Detached Retinas

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This one really is a right cunt to be sure.

For the last couple of weeks, Mrs D has complained of distorted vision and a black fuzzy line across her right eye. Trip to the opticians quickly confirmed a detached retina in her right eye and we’re told to go fetch the car and drive immediately to Norfolk and Norwich Hospital where we spend Friday afternoon in the emergency eye clinic.

Like the song says “on Saturday and Sunday they do no work at all, so ’twas on the Monday morning that” we get a call from the hospital saying come in on Thursday ‘cos we’re going to operate.

The procedure is a right sod. They remove some of the vitreus from your eye using a laser and inject a gas bubble to force the retina back in place. Then they stitch up the hole in your eyeball. It ain’t nice but I suppose it beats going blind in one eye.

But it’s the post op thats the real cunt. They don’t warn you about this bit. First you have to keep your face pointing downwards for the first 24 hours (we’re lucky because some people have 7 days of this). This makes sleeping extremely difficult so she sat all night in the kitchen chair with her head resting on her arms on the table. I sat with her all night so as you can imagine we were both totally knackered.

She went into post operative shock in the early hours but pleased to say she got through it in one piece. At least there’s some good news because after 24 excruciating hours she is allowed to leave the kitchen table and needs to spend the next 7 days looking downwards with her left cheek on a pillow. We also have steroid drops to kill the swelling and anti bacterial drops to kill any infection.

She can see sod all out of her right eye which in any case looks like she’s gone three rounds with Mike Tyson. As I write this she is hunched over the table with her forehead on a yoga block snoring her head off. The poor bugger is totally knackered as it’s the first sleep either of us has managed since yesterday morning.

Yes, this procedure is a real cunt and the post op procedure is just as bad if not worse.

And at the end of it all, a good result is 80% normal vision restored – definitely a weapons grade cunt if ever there was one…

Link – not for the squeamish :
Medical Optics Link

Nominated by: Dioclese

(More information here: Day Admin – NHS News Link )

77 thoughts on “Detached Retinas”

  1. Sounds a right mare!
    Hope your good lady makes a rapid recovery to good health 👍

  2. That sounds dreadful, it’s good to see a reasonably positive outcome for her. Medical procedures, in general, are a cunt. I had a heart stent a few years ago, I expected it to be painless according to others on the ward who’d already had it done. It was unbelievably painful for me, I needed an urgent dose of diamorphine which didn’t bloody work, followed quickly by another which thankfully did. Even now I look back and inwardly shudder at the experience.

  3. All the very best to Mrs D.

    Sounds like something from the Spanish Inquisition.

  4. Detached retina indeed, more like spunk eye 😉

    It happens to Angela Rayner all the time, she might have a big gob but sucking 4 dicks at the same time one always slips out at vinegar stroke and she gets an eye full (it’s true I read it on Full Facts).

    Joking aside, it sounds fucking painful, other than my winky the last place I would want any surgery would be my eye, makes me shiver just thinking about.

  5. My commiserations Dioclese. It sounds a horrible procedure. I don’t know how I could keep my head facing downwards for 24 hours let alone 7 days. A bit of a killer for astronomers. Wouldn’t stop me driving though.

  6. Well that’s put me off my oysters Dio 😒.
    Best wishes to Mrs D, illness is a cunt indeed, almost as big as this fucknuckle phone of mine that insists on changing perfectly reasonable sentences into random gobbledegook.
    Plfsssh.

  7. I am glad your spouse is on the mend, but please let this be a warning to everybody: do not allow your loved ones to take on a “friendly” wresling bout with Emily “Hammerhead” Thornberry. She might look quite harmless on her mobility scooter, but once she clambers off it and gets stripped down to her spangly Speedos she can be a nightmare – headbutting, spitting, gouging and all manner of unsprtsmanlike tricks. Sasha Johnson, as we all know, still suffers from the effects of her encounter in the ring, with this huge Toby jug of a woman with monstrous breasts, and a very wild streak – our Em, the most hated and despised woman in Islington – and none too popular in Golders Green, either.

    On a serious note, my guess is that before too long the NHS will become just a five day a week organisation, with announcements, asinine recorded advice” and electronic Debussy on Saturdays and Sundays, regardless whether there is a Conservative Minister of Health, or Labour’s super-poofter, Wes Screeching, all full of piss and wind and KY Jelly.

    • “On a serious note, my guess is that before too long the NHS will become just a five day a week organisation”

      I fucking hope so. I hate working weekends.

      • It’s not all about you. 😏

        Pray tell, how does one detach a retina in the first place, sounds like it’s to be avoided.

      • Apart from being smacked in the eye by Tyson, it just happens, according to the NHS link.
        You can’t avoid it, some people are more likely to be affected than others, so it’s luck of the draw.

      • As the others have said, it just happens. Piss-poor luck or a good paneling, maybe, and I doubt Mrs Dio’s had that. Opthalmology’s not my strong point. Give us a bell if your heart stops – I’m good at that.

      • This is true JP.

        Lad at work came in a couple of weeks back with a detached retina and swears it happened in his sleep. He just woke up like that.

        Hope Mrs Dio makes a swift recovery.

  8. Well, shit like me should not be “allowed to breed” so I have fuck all comment.
    What goes around comes around.
    That is all, and I am not in the mood for argument with people I despise.
    “Controversial?”
    Yep.
    Ban me if required.

      • Dioclese@.
        Never, ever forgotten or forgiven.
        That is all – I do not tolerate insults from cowards, and this is festering, like a poison knife in my back.
        Like I said to Admin, ban me if required, fair play.
        I will not tolerate this – I do not enjoy being slagged off by nasty old Men.
        So how does that fucking sound everyone?
        Ban me or sort out the cunt.
        That is fucking all, I am not in the mood for debate.

      • Aaahh, that all?

        Ive been called allsorts on here Foxy.
        Had noms wrote about me,
        Told to fuck my dog,
        Even called a narcissist😮😮❗
        Me!!
        The most handsome, erudite,and nicest of cunters.
        I enjoyed the attention.😁

        Dont get tearful over fuckin namecalling Foxy,
        If you go into politics youll have to have a tougher hide than that!👍

      • No….I think I called our Vern a tin-foil hat wearing fantasist….never got round to commenting on his suitability for procreation.

      • @MNC….you deserve abuse…you are a nasty man….people have always been pleasant to me because I’m always pleasant to them.

        It’s nice to be nice.

      • Fiddler@
        I’ll take it onboard and try to follow your example😃

      • @Miserable….the people of Stockport have long memories and harbour bitter grudges. You reign of terror as the Stockport Snooper will not be easily forgotten.

      • LL@
        When I first came on ISAC,
        I got warned off admin couple of times,
        Got into loads of fights with other cunters,
        Made loads of enemies,
        It was truly a home from home!

        Who can forget Robin Bastard, coolforcock, and various other nemesis now sadly all dead.

        Foxy has had it easy on here!!🙂

  9. Thanks for that image admin, I wasn’t planning on having tea tonight anyway.

  10. Off topic but , wow, today is my lucky day. Look at this email I received.

    “Good day to you, I am Mr. Michael J. Elston secretary to Mr. Louis
    Dejoy the postmaster general of United States Postal Service (usps).
    I’m contacting you regarding your parcel that has been registered with
    us for shipment to your residential address. Your parcel of MONEY
    ORDER/ CHECK was registered with us by the UNITED NATION agencies as a
    COMPENSATION FUND in helping out people financially this season
    because of the scourge savaging the earth, they are reaching out
    people via an online email selections they did and registering the
    fund as a MONEY ORDER/CHECK with us to be delivered to any Emerge
    winner and your email was Emerged as one of the winner of last month
    draw. We thought they gave you our contact details, so we have been
    waiting on you to contact us for your parcel until now we decided to
    contact you so we can get your parcel delivered to you as soon as
    possible. It might interest you to know that a letter is also added to
    your parcel which we cannot quote to you via email for privacy
    reasons, but we understand that the content of your parcel is a MONEY
    ORDER/CHECK worth {$1,500,000.00 usd} one million five hundred dollars
    all in an envelope. Text me urgently with your delivery information
    such as:
    Full Address …………………,
    Full name ………………,
    Phone number …………,
    Email address ……………To::: {
    unitedstatespostalservice@secretary.net OR +1-231-444-3287 }
    Note: You have to pay the shipping and stamping fee of $127 as it was
    not paid, and by so being what has been holding up your delivery and
    also note that the Parcle Can’t be deliver with the payment of the
    shipping and stamping fee of $127.
    Yours faithfully,
    Michael J. Elston,
    Secretary to Mr. Louis Dejoy, Postmaster General of United States
    Postal Service(usps).”

    A box containing 1.5 million US dollars, used.

    They must think I’m Prince Charles.

      • Can’t believe my luck MNC. Mind you it says the moneys in an envelope. Must be a big envelope.

      • Around the size of Birmingham.
        Thats probably why they struggled posting it.

        How you planning on spending it?
        New telescope?

      • Don’t think it’s enough money for Carol Vordermans knicker drawer, unfortunately, DCI

      • Well I’d love to help you Dick but I’ve just realised I’ve used the last check in my checkbook.

        But seriously, how nice of the UN to select me out of 8 billion people to be saved from the “ SCOURGE SAVAGING THE EARTH”.

        New telescope! I’m buying Mount Palomar.

      • DF-F@ – Mnc made me spend all my money on tinfoil hats!
        Obviously I would have sorted it otherwise..

    • Fabulous, MMCM.
      Typical scam, bad spelling shocking grammar and syntax.
      Just like the letters I get from the DWP, or HMRC asking for overpayment refunds.
      Fuck off, you cheated me out of £££’s worth of state pension. Consider it an advance on what you owe me.

      • What – you mean its a scam, Jeezum ! Surely not. Look at the elegant tones in which it’s drafted. Such mastery of the English language. I particularly like the beautiful phrase about the “SCOURGE SAVAGING THE EARTH”.

        I’m so convinced its real I’ve just remortgaged my house in anticipation of receiving that, admittedly very large, envelope shortly.

    • You could have condensed that to
      “My name is tungata zebiwe and I hab loads of de money and poo poo to share with de mos’ benevolent m’dudu.”

      • Yep, it’s almost poetic, MMCM.
        I just wonder which particular EARTH SAVAGING SCOURGE it is?
        Stealth invasion.
        Covid
        Monkey Pox
        Rishi Sunak
        ER
        ???
        The list goes on and on and….

      • Could be any of those Jeezum. Or the “SCOURGE SAVAGING THE EARTH” could be illiterate Nigerian beggars sitting at a computer in a tin shack in Lagos. Not that that has anything to do with this, of course. I have googled Louis DeJoy and he is indeed the US Postmaster General. It must be real then ?

      • Did you know that most email scams in this country originate in Thamesmead.

        Couldn’t possibly think why.

  11. Also I appreciate how hard it must be, at least it seems that the NHS,so often slammed on here,seems to come through for her..acted promptly and,hopefully,successfully.

    • You always hear the shite side of the NHS, Dick, never the good things that are done every single day. Doesn’t get the masses wound up, good news.

      • I always think it’s a bit like the Police bashing on here…the contempt and disdain for “the Pigs” would be quickly forgotten in an emergency.

        Evening,DCI
        Evening,All

      • DCI@ You are the cutting edge, not cuntbag “management”.
        Carry on Sir, good form.
        And mind those lazy smelly hippies!
        I fkin hate hippies..

    • The NHS is actually good at dealing with emergency procedures. It’s anything less than an emergency that you have to wait 8 years for.

  12. Good luck to Mrs Dioclese with her treatment. My neighbour has had it and she unfortunately lost the sight in one eye. I hope the treatment leads to a successful conclusion.

  14. I’ve got to say that the post operative care sounds primitive, somehow.
    You’d expect something a bit more cutting edge, than keep your face pointed down for 24 hours, wouldn’t you?
    Summat like a tribally tattooed witch doctor killing a chicken and burning it’s tail feathers, whilst chanting, summat sophisticated like that.

  15. It’s fucking hot, even in Yorkshire, the NHS will be swamped with silly cunts who can’t understand that too much sun isn’t healthy 😂

    • I’ll lend ’em my tribal witch doctor.
      He’ll move them along when they see what his cure for sunburn is.

      • I hate this fuckin weather.
        Torture.
        ☹️
        Cant wait for the first ground frost.

        I blame those asylum seeker fucks!!

    • SoI. I’ve had a very entertaining day, after walking the dog at 5am, watching people from my lovely cool front room, parading in what passes for “summer” clothing in this country.
      It’s actually laughable.
      There’s the lobster pink-back, seen in all sexes (see what I did there) but mainly males wearing trackie bottoms but no top.
      The striped, similar to the pink-back, but with varying degrees of pink/red depending what style of vest top they wore.
      I could go on, but I’m sure others have their favourites.

      • The English in the sun have such style. Lobster pink skin, beer guts and women letting it all out in poor fitting swimsuits. Marbella is coming home.

      • Those sleeveless tops with net inserts, oh my days!
        Cross-hatched sunburn.
        Lord above.
        Of course, being repelled by such creatures, I saunter out in the cool of the day in freshly pressed linen and Egyptian cotton (still the best) all cool and breezy. I also wear an elegant chapeau, now I’m folically challenged.
        It doesn’t take much effort, and needed be too expensive.

      • I’m not joking, linen shorts, trousers, pure cotton teeshirts, linen/cotton mix shirts. It’s a poachers paradise.
        Dive in now.

      • Evening Jack👍

        What a band they was!!
        No shitty guitar solos or ballads .
        Pure energy.

        You winning pal?

      • Hello MNC. Things are going to plan. Which is a bit worrying 😀
        I’m sure some major problem will rear its ugly head, soon.
        I’m a pessimist, see.
        So am never disappointed 😀
        As long as the crinkle keeps coming in, we’re ok 👍
        Bit cooler today.
        You’ll be pleased to hear.
        Keep going, wit’ ye’ad down.
        Good morning.

      • Rotten is still great. Love the man. The woke Nazis can try all they like. They cannot ‘cancel’ him and they never will….

  16. Jeebus-sorry to hear this, Dio.
    Best wishes to Mrs Dio for a full and speedy recovery👍

  17. Hope your missus’ recovery goes well Dio.
    Take her out for a nice treat when she’s ok.
    Now that summer is finally here, here’s a good old summery tune.
    If you look carefully, you can see MNC driving past in his van, sweating profusely and leaning out of his window, screaming at people to get out of the fucking way.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qwIj_vuxdrQ
    He hates summer.
    I’ve arranged for him to move the grand piano from the third floor of The Rookery.
    He’ll be sweating his bollocks off !
    LOL. :o)

  18. Thanks to all you miserable fuckers who treated this thread as an excuse to go off fucking around again.

    Genuine thanks to those of you who sent best wishes to my other half.

    What causes it is either a blow to the head or as in this case a hardening of the vitreous gel in the eye due to aging which pulls the retina away from the lining of the eye. I haven’t knocked her about so I guess it’s the latter.

    We’re 10 days now since the op and there’s no way she can see through that eye yet. Vague shadow on day two when I wave a hand in front of her eye at 6″ has at least progressed to a vague shadow at 2ft so we have a ways to go yet. Back to the hospital on Thursday to check how it’s going.

    FYI the picture is understated. It starts off much bloodier than that. It’s still very bloodshot and sore but it’s a lot pinker now and the swelling is going down slowly thanks to steroid drops 4 times a day.

    On the plus front my cooking skills are improving as she can’t see to do fuck all…

    • Christ, Mrs. D.
      That sounds like a barrel of laughs.
      Don’t let Dio near your Le Crueset, he’ll ruin it.
      Let us know how it goes.

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