Every respect and sympathy for the late Deborah James and family but she has proved that grinning like a ninny does not save you from cancer.
There is nothing sexy about cancer. Also alliteration eg Shite Sister, Poo Pussy, Crap Cutie, Arse Angel etc does not achieve remission. Ringing a fucking bell to celebrate a remission from cancer only makes the other punters in the cancer ward feel worse.
Doctors turning up in clown costume is a dead giveaway that some poor punter on the ward will soon be be brown bread.
Terminal Cancer Ward sponsored by bakers LLP? The Hovis Ward. Laugh off the suffering? Never say die attitude? Bugger that. In my humble opinion misery and morphine is the way to go washed down by a decent Single Malt or three (on the NHS).
Back in the 70s checked in to hospital for an operation on me rampant piles. My quack had trained at the old Westminster Hospital (a then prestigious hospital that did both NHS and private work) and judged it appropriate to my status and dignity so he referred me there.
The hospital was also a specialist cancer treatment centre and while there I met various cancer patients who were paying for treatment to jump waiting lists and have the wonder surgeon of their choice. Not cheap but they got a private room but had to slum it with the rest of us to watch telly in the lounge, use the library, have a shower or use a flush khazi.
Anyway to cut a long story this chap, very well spoken executive type and quite out of his depth was admitted overnight for mouth cancer treatment. Quite embarrassed to be thought queue jumping – his Company Insurance was paying for it – so naturally took him under my wing a bit. But bugger me what a carry on – he got wheeled off for radiation treatment twice a day with some kind of Hannibal Lector device stuck in his mouth to wedge it open and was fed through tubes. On top of that had chemo pumped into his veins through a catheter.
Did my best to keep his spirits up but it was clear he was a goner. Told him straight, no point in beating about the bush. The crude radiation treatment (remember this was the ‘70s and it is not much better now) turned his mouth and chin boiled lobster red while the chemo turned the rest of his body zombie grey. In addition he could not hold any food down and existed on liquids.
Recommended him to jack it in and spend the insurance money on a nice booze cruise and some oral with a fat skank. Live longer with some pleasure. He had come in not looking too bad but three days of nuclear physics and toxic chemicals did for him.
By the time he left the poor cunt’s teeth were getting ready to drop out and I heard later that he had more sessions of treatment at the Westminster and died there in his private room hopped up on morphine after about three months.
We hear that Bowel Babe’s story has panicked the Great British Public into seeking bowel checks (a camera up the arse) on the already overburdened NHS. Have seen many acquaintances and relations mown down by the Grim Reaper as one of the penalties of a long life and my advice to cunters is to Cunt It Out.
Only the good die young. Go kicking and screaming and plant your boot in the gonads of the Grim Reaper when fetched for your journey into that dark night.
Welcome to God Doctor and the superiority of Cancer Surgeons. Know them well. My Nazi side of the family have been in that line of work for generations, some doing general surgery, some doing more lucrative face and boob jobs. Even they are scared of the Cancer Surgeon.
Takes a certain type of demonic Nazi narcissist to do it. Nazis and “Their life in your hands surgery.” What a combo. Only bitterness makes you better. Find your own Dr Harold Shipman. Think about that line. You know it makes sense.
To quote that pansy piss artist Dylan Thomas:
“Do not go gentle into that good night, Old age should burn and rave at close of day; Rage, rage against the dying of the light”.
And remember – give Dr Reaper a sharp kick in the bollocks on your way out.
Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke
Hope I don’t cark it from Cancer.I want to live!
4
The biannual poo kits from the NHS have certainly improved 👍
6
What are they?
2
It’s a kit for you to stick a probe in turd put it in the post back to the NHS, they then screen it for blood, if it’s negative no action, not sure what the next stage actually is if it’s positive but I guess there would be further tests/investigations
6
Anything to do with arses, Sicky knows!
😂
3
It should come automatically when you reach a certain age and every two years until, not sure maybe 70:or 75. I guess after that they don’t give a fuck 😂
5
I had no idea…I’ve never been tested for anything like that and have only been to the Quack a handful of times in my life…I think they wrote to me a few years ago about a prostate test but I never bothered.
6
Same as Fiddler.
Not been tested for anything.
And not seen a doctor in years.
I could have cancer now for all I know?
Or AIDS?!!
But no point worrying,
Cracking time ive had, but was hoping to go after the dog.
8
I never actually asked for it, it just came to my address and I get it automatically every two years.
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/bowel-cancer-screening/
Maybe the NHS should be putting out information that if you don’t get it then give them a call
The old style kit was a pain, a thing with three windows, the new kit is a lot simpler.
4
Ha ha yes.
No more smearing on little dated squares. 💩😁
1
Exactly, what a carry it was, three days of sampling and smearing and it had to be back to the lab within a few days otherwise it wouldn’t be any good 😂
2
Being an old fart, I get these and I can’t see any harm in getting the checks done. Start at 60 and then every two years (until 75 I think). Just done my second.
The completed test is a small plastic sampler in a case which is about the size of a USB stick. A hard, shiny cardboard packet is provided to send it back in. The instructions come with it of course.
Including “we only need a little poo to test – please do not add extra!”
I have visions of cunts stuffing extra shit into the packet. I can imagine what some of them must be like when opened at the other end!
I wasn’t going to do that, but I was tempted to include a picture of the log I’d cracked off. It was magnificent! Fucking King Kong would have been proud!
7
King Pong v Logzilla!
2
So this bint got famous from getting bowel cancer? Why turn your last days into some social media driven medical drama? Weird. Remember Captain Tom and Covid? Every cunt loved him. Now dead and largely forgotten until the next bandwagon rolls around with a suitable victim to tow.
7
You had a one in ten chance of cancer when I was a nipper, now it’s one in two.
No national emergency, no real advice about how to avoid it, just a fact of life we all have to live and die with.
The total annual UK Government funding for cancer research of approximately £112 million.
UK is now the biggest contributor to the international coalition to find a vaccine, with £210 million further funding announced today
Total amount of UK aid spent fighting coronavirus now stands at £544 million
There are around 167,000 cancer deaths in the UK every year,
So a comparable death toll if you take everyone who died with and not of Covid into account.
Even using pure economics more funding of cancer research is desirable.
Every year, over 250,000 people in England are diagnosed with cancer, and around 130,000 die as a result of the disease. Annual NHS costs for cancer services are £5 billion, but the cost to society as a whole – including costs for loss of productivity – is £18.3 billion.
I notice the disparity in the figures above but both come from .gov.uk websites.
I’ve lost a few people close to me to cancer and it is an awful way to go. I can’t believe that the causes of most cancers are not identifiable or a mystery.
Smoking rate last are dropping and yet cancer rates are rising.
We need answers.
11
Exactly. And given that it is such a nasty way to go out, and affects people at all ages, you’d think they would give it a higher priority
3
I suspect you could link it to population increase. Food is laden with artificial shite to make it last longer in transport.
There are millions more cars on UK roads belching out minute particulates that can enter the body via the lungs.
Drinking water treatment turnaround has to be so much quicker.
Therefore some of the cancer rise rates could be blamed on the dinghy pilots?
Too many people here, too many mouths to feed and too much human piss and shit ending up in the ecosystem.
8
Cancer was hardly ever diagnosed back ‘int day.
When I was a kid in the forties, I can’t honestly remember anyone dying of cancer, or even hearing the word.
Obviously there were people dying. My aunt just withered away and died. I can remember her stick thin sat in her chair. Died and would be only in her late 40’s maybe. No questions asked, and no explanation why.
She was a bit of an alchie, so it was assumed that the gin killed her. Could have been anything, including cancer.
Plus, prior to the NHS, if you didn’t pay ‘stamp’ you would had to have paid for your own healthcare in most instances.
Hence, poor people not being able to even access healthcare and receive a subsequent diagnosis.
3
Having watch my late mother struggle with chemotherapy I think I would chose to avoid it if there were little prospect of success and die with dignity. The side effects of chemo are often worse than the disease.
7
I don’t know…some people find comfort in throwing themselves into the “brave fight” while others ( myself,I suspect) are more likely to just think “Fuck it” and make their own arrangements.
Can’t really say that either is “cuntish”…suppose it’s whatever helps that particular person through it.
13
My mum, in her final years of life, used to joke about how she wished Harold Shipman were her GP. Except she wasn’t joking. Both my parents endured painful, long and undignified deaths. I have no intention of allowing the same thing to happen to me. Fuck Parliament and its block on the legalisation of assisted dying.
15
Isn’t it strange that if you had a beloved pet in unendurable pain, you would be whisking said pet off to the vet for their final visit. To not do so would be cruel.
Yet no matter how much a human loved one in the same situation begs you to end it for them, you would be banged up for taking them to Dignitas for the same treatment.
The law needs changing. The current situation is inhumane.
8
Agree 100%, Odin. Although I don’t think anyone has been prosecuted for accompanying a loved one to Dignitas.
3
Three apparently, RTC.
Although it appears the CPS find it not in the public interest to prosecute in the vast majority of cases.
https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/detectives-probed-130-families-aiding-21274365
2
Do we have the details of those 3 cases? It’s possible that there’s more to what was going on than a person(s) merely carrying out the wishes of someone desirous of death.
Either way, a change in the law cannot come too soon.
3
Odin: I know several critical/palliative care workers. Believe me when I tell you, Doctors and nurses DO euphonise cancer and MND patients.
Every single day.
6
My mum was the same RTC, she had multiple myeloma, a disease that causes the bones to disintegrate, thereby putting calcium into the good stream and sending you doolally. Great consultant who just gave her mild non-invasive chemo treatment and made her last few months very bearable. She was ready to go though and when the time came was wheeled into the NHS hospital say “I want to be with Maggie” who had died a week or two previously and had been at school with my mum.
Sometimes you shouldn’t strive for life too much.
The best piece of medical advice I had was don’t look up your illness on the Internet, you will only frighten yourself. I had bladder cancer 8 years ago and sailed through the treatment, mainly because of ignorance, whilst Mrs. W read up all about it and was shit scared for me. It didn’t really help.
5
Dr Google is the bane of our lives, in the service.
5
I had never heard of this unfortunate woman until she got a gong and the bald sickly looking cunt (William? Harry? Edward? Fuck knows) Used it as a follow up photo opportunity to top up his Big Issue credibility.
Never let an opportunity to virtue signal go to waste.
6
Ironically Deborah looked healthier,
And Willy Bollockhead looked like hed had chemotherapy.
8
I remember Jennifer Saunders saying she found the media perception of fighting or battling cancer as nonsensical. You simply have to endure it, and hope you come out of it alive, she more or less said.
It’s the medias simplistic portrayal that’s often the problem. Some journo types and others choose to publicise their imminent death or near death experience. If that’s how they make peace with themselves, that’s their choice. But, as always, it’s our childish media that try to make heroes out of the poor buggers.
And as for our ‘envy of the world’ NHS. I currently know if two people who are shitting themselves because they can’t get appointments, their specialists say they’ll call and then don’t or are facing six week waits to see if they’re fucked or not. The system appears to be struggling.
5
Cancer is not a fight or battle.
It is a disease that you either survive or succumb to.
This “fuck you cancer” malarkey/attitude is
just truly dreadful.
I look on the bright side. I have a BMI that is less than Dame Deadbra’s at her point of death, and I’m still alive and grateful.
Hey, – but hang on. Where’s slap-head Wills with my Knighthood, and the promise of Kate rubbing her sweaty minge in my face on my deathbed?
My sympathies to Deadbra and her family. However, thousands of folk are going through similar hell without recognition. And that is how it should be.
Just fuck off quietly,- with dignity.
5
Following Mrs Odin’s cancer diagnosis last year, I heartily recommend going private.
£5k and two weeks later, Mrs Odin no longer had cancer.
And on that note, I urge all on ISAC to please get yourselves checked regularly for the most common cancers.
Your life is more important than ten minutes of mild humiliation and discomfort at the Doctors.
4
I went private at the start of Covid because I knew what this shit show would become. It’s only 60 quid a month.
4
When I got diagnosed with cancer I asked medic if I would be stupid to buy a new pair of shoes and should I go to CO-OP and get a deal on an end of line coffin, nothing not even a smirk fecking humorless twats.
18
Hehe, aren’t all coffins ‘end of line’ 😂😂😂
I am going to be cremated and I will insist on a flame retarded sustainably sourced coffin.
8
I well remember the distasteful circus around that oxygen thief “Jade Goody” and her diseased minge.
What a fucking shit show👎
Have some fucking dignity and think of those around you
11
Just because you asked her to give you a titwank on the cancer ward, and she refused CG.
You wanted a slice of that Bermondsey chic.
Bitterness will get you nowhere.
Good afternoon.
6
You promised to keep quiet about that.
Bastard!!
Afternoon Dick😀👍
4
I like to think that if Jade ‘fat, racist moron of hearts’ Goody’s early demise saved one life, then at least she wasn’t completely useless.
6
Fairy muff.
3
Lord Fiddler, if you were offered a test take it. Not a nice way to go out with Prostate cancer. Only downside is the doctor sticks his finger up the poo pipe. I have had cancer twice, bladder in my case. Still floating around, life is good.
6
I’m sure you’re right but I’m a fatalist and believe that I’d be tempting fate…just my attitude.
5
Just to reassure those about to have the digit up the dirt box examination it doesn’t turn you limped wristed and camp of walk, better a finger up the dirt box than a box in the dirt.
3
I got temporarily excited when I saw “bowel babe”, hoping for a rude lady doing very rude things with her bottom.
If any cunter here gets a dose of the big C, they might be wise to check out Dr Eric Berg on Youtube and do some extreme fasting.
Cancer is, supposedly, caused by senescent cells (cells that should have died naturally but haven’t) that have a mutation. Sugar feeds cancer, starvation starves the whole body, including the tumour. If a body hasn’t eaten for 36 hours, all dead cells will be mopped up and turned into amino acids, I have read.
Cancer patients have gotten far better results with starvation / a very natural diet / whatever exercise they can manage, in addition to chemo than wirh chemo alone.
5
And high dose, high grade CBD oil.
3
You were thinking of that siswet weren’t you. You dirty bugger.
You’re a disgrace. 😄
I of course had never heard of her until I visited these hallowed pages. 😇
1
I actually have got to have a colonoscopy on August 10th. It’s because of my resistance to the epo drugs and my non existent iron count. Must say, I am not looking forward to it. Anyway, my shit looks normal, just a bit bigger these days.🙄
6
I had one a bit back. Unpleasant but bearable as long as the surgeon doesnt kiss you. And check he doesnt have both hands on your shoulders.
10
That means you’re engaged now.
4
@Norman. Whenever I’ve had a colonoscopy, I’ve always had sedation, you have a choice. It’s always worked for me.
You’ll be ok.
Good luck 👍
5
Didn’t give me the choice, Jack, and I’m fucking ‘Trade’! Fuck me, made my eyes water, I can tell you.
2
You must have upset someone 😀
Afternoon, Gene 👍
1
I’m the apothesis of politeness.
Afternoon, Jack.
2
Cheers Jack. Much appreciated.
1
It’s a grim topic of any conversation but Caroline Aherne who died of it said her mother had told her Dog only gives it to those he loves.
She said.
Well, he must have truly loved me, he gave it me 3 times.
6
Half my bowel was whipped out in 1973, during a right hemicolectomy.
Then some more bowel was removed in 2009 ish.
The surgeon then recommended I had permanent a stoma bag fitted, but I refused.
It was the best decision I’ve ever made.
I shit myself occasionally, but usually have time to make it into a hedgerow.
My bowel doesn’t seem to absorb much of food’s calorific value. It seems to go straight though me.
This has kept me very lightweight at 11 stone and 6 foot 3. Which in turn has kept me very nimble and light on my feet well into my eighties.
Perhaps I could set up a social media account logging all my ‘wild shit’ sites?
Pembrokeshire has been littered with them the last week. Sorry Pembrokeshire.
13
Admittedly I’m a bit of a thick cunt but especially in these times of a worn out NHS wouldn’t it be better to just offer a massive and very fatal dose of morphine to the patient?
I’m quite sure the grumpy old boot receptionist at the doctor’s surgery would be delighted to oblige.
6
Funny you should say that, Terrence, we had a job one day to a bloke with cancer to transfer him to a hospice. Got there, cunt looked like death, obs shite, DNAR and TEP in place so we had a chat on the ‘phone with his GP. Eventually, on the his instructions, with the families full approval, we gave him a dose of morphine and stood at the end of the bed and watched him die.
Surreal.
7
Just to confirm, morphine for the pain, not to assist him on his way DNAR and TEP meant we could do fuck-all except provide pain relief. I’m not Harold Shipman. (Although, in some cases, I could easily be).
5
I got diagnosed with cancer last week and am currently in limbo awaiting to hear the extent and what treatment I can look forward to.
I’ve already decided if they start butchering bits away and leaving me with bags, breathing equipment etc blah, I’d rather not, thanks.
In the meantime I’m very much enjoying making hay while the sun shines, accompanied by several gallons of Chardonnay (I’m female, it’s allowed) and being in denial before the shitshow begins.
On that cheery note, chin chin Gents! 😆🍸🍸🍸🍸🤣☀️
24
Good luck lass🙂
11
Ditto 👍👍👍👍👍
8
Take all the help you’re offered. Despite what you read, the NHS is pretty good. Sorted my mum and dad out when they had cancer. Clear for years.
Bon chance.
9
Here’s to you lady. 🍻
6
Thank you ISACers 🍸🍸🍸🍸☺️🍸
6
Good luck with it I survived, just don’t look it up on the internet.
Keep taking the Chardonnay.
0
By the way, a Colonoscopy is mildy alarming but spare a thought for the poor sods doing it all day rather than for 10 minutes.
I guess they get used to the background notes of shit in the air ,use that enema wisely.
2
Me fella had one last year. Apparently the effects of the sedative that they give you plus the presence of a fit Nurse make it overall quite a pleasant experience.
4
My daughter the same age as Bowel Babe has gone through the same procedures, half bowel removed, half liver removed and ovaries gone.she says Babe brought awareness of bowel cancer to younger females my daughter was fobbed off by different doctors for years because of her age.
So on my opinion she isn’t a cunt she was a wife and mother lost to young.
11
Because of the media coverage of this woman’s fund raising I thought she’d died twice.
I’ve noticed that BBC Breakfast seem preoccuoied with cancer. Perhaps it’s all a bit late to push ‘awareness’, given many cancers will have gone undiagnosed and untreated by the National Covid Service.
1