NHS (24) Midlands Partnership

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NHS Midlands Partnership is looking for a, er, ‘Director for Lived Experience’. Now I can just hear you all asking: huh?? What the fuck’s a ‘Director for Lived Experience’ when it’s at home Ron? So allow me to quote from the Trust’s advert in order to enlighten you;

‘the aim is for this post to provide leadership for lived experience practice; bring the experimental lens to Trust Board decision-making, and facilitate the cultural changes needed to infuse and propagate best practice around shared decision-making…’.

Well that’s cleared it nicely up for you. Happy to help. Now we can all sleep easily, secure in the knowledge that the taxpayers’ hard earned money is being wisely and well spent, and that the health of the nation is in safe hands.

NHS News Link

Nominated by: Ron Knee

Seconded by: DCI Gene Cunt

I’d like to second this cunting, or, endorse it, if I may.

Many a time we’ve needed the help of HEMS (helicopter crew), HART (Hazardous Area Response Team), a BASICS doctor, a team of doctors, nurses and consultants waiting for us on arrival at ED, or just another crew to assist with a difficult extraction of a patient from the premises. Never, if I remember rightly, have I, or I’d imagine, my colleagues in the service and at hospitals, have ever required the services of a ‘Director for Lived Experience’.

And I’d wager we never will. Top notch cunting, Ron.

98 thoughts on “NHS (24) Midlands Partnership”

  1. Struggling to recruit nurses and doctors, got to spend the budget on something so why not a bullshit position that will enable the cunts to employ a sootie in a high salary managerial position.
    That’s the idea, tick, tick, tick.

    You can bet the cunts already had a few names in the hat before the advert went live.

    • Absolutely.
      I’m surprised that the job description also didn’t state;

      ‘a degree in Managerese is required. Education to Master’s level in Bullshitting would be advantageous, as would three years’ practical experience of talking out of your arse at committee level’.

      Morning all.

    • Absolutely. I often wonder where the NHS millions go!! Fucking ridiculous. No wonder its fucked!!

    • Dear NHS boss,

      We employed the white bloke because the sootie couldn’t speak English and wanted to work from ‘home’ in the Bahamas, we couldn’t employ the P*ki because he wanted to bring his entire extended family from Islamabad, numbering 176, at our expense

      Does that answer you question adequately

      • She didn’t have enough mental health ‘issues’ to get required points in the tick box and wanted a women only space which was in conflict with our trans inclusion policy

  4. Another position I remember was the ‘Drug Tsar,’ featuring that useless overpaid cunt Keith Halliwell. What a waste of money, time and “effort” that load of bollocks turned out to be.

    • At least Professer Nutt made a better go of it, but got sacked for saying alcohol was more dangerous than cannabis.

  7. And the thick brain dead peasants of this train wreck of a cuntry still demand more money for this vile evil organisation. Fuck the NHS!! Wife was a senior nurse, got out to escape from the politics.
    I see the health service is more efficient than here. Perhaps Vlad should shell a few hospitals and wake the cunts up.
    Been working outside, sodden pissed off, good afternoon.

  8. Fuck the NHS! You’ve had your dubious moment of fame with Covid, but you blew it by saying just how worked to death you are and then be seen to be standing around in empty wards, or dancing on fucking TikTok, you daft cunts. Your day is done, and you’re looking down the barrels of privatisation, and quite rightly so!

    • Fuck me, if you really believe that crock of bullshit, there’s no helping you. Bupa or not. I’m currently working, done two CAT 1’s already. One already dead, one in Resus and one taken into ED. There’s ambulances queued outside every hospital waiting to offload but there’s no room at the inn. My radio’s going berserk with General Broadcasts for CAT 1 jobs with fuck-all to send. Covid made hospitals quieter as no fucker wanted to go there hence our call rate dropped, too. But, things YOU weren’t privy to were fucking horrendous. But don’t let facts get in the way, eh?

      Yeah, we’re all doing Tik Tok videos…

    • ‘privatisation, and quite rightly so!’

      Fucking right. When you cunts are charged, you might think twice about using services appropriately.

      • Good afternoon DCI.

        Just caught the lady stand-in for the Jeremy Swine radio programme.

        Apparently 2/3 of junior doctors are considering quitting the NHS. This useless fucking government needs to wake up to the fact there will be no NHS in a few years time.

      • Afternoon, Paul. Newly Qualified Paramedics quitting after about three to four years, other ambulance staff leaving, GPs leaving in droves, thousands of vacancies in the NHS. I’m afraid you’re right. Genuinely afraid.

      • “This useless fucking government needs to wake up to the fact there will be no NHS in a few years time”…..there’ll be a “free” NHS service for the type who haven’t and never will contribute….the usual mug-taxpayers will have to pay for their own treatment as well as the non-contributors’ treatment.

      • “This useless fucking government needs to wake up to the fact there will be no NHS in a few years time”

        Er… isn’t that their intention? Loads of private-health related MP’s out there…both parties.
        ” If you want to lose Ukraine, annexe Galicia” (Russian elite proverb)
        *If you want to lose the NHS, swamp it with middle management”

        Job nearly done.

      • What, you mean a deliberate knifing through the political football that is the NHS?

        Can’t see it myself, too much political capital and votes to be won off the back of it.

      • Granted, those MPs would have a job with a pissup in a brewery. But indulge me and go with the idea for a minute. What’s happening isn’t organised, nor does it need to take account of possible repercussions. There are no repercussions. It isn’t happening – not as a formal policy. It’s a completely deniable but irresistible trend. It’s of a piece with the “nudge unit” philosophy, and with the traditional Tory ideals of minimal public spending and maximum profitability. If I were pitching the capture of the NHS to, say, Spire, that would be pretty close to my strategy.

        And encouraging the departure of the frontline staff of an urgently needed service by worsening their working conditions year by year while failing to train replacements..this isn’t intentional? I find that increasingly hard to believe.

        Well, it’s more coherent and better supported than some of the conspiracy theories I’ve seen here.

  9. Some of them really do a grand job. But some of the others?

    I have both a line and a fistula for my dialysis. And a lot of nurses prefer using the line. It’s quicker for them and it’s quicker for me.

    But then another nurse or doctor will come up to me and say ‘Why aren’t you using the fistula and the needles?’ I reply ‘How should I bloody know? I don’t decide and I don’t wire myself up! I do what they tell me to do!’ I have been asked that at least half a dozen times recently. Gets on my plums, so it does….

    Then there was another cunt. He blew my arm by putting the needle in wrong. My arm looked like a dog had bit it and it hurt like fuck. He put it around that I moved my arm and that caused it. I told him to get stuffed, because I did not move it and I had a witness, in the the nurse that was giving me a Covid jab the moment when the arm blew. He has been sulky and hasn’t spoken to me ever since. Professional and impartial, my arse.

    But there a lot who are wonderful, I must say…

    • You can only speak as you find. Any time I’ve had to call on the NHS (quite a lot in the last few years) everyone that I’ve encountered has been absolutely ace.
      This is ‘front line’ staff of course; there are no doubt thousands of cunts like our ‘Director of Lived Experience’ swanning around who actually contribute the thin end of the square root of fuck all to just helping people. They build their little empires and gobble up vast amounts of resources ‘interfacing’, going to conferences and such, money which could be so much better spent on nurses, paramedics and cooks and cleaners etc.
      And the government lets it happen.

  10. The NHS went down hill the moment nurses stopped wearing little paper hats ,black stockings and smoking was banned on the ward. Bring back retro NHS hospitals and start employing Doctors with pipes, bring back bedbaths by some dollybird and not forgetting the NHS green China Wear for Tea and Coffee. Carry on nurse was the Zenith of the service..

    • Some of the lovely nurses that look after me still wear the black stockings. Something too look forward to, at least…

      But the Doctor? He’s got a big office/consulting room. Yet he has this teeth itching habit of coming to talk to me (and others) on the ward while they are wired up to the machine. And every other person can hear what he’s talking to you about. What happened to patient confidentiality? Also, h asks me why the nurses are using a certain dialysis method? He’s the top specialist, and he’s asking me?! For fuck’s ake…

      • His office is where he sexually assaults patients, Norm, so be glad you never get sent there! 😀

    • The nurse at our GPs is an absolute corker; about 45, ripe as a fine wine, and I swear that she wears stockings and sussies. You can just make the sussies out sometimes through her uniform when she sits down.
      Got to go for a blood test tomorrow. I’m drooling at the thought.

      • PS
        How are things going Norman? I hope not too badly, all things considered.
        All the best mate.

      • Thanks Ron. Was on the machine yesterday morning. But I watched United win in the piss rain at Old Trafford later on. So I thoroughly enjoyed myself. Never thought I’d say it Ron, but Rashford is looking the business.

      • Rashford played great last night, has to be said. Crazy how out in front the Arse are, though, hope it’s a close finish come April-May.

      • Yeah I saw the reports that the boy Rashford done well. About time.
        Villa got done over by the Red Scouse unfortunately…

      • Sad Fucker’s Footy Page was deleted, it looks like.

        Here’s a funny animation about Messi having his World Cup stolen…

        Heeheehee! 😀

  12. As taxpayers, who can people complain to about such fuckwittery?
    Could the locals complain to their MP?
    What about the taxpayer’s alliance, should they not have something to say?
    Non job windbags employing more non job windbags, surely someone out there with some clout can do something.
    As someone else commented, they probably employ another windbag just to write the adverts,

  13. Why all the opprobrium heaped on this chappie?

    We should be thanking Cap’n Raymond with all our hearts!

    He saved 31 people from drowning!

    That means 31 aspiring doctors, teachers, engineers, architects, software developers, trick cyclists, accountants, pigs, Supreme Court judges, payday loan officers, electricians, social engineers, pharmacists, ISAC admins, armed insurrectionists, Equality, Diversity and Inclusion advisors, plastic surgeons, celebrity chefs, hairdressers, flying pickets, Home Secretaries, Prime Ministers – the possibilities are endless, as aspiring woman MP Eddie Izzard once said.

    I mean, it’s not as if this country is exactly brimming over with talent, is it?

    • Evening Admin 👍

      Please could you delete my post above – posted on the wrong nom…

  14. The NHS is fucked. All they keep bleating on about is “we need more money”. No what you need is a fucking good restructuring by getting rid of diversity officers, directors of lived in experience and a load more non medical unnecessary staff. Then use the money saved on front line medical staff.

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