Not too far from me is a water treatment centre, which is obviously fenced off and secure from nosy trespassers. Fair enough.
However, I also noticed on the front gate the usual warning signs about keeping out, trespassers will be executed etc. But then there a whole load more additions, including, “Confined Space: may cause distress”, “Danger: beware of trucks”, “Danger: beware uneven surfaces”, “Caution: Trip Hazard”, “Danger: excavations in progress”, “Warning: noise may cause distress” … and on and on it went to the point where I counted 15 notices on one big notice board!
But to cap it all there was a smaller warning notice at the foot of this big sign saying “Warning: this sign has sharp edges”
I suppose I can understand the logic of all these warnings in order to protect the company from litigation, even though sometimes not even these notices will deter trespassers from suing if they ended up injured.
Years ago I was dumb-founded by the classic “Caution: Hot Water” sign affixed near to a hot water tap in a hotel room I was staying at. There was a similar sign by the kettle. And again it bemused me why all this was so necessary given that surely most people must have an ounce of common sense about them.
But clearly not it would seem.
I recall a time back in my youth and laughing at the road sign showing a bloke trying to open an umbrella; or the one with a bloke trying to abduct a child, or another sign with a massive exclamation mark at the centre. I thought we were about to be hit by a hoard of exclamation marks such was my naive mind at the time
But these days it seems anything and everything has some kind of warning sign attached to it. Even a bag of frozen peas probably has a warning to say its not suitable for someone or other.
It’s a sign of the times I guess (see what I did there!)
Nominated by: Technocunt
and seconded by: Geordie Twatt
‘Sign not in use’
‘Caution: Water on road during rain’
‘Speed limit for safety reasons’
All genuine.
I remember a comedy sketch once (possibly on ‘The Two Ronnies’) with a sign reading ‘Do not throw stones at this sign’.
Excellent nomination, hereby seconded.
Does a bag of peanuts have the ubiquitous “may contain nuts” warning on it?
I hope so.
19
I also hope that the Brixton O2 Academy has a warning sign “may contain squashed cunts.”
Splendid.
35
Just read story. Brixton needs a sign Warning ⛔️ keep out wild animals. Dover needs a direction sign fuck off back to France. That way. I digress. Yes signs for the stupid. It’s a Cunt
21
I’m all for signs on the contrary.
I think we need more warning signs on public buildings. For example a sign above BBC headquarters saying:
‘Danger, Pàédophilé safe haven area. Children enter at your own risk’
Other signs on the house of commons should read:
‘Danger, poisonous vipers within. Use caution when entering’
22
Nowadays, warning signs are displayed to offer protection from litigation rather than protecting the public.
Sign of the times I’m afraid.
17
Big money to be made in stupidity..
We are governed by 650 idiots.
Now I’m feeling rather foolish..
13
In the countryside we have “do not shoot at signs’ signs, guess what happens to them.
11
And then there are the TV warnings.
Just the other day……
“The following shows scenes of an explosion that some viewers may find distressing”.
“The following has scenes of blood”.
Watching a late night US police drama…
“The following programme has scenes of peril”.
Even the programme The Hotel Inspector where a woman visits run down hotels to get them up to scratch……
“This programme contains scenes of flared tempers”.
There are also warnings on the TV about ‘flashing lights’.
Fuck knows why, the television is flashing lights.
I have no idea how today’s kids would cope with the war cards that we got with bubble gum when I was a child.
The most warning signs that I saw in the UK were at the petrol stations.
Amongst the usual dire warnings were ‘No Eating’ and ‘No Drinking’.
Who the fuck gets half way through filling up their car and decides to have a sandwich?
13
‘This programme contains scenes of flared trousers ‘.
14
You are Jack Regan and I claim my £5
1
“Who the fuck gets half way through filling up their car and decides to have a sandwich?”….probably the same prick who decides to do their weekly shop,have their lottery tickets checked,fumble for a debit card when they are apparently amazed at being asked to pay etc. while a queue of people who want to pay for petrol builds up behind them.
30
Porcupines prick.
13
Unfortunately this is the world we live in now, common sense is a fucking rare commodity to the point we’re your modern fuckwits will die or sue you if not for the signs everywhere.
We run a Mercedes specialist garage and the diagnostic computer makes you tick a box th say you have read and understand the safety instructions that are vast, before it let’s you proceed any further, in this system there are the intracies of stripping and rebuilding automatic gearboxes and lots of other fun stuff, but also it warns you not to drink the contents of the cars fucking battery, I mean_ what the actual fuck, there more much more of this level of bollocks as well.
Mercedes don’t give a fuck if you live or die, just as long as you can’t sue them, and nowadays where we have cunts that ride illegal electric scooters, 3 up, withno lights in the dark, on the wrong side of the road and then sue you when it all ends in tears, becouse there is always some shite hawk, cunt solicitor who will back up these retards, that’s why you se endless rinkydinks jumping onto people’s bonnets and in front of buses, so they can sue the poor cunt who couldn’t avoid them,and these crash for cash tikkitakkis, now don’t get me wrong some get hurt or die pulling this shit, and my heart bleeds for them it really does, but natural selection weeding out the stupid and dishonest cunts really is fine by me…
21
But bizarrely, a few miles north of here is Slain’s Castle, where Bram Stoker got his inspiration for Dracula. It’s ruin now and has cliffs just a few feet from the doorways. Loads of people – and a dog (awww) – have fell to their deaths and have been severely injured there. Not one sign! No fence or barrier put up. But loads of fences and barriers elsewhere in Scotland for things that aren’t dangerous have been put up at great public expense.
A HUGE sign should be put up on the White Cliffs of Dover…
NO SPEAKY ENGLISH?
THEN FUCK RIGHT OFF!
11
Fucking signs don’t work anyhow…..inspired by some war film where they turned the road signs to confuse invaders, I turned the Public footpath signs on my vast acreage to direct trespassers off the path and into to The Mire…waste of fucking time…not one yellow bobble-hat floating..no map in a plastic cover poking jauntily out of the bottomless bog…no lonely tartan thermos with ” Help us” hastily scrawled as they were slowly sucked beneath the oozing mud ….most disappointing…..Hoping for more luck with my ” Pushbikers this way” aimed over a fucking cliff.
23
https://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2020/12/nostalgic-old-pictures-7-5fe0c2d93ab0c__700.jpg
7
Road Sign. If you don’t want to get run over, please put one foot in front of the other.
6
Good cunting. As for the bag of peas I suggest “Trip Hazard if spilled whilst frozen”.
7
I like the way the bag advises you to cook them before eating. 🧐
4
Unnecessary advice. An old dog of mine once nicked a bag of frozen Brussels sprouts off the kitchen table and scoffed the lot. Didn’t do the mutt any harm.
3
Bet it done you harm. The smell must have been hideous fermenting little cabbage.
Warning: May Cause Divorce by Fluactulence.
4
I used to work for a national electrical retailer. We sold toasters amongst all the other stuff with a plug on it. They tended to have a cardboard packing filler where the bread went, it always had a ‘remove before use’ label on it. You couldn’t use the fucking thing without taking it out. Pointless bollocks.
7
Did it have a please use your loaf sign ?
12
People are thick as fuck. I could write a book.
8
Green side up on turf rolls.
7
I feel for the families of the 4 lads who fell through the ice. We have all done shit like that and survived.
BUT a local Councillor blamed it on not enough warning signs. Cunt must have had a sheltered life, signs are there to be ignored by children.
15
Indeed. My first thought was where were the parents, but then I thought of the stuff I did at that age.
In fact it was heartening to see that there are still kids with a sense of adventure instead of sitting at home on the Internet.
5
egranD ginS. For dyslexics.
5
Dyslexics are kcufed at the brothel.
3
Danger. Deep Water.
Some fucker drowned last year at a local beauty spot. Cue campaigns to fill a lovely lake in. These cunts wont be happy until everyfuckingthing is concreted over and ‘safe’.
6
We’re the drowned ugly ?
3
Concrete’s not safe. Someone could easily graze their knee on it.
They won’t be happy until all the concrete is covered over with bonded rubber mulch.
3
dont forget the cotton wool floss as a topping
2
Beware of Signs at a Seance.
5
It tells you exactly where we are as a species when microwaves carry a warning not to dry pets in them.
same as tumble driers.
There are some truly thick cunts out there if they need telling not to nuke Fido after his bath.
4
Oh fuck…..
5
Give it a few months and they’ll be nuking Fido to eat him.
4
Just the other day in the wilds of south somerset there was a parking ticket machine that had a sign that read thus ” machine out of order cash only” honestly the cunts all stood around screen gazing in a panic, muttering what! use another machine and what is this cash they are talking about, so i put in my 3 pounds and pranced around like charlie bucket with the golden ticket. Cash is king you cunts before skipping away.
11
All seemed to start years ago with the stupid tart who burnt scalded herself on a hot coffee she had just purchased from McDonalds…..she tried to or did sue them. Hence we now have ‘warning contents may be hot’ on hot drink takeaway cups.
She was a cunt
7
Here you go…..and she was fucking English not American. The shame.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Liebeck_v._McDonald%27s_Restaurants
2
I knew a stupid tart who threw a bag of frozen chips into the fryer. Yes, still in the bag. Known for a while as “plastic chips”. I think it became “plastic tits”.
2
I loaned the same tart the wife’s vibrator. It came back with her fanny batter in the grooves. Gave it back to the misses after a good old sniff.
3
There’s a sign on the skirting board at the local gents. Please do not bend over !
2
Bishop Len Brennan springs to mind…
4
4 rules :
1. Always carry small change and cash as it pisses people off
2. Never get a Google mini or similar unless you want 24 hour surveillance
3. Never get a smart meter so the cunts can’t fuck you over
4. Take the battery out of your phone if you don’t want to be monitored ormtracked
5
Useful.
0
Total shit gibbons
3
Do not stand near the edge of the train platform or may be sucked off.
11
I should very much like to meet Penny Mordaunt ON a train, for the same reason…
4
See it,
Sniff it,
Sorted.
4
Sam is the winner of this thread! She remembered the ultimate hilarious warning sign from the Old Days! Drinks are on, sister! 😀
7
Had to be done.
6
Warning, this channel may be full of dead darkies.
1
“Wet Paint.”
Graffiti underneath:
Despite sign, please don’t.
4
Especially if it is Country Cream!!
4
Please do not stand close to the edge, if you don’t want to be done to a turn. Sign at Mount Etna.
3
A chap I knew once had a ‘Mind Your Head,’ & a ‘Keep Clear of Unpropped Body’ sign in his opium den.
3
And a ‘Dangerous when wet’ sign, on his hubble bubble pipe.
2
An opium den? When was this, 1895? 😀
1
Nah! 1985. Some of the stuff back then had opium in it.
1
Clearly a mind of his own.
0
Public pisser sign: Caution Wet Floor.
Has anyone ever been in a urinal that didn’t have a wet floor?
4
‘Minefield ahead : Please do not walk across minefield as it may result in injury or in some cases death. Please also be aware that should your limbs or other body parts be found left laying around on the minefield, this constitutes as littering and you could face a fine of up to £1000.’
4