Sunny Weather in Summer – We’re Doomed!

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Doomed. Doomed I tell thee.
We are all going to die on Monday. Don’t say you haven’t been warned. Every media outlet the same. Doomed.

Stay indoors. In a bath of iced water. Breathe through a tube. If you have an outside toilet (in say, New Mills) wear a hijab when going for a crap. Old cunters say goodbye to your loved ones now before it’s too late.

Swim to work. Drink 20L of water an hour. Doomed.

(How the fuck we managed in Seffrica, fuck knows.)

You have been warned. Everyfuckingwhere.

BBC News Link

Nominated by: Cuntstable Cuntbubble

(I suppose it will be blamed on CC even though it is the middle of Summer! – Day Admin)

And then there’s this from Bertram Cuntatious DCO

I’d like an emergency cunting for the current weather.

A projected 40C in Doncaster is too fucking much. I’m off for a week on holiday and am stuck in the fucking house Monday and Tuesday as I’ll render down if I go out in that.

Can’t walk anywhere, can’t go for a nice ride on the Vespa, can’t sit in the garden, can’t even fucking breathe properly. Fuck off and give me some northern rain yer cunt.

 

149 thoughts on “Sunny Weather in Summer – We’re Doomed!”

  1. I thought we were meant to be discouraging the sand w*gs, not making then feel at home.

    • I hate summer.
      I really hate heatwaves!!
      My dogs made for snow and ice,
      It struggles with a warm day nevermind temperatures thatd give a iguana heatstroke.

      And my jobs fuckin hell on earth in hot weather?

      Im in my undercrackers in front of a massive fan for the next few days.

      Greta was right!
      We’re gonna burn.

      • Bollocks to Greta the harpy.
        I’ve got some welding to do tomorrow. I’ll just sit there and let the sun do it for me.

  2. Anyone that doesn’t like this weather can fuck off down to the bike sheds, somewhere in Worcestershire where Hate filled cunt’s waiting for you.

    Don’t be a Keyboard Wartior and keep him waiting, those cunts don’t turn up, apparently.

  3. Love this weather, reminds me of Rhodesia without the dar quays! (well in Pembrokeshire anyway)

    • Its alright for you and CC Quimmy!

      Youve both spent half your life in Africa, youve acclimatised to heat.

      Im from the Northwest of England,
      Ive got gills im that used to rain.

      • And you know what MNC, I’ve never worn a dot of sunscreen in my life, its a long sleeved white cotton shirt and sun hat, with loose fitting light trousers on the hottest days, none of this topless chav nonsense for YT!

      • The woman next door will be out in it all day.
        Like a aztec, sun worshipper.

        She looks like a pepperami stick.
        Like a saddlebag with teeth.

        Fuck that.

        I wont be out in it.
        Sulk the day away , blinds shut.
        Like a sullen mushroom?

      • Evening MNC.

        Where has all the rain gone?

        Even Buxton has dried out.

        It must be the end of the earth.

        And Quimson, I saw a few jam spoons in Fishguard. Not sure if they were natives or tourists?

        Fishguard is like Hastings. It seems to be ‘the’ place all the eccentric drop-outs end up, as they desperately try to carve out a new life for themselves. Some interesting characters to talk to though.

      • Evening Dick?

        We’re sat in the fridge at the moment.

        All the ‘Agadoo’ types are loving it.
        Wont be so happy down the burns ward.

        Remember
        Queuing at standpipes in the 70s?
        People with buckets and pans?

        When it does rain itll be biblical.
        Cant wait!

  4. This could be a good thing.

    There’s a few cunters here who I think would benefit greatly from soaking their head in a bucket of cold water.

    • Evening General Cunster-you need to have a thicker skin?
      Think of this site as a local pub-you are never going to get along with every single drinker-that’s impossible, just avoid the ones who piss you off and enjoy your precious time with like minded cunters.

      Some folk suffer from total intransigence.
      I enjoy some of “most” Cunters posts-even if I don’t agree with their point of view.

      Remember-even a broken watch, tells the correct time, twice a day?

      • Hey CG,

        I think you misunderstand the good natured fellowship shared between Gutstick, myself and Ruff.

        Why just the other night we gathered in a local pub to share a few pints and indulge in a moment of light hearted camaraderie.

        That’s Mis in the background watching. Apparently was a bit skeptical of our fellowship or maybe he was upset we didn’t buy him a pint. And if you listen closely at the end you can hear him yell; Hey! Fiddler!

        https://youtu.be/AoCg2jhX7qo

      • Hey again CG,

        On a serious note that’s good advice and your point is well taken.

        Thanks. I’ll keep it in mind.

  5. IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM HM GOVERNMENT
    LIKELIHOOD OF DEATH FROM SWEATY CROTCH SYNDROME, HEATSTROKE or SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION
    The Government’s DFO (Department for the Fucking Obvious) has made the following Public Service Announcement:
    ‘It’s going to be hot so stay out of the sun, you stupid cunts’.

    Message ended.

    • Will it be hotter than Unkle Terry’s oven though? That is my yardstick for extreme heat.

    • Apparently this weather will cause lots of people to die from:

      – Blood clots
      – Myocarditis
      – Pericarditis
      – Strokes

      This “weather” may also cause:

      – Temporary blindness
      – Temporary deafness
      – Temporary asymmetric paralysis
      – Bell’s Palsy

      It may also cause increased instances of:

      – Autoimmune diseases such as:

      – Guillain Barre Syndrome

      This weather may also cause women to:

      – Bleed more excessively during periods (42% more apparently)
      – Miscarry

      These can all be mitigated ….. nay…. eliminated by:

      – Placing nappy on face
      – Switching off brain.

  7. I hate it when the BBC report on our one day of ‘Sunny Weather’ . They always come out with the same old ‘its hotter than Marbella’ bullshit whilst simultaneously showing us pictures of the crusty old spunkers, and lefty green haired luuvie cunts on the *spermy-shit contaminated beach at Brighton.

    (*Spermy-shit contaminated because that’s where da local gays go bumming at night apparently and the beach then gets soiled due to the perverted acts these sick deviants commit upon each other’s bums in the sand)

  8. Yes it’s the nanny state striking fear into us once again, telling us not to be naughty. They had a COBRA meeting yesterday but The Jellyfish was a no show, pissing it up at Chequers apparently. No doubt the climate change wankers will be salivating over this, leaping upon it as evidence that the world is doomed.
    Any chance the Wimminz football might be cancelled because it’s too fucking hot? Or will they just chuck a few black players in? That will delight the BBC.

    • Freddie: if the horrendously white England team play in these conditions, the whole fucking squad will look like the Iranian team?

    • it’s dogshit cooked up by a behavioural sciences team in govt. and fed to our psycho media. I live in the South East and my American-made weather app says 35 celsius for Monday and Tuesday.

      The lanky gump on tonight’s CkimateFile has been wailing about ‘last century’ on his weather report.

      Get a fucking grip.

    • Shame the cunts can’t hold a COBRA meeting for the dinghy drivers. Record numbers today apparently.

    • COBRA meeting about the onset of Summer?
      Those self-inflated cunts more likely had a jolly in the back garden of #10,Pimms all round.
      There’s still going to be a plethora of muppets who’ll doubtless practice their time honoured ‘cower under the bed’ routine once more.
      I’m loving it,bring on global warming, we’ll adapt.
      PS: where’s IY lately?

  9. I can’t believe the Government are holding Cobra meetings because of hot weather. We’re being told to drink water and stay indoors.
    We never had this nanny state bollocks in 76 or any other hot summer. This control has come straight after the covid flu rebranded hysteria .
    The media and government are glove in hand when it comes to telling us to live in fear

    • It has. they’ve learned from COVID and set up a new ‘nudge unit’ on pushing green policy.

      • Maybe Dominic Raabid in charge of “nudge nudge wink wink…”
        If he wants to nudge Angela, he’s more than welcome.

    • Wasn’t it the Jellyfish’S friend Mr. Shit Boghouse on the magic rectangle, waffling about Cobra, looking after those less able etc etc?
      I think cobras don’t have a problem with the heat. We need a few around Wetminster.

  11. Or maybe are just being prepared for the infrastructure and healthcare system to break under the extra stress.

    Get used to the 3rd world folks

  12. The other day, a ‘government health expert’ decreed that even healthy people WILL die! Without explaining quite how this would occur. Will these healthy people simply drop dead at their desks? Or maybe they’ll die in their sleep. Or maybe their talking utter, over dramatic bollocks.
    Anyway. The crux of the matter is, that some of us may live if we follow the instructions on the bbc website, authored by a 23 year old university graduate who knows absolutely fuck all about anything.
    And don’t forget, working class plebs. All this hot weather is completely your fault, but nothing to do with the middle classes and above.

    • We must all pay green taxes to avoid death ! ( Yeah….that won’t work will it ? )

    • A warning or a threat?

      It turns out there has been a massive uptick over the last 12-18 months of SADS (Sudden Adult Death Syndrome) which has seen a huge uptick in non-Covid deaths with annual excess deaths well into the thousands.

      It could admittedly be a delayed reaction to the shut down of the NHS by the government on account of the “Great Sniffle”, it could be this unprecedented “weather” we are experiencing, it could be the “Great Sniffle” or it could be a combination of factors… or it could be none of the above.

  13. We used to celebrate long hot summers in this country. Now their only function is to serve as a reminder that we’re all going to die horribly in about eight years time. What a pathetic nation of joyless whingers we have become.

    • Im writing out my will .
      I remember 76.
      If the heat doesnt cook me to resemble something dragged out of Grenfell,
      Ill be eaten alive by ladybirds.

      Roll on winter,
      Sat round a unlit fire.

      • That’s ok, I heard there’s going to be a shortage of chestnuts this Christmas.

    • When I was a kid I used to celebrate hot summers by getting sunburned. I doubt most kids nowadays look up from their phones long enough for the sun to hit their faces …. unless you count the screen glare that they experience when the sun glances off the phone screen.

  14. I’m working next week. Outside,in the glorious sun (it is ‘Summer’ after all. Let me tell you it beats the piss out of working in a March downpour, all fucking day.
    Mis,you’re welcome to keep t’rain t’other side of t’Pennines or whatever.
    Yes I know Stockport isn’t Yorks but there you go.
    Fishing today,followed by a lunchtime pint,perfectly splendid, what what .

  15. Matron will be allowing us outside tomorrow to sit in the sun ( helps with the staffing don’cha know )

  16. There are benefits to this weather, first of all crotch pot cooking is now possible, no need to light the bbq just drop the chicken down the front of the shorts, , as a mechanic I recon no matter how much I drink I sweat out the next day, this means I can drink at least 10 beers tonite to help keep me safe from overheating tomorrow , and irroninically the tikkitakkis and porto cunts are suffering more than me, so fuck it I can take a bit more
    Also I kind of enjoy the fact that loads of stupid fuckers have gone through hell to have their cheapo holiday abroad and its warmer here, that brings a smile to my face….

  17. The government’s Cobra meeting has just concluded that it’s going to be hotter than Dianne Abbott in a leotard.

    • This could be very bad for all of us.

      If the entire country is going to be hotter than Dianne Abbott in a leotard then Jeremy Corbyn is going to be touring the entire country attempting to fuck it!!

      • @moggie63

        So Boris Johnson has been cuckolding Jeremy Corbyn? I’m okay with that.

  18. I love the sunny weather…it gives me an excuse to pull on my mankini and strut my stuff past the holiday-makers enjoying a drink in the beer-garden.

    • Does it have front protection rated for Chainsaw use??

      I spent all day Friday in full chainsaw gear. All-fucking-day?
      Still-two Oak trees worth of rung up cordwood, for the homestead.
      I don’t envy arborists/roofers/landscapers etc in this heat.

      • Worst job I remember for heat was stacking small hay bales into a tin-shed..used to take about a week to get them all in…with some silly old Cunt loading them too quickly on the bottom of the elevator until someone rolled a couple back down at him and he eased up for an hour or two.

        Husky or Stihl,General ?

      • Husky 357 and my old friend, a 254xp which has been a loyal companion since 1999?
        Still chainsaw trousers ( full protection) and Stihl gloves.
        Husky balanced headset.
        Glad I wasn’t the poor cunt climbing and rigging out one of the trees?

  19. The BBC weather forecast this evening is going presented by Alex Deakin, with Arthur Brown poking his head into shot when each chart appears, singing, “you’re gonna burn”.

    He will go up the notes as each chart appears concluding with Tuesday afternoon’s, before breaking into that hysterical cackle and dancing in front of the weather map naked.

    Thomaz Shuffleknickers will be attempting to bash out a few notes on a beat up old Hammond, just to add to the drama.

  20. 40 degrees…….. Fuck all.

    I’m off south at the end of the month.
    Córdoba.
    Almost guaranteed to be at least 45, maybe as hot as 50.

    I’ll find a shaded spot in a town square and celebrate the heat with a few large Ladrón de Manzana.

    The UK government treat you all as children.
    Drink water, stay out of the sun, wear a hat, put on sunblock.

    Fuck off!

    Don’t they realise that people have been on holiday to far hotter places and survived?

    • People have lived in far hotter places and survived…….. then moved here.

  21. Silly question from the colonies; Is air conditioning, central, room or otherwise common in the UK?

    • Air conditioning outside of motor vehicles is almost unheard of in Blighty, we personally never even had AC in Rhodesia, once acclimatised to the weather its all fairly easy going

      • Hey CQ,

        I live in the Deep South where 90+ Farenheight temps are common. AC is the norm. I agree that once you get acclimatised it’s easier to deal with but the problem here is constantly going out of the heat and into the AC and then back out into the heat. It wreaks havoc with the sinuses.

      • Exactly CQ.

        Air conditioning in the home is a waste of money.
        The units are always going wrong and the fucking things need regular regassing.

        Sleeping with air conditioning on is not good for your breathing.

        When it’s very hot just open some doors and windows and sleep with a fan on.

        It usually takes newcomers about 2 years to aclimatise I have found.

      • You will always find A.C. in the Superstores in Blighty G.C. & no matter where you go, when it gets hot they are always full of cunts. It’s a known phenomenon over here. All the chiller aisles will be full of them!

    • No it isn’t. Only time I get to enjoy air conditioning is in when I’m shopping for peanut butter in Sainsbury’s..

      Good evening General. ?

      PS: Have you read ‘The Air-Conditioned Nightmare’ by Henry Miller? It’s all about the US of A. Recommended.

      • PPS: To combat global warming and climate change it is official Monster Raving Loony Party policy to fit air conditioning units to the outside of all buildings.

    • I’ve worked in many places with air-con but very little ventilation and it’s horrible. The dry eyes and dry skin really get to me.

      For me, a desk fan will do but it just needs to be opened up so that the cage and rotor blades can be cleaned, enabling the thing to work more effectively.

  22. Perhaps if you factor in that that there are many thick cunts on this sceptered Isle it might make sense to chuck a warning or two out.
    Love island viewers, watchtower floggers, cunts who moan about the state of football yet continue to watch it, Greggs customers, the list is endless.
    However, it could be a double bluff. If the government really wanted to get people to stay safe, they would get some bobblehead to say it in a bitchute video, far more reliable….?

    • Say what you want about Bitchute.
      All I know about the site is that there’s a tremendous amount of movies to watch on there for free.
      Which means it’s not always the dreaded “tinfoil hattery” and other such lazy slurs.

      • I don’t know buddy, my only encounter with it has been the guff I’ve seen posted here.

      • Yeah if you can manage to avoid the nuttier extreme stuff that seems to pervade the site – there is a surprisingly vast number of classic movies which have been uploaded there.
        Decent quality without the ads to boot. For now.

        Good Evening GJ.

      • Evening HJ, I shall put away my prejudices and have a look sometime.
        Cheers for the heads up ?

  23. Well at least there isn’t any issue with the high cost of energy and no need to worry about winter, all our water will have evaporated before then and we will all be dead.

    My cat says it’s hot so he is in the shade, maybe the BBC and Co could follow his example. ?

  24. People are being “warned” to wear as little as possible tomorrow and Tuesday – kids,if they are going to school, should wear their PE Kit for example.

    I am happy to say that “Mr. Rules” Dame Kweer, will follow the new rules and will appear wearing only his truss. Angela Rayner will wear her smallest G-String, and AnalEase, and PixieBalls will scrum down in Lady Nugee’s outsize bloomers. And nothing else……

    • More stupid fucking advice.

      Was anyone planning on going out wearing a jumper and a duffle coat?

      • Yes……. terrorists. They always seem to wear puffer jackets in tropical weather (and that daft cunt who ran from the coppers on the tube back in the day).

      • yes hot weather organs are larger in portion than in winter and my balls dance a lovely and loose dangle unlike the tight scrotum resemblance when freezing of the bollocks occurs
        Im luvin it

    • If people are wearing as little as possible tomorrow, I will keep an eye out for my neighbours. One is a well fit Anglo-Italian MILF, and there is also a tasty 20 something tall blonde bit who doesn’t wear too much as it is…

      • Probably a good idea to keep an eye out. You never know what some of these young zoomer lasses are smuggling behind their bacon drapes.

  25. Except for viewers in Scotland where we have had grey skies and occasional rain for the past week. Temperature never went above 17oC.

  26. When I’m scraping the frost off the car in the fucking dark at 7:30am from November to February, I live for days like the ones coming up. I’m golfing in Scotland at the moment until this Thursday. It’s glorious, lovely breeze coming in off the sea, me duffing another fucking shot, but I don’t care, better than being at fucking work. Scotland is fucking brilliant, apart from that nob Sturgeon. And what is it with Tenants, 4 pints and I’m half pissed??

    • Golfing in Scotland? You’re not Matt Fitzpatrick are you? You just cost me 212 quid you cack handed spaz!

      • Unfortunately not Freddie, but I am from Sheffield like our Matt. It is a fucking bummer though Freddie, I was going to have a fiver on Cameron Smith but changed my mind at the last minute. Cost me £120. Money won is twice as sweet as money earned.

      • Indeed it is. I’m planning to get my dough back with the twenty I laid on Mourdant but now it looks like the Westminster back stabbing machine is going to stitch her up and stop her getting into the last two.
        My own fault……..I should have factored in the unrivalled snidiness of those fucking cunts.

    • I’ve driven through Scotland a couple of times in the early and late Spring and the weather fucking sucks there at that time of year. I slept one night in my car along the side of Loch Laggan in late March and it was fucking freezing.

      Next day I drove back down to the civilized world (England) and the sun came out before I even reached Glasgow. The Highlands may be beautiful but the altitude makes the weather shite.

  27. Fecking wonderful weather for being a farrier/blacksmith stood in front of a gas/coke forge, no crying about the heat just get on with it and being self employed there’s no bugger to whine to.
    Fecking horseflys size of sparrows makes it more likely your going to get whacked.
    Roll on the winter.

    • I used to work in a wholesale bakery on the ovens in the summer and I never suffered horseflys……. maybe horseflys have Coeliac Disease or Gluten intolerance.

    • Is your forge portable?
      Perhaps you could get a contract from IsAC’s Unkle Terry to carry out his excess cunt-cremations.
      Then bring it to Lord Fiddlers place for the annual IsAC BBQ?

  28. Neil Oliver on GB News was asking why the weather maps no longer have smiley faced Sun’s on them, but have the deepest red of inferno. All part of project fear and connecting weather with climate. This only works one way around – if you complain it’s 12 degrees in June they carefully explain that that’s weather not climate.

    • Global warning and warming and climate change fuck all .
      “the way i feel about them now”
      will they wipe my arse for me? as i need help and instruction about making a shit. why is this information not available to the pubics
      I will not
      rest until a pubic inquiry is conducted for arse wiping for the greater good.

      • i know a bit crass but its all the same story everywhere by media and our schoolteacher politicians in all the countries of the once wild and good time West.
        Please stop lecturing people, Western media fuckers on how to get on with the mundane daily events.
        fuckin warm though, having said that

  30. Saudi Arabia is like this all year round and they force women to wear a black cloak. Work of psychopaths.

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