Years ago I watched some lame paranormal investigator show on Ch4 called “Most Haunted“. Basically you had a bunch of people scoping out spooky old buildings and saying “Hello? Anyone there?”
The team were supported by a experienced historian, a paranormal sceptic and a spiritualist/medium, the most famous of whom was Derek Acorah, who was later found out to be a fake by the very same show that made him a star.
Anyway, the show wasn’t too bad to begin with and was pretty interesting at times. But as the years progressed and ratings started to slip the producers (also the show’s hosts) became ever more desperate to “make things happen”. To the point where the TV watchdog demanded they reclassify the show from serious documentary to pure entertainment.
20 years on and I think the show is still limping along via YouTube
Looking for alternatives and there’s plenty to find via YouTube, probably the best known being “Ghost Hunters” along with “Twin Paranormal“, “Sam and Colby“, “Steve Ballard” and “Urbex Hill“. Most of these amateur shows are fronted by noisy cunts in their late teens, early 20s and seem more interested in looking cool for their fans, while plugging the “merch” every 5 minutes rather than taking any serious approach to investigating old houses and hotels.
That said, the cunts that do take an interest, don’t actually investigate the supposedly haunted house very far. Instead they choose an “active” room within the home and get all their ghost-hunting toys out, like a “rem pod”, SLS device and spirit box. They then just stand around calling out “Is there anyone there? If you can hear me switch off that light!” Sometimes the light goes out and they go wild.
They say a few more things and their toys light up and again they freak out, running around not such much scared but happy in the knowledge that their cute little toys work and will keep their fans amused/attentive for a further10 more seconds!
Whether you believe in ghosts/paranormal is of course your decision. But the channels on YouTube for the most part don’t take it very seriously, which is a shame because some of the places they investigate do have a rather troubled history. And with a bit more effort and rational thinking these kids could make a very good channel for themselves without relying on gimmicks and plugging the “merch” while shouting “hey, dude!” and “OMG!” every 20 seconds.
“Is there anyone there?”
“No, fuck off!”
Nominated by: Technocunt
I’d like to see the programme ‘Return to 25 Cromwell Street’ where the young ghosthunters set up all their equipment and start faking all the noises as detailed in the nom, then they hear an ethereal “alroight, moi young luvvers?” in a west country burr and then the ghost of Fred West emerges from the torture chamber where he murdered all those kids and proceeds to bum all the ghosthunters into the middle of next week, their agonised screams echoing into the night as they run through the Gloucester streets, Fred’s ghostly, horny chuckling ringing in their ears and his phantasmic ectoplasm leaking from their torn arses.
29
I’ve got the horn after reading that 🍆
4
Fred West Patios & Driveways. Ring for a quote. A family business. A big saving on ballast.
3
These two emo goth kids can’t hold a candle to the pinnacle of contacting the dead,. Derrick Acorah.
His sidekick was a spirit called Sam who was a 2000 yr old Ethiopian.
Derrick would contact the heavyweights of history,
Not any old dosser.
Cleopatra
Henry Vlll
Caesar
Rasputin
Jack the Ripper
Etc.
And they all talked with a Scouse accent.
“Awwww hey, dem pyramids look boss like eh?”
Cleopatra sounded just like Stan Boardman,
History books don’t tell you that!
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I think they mention that she looked like Ken Dodd though.
9
Mnc@ – “Is dat ectewplasm in ur ur Yvette?”
Charlatans making bad TV for the gullible and easily persuaded.
“It’s so cold down here – clear evidence of a ghostly presence!”
“It’s February in Manchester you stupid bitch!”
“DID YOU SEE THAT? – A piece of masonry just flew through the air – clear evidence of a ghostly presence!”
“I just saw the cameraman throw it – and why have you got jizz in your hair Yvette?”
“But you must have heard the incoherent rambling caught on tape!”
“What have you been told about getting stoned at work Yvette?”
Muslim version coming soon – “Goat hunting with bestiality Mohammed”..
10
Goat hunting!
Hahaha
5
Derek Acorah – what a spangly cunt.
“Arr ay, its arl funky phantom again. Dey don’t do dat doh, do dey doh. I think dey ghost is having a bevvy. Our kid, worra bifter, etc.”
Fuck off.
11
https://youtu.be/GtVPD0LAE6w
Mary loves Dick
Fucking quality episode
6
Oh, yes!
Hahaha ha, brilliant.
5
I saw an evil little goblin once. Turned out to be Michael Gove.
14
I suspect the slithy Gove is related to that weird-looking Swedish brat.
Both out of a John Wyndham novel.
10
He looks like a foetus in a jam jar, the ugly spastic.
6
How come no one has heard from Doris Stokes since she curled up her toes? There’s only one credible medium who can converse with the spirits, and that’s the legend that is……..Clinton Baptiste!
7
Paranormal activity? Hmmmm !. Once long ago , I (and a few others ) witnessed “something”.
I will never scoff at anyone who claims to have experienced something of the kind.
I do however think the fuckwits who chase Ghosts, Big Foot, Nessie and the like are little more that attention seeking arseholes who put together a programme of sorts to flog to arseholes of media who buy from these arseholes to provide for the arseholes who watch it.! Cunts.
10
My ex used to work in a hospital lab, converted old Victorian pile, which had originally been the cancer dept., IIRC.
She witnessed a couple of inexplicable things, and I believe her. Hospitals probably “attract” a lot of bad energy, but quite frankly, if I’d died in one, it’s the last place I’d re is it as a ghost. I’d far sooner sneak into Penny Mordaunt’s place. I’d be spraying my ectoplasm uncontrollably…
So long as Michael Gove isn’t about.
10
Bargain hunters under the hammer in the sun visit the haunted castle of Colombo police interceptors.
Day time TV should be banned and the staff shot.
12
“Eddie Izzards ghost hunting deviants coming out on ice with celebrity dancing chefs”..
Daytime TV is to torture the workshy into gainful employ.
8
Revisit as a ghost….
4
The best TV programme about ghosts was Rentaghost. It’s only a matter of time before it has a woke re-make. Dobbin will be two Dinghy Illegals smuggling into Britain as a panto horse, Hazel McWitch will be a Scotch SNP Councillor, Bob will be an Albanian drug-dealer, and Claypole will be a black trannîe making mischief with people’s genitals and will sing the theme tune:
🎵 “If your party house needs haunting just call, Rent-a-cock …”
16
That Scouse cunt, Derek Acora was the worst of the lot. Claiming he’d come into contact with a dog, and the twat was shouting ‘Woof! Woof! Woof!’ Someone should have told the mulleted mickey mouse cunt that dogs don’t actually go ‘Woof!’ Acora’s Michael Jackson special was also hilarious. What a knobhead he was.
12
I’ve never seen a ghostie,
But I’d love to!
That means there’s a afterlife, so maybe more?
Maybe a heaven?
I’m not sure if there’s such a thing as ghosties,
Every culture on earth mentions such a thing,
And I know people,
People who are usually level headed and trustworthy who say they have seen a ghost.
Who the fuck am I to say different?
I keep a open mind.
8
Wonder what happened to poor old Spoonington?
The most innocent amongst us.
Hope he’s ok, not got run over again.
He loved the ghostly noms,
I miss his gentle humour.
8
Mnc@ – Afternoon Mnc – there are a few contributors who have gone AWOL recently – I blame the IAC serial killer!
What you all looking at me for? You wicked bunch you! 😀
4
Spoons
Gutstick Japseye
Ruff tuff
Bertie blunt
All AWOL.
I noticed admin dragging binbags from the boot of his car….
I know nuffink aabbbaaaaatt it – NA.
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RTC has changed his name before and returned…….
6
……perhaps he already walks amongst us ?…..
5
Limps Dick.
Ruff walks with a limp.
One leg inch an half longer than the other.
Why if he brings you a martini it’s shaken not stirred 😁
6
Honestly.
I thought of something to say while I was out about the state of Isac.
I thought (and these were the exact words)
‘We just seem to be limping along at the moment Miserable’.
Those exact words.
And I come back and the comments refer to limping.
Coincidence or
Paranormal?
3
Odd things happen when this subject comes up.
1
Evening Miles👍
Do you believe in ghosts?
Are ghosts part of Christian beliefs?
It never occurred to me before if it was,
And if so what’s the official Christian view of them?
2
Unmitigated horseshit.
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Absolutely, and I would go further with extra bullshit, on a par with the fucking annoying advert EE
‘I can’t believe we just landed a plane’, no luv it was the ghosts in the machine aka technology 😂
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Reinforced by illogical patterns of thought and a total lack of critical facility, these Ghost Cunters deliberately jump to the wrong conclusion and have no understanding of scientific method.
They claim to be scientific, and give that appearance because they use scientific equipment such as Geiger counters, Electromagnetic Field detectors, ion detectors, and infrared cameras. Yet the equipment is only as scientific as the person using it and in the hands of these charlatans, it’s worthless.
The supposed links between ghosts and electromagnetic fields, low temperatures, radiation, distorted photographs, etc, are based on guesses and wild conjecture. If a device could reliably determine the presence or absence of ghosts, then by definition, ghosts would be proven to exist. But they have not been proven to exist. Ergo, the “technology” does not work.
The Ghost Cunters anti-scientific illogic is clear: if one area of a home is colder than another, that indicates a ghost; if an EMF meter detects a field, too is a ghost. Just about any “anomaly,” anything that anyone considers odd for any reason, from an undetermined sound to a “bad feeling” to a blurry photo even to a headache, can be (and has been) considered evidence of ghosts by the Ghost Cunters.
Just who are these ghosts anyway? The Ghost Cunters say that murder victims, or those that suffered a violent or unexpected death are somehow not reconciled to their status as dead persons and return as ghosts. If that were correct one would not be able to turn a corner without running into a ghost. Cities like New York and Los Angeles would be teeming with them.
Ghost Cunters really only proves that there is no end to the credulous rubbish some people will believe and that there’s big money to be made from foisting this intellectual dishonesty on the public.
15
Brrrr, someone just walked over my grave!
Trouble sleeping tonight!!
6
Dick must have some resident ghosts at Fiddler Towers, a 19th century street urchin accidently bricked up in one of the chimney stacks perhaps or an unfortunate village crone who ended up on the ducking stool by an overzealous Fiddler Witchfinder General.
12
A work experience lad drowned in a slurry pit?
Missing hikers with chainsaw wounds?
Bet the unresting dead haunt Fiddler of a night LL?
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Yeah, floating bobble hats or his Steak & Kidney Fray Bentos pies being swapped for Vegetable Balti.
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Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha😂👍
4
There are literally hundreds of millions maybe billions of cctv cameras and mobile phones with video facilities, yet despite the fact that capturing an actual ghost on video would make the film owner an instant multi millionaire no fucker has ever done it, its all bollocks
8
….and exactly WHERE would one sell such footage, to become a multi-millionaire?
Asking for a “friend”😉
5
Clinton Baptiste comes to mind!
“Ya alright”
“I’m feeling it very stronglay over e’re”
8
“Im getting a word…….Im getting a word……I’m getting the word……NONCE!!
(WordFence doesn’t like Nonce hence the MQ. Best look for alternatives if poss. – Day Admin)
5
Derek Acorra. A scouser who had a compulsion to tell fairy stories. Sounds familiar doesn’t it?
9
I’ve taken large amounts of psychedelics, large enough to “break through”, as it were.
I’m entirely convinced that there is another dimension.
I’ve seen, felt and experienced things that were wonderful, joyous, ineffable…definitely not of this world.
I say this not as some junkie wierdo, but as a highly qualified engineer and utter sceptic.
10
TtCE is Jim Morrison alive and well
i claim my 5 quid
8
Science and scientists don’t know everything.
If professor Chris Whittey said no such thing as ghosts,
I’d point out the fact he’s clearly fucking ET!!
Scientists get things wrong ,
It’s constantly reassessing it’s position on things.
No one’s proven there’s such a thing
No one’s proven there isn’t.
I’m on the fence.
The haunted fence…👻
10
mecuntry@ – Did someone mention a fiver?
4
Been at the DMT again Thomas?
5
That’s next, Odin…just managed to extract half a gram as a test…quite easy actually!
Haven’t taken it yet, though…
4
If you ever get the chance.
Hawaiian shrooms.
😳
2
Not that I ever tried such things in my younger years, obviously, but I do believe being around trees and bushes when on specially grown ‘shrooms’ is very revealing and impossible to explain.
Allegedly, of course.
6
There could well be the dimensions Thomas – or “multiverses” to give them their correct name.
In quantum mechanics, multiple states of existence for tiny particles are all possible at the same time — a “wave function” it’s called. However, when we actually look, we only ever observe one of the possibilities, so we observe an outcome when the wave function “collapses” into a single reality.
But the multiverse theory proposes that every time one state, or outcome, is observed, there is another “world” in which a different quantum outcome becomes reality. This is a branching arrangement, in which instant by instant, our perceived universe branches into near-infinite alternatives. Those alternate universes are completely separate and unable to intersect, so while there may be uncountable versions of you living a life that’s slightly — or wildly — different from your life in this world, you’d never know it.
Mind bending stuff. But I doubt this is what you experienced during a high – probably just a psychological illusion. But who knows? Can’t be proven – yet.
6
Mushrooms are trippy and hallucinogenic, so a lot to look at in the shape shifting of objects and humans and the giggles at the start of ones trip are priceless as you never laughed as heartily.
LSD depending on the batch, is something of a mind warp through time, where one discovers the insignificant spec of tininess one is in the grand scheme of reality. it is both frightening and illuminating but comes with the cost, of changing
your perception from that day onwards.
Some people freakout and are affected and not in a good way.
It is the ultimate out of body experience known and truly would make you wonder about existence itself.
8
I’ve got a good idea for a scary show.
Celebrity Serial killer island.
Z list ‘celebs’ can win a 5 year EastEnders contract and a front page and main article in ‘Hello’ magazine by surving a week on ‘serial killer island’.
We can then watch the likes of Peter Andre, Daniella Westbrook and Gareth Wokgate ( once he’s sacked) trying to evade the likes of Dennis Raider, Levi Bellfield and Joanne Dennehy on a desert island.
Fuck off you’d watch it.
13
TV records will be broken when Bono makes an appearance.
13
I’d buy that for a dollar!
9
I used to work at an old colliery, some miners died there a long time ago and the bottom part of the records centre was where they brought up the dead they could recover.
That bit was always freezing cold, but I think more the wind getting through it than ghostly activity.
But the gals I worked with were terrified and would not go near it.
11
Why don’t these attention seekers explore ‘haunted houses’ in the daytime when visibility is at its best ?
Load of pish.
6
These cunts are at it even when they’re on holiday.
Perusing the Madeira weekly news a couple of months back, there was some arsehole making a video of the Nun’s Valley, claiming it to be haunted.
Cue creepy theremin music and a voice over by some bellend telling us that the place is haunted, because this is where the Nuns would hide when pirates invaded the island.
A rather tenuous link at best and even less convincing when the video was shot on a bright, sunny day about a mile away from the village, which is hidden with the caldera of an extinct volcano.
5
Perhaps the Most Haunted team or Ghost Hunters should go visit Diane Abbott’s or Analeze Dodds’ homes on Halloween night!
Imagine trawling through their homes in the pitch black and then suddenly seeing these horrendous shapes moving towards you.
That’ll shit ’em right up!
7
How about trawling though their knicker drawers and dirty wash baskets?
Would be plenty of ectoplasm.
“We have some kinda discharge here. Here take a sniff and a lick”
“What the fuck is it?”
And hunters find the corpse of Anal Ease’s premature baby stuffed inside her bedside cupboard slowly rotting away.
Dianne Abbott and Analese Dodds.
Drawers from hell.
Coming to Channel 5 soon.
11
Hahahaha 😂
Fuckin ell Dick,
Bit dark that isn’t it?
Hehehe 👍
7
I’m just warped Mis, don’t worry.
When you’ve retired you’ll have all the time in the world to imagine disturbing scenarios.
Some of mine are too crude even for these pages.
4
If ghosts are real then they wouldn’t be paranormal. They’d be normal.
It’s all such crap though, right?
If ghosts can walk through walls, how come they can slam doors and move objects? They can either affect the physical world or they can’t.
If ghosts are just fields of energy that manifest themselves visually, how come their vocal cords still work? Other forms of energy don’t “say” things like “Get out!” or “Help me”. Odd that.
If the packet of AAs in my desk drawer start threatening me with curses from the afterlife, I’ll let you know.
9
Lots of little things can trigger the senses as to feel rather scared buy something one cannot see or explain. it is a feeling and i would trust my feeling first and foremost.
Voodoo and witchdoctors for instance, if i wasn’t aware of them, then they would have no power over me.
but if i lived overhead in a flat in Honduras and the fucking witch was below stairs with her dolls and needles then i think the cunt would have me thinking about it, especially when its dark.
Conscience does make cowards of us all
6
Pffft. Voodoo?
I’d say
” take your fuckin dolly and shove it up your arse you grass skirted pubehaired twat”
An boot him up the kyber.
“Do your worse you fuzzy felt fuck.”
Then I’d pull a g011y w09 out and hold my dagger to its throat .
Criss cross….
7
Ate you currently watching ‘Live and Let Die”, MNC?!
6
That chubby Broccoli and Ian phlegming made that Bond shite up and earned millions£££
I could of wrote better when I was 16yr.
Wouldn’t be some puff in a waiters suit either!!
Bond would be a stone cold killer who heard voices,
Jesus and the devil.
I’d make him a state sanctioned Jack the Ripper,
And he wouldn’t drink fuckin martini either.
He’d drink Old Tom.
And Moneypenny would be scared of him.
He’d stalk her, and send her disgusting photos in the mail .
Oh and he’d drive a old van not some gay Aston Martin.
A dirty van with a mattress in the back .
11
Fuck Mis-you are describing Roy “No Comment” Whiting🥺
4
Hahaha 😂
Naw not that cunt,
But sort of add a bit of a quirky edge to Bond .
Shame Peter Sutcliffe’s dead,
I’d of caste him as the next Bond!!
4
A dirty van with a matress in the back.
A removals van maybe?
6
They make me laugh when they actually see something. Everyone shits themselves and does a runner. Kind of defeats the purpose.
Those twins need a good hiding the pair of twats. There’s a really blatantly fake one with a bloke from up north somewhere. He looks more like a smack head burglar than an investigator. For the life of me I can’t remember the channel’s name.
The worst ones are those Arab door kickers though. If you believe them, you need a spell under the mental health section. Never trust an A-rab under any circumstances anyway.
7
Exploring with….something?
It popped up on my YouTube homepage once-I observed a Manc bellend driving around using an app called randomautica, or similar.
Laughable.
3
That’s it! Exploring with Danny. What a fucking two bit actor and bell end he is.
I see one that was not only blatantly fake, he started shouting like an exorcist. “Be gone foul demon I command you in the name of Jesus”. All for a door that his bird was making slam or something.
Utter cunt.
2
I don’t know if anyone has driven round Loch Ness, on a perfect summer day, lovely and warm, and stopped in one of the layby’s to get a photo.
Instantly freezing cold, hairs on the back of your neck go up and you can’t get back in the car and drive off fast enough.
I don’t believe in ghosts, or any kind of afterlife, but that place is as creepy as hell.
9
Further to my entry above about alternate dimensions, JP…are you sure you haven’t journeyed to some otherworldly version of Scotland…the one here could never in a million years be described as “lovely” or “warm”!
9
I swear to Dog, the sun shone, there was no wind, didn’t even need a fleece.
Got out of the motor, warm.
Crossed road, oh fuck, let’s go!
5
TtTE.
I believe parallel dimensions exist, I believe there are other planets out there that host evolved life.
It’s sheer arrogance to believe we are the only ones who walk, talk and invent.
I just hope I never meet them.
4
TtCE, so sorry. Lop
1
TtCE, so sorry.
1
I think Aleister Crowley was up to his tricks in Bolskine House at Loch Ness.
Rum cove. 🤔
9
Jimmy Page also lived there for at Bolskine a while.
Loved his dark arts and jailbait, did Jimmy.🤔
4
People see optical illusions all the time, including myself. In my case, being a cunt, I pushed on and didn’t run away like a girl. As I got closer the thing I thought I saw disappeared.
In my opinion it rests on 3 things…..
The environment you are in
Your physical condition
Your mental condition
The trouble is once some cunt has convinced themselves that they saw some old lady staring through the window there is no going back. They are not making it up, their brain has told them what they saw and that’s an end to it. The brain is a very complex thing which we don’t really understand………that’s why there are so many cunts in the world.
8
This wasn’t an illusion, Freddie, although of a lately I’ve been catching a black cat out of the corner of my eye.
This was just a sensation of utter terror.
Couldn’t get away fast enough.
I’ll let you know if the black cat turns into a dog.
4
Speaking of otherworldly creatures,I saw that skeletal cunt Bliar dressed up like an extra from the Three Musketeers today.
I hope some cheery chap runs him through with a rapier.
9
Then his ghost can be bummed forever in the afterlife by an apparition of Jeffrey Dahmer.
9
Surely can’t last much longer.
I look forward to seeing his name in the next Dead Pool, with congratulations to the person who named him.
6
He’ll outlive us all.
He’s a contract with the devil.
And he has better lawyers.
Lucifer never read the small print.
7
Well fuck me, all hope is gone.
4
I dont believe this shite.
I was once abducted by aliens who stuck a gerbil up my arse though. That was fucking Yorkshire so lucky it wasnt a whippet.
7