NHS Midlands Partnership is looking for a, er, ‘Director for Lived Experience’. Now I can just hear you all asking: huh?? What the fuck’s a ‘Director for Lived Experience’ when it’s at home Ron? So allow me to quote from the Trust’s advert in order to enlighten you;
‘the aim is for this post to provide leadership for lived experience practice; bring the experimental lens to Trust Board decision-making, and facilitate the cultural changes needed to infuse and propagate best practice around shared decision-making…’.
Well that’s cleared it nicely up for you. Happy to help. Now we can all sleep easily, secure in the knowledge that the taxpayers’ hard earned money is being wisely and well spent, and that the health of the nation is in safe hands.
Nominated by: Ron Knee
Seconded by: DCI Gene Cunt
I’d like to second this cunting, or, endorse it, if I may.
Many a time we’ve needed the help of HEMS (helicopter crew), HART (Hazardous Area Response Team), a BASICS doctor, a team of doctors, nurses and consultants waiting for us on arrival at ED, or just another crew to assist with a difficult extraction of a patient from the premises. Never, if I remember rightly, have I, or I’d imagine, my colleagues in the service and at hospitals, have ever required the services of a ‘Director for Lived Experience’.
And I’d wager we never will. Top notch cunting, Ron.
A made-up title and job if ever I heard one.
Who wants to bet that the successful candidate will be related in some way to one of the interviewing panel?
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Also likely to display a fascination with the alphabet people and other deviants and have a deep understanding of colonial repression plus a strong belief that all Muslims are victims.
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With a distinct lack of ability to speak English and of a curiously dark hue.
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DCI’s statement should be the only thing needed to be sent to the current health secretary (whoever the fuck that is) to call out this bollocks.
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Ron and Gene, you didn’t mention that this joke job pays £110-115,000 pa.
Well I’ve got 66 years of lived experience, so I must be amply qualified for this role. My application’s on its way.
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Yes Geordie, and the successfull applicant, will be reporting to senior staff. So how much are each, and every one of them on?
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Yep;this post is equal to what, three nurses? It’s a fucking disgrace.
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I thought the nurses were striking because they were expected to work for free?
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They’ll get 1% in order that there’s enough cash in the pot to pay for useless sinecures like this.
I’m still trying to work out what the successful applicant is supposed to do
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No wonder the NHS is financially fucked if they’re spunking our cash on this bollocks.
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110 grand a year and all you have to do is have been ill at some point…….that’s your “lived experience”. I suspect there’s a bit more to it than that, you have to have attended the right school and know somebody who knows somebody, if you know what I mean.
Meanwhile, in other fuckwittery, I learn that the NHS blows away 26 million a year on translators. What the fuck? If you can’t speak my language get out of my fucking hospital you cunt. Of course these translators aren’t British people who have studied these languages or lived in these countries……..no, they are yet more foreign bastards here on the scrounge. Who’s to say that the Director of Lived Experience won’t be one of these w*g cunts? I expect the various Heads of Diversity and Inclusion will make sure that’s the case. Jobs for the boys.
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I don’t know if the NHS works the same way, but many moons ago I worked for the civil service. If a position came up they were legally obliged to advertise it to the general public, but most of the positions were for staff already employed in the service.
I bet this is a similar thing, and I bet it’s someone with a permanent tan in a high position trying to give their wife/son whatever a cushy non job.
Should be an investigation as to who gets the job and who made that decision.
It’s pretty much 8 grand a month for doing fuck all.
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Well I’m glad to see that NHS cash injection is not being wasted.
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Why do these pointless jobs still exist in the NHS? I thought the Tories were supposed to hate this sort of shit as much as the majority of us do? It’s yet more proof of how useless this government has been, and still is.
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They can dress it up how they like but to me this is corruption.
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I wouldn’t be at all surprised if 50% of NHS jobs could be scrapped with no loss of service.
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A friend of mine who used to work in the NHS (something to do with maintaining patient records) once said to me ‘if you want to see where a shed load of taxpayers’ cash goes to, take a walk around the big bosses’ offices’.
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Don’t knock it…I’ve already applied.
Under the name ” Femi Mabussi-Bongwanga”….a non-binary,transsexual Person of Colour…I’ve thrown my headdress into the ring. Obviously as a single Mother of 15 suffering from agoraphobia,spaccism and poor mental health, I won’t be able to attend an interview and will require,when the job is mine,my entire house being converted to enable me to work the 20 minutes a week that my particular needs allow…plus I can’t use a computer…or a typewriter..or even a pen or pencil due to the fact that I’m as thick as fuck.
I’m working on the idea that no interviewer will dare question my qualifications and even if they did,well,so what?…presumably the windbag who composed the advert will have been locked up as some kind of maniac and nobody else on the interview committee…or anywhere else….will have the foggiest idea just what the fucking job entails….might as well have good old Femi Mabussi-Bongwanga.
Even if they don’t employ me,I’m still on a winner….I’ll sue the Cunts for every discrimination under the sun….new croquet lawn and polo field for my palatial residence,here I come.
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You’re hired!
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And we were so blow away by your application, that we want to relocate your whole extended family from what ever fly blown shit-hole they currently reside at.
Don’t worry you can hire them as nonexistent assistants.
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Nah, just bring the whole village over while you’re at it.
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I do wonder sometimes with these public sector jobs, if there is the mythical room full of monkeys with typewriters.
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And don’t forget this person will probably need an assistant and a deputy and about 30 administrators and other tick boxers to help out, so we’re probably looking at nearly a million pound a year on salaries alone for that one post
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There’s no probably about it, T. It clearly states in the Q&A bit about KPI for the job that the successful applicant will be “instrumental in increasing the number of lived experience roles and how these positions are utilised across the trust”. I think that means they can create their own little Empire of useless self important bullsh!tters throughout the Trust with a tacit “the more the merrier” approach. Expect therefore a staff role to be created for the lived experience of every ethnic minority, every sexual deviant, every mental and physical disability you can think of, every woman (especially those with a c0ck & balls) etc, etc, etc. The only exception / lived experience voice to be left out of the job creation scheme will doubtless be the indigenous hetero taxpaying working male.
Surely this lived experience role nonsense is no different to just collating statistics / information from patient surveys and presenting the results to the Trust board to act on? It seems they are just creating more minority vested interest pressure groups (as if we don’t already have enough) to sh!t stir and p!ss money up the wall.
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Nail on the head there, DD.
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Proof,if any were needed,that certain layers of management in the NHS are beyond help,living on vastly inflated salaries for nonsense jobs.
It needs clearing out and resources redirected to frontline staff.
It never will be though,reform seems to mean just adding more layers of bureaucratic cunts.
Lived experience? Two grand a week?
Just fuck off.
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The ‘cultural’ bit is a giveaway for this ‘lived experience’.
They want a ‘diverse’ type on big money for doing fuck all. Makes the bosses look nice (in their tiny little minds, anyway).
Whoever sanctioned this role should be fired. Out of a fucking cannon.
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It makes you wonder just what the fucking Health Secretary actually does as well
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Or, indeed, any of them.
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Give me strength I despair 😞
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Seeing an advert and the salary for a role such as this leads me to conclude that the NHS has more than enough money.
When the Liebour party, Daily Mirror, Gaurdian, BBC and others cry out that ‘our anychess’ is underfunded and the poor angel nurses need to strike for a pay rise, cos they have to eat at food banks and can’t buy the latest iPhone or whatever they shall be pointed in the direction of this NHS partnership and then told to fuck off.
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A “Director for Dead Experiences” would be more appropriate, given the cancer survival rates for the NHS. Or how about a “Director of Waiting List Experiences” for those waiting 26 years for surgical treatment.
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In the wake of NHS strikes for more pay, these idiotic and overpaid non-jobs were being earmarked for being fucked off to fund those that deserve it.
The first cunt for the chopping block should be whichever moronic cunt dreamt this crock of shit job up.
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I’m with DF on this.
I’m applying as a black, head shrinking, non binary, paraplegic homosexual with the AIDS, tourettes, claustrophobia and agrophobia with allergies to sunlight, twighlight and the smell of shite.
We should all turn up to interview blacked up and in our wheelchairs. I intend to show my worthiness for this role by throwing some chiggun bones on the floor during the interview. I will then chant and cast some voodoo spells on the panel if they don’t give me the job. All this in-between my constant swearing and calling the panel ‘a set of ugly cunts’ and suing them for getting the lighting wrong and triggering my allergies, which causes me to shit on the floor.
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I wouldn’t waste time with all that, just set about the panel with a blood and shit-stained machete and the job will be yours in no time at all.
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We’ve all got a ‘lived experience’. That’s the erm point of living. I imagine that Midlands NHS isn’t looking for a straight white man / woman indigenous to the UK for the job, though, because that won’t speak to their intended audience, in spite of the fact that straight and white and born here represents the vast majority of the NHS’s patients.
Just fucking well treat us when we’re ill, NHS. That’s your sole responsibility. Nothing else. That’s what we pay billions every year for. Do that and cut the rest of the social justice warrior bullshit.
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From the advert:
“…we are particularly seeking applications from individuals who may be from under-represented groups, such as black, Asian or other ethnic groups, individuals with a disability, or LGBTQ+ who meet the specific criteria…”
They also want someone who has experience of a life threatening condition and was treated by the NHS and had issues with it.
I guess that could include not getting an immediate translation into Bongo Bongo from a nurse?
Well that cuts it down to…the cunt they intended to hire in the first place (some cunt’s brother, wife, son etc.)
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I think that it would be particularly interesting to find out about the backgound of the character who actually ends up landing this sinecure
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Life experience? Unfortunately those that lived through the depression the war against the Boche and friends are thin on the ground now. As a child I always admired their resilience, practicality, pragmatism. dark humour and intolerance for bullshit. Those like them are disregarded or cancelled by the woke Stasi.
One hopes Yasur chooses Prince George or his sister to be the next Avatar, soon.
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Well that’s going to help ensure that my 2cm kidney stone gets extracted, zapped or whatever sometime before 2024 isn’t it.
Thank fuck for that……
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Write to ‘The Director of Lived Experience’ Ghee. I’m sure that they’ll be anxious to consider your ‘experience’, in between choosing the colour scheme and furniture for their new office suite, and deciding on the colour of the new car that goes with the job.
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None of this shite in the private Sector. I wonder why?
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Next up
We are seeking a skilled Director of Uppitiness. Must have years of experience in chippiness and blaming any mistakes on the honky man.
We are particularly seeking individuals who regularly complain and sue their employers for racism when questioned why they are three hours late for work again. The successful (non white, of course) applicant will be expected to run ‘white privilege’ courses, to brow beat and abuse white staff all day, in the knowledge that any questioning or rebuttal will result in them being fired and possibly arrested.
Hours are flexible because time is a white construct. Pay is equal to the highest salary within the NHS for equality reasons.
There is a work from home policy too so the successful applicant does not need to be triggered by being around white people. Work will not be monitored on Zoom or other applications so as not to cause mental health/stress issues.
Sounds like a joke…but give it time :/
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I’ve read the job description 3 times over and even tried to shorten and simplify the wording and I still haven’t got a fucking scooby what the job entails.
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They fritter money like confetti in the upper echelons of the NHS.
They don’t pay frontline nurses enough then create bullshit jobs on huge salaries.
African drumming
Yoga twats
Meditation
Afro Carribbean hair braiding
It’s like Winnie Mandela controls the purse strings!
But you say it.
Your a monster!
He hates the NHS!
No. I hate bullshitters landing plum jobs,
I hate waste,
I hate pandering,
And hate cunts with no common sense.
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‘No. I hate bullshitters landing plum jobs,
I hate waste,
I hate pandering,
And hate cunts with no common sense’
So do us frontline staff. With a passion.
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Read the NHS advert for the position, looks like the result of firing a WOMBAT round with a bullshit warhead at a stonewall convention. No wonder the NHS is creaking.
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Whenever the striking nurses and ambulance staff are questioned over the morality of their cause over the coming weeks, they should simply quote this job advert as a standard response. End of argument!
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Abso-fucking-lutely FMC.
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And this is why the nurse/paramedic strikes are practically the only ones I wholeheartedly support.
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And it’s about time the NHS only employed good looking female nurses and made them wear sexy nurses outfits. Stockings, high heels short skirts revealing a G-string etc.
Now that’s worth funding.
I’d be in every day with a sore nob.
Get to fuck.
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Now you’re talking…
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This one fits the bill
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-11577023/amp/Healthcare-worker-27-sparks-major-debate-revealing-showers-two-three-times-week.html
Filthy slut .
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I managed to read the gist of it before the spam filled Mail website crashed my phone again, the cunts.
She says she doesn’t smell.
Love, it’s harder to smell your own shit than the shit of others.
I bet her minge smells like a kipper that’s been under the fridge for 10 days.
Shame because she doesn’t look too bad. Just needs a good scrubbing, the filthy scrubber.
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Its all quite clear-‘The Trust is seeking to structurally embed this work’.
Bed see? Its all about bedding (not the linen) not physical beds; the bed’s structure; the mattress, the springs.
No, nurses don’t make beds but ‘Make’ the beds.
No Its not about ‘bed blocking’.
To be clear-
They are making bed-making or embedding making the bed as the bedrock of the work done in the NHS.
Fuck me its too early in the morning for this.
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