroom to show he had put hooks in ceiling with ropes on to hold latex Lucy’s legs up and the old fucker was galloping his maggots up her on TV. Can u imagine his grandchildren going to school the day after that cultural revaluation was shown.
13
Revelation!!!!!!!!
4
As I posted earlier;
Never heard of him. Just another fruit cake. Lots of them about.
4
To be fair it’s probably the same as fucking a woman will be in 2050.
Just lay there in bed zombied out staring at their mobile cunt device whilst getting nobbed.
In fact, by that time, I am sure the sex dolls will be able to be more human and show more emotion.
The human will become the iCunt.
5
And by jove, would you believe it? Those fiends are making them for the ladies now. Gadzooks, what’s the world coming to?
https://cloudclimax.co.uk/product-category/luxury-sex-dolls/male-sex-dolls/
4
If anyone is interested, there’s a £100 off voucher on the link on your 1st purchase!!!
I wonder if people cook tea for them and sit them down for a Sunday roast. Better conversation than Toby Carvery!
4
Plastic Doll – by Stiff Rich-Hard
Got myself a no complainin’, no sentient brain in’, plastic’ doll
Don’ have to do a thing to please her ’cause she’s just a plastic’ doll
Got silicone tits’ and cunt, that satisfy my shrunken bolls
Got a 2k dollar Chinese plastic, no naggin,’, fuckin’ doll
Take a look at her hair, it’s real
From a ladyboy whose name is Neil
I’m gonna fill her up with spunk and other gunk
An’ she never has to agree (Repeat ad nauseum)
With belated apologies to Songwriter: Lionel Bart
6
I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Imagine going down on the lass – her fanny would smell like a new pencil case.
6
Does anybody know if they actually wet up? (asking for a friend).
5
The more I think about this, the more intrigued I become about this eg can you get one that’s got a bush like this?
https://celebjihad.com/demi-moore2/demi-moore-shows-her-big-hairy-bush
That’s what I call a ladygarden.r
2
That’s just like my, except the sex would be good conversation would have been better and the doll probably has a higher IQ and better taste in music, but still does fuck all around the house, look after the kids.
The only thing is the doll would be harder to chat up and get into bed,
Infacti would prefer one of those to the dummy that is now ex Mrs Fugly and no cunt in laws.
The only upside was I used to enjoy taking the piss out of these rems, a bit like is a cunt before computers, honestly hhats off the the guy, if you want a regular screw with none of the xtra agro of having a Mrs this is the was.
My only question is how much£, do they deliver and what about servicing ect, dose it have filters to change? Does it have a flat head to rest your pint on, pull back ears and fold in teeth.
What kind of mileage can you expect, can you trade them in for a new model when even silence starts to get on your nerves and where do you get them?, the more I concider the the more it makes sense…..
1
Just like my ex, insert 1st line
1
Ed Sheercunt will probably marry one of these. Just right for his soulless (lack of a) personality. He could sing his basic insipid shit to it all day, every day.
0
Just out of sight…the long tail, big hind legs and pouch for little Joey.
1