Doomed. Doomed I tell thee.
We are all going to die on Monday. Don’t say you haven’t been warned. Every media outlet the same. Doomed.
Stay indoors. In a bath of iced water. Breathe through a tube. If you have an outside toilet (in say, New Mills) wear a hijab when going for a crap. Old cunters say goodbye to your loved ones now before it’s too late.
Swim to work. Drink 20L of water an hour. Doomed.
(How the fuck we managed in Seffrica, fuck knows.)
You have been warned. Everyfuckingwhere.
Nominated by: Cuntstable Cuntbubble
(I suppose it will be blamed on CC even though it is the middle of Summer! – Day Admin)
And then there’s this from Bertram Cuntatious DCO
I’d like an emergency cunting for the current weather.
A projected 40C in Doncaster is too fucking much. I’m off for a week on holiday and am stuck in the fucking house Monday and Tuesday as I’ll render down if I go out in that.
Can’t walk anywhere, can’t go for a nice ride on the Vespa, can’t sit in the garden, can’t even fucking breathe properly. Fuck off and give me some northern rain yer cunt.
Its ‘global warming’ they’re saying. Funny, I thought it was climate change. What season is it? Oh, it’s summer.
Pure coincidence we’ve got a few days of hot weather then?
I remember when a few days of hot weather would be cause for celebration.
“What? We’re getting a few days of hot and sunny weather? Get in!”
Now, every cunt is going to die. Help us Greta, you fucking mong!
Fuck off. It’s summer. Call in sick tomorrow. Have a barbecue, get sunburnt and ogle the birds in skimpy outfits.
Enjoy it you cunts!
19
its been coldest summer on record. we had coldest winter on record. 2 days of hot weather and all this brainwashing bollox.
shoot media liars, shoot journalists allegedly it will cure the hysteria
9
Please tell me you are joking… or provide a respectable link that supports your assertion.
5
Couple of hot days in summer, the four horseman of the apocalypse ride forth and do their thing. Fuck me in a weeks time it will be pissing down and twenty degrees cooler. England in the summer, thats all. Makes me wonder what enormous pile of shite our so called leaders are burying under this horrific weather reporting. Enough to make a saint swear.
13
Lovely day here in DiCunty Land. I’ve mooched around in me shorts with cold ciders listening to the cricket, with decent temperatures and a cooling but stiff breeze, it’s now raining lightly.
This histrionics and drama queens predicting Armageddon over a few hot days is best ignored.
The met office (bunch of cunts) own webshite says it’s cooler with rain from Tuesday this week, the rest of July is ok, not as hot but some rain then August is gonna be unsettled and crap.
Yup, it’s called weather and it happens in the UK. It’s just a shame so many cunts can’t see through the utter bullshit the Government, Media and attention seeking whores spout constantly.
Where’s DCI cunt, has is ambulance exploded yet🤪?
14
The DCI’s on Rest Days.
9
That’s good I was worried when I read about ambulances exploding in the heat!
5
Does this Ice Age they kept going on about happen before or after we burn to death from it being too hot?
11
Im starting fires on the moors.
13
It went to 28C here earlier, so I did the decent thing and called the emergency services, asking for DCI’s crew.
Government are saying it’s an emergency so I called the emergency services. Stands to reason, right?
It was relayed to me by the first responder, that my request for a full paramedic crew was met with a stern ‘Tell the cunt to fuck off!”
What is our NHS coming to? Maybe the lady who dealt with my call didn’t hear that my arse crack was getting sweaty. Not only that, I saw sweat marks on my T-shirt. I also felt a bit thirsty
If this is not a life threatening incident, I don’t know what is.
18
If some is in a bad way from heat stroke or fainted from dehydration then the NHS should be allowed to commandeer ice cream vans as emergency vehicles to take the pressure off ambulance crews?
Its people like DCI Gene that stopped the trial run.
Someone wakes up covered in blood,
Panicking,
To find 3 ambulance men pissing themselves laughing holding bottles of raspberry sauce….
14
You cunts😄
https://youtu.be/LcKkm89SkNg
7
Of course you did the right thing C, sweaty arse crack, sweat stains on your t shirt, feeling a bit squiffy what. Took our wise leaders advice called a meat wagon and was abused for your presumption that your very soul was endangered.
Similar thing happened to me yesterday. Whilst staggering around the garden in the hellish heat (like a blast from the arse of Satan) One of the dogs mooching for shade under the planters disturbed a small stripy insect thing. Flew right at me it did, before I could swot the flying bastard away the creature may have stung me. In shock realising that with the horrendous heat, six bottles of beer and two large shots of Pisco an attack by a small stripy cunt, my life was endangered and ignoring my good ladies advice to “stop acting like an eejit” I called the emergency services seven times demanding the air ambulance. Ignored my pleas fell on deaf ears though a police car arrived later but that’s another story.
Enjoy the weather good fellow cunters.
5
Loved 🥰 your cunting cunstable true and laugh out loud all at the same time. Showers maybe Wednesday. Oh and 10 degrees cooler. 2 day heatwave
5
I hate it when cunts spaz about if we get a bit of warm weather. I’ve seen many a hot summer: 1983, 1977, 1984, 2018, and the daddy of them all, 1976. And I survived them all.
It’s generation snowflake. They mince and squeal and go over the top about everything. And weather is no different. Cunts to a man…
18
I remember summer during the 70’s….
Sent by my nan with 2 saucepans and a bucket to collect water from the standpipe in the street, during the 1 hour a day it was turned on !
Can you imagine todays youth if they turned the kitchen tap on just to hear a gasp and the gurgling sound of silence ? ?
We also had Powercuts and ‘Cornettos’ were yet to be invinted. Couldn’t afford a ’99’ from the Ice cream man in our house – it was mini-milks, or Kwik-Save’s own brand choc ices (no real chocolate used!).
Hot as hell summers, but no-one told me not to ride my Chopper up the park. Now they want to shut the schools for 2 days ! Why ?
It’ll be just as hot for the kids at home, and at school. I remember our teachers getting us to carry our desks outside so we could enjoy the weather !
Fuck me – this country has gone to the dogs ….
20
LOTR-my recollections are the same👍
(Speaking of LOTR, there’s a new release due out very soon, probably renamed Lord of the Wokes- Day Admin)
2
Happy days! 1976, Chopper bikes, some fucking great music including Abba!
Beautiful!
3
Picking the tar out between the concrete road slabs down our close getting black under our nails. Local plod clipping our ear for doing it after protests saying it weren’t us only for plod to point out our dirty fingernails full of tar. Doh!!
4
I’m just going to get a bowl of ice and put salt over it and put a fan Infront. Job done, back to work as usual.
3
How long will it take for those cunts at the BBC to start comparing the temps as “hotter than Spain” or some other place full of greaseballs that is actually that temp ALL FUCKING SUMMER ?
8
Already done but they have gone for Western Sahara.
4
Sorry, but if you genuinely believe that c02 levels will cause a temperature rise of 15oc overnight and its not just the summer you are a total cunt.
14
temperature rise will happen from vegan and veggie cunts farting methane all day and spouting shit which breaks down into methane.
cunts
6
Piss boiling!
5
It’s cold as a witch’s tit here. You’re all making me miss summer, almost. The stench of päkïs must be overwhelming and probably responsible for more deaths than heat stroke, one truly feels sorry for you.
14
Chester zoo is closed tomorrow I’m assuming it’s too hot for the animals.
That’s right! The animals from Africa, Asia and South America.
Ffs
16
The zoo management heard that Diane Abacus, David Lanny and Femi O-go.lly-wolly were in the vicinity of Chester tomorrow and could not risk an ape war with the zoo’s resident simian.
Lammy has been known to tear parliamentarians limb from limb, over a stray packet of Jaffa cakes. Fuck knows how he would react to 300 llb’s of frankly chopped tropical fruit🥺
9
its hotter than cat on a tin roof
im sweltering and my horn will only make more heat
Cant win, i surrender to the wise and sage leaders that govern my future
Greta, where art thou will you save me from impending fuel rationing come winter.
I know that your heart hears of the many that will shiver.
You have a cunning plan, don’t you Greta, ah all is God with Greta the great depopulator
6
Hey mecunty,
I predict on a cold December night in Davos, Greta will bless us with a virgin birth. And three wise men will come from the east…named Klaus…Vladamir and Xi…and they will follow the light in the sky…a satellite launched by Elon Musk…and bestow upon the child gifts of…arugula, quinoa and vegan sausage.
And a New Age of Renewable Energy and Sustainable Markets will be ushered in and darkness, cold and hunger will reign over the great unwashed masses of humanity…who will feel virtuous in their misery.
14
Can’t wait for it GC, I knew she was something special
I will take part in this future of renewable
I will change my jocks and have a shower
Are you ready “Greta”
I’ll bring a gift Greta and celebrate the new dawn of this awakening.
“Awake ,Shake dreams from your hair
My pretty child my sweet one
choose the day and choose the sign of your day
The days divinity
First thing you see”
5
Cold can of draught Guinness for me….or maybe more….🔙🔛🔝🔜
5
Everyone in the kidney unit on Saturday was grateful to the staff for trying to keep everyone cool. Everyone except the ‘Me Me Me’ African personage. She actually asked/ordered them to turn the air conditioning off (and they refused). I wouldn’t mind, but she dresses like one of the Sand People from Star Wars anyway. Even in a heatwave, for fuck’s sake…🤣
20
Stick the parasite in the staff car park.
6
If only, Black biscuit. If only…
That’s the thing though. Gets treated like royalty, and doesn’t appreciate what the staff (nurses and ambulance staff alike) do. But you know they are getting it for nowt. Never did pay in, never has paid in, and never will pay in.
5
My bollocks have now officially reached my kneecap.
And Irn Bru bars are reputedly still melting at midnight in Glasgow.
It’s officially a heatwave.
I wonder how many split-arses will be leaving their knickers in their drawers the next few days?
Keep ‘em peeled lads.
8
I know the blonde lass at the bottom of our road will be wearing virtually non existent denim shorts tomorrow. She did it last Summer and it was a tonic, I can tell you…🔥🔥🔥😍
11
A drawback of weather like this is some imbecilic cunt and their screeching relatives stinking the street out with burnt barbecued grub and shit lager like ‘Bud’ or ‘Stella’. Then they’ll play shite like Oasis or ‘Walk Of Life’ by Dire Straits over and over. We had cunts who actually did this during the first and biggest Covid lockdown in 2020. And I dare say the fuckers haven’t changed a bit.😒
11
In situations such as that, couple of flash bangs over the fence works wonders if you can get away with it mind. We have the same problem but luckily for us not that often. I sympathise N, as the unthinking cunts ruin many a fine day and evening.
6
Toughen up buttercups and embrace the warmth, it will be pissing down and freezing next week.
6
Fucking UK, namby pamby, nanny state snowflakes. Ooh, the hottest weather on record’ followed by ‘ooh, record rainfall’ followed by ‘ooh, the coldest winter since records began!’ What a bunch of cunts they really are! Weather experts will be banging on about 1976 with the same boring tenacity as brainless cunting football fans who can’t forget that lucky win in 1966. Bore off, the fucking lot of you.
12