Bloated Blockbuster Movies

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A nomination for bloated blockbuster movies, particularly ones about superheroes.

This isn’t a cunting of the ‘Blockbuster’ in general as that would include Planet of the Apes, The Godfather and Jaws (their queues stretched around the city block and beyond), just the recent trend in Hollywood churning out dross for eyewatering sums and making them all look like fucking cartoons.

Wiki News Link

A quick look down the list of the most expensive films will demonstrate that a lot of these films cease to be actual ‘films’ and become a braindead hybrid of theme park ride and lurid cartoon. Cinematography and screenwriting seem to be dying arts, particularly with the House of Mouse.

You will see numerous entries from the Pirates of the Caribbean series (a series based on a Disney attraction), the Marvel films, the ridiculous Fast and Furious series, the moribund Star Wars property, the recent Bond outings that ruin the characters, and a few children’s cartoons such as Tangled.

Peter Jackson’s’ Adventure around the Greenscreen’ that left McKellen in tears of boredom, The Hobbit, cost north of $600m to produce across three overly-long films and is not well -liked by anyone. For an adaptation of a single children’s book it seems something only Mad King Ludwig of Bavaria would’ve done, rather than the director of low budget horror films.

Link about McKellen breaking down on the set of The Hobbit; Express News Link

Fucking madness.

Personally, I would limit most of this dross to a relatively thrifty $100m a film.
A smaller budget usually forces a director to think more creatively.

Compare these monstrosities to the budgets of a few of Christopher Nolan’s films (even The Dark Knight, a superhero film that was actually filmed, cost around $180m and made about $1bn because it was a decent crime film, as well as being about Batman).

Inception cost $160m, Dunkirk $150m and The Prestige $40m.

Nolan’s breakthrough film Memento, using a non-linear narrative had a budget of $5m, and made almost $40m worldwide.

Even Tarantino’s most expensive film to date, Once upon a Time in Hollywood, is only $90m, but it is a well-shot film and made $240m worldwide.

The Revenant cost $135m but made back $530m as it’s a compelling story and shot in real locations and uses them to help tell the story.

It turns out a lot of these more artistically-minded grown-up films with budgets around $100m make back their budget more times over than stupid bloated cartoons from Disney. it was as true in the late sixties and throughout the seventies; Audiences want a well-shot film with compelling story and characters, and now word of mouth travels faster , thanks to the Internet.

I don’t expect Hollywood to take much notice though.

Nominated by: Cuntamus Prime

128 thoughts on “Bloated Blockbuster Movies”

  1. Crap like the recent Star Wars films and Pirates are OK, I watch them once when they are free to air and then forget them, the generally have so many characters in them that I don’t really understand or care what’s going on or what happens to them. The Exception was Rouge One which I really enjoyed and have watched again.

    The REALLY cheeky fuckers are the films that expect you to watch a whole slew of other films to make sense of them, see Avengers Infinity War if you want an example of that…fucking shizzle.

    • To be honest, I’ve watched all of the Avengers Infinity War films and I still can’t make any sense out of them…

    • I saw the original Star Wars on acid.

      The lend scene flying down the groove was a white knuckle ride!

  2. Seems to be a modern trend with everything: Chuck money at it and somehow it will make it better.
    A good script plot decent actors that’s what makes a great movie.

  3. Well written nom CP.👍

    Im no fan of blockbuster films.

    Most of my favourites are british films,
    Kes, withnail &I, and Deadmans Shoes.

    Saying that, I really enjoyed the above named Revenant and once upon a time in Hollywood👍

    It seems the film industry has got lazy and just does comic book adaptions now,
    Throwing big money at them and lots of that CGI crap .

      • Morning Herman👍

        Paddy Considine is brilliant in DMS isnt he?
        Low budget, relies solely on great acting.
        Shane Meadows best film IMO.

      • Great film.

        “What you looking at?”

        “You, you CUNT!”

        and

        “Yer there mate.”

        I can relate to it as a squady’s kid. Some of them have seen serious shite and are not to be fucked with. Careful what you say in their pubs lol. Been in a few Royal Marine pubs with the old man in Lympstone in the past. If it goes off, it goes off.

        Although that might be changing as they seem to only want peacefuls, wimmins and bummers now.

      • Withnail and I
        DMS
        Kes
        All great films, can I add to those
        Fifty dead men walking and the original 10 Rillington.

      • Paddy Considine’s character in “A roorm for Romeo Brass” is a classic.👍

    • Mnc@ – Morning Mnc/all – “Withnail and I” – where fatty is chasing him around trying to bum him! “I intend to have you, even if it’s by burglary!” 🤣🤣
      They don’t make them like that anymore, it is now cartoonish childish drivel remakes of lousy original films and equally appalling sequels, for the benefit of the Netflix generation of adult children.
      Fucking pap.

      • Not to be a show off or a twat, but I talked too and got a signed picture of Paul McGann from Withnail and I at Sheffield ComicCon. Asked him about the film, he said it was the best time he’d had making a film. What a nice bloke he is, genuine, down to earth and very willing to have chat. Great actor as well.

      • Paul McGann should have got a full stint as Doctor Who.
        It was suggested by some fans that the Doctor could ‘de-generate’ after Peter Capaldi, and McGann could finally get his teeth into the role.

        But then some cunts (via the Grauniad) squealed that such a thing would be ‘too unrealistic’ and ‘far fetched’. Then they went and turned the Doc into a woman and they were all for it. And they are now ecstatic over a black poove doing the part. Cunts.

    • Cheers Mis’.

      Handmade films did some great British films back in the 80s, including my favourite fantasy film, Time Bandits.

  4. Usually with a ‘Tick Box’ cast, too. Characters and sometimes, history, changed to suit ‘The’ agenda. Minorities shoe-horned in in places they weren’t there. Strong wimmin lead etc.

    How about a drama, set in Worcestershire, where our hero takes on all-comers, behind the bike sheds?

  5. After watching (and enjoying) the 3 Lord of the Rings films back in early 2000’s, I looked forward to the Hobbit being made into a movie and went along to watch it. Only to find it was the first of a 3 part trilogy.

    Cheeky bastards – and it was shit.

    • Hobbit films were crap. How could a 200-300 page book be made into three 3 hour films?
      Superhero films are shit too, just comic books for simple-minded cunts, usually woke shit too.

  6. The best films are the simplest ones. I watched 12 Degrees of Separation a few months ago – with Donald Sutherland, Ian McKellen and a young Will Smith (cunt). There are about three interior locations in the whole film and zero special effects – it’s one of the most gripping and enjoyable films I have seen.

    All we get know are endlessly complicated sequels which make no sense and are made for 11 year old kiddults – “Fast and Furious Pirates of the Marvel Universe Die Hard 28”. That’s why I never go to the cinema any more.

  7. Pitch for a summer blockbuster

    Its Halloween,
    A graveyard at night.
    Camera zooms in.

    George floyds headstone.

    Suddenly a hand free from the soil!

    Hes back! And hes pissed!

    Georges hunts cops in Minneapolis at night and continues to make banana butties for the communidee by day.
    A black zombie superhero no ones done that yet.

    Stormzy soundtrack,

    Will Smith- George?

    • I made a few laugh and a few shake their head round my sister’s when some political cunt on the telly said (after Chauvin was found guilty), “Now, George Floyd can finally breathe.”

      I quickly stated, “No he fucking can’t. The cunt’s dead!”

  8. If it hasn’t been on Talking Pictures TV,it’s a pretty fair bet that I haven’t seen it.

    Fucking superheros and dragons indeed.

    • Agreed DF. If it ain’t on TPTV it ain’t worth watching. Noticeably light on dark keys too, which is nice.
      I find the pre title warnings a tad annoying though. “ Language and attitudes that some viewers may find offensive “. Not to me they aren’t. I call it normal.

      • TPTV is great, on a budget and I suspect the HQ office block is a shed in someone’s garden in Bacup (other parts of Lancashire are available).
        Meanwhile we have the BBC yesterday gloating about Netflix’s falling number of subscribers and ignoring the 5,000 people a week refusing to pay the compulsory licence fee.
        CGI has ruined films for me, destroying any sense of realism. I refuse to watch anything involving the super natural, Also something that seems to be in every film script.

      • TPTV never did pre title warnings at first, but then I think some snowflakey cunt made a complaint and OFCOM said they had to do it. Good channel generally, although I can never get a decent picture on Freeview, always breaking up, although there is the TPTV Encore website, so can get a lot of things on there.

  9. Marvel, or some other shite ‘ entertainment ‘ company, are seriously considering inventing a disabled ‘ Superhero ‘.
    The character will probably have a flying disability scooter, equipped with hypersonic missiles and numerous other gadgets and gizmos.
    And the main character will be black.
    And transbumder.
    What a fucking mess.
    ‘ School For Scoundrels ‘
    Now that’s a proper film.
    As is ‘ The Outlaw Josey Wales ‘
    Good morning.

    • The Outlaw Josey Wales is the best western ever. Love that film.

      The best Sci-Fi movie is of course Kubrick and Clarkes 2000AD. Yes, the ending confused everyone – but compared to the unintelligible jumble of the Pirates of the Caribbean sequels, it’s simplicity itself.

      • Love Clint Eastwood’s westerns.

        My personal favourite Clint movie if I had to pick one in particular is the slightly more left field “Play Misty for Me”

      • I always preferred Clint’s “The Good, Bad and the Ugly” as my favourite western, closely followed by “Once Upon a Time in the West” with Charles Bronson

        Both of them almost 3 hours long, with great character development, riveting storylines, few but exceptionally well-crafted action set pieces, no special effects other than stuntpeople and very satisfying but tense endings.

      • I think you may have confused 2001: A Space Odyssey with 2000 AD the comic book featuring Judge Dredd.

        Still at least 2000 AD is British and gave the yanks most of their top writers.

      • Two Mules For Sister Sara tends to be somewhat underheralded masterpiece in the great mans peerless catalogue.Shame it’s so grainy in the cinematographic stakes.

      • Thomas the Cunt Engine’s avatar was presented as some sort of hero. A bit before my era but thanks to older siblings of schoolfriends and youtube, ‘The Deacon’ is now a known phenomenon.

        Why Ridley Scott chose to call the creature in Prometheus the ‘Deacon’ is a mystery, surely a British filmmaker working largely in Britain during Joey’s reign would know there would be a connection made by Gen X’ers in the audience?
        Perhaps he was acknowledging that Prometheus is a film about spastics, for spastics?

    • JTC@ – Morning JTC – “School for scoundrels” was on recently – excellent!
      Random one, but I always thought the original Rocky film was quietly superb.

      • I can’t think of ‘Rocky’, now, without a vision of a Ronnie Pickeing type, shadow boxing to the tune of ‘Eye Of The Tiger’, behind the bike sheds, somewhere in Worcestershire, thanks to Dick Fiddler!!

    • Clint Eastwood-the last great Hollywood legend👍
      We all need to exercise our inner “Clint”, occasionally..

      • I forgot about “The Beguiled”
        A strange offering from the great man but brilliant all the same.

        @ Cuntfinder
        Yes I couldn’t agree more – Clint Eastwood is the last of the Hollywood legends.

        When he caused a Twatter meltdown a few years ago by endorsing Donald Trump and also accusing modern society of being “the pussy generation” amongst other things, was priceless and classic Clint.
        👍

    • My favourite Eastwood film is The Eiger Sanction. Clint and George Kennedy are brilliant in that one.

  10. We should remember that films, tv shows, commercials, musicals, books,stage plays et al are all now geared towards the Zoomer and Alpha generations.

    the major studios don’t give two shits about the “grey generations” (Boomers and Xers) and our old fashioned ideals. Instead they want to make trashy films with lots of action to cater for the 5-second attention-span of the Digital Zombie generation, while also abiding to the Woke tick-box approval guide book in order to make sure everyone is included (apart from old cunts of course)

    The remake of LOTR is due to be released soon and you just know its going to be a complete shitshow to our foggy old eyes. But the Tolkien Estate won’t care because for them it means a few more million in the bank even if the adaptation is at complete odds with Tolkien’s vision (white orcs and Frodo identifying as a non-gender, pansexual Hobbit perhaps?)

    As for us old cunts. There’s still plenty of good quality films being released, but mostly through independent studios. And we still have a back-catalogue of film greats from the 50s through to possibly the early 00s.

    But be quick before the Woke find out and demand such films are removed from the public domain – aka Fahrenheit 451 revisited but not just for books!

    • ‘ books, stage plays’

      I’m not sure zoomers know how to operate a book and would feel triggered by drama being acted out live.

      ‘Where’s the screen? I want to turn it off!’

  11. Nobody and Dead Man’s Shoes.

    Two films that rely on a strong lead to pull it off. No “let’s just suspend belief” CGI bollocks.

      • Good morning Mis,

        It is a must watch film that isn’t as it seems until the get to the end and then the whole thing comes together and makes sense.

        A traumatic and sad ending. I won’t spoil it by giving details for the benefit of anyone who hasn’t yet seen it but might watch it soon.

  12. It’s all about re-boots which translates to we haven’t got a original idea..
    Or reimagine which translates we need a ethnic or bummer in the lead role..

  13. Most modern films are simply a purely commercial and partly political vehicle.

    X&Y = 500 million dollars

    Chuck in a few darkies and a female Gay.

    Have a message about blek/female good and white/male bad.

    Job done.

    Back to the Hollywood hills for drugs.

    • Contrast the modern movie to something from 40 odd years ago..

      Imagine trying to make Dirty Harry today?

      Oh the horror!

  14. Different time, I know, but remember REAL blockbuster films? As mentioned in the nom, the original ‘Star Wars’, queues around the block to see it, so much so, I had to wait until it came on the telly. ‘Raiders Of The Lost Ark’? ‘Jaws’? (In the nom).

    As I said, a different time.

    • Close Encounters of the Third Kind. I hope Savile wasn’t one of the volunteers in the shades and jumpsuit.

      ‘Now then now then guys an’ gerls, just wait ’till i get aboard that mothership full of space-tots!’

  15. Famous film quotes revisited:-

    Star Wars – Darth Vadar “I’m your non-biological father”
    Zulu – Lt. Gonville Bromhead “Privileged honkies from the South West. Thousands of ’em”
    Sudden Impact – Dirty Harry “Could you kindly carry on. It would certainly make my day!”
    Taxi Driver – Travis Bickle “Are you WhatsApping Me?”
    Apocalpyse Now – Lt Colonel Kilgore “I love the smell of unsweetened soya in the morning”
    Dr No – James Bond “Bond. Umbongo Bond”
    Jaws – Chief Brody “You’re gonna need a bigger 4 star hotel”
    Planet of the Apes – George Taylor “Would you kindly remove your unhygienic hands off my person, you disgusting white working class man!”
    Scarface – Tony Montana “Say ‘hi-there, wassup’ to my vertically challenged friend and colleague”
    The Godfather – Vito Corleone “I’m going to make that person a rather reasonable offer on eBay, which I hope will not be turned down otherwise I will cry!”

  16. It’s all about the CGI nowadays isn’t it? That and the black actor quota. Then somewhere down the list of priorities is the script, which is usually padded out as much a possible to attain a pointlessly long running time. It’s the Hollywoke way; big is better apparently.
    I prefer the more understated British films of old myself. But modern British films have a habit of shoehorning in the same faces again and again. Colin Firth, Kenneth Brannagh, Maggie Smith, Olivia Coleman etc etc, along with the now obligatory dark keys.
    As for Dunkirk. It was a cheap pile of shit. Give me the John Mills original any day.

  17. Se7en, Shawshank Redemption, Pulp Fiction and Goodfellas are good ‘uns.

    I can’t be doing with all this Marvel gay superhero bollocks too. Or wizard shite.

    Have you seen Harry Potter/Spiderman 27 yet?

    No, I’m not fucking seven you cunt.

    I heard some cunts made a Buzz Lightyear film recently and that they made him a puff.

    Get to fuck!

    • Yeah and I read somewhere that they actually banned it in several Middle Eastern countries.

      Good.

  18. I have it on (not) good authority that they’re filming a re-make of ‘Reach For The Sky’, about Douglas Bader.

    ‘Pear Mackie plays Battle Of Britain Ace, Squadron Leader Dionne Bader, the pilot who lost her legs in a flying accident. Bravely overcoming the odds, and with the help of her wife, played by Billie Piper, she leads a Hurricane squadron of minorities, LBGTQ and others into battle in 1940. Daniel Craig plays Sergeant Dick Fiddler, the token white male, who keeps crashing his ‘plane and is the butt of all the squadron humour’.

    • @DCI

      I find your lack of historical knowledge disturbing.

      The Battle of Britain was won mainly thanks to the RAF/Africa corps.

      • The way the BBC protray the women of the Air Transport Auxiliary, you’d think it was them. ‘Spitfire Women’, my arse. (And, in interview gold, one of them firmly put the BBC interviewer in his place for suggesting such a thing).

      • HJ@ – Morning HJ – I have it on good authority that the Luftwaffe turned back after being offended by hate speeches..

    • DCI@ – Sergeant DF-F, DFC, ABH, GBH, arrested for hate speech after saying that poor misunderstood Mr Hitler was “a bit of a rotter”, Megain Bader retreats to safe space saying “Is it because I is black” before single handedly invading “Dem right wing exremist nazis in dat Germanland” and educating them about their privilege..

      • “Two-four-two squadron, Scramble”.

        “Hang on, we’re taking the knee, here”.

  19. The ’70’s were,for me,the decade of cinema
    Jaws
    Rollerball
    Close encounters
    Godfathers 1 & 2
    Deliverance
    Badlands.
    Clints best for me was ‘Unforgiven’
    Little Bill : “You just shot an unarmed man”
    Will Munney : “Well he should have armed himself”.
    Class.
    Goodfellas is my all time favourite.
    Today it’s just CGI muffin fodder for generation melt.

      • Performance and Villain from the early 70s are great films of a similar genre.

      • SMS@ Morning SMS – the Sylvester Stallone remake is utterly dire, it completely ruined one of the best gangster films ever made.

      • Seconded – Get Carter is a standout, killer opening scene with a subtle give-away as to his final fate whn the camera pans briefly over his eventual killer sat in the corner of the carriage. I used to have the iconic ‘Carter with shotgun’ pic as my avatar on here briefly until WordPress made it fuck off, fucked if I can remember how to reinstate it??
        They used to do a tour of the sets I believe, the multi-storey, The Pantiles (“…yer a big bloke but yer outta shape, with me it’s a full time job now be’ave y’self…”) etc.

      • Re the dire Stallone “Get Carter” remake, they fucked up one of the classic lines, when Carter tells an old associate to take off his sunglasses:

        Michael Caine: “same old….eyes like two piss holes in the snow!” 👍

        Stallone: same old….eyes like cats piss in the snow!”👎

      • Alf Roberts from Coronation Street is a right cunt in Get Carter. A top film.

        I think Shane Richie is a cunt. But I loved Alan Ford as Brick Top.

        ‘Do you know what “nemesis” means? A righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent, personified in this case by a ‘orrible cunt: me.’

  20. Film is aimed at 10 year olds not grown ups. I have no interest in fucking shite.

  21. Some great fillums in no particular order…

    Doctor Zhivago
    Spartacus
    Trainspotting
    Waterloo
    Pulp Fiction
    American Beauty
    Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

    Superhero ’movies’ are childish cack.

    • Planet of the Apes (1968 original)
      Bicycle Thieves
      Hobson’s Choice
      In The Heat Of The Night
      Psycho
      Jaws
      2001: A Space Odyssey
      Hope and Glory

  22. I believe W.C.Boggs of this parish makes niche films for gentlemen of a certain, shall we say, taste.

  23. Went to see Top Gun this week, and all the trailers beforehand were all about some sort of super hero bollocks- all accompanied with a ridiculously intrusive sound track and overly emphasised noises for inanimate objects……the abrasive sound of pulling a sword out of it’s scabbard is a pet hate of mine.

    In a nutshell…….all the trailers looked like generic bollocks.

    • Another lost art- the trailer. Many modern ones spoil key moments in the film itself.

      i suppose it saves you fifteen quid going to see the shite.

    • “…the abrasive sound of pulling a sword out of it’s scabbard is a pet hate of mine.”

      aaargh!!! EVERY fucking time!!! they dub in that multi-sampled over reverberated metllic ringing ‘library effect’ whenever the lead draws a blade.

  25. Here’s a list of “sequels” that will never be produced;

    The Day of the Jackass,
    Die Hard with an Erection,
    The Fast & the Bi-Curious
    Fanny by Solar Panel,
    Forrest Dump,
    A Fish Called Wanker,
    Lord of the Ringpiece,
    Reservoir Slobs,
    Smokey & the Bum Bandit,
    When Harry met Gary.

  26. I’m not sure how much it cost, or even how they did it, but I watched a film a while back where there appeared to be just one ‘take’ for the whole film. Rather tricky I’d imagine

  27. Modern “blockbuster” film are infantile saccharine drivel for 40 year old children.
    But, as Hollyweird is finding out – cartoon dogshit ain’t paying the bills.
    Go woke..

  29. If you want an underrated low budget, but great story may I suggest ‘Five Fingers’. It’s a film about a honky possibly getting involved in Islamic terrorism.

    Probably the most underrated film I’ve seen (6.3 on IMDb). About 90% of the film in shot in one room, apart from a few ‘dreaming of memories’ scenes, but it works.

    Every cunt I know who’s seen it loves it. But zoomers and millennials aren’t so keen I find. Probably because there’s no CGi, superheroes, dragons, wizards or gayness and dark keys shoehorned in for no reason.

    And it doesn’t kiss peaceful arse, hence the average ratings.

    https://m.imdb.com/title/tt0428541/

  30. I hardly bother with any movies made after the mid-90s.
    My personal favourites include
    The Wild Bunch – and any other western by Sam Peckinpah. Fuck knows what he’d make of today’s movies.
    Point Blank – Lee Marvin in Bad-ass mode.
    Dirty Harry
    The Taking of Pelham 123 – the original version with Robert Shaw and Walter Matthau – pure 70s perfection, fast, gritty, funny and not a second wasted.
    Bad Day at Black Rock – might appeal to the wokeists as it has a differently abled hero beating the crap out of Ernest Borgnine.
    Thief – the late James Caan in his finest role.
    Duck Soup – The Marx Brothers trying to run a country and probably doing a better job than most current politicans.

    • Tsk tsk. have you spoken to anyone about such toxic masculinity?

      Try a subscription to Netflix; Mary sues, gays, dykes flawless black characters in anachronistic ‘period’ pieces and even creepy paedo stuff.

      • I noticed recently that Netflix has Clint Eastwood in High Plains Drifter, so they are improving but it’ll probably be replaced by some vegan, transgender, CGI epic, rewriting WW2.

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