It’s the news that film fans everywhere have been waiting for! At last, Disney has announced that a ‘live action’ version of its 30s animated classic ‘Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs’ is in the works.
Naturally the studio is anxious to parade its ‘progressive’ credentials to ‘woke’ Hollywood these days. Things seemed to get off to a flying start with the casting of Latino actress Rachel Zegler as the ‘fairest of them all’ Ms White.
Unfortunately for Disney, into the fray stepped 4′ 5″ superstar Peter Dinklage, who accused the studio of double standards. He ranted ‘they were proud to cast a Latino actress…you’re progressive in one way, but you’re still making that fucking backward story of seven dwarfs living in a cave’.
Stung by Dinklage’s criticism, Disney has responded by stating ‘we are taking a different approach’. Apparently the film will now have ‘cultural consultants’, and the dwarfs will be ‘reimagined’. From this ‘wokespeak’, I imagine that the dwarfs will now have to conform to a rigid gender and diversity balance.
Well the gender balance does present a slight problem, since seven divided by two is, er, three and a half. Okay, let’s solve that one by making one of the seven of the transgender persuasion, which has the added benefit of throwing a bone to that particularly vocal and aggressive lobby.
The ethnic balance is easy enough to address I suppose, and can be reflected in the characters’ new names. These will now be Li Li, Tristan, Greta, Rufus, Carlota, Mohammed and Victor/Victoria. Again this yields an added benefit by the removal of a previously negative and stereotypical set of names.
As for that all-important stature factor, each performer will have to conform to strict statistical criteria for average height, as defined by the United Nations Commission for the Determination of Average Height According to Gender and Ethnicity.
So there you have it. ‘Off White and the Seven Gender Balanced and Ethnically Diverse Persons of Average Stature’. It has quite a ring to it, I’m sure you’ll agree. I for one can’t wait.
Nominated by: Ron Knee
And on a similar note, this from Captain Magnanimous
Peter Dinklage is a cunt, isn’t he.
The overrated oomoah-loompah has been having a pop at a live action Snow White set to be filmed because of the little fellas.
It’s a fairy tale ffs! Stop being short-tempered and small-minded, you gnarly time bandit. These aren’t dwarves, they are conscientious engineers working in a difficult sub terrain.
He was good as a cynical, quipping dwarf in Game of Thrones; he was believable as a cynical, quipping dwarf in The Station; he was alright as a cynical, quipping dwarf in I Care A Lot. As a spokesgnome, not such a tall order.
It’s a fairy tale, you uppity little polly pocket. A story for children. Now get into the Rumplestiltskin costume, do a roly-poly for the camera, then shut the fuck up.
I am sure there must be someone out there wanting to make a porn parody of Snow White where she gets fucked up and down by said dwarfs. Get the Cunt a part in that and tell him to dig deep to fill her hole. Cunt
1
CGI is the answer here.
Coming soon,
Not so Snow White and the Seven Animated Avocado’s.
Sounds thrilling, someone wakes me up when the hype is over.
9
Does that mean that every white man was a Pirate that had one eye a peg leg and hook for an arm? Oh hang on that’s different
10
Fire the little cunt from a cannon into a pile of wrecked cars. Then toss the little upstart bastard down a deep, disused mine shaft.
That’ll learn him.
Fuck off on a Monday morning.
16
Woke Midgets!!
😁
Other midgets have gone mad.
They say they earn a few hundred quid doing panto at Christmas,
This Hollywood midget earns millions and starts laying down the law.
Middle earth on the brink of civil war.
Time bandits are fleeing.
I love a little midget me,
But woke ones?!!!
Hunt em with dogs.
14
Mnc@ – “Woke midgets”?
“Widgets” – the evil little fkers are hiding inside cans of Boddies and Guinness!
Shifty no good midgets..
5
The new improved snow white could smother the hysterical moaning mid.get with her no doubt ample Latino arse cheeks.
I’d buy a ticket for that.
14
Boggs Junior Porno Film Division (Taiwan) Ltd was approached to make a new film, on this very old Walt Disney picture, but as both Yvette Cooper and John Bercow were unavailable we had to decline. A pity really, as Sugartits would have been great in the anal gang bang scene we had written at her express request.
11
The bollocks he’s coming out with is what I call a midget gem, never mind M & S’s offering, now deceased.
13
Didn’t stop the cunt taken the money for his part as a midget having the pots taken out of him in Game of Thrones did it?
Fucking hypocrite…
16
Ooh he’s on his high horse, isn’t he? Or to the rest of us, his Shetland pony. Fuck off and brush that chip off your vertically-challenged shoulder you fucking nobody.
19
The whole point of the character ‘Snow White’ was that she had skin as white as snow, not Snow Tan who had skin as caramel as toffee.
Dinklage is a sanctimonious prick who used to be kinda cool and cause lots of his fellow fairy-folk to be unemployed.
18
TtCE@ – And despite me vigorously shaking him the little fker didn’t grant me a single wish!
4
So Snow White is now a Latino? I have no objection to seeing some beautiful curvey big- assed Latino babe in the role. But shouldn’t she be renamed Brown Sludge or something more appropriate?
As for Dinklage what’s his problem? Seems to me the tale presents a very positive aspect of Dwarves – unlike Dinklage they are lovable, kind and generous. Even Grumpy has positive aspects.
No doubt Dinklage would prefer to see Snow Flake and the 7 height challenged gender neutrals, with himself cast as Wokey.
Cunt
11
Peter Shrinklage is now getting lots of shit from other shortarsed actors who claim that he’s ruining their careers by trashing the film.
Serves him right…
18
They are right to give him shit, the only other job opportunities are panto in December and January, being shot out of a cannon at the circus or dwarf tossing down Somerset way in the summer.
If he is a chippy little fucker then don’t employ him. His views are worth the same as anyone else on this planet, why take any notice of him?
There’s a nice French film on Netflix based on Snow White I seem to remember watching. A girl moves to a village to avoid her step mother and gets shagged by various villagers. Worth a watch after the Mrs. has gone to bed.
3
What time does she go to bed?
I may give it a try.
2
Also, 3 years ago, my younger son, then 7, pointed at a rather mutant-looking dwarf in a supermarket and (very) loudly asked “Is that a goblin?”!!
3
Also, 3 years ago, my younger son, then 7, pointed at a rather mutant-looking dwåřf in a supermarket and (very) loudly asked “Is that a goblin?”!!
24
Funny you should say that Thomas, as Yvette would have been doing a lot of goblin if our film had gone ahead Snow White and her Seven Pricks was our working title…..
14
Lol l fucking live stuff like that.
My old mother was at a funeral a few years ago. The fella that died had Down’s Syndrome. His family were friends with my family. He was a top fella, funny as fuck.
At his funeral, my mum spoke to his mum and recalled another bloke with Downs she knew of and said, “Oh yes. And Mrs (whoever) from the end of our road also had a mongoloid child as well.”
I was trying not to cry with laughter, as I turned away to walk outside to hide my shameful giggling.
8
‘love stuff like that’
6
In my local one Saturday afternoon I was talking to the landlady who cut the conversation off when she said “Have to go now we have a coachload of Mongolians arriving.”
I thought Genghis Khan was about to enter.
4
I should imagine that all the other vertically challenged actors are thinking ” shut the fuck up, I was hoping for a part”.
I have a starring role for Dinklage. It’s only one line, but he gets to say it a lot. It’s
” Do you want fries with that?”
12
“4ft 2.”
6
Disney’s live action remakes are, without exception, soulless bland rip-offs of the originals.
Even my stepdaughter, who normally would gaze lovingly at a dogturd if it had a Disney label on it, considers them pointless and redundant.
Old Walt must be spinning in his grave (minus his cryogenically frozen head of course)…
11
Not only that they are very creepy too…..terrifying.
8
I feel sorry for kids these days. Childhood is being destroyed. We’re going to end up with rather a lot of dysfunctional young adults, in the not too distant future.
It’s already started, Greta is a good example.
Dinky is a hypocritical cunt, he’ll have a moan, but won’t refuse a fat cheque, which, incidentally, will go twice as far as someone of normal stature….
Smaller diet.
Fitting into kid’s clothes and shoes.
Half fare on the bus.
The cunt.
Good morning.
19
As a rule little midgets are decent sorts.
The odd bad apple.
Dinky and that warrick Davis are the only chippy ones I know of?
My first experience of midgets was one called Sammy who introduced me to Big Daddy at the wrestling in the 70s when I was 8yrs old.
And David Rappaport on Tiswas.
Ive liked them ever since.
But Woebetide one who gets cheeky, or isnt house-trained!!
Im a reasonable man but have a wicked temper.
I caught a midget using my tooth brush to scrub his back or stealing dog biscuits from my dog?
Id dash his brains out .
Skin him like a rabbit and use his skull as a dashboard ornament.
11
I think Peter drives.
5
Hmm, probably a little clockwork car,
Ordered under ‘circus novelties’.
7
I am interested in the etymology of the word Dinklage.
Dinkle is a portmanteau of the penile based words Dick and Winkle.
The suffix ‘age’ means ‘in the act’.
So literally ‘in the act of being a penis’.
14
Superbly written nomination
Well done chaps 👏
Disney need to be mindful of some old wisdom and some new:
“If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!l”
“Go woke, go broke!”
🧐
15
If it aint broke…break it.
10
If it aint broke…break it. That sounds like the true motto of hollywood. That and ‘get an idea and do it to death’
7
I respect Mr Pever Dinklage as an actor. Most of the Dwarf actors are quite good. I think casting a Latino actor as Snow White is fucking ridiculous! White is the key word there, Snow fucking WHITE, not snow latino. All these live-action re-imagined Disney films are SHIT! Snow White and the Huntsman – SHIT. Jungle Book – SHIT. Now this one will be shit. Fucking hollywood, leave things alone. I do hope the Dwarves will be played by Dwarves, regardless of sex, otherwise they’ll have Mr Warwick Davies on their arses too!
1
The 1937 animated Snow White is one of the greatest works of art of the 20th century. Every frame is stunning. It took years to create. But this remake won’t be a work of art – it will be a cookie-cutter fantasy film and will suck a big bag of dicks.
18
1937 Snow White in 1080p:
https://www.actvid.com/watch-movie/watch-snow-white-and-the-seven-dwarfs-full-19630.5297518
0
Midget dicks.
11
True, it was beautiful. All the old disney cartoons were great. Even the live-action ones of the day, with the cartoon parts, were works of art. With no CGI either. I still love The Lion King, Jungle Book, Peter Pan, Snow White and Sleeping Beauty, even though I’m 34. The films of my youth, slowly ruined. Must admit, that Peter Pan with Rachel Hurd-Wood as Wendy and sexy Ludivine Sagnier as Tinkerbell was pretty good. ‘I DO BELIEVE IN FAIRIES, I DO, I DO!’
8
Yeah, the 1959 Sleeping Beauty is spectacular:
https://www.actvid.com/movie/watch-sleeping-beauty-full-18650
7
Fantasia was overrated shite though. Its butchering of Stravinsky’s Rite of Spring was a crime against humanity.
6
Is it weird to have found snow white and sleeping beauty attractive? That malificent film was a bag of shite.
3
Yeah, I’m not a fan of Fantasia. Not a fan of Mickey Mouse at all, he’s annoying as fuck. I don’t like Disney in general, but some of the 1937-1959 are astounding works of art. I’ve not seen, The Black Cauldron (1985) and that one was cut down from 92 minutes to 85 minutes as it was deemed to be too intense. Here it is:
https://www.actvid.com/watch-movie/watch-the-black-cauldron-full-17266.5353051
3
Bedknobs and Broomsticks is worthwhile for the jungle football match and the Krauts getting their arses kicked at the end…
3
Peter Dinklage: annoying midget cunt. He has no other discernible talent other than being small and then complains when he is asked to portray a dwarf. How much is he being paid to do this film? $1m? Do the decent thing and shut up or do a David Rappaport you annoying little shit.
1
Perhaps we can all jump on the woke bandwagon and cash in:
Hiiiiii-ho!
Hiiiiii-ho!
Hi ho, hi ho
It’s off to work we go
With shoulder chip
And awkward skip
It’s off to work we go, go, go, go
We dig dig dig dig
Dig dig dig dig
Dig the whole day through
For hurty words
That upset nerds
Not many, just the few!
We dig dig dig dig
Dig dig dig dig
Dig the whole day through
Search for offence
No common sense
So stupid but it’s true!
We dig dig dig dig
Dig dig dig dig
Dig the whole day through
Destroy the past
It’s such a blast
Make older folk feel blue!
Hiiiii-ho!
Hiiiii-ho!
Hi ho hi ho
It’s home from work we go
We walk don’t run
We’ve spoiled your fun
Hi ho, hi ho, hi ho ho
🤔
25
Listen hard to that digging song in the film. They sing ‘we dig dig dig dig big big dick’
4
A masterpiece lyric CG!
Disney should get you to write for the new ‘Snow White’, otherwise it’ll be their now usual trite ‘there’s a whole new world out there, full of wonderful, magical things, and I have to go and find myself and who I truly, really am etc’ crap.
11
The met police seems to have stolen this particular thunder. It’s full of midgets.
6
Dwarf cops? Will they have short rounds? Can just see them chasing a criminal, their baton as big as a fucking lightsaber to them.
2
What word in that needs moderation? Dwarf? Baton? Lightsaber?
2
https://www.seetickets.us/event/Leopards-Lounge-Dwarf-Tossing/316060
Could be worse
3
I love it … here they go again. Tell us exactly what you’re planning … gives me the perfect opportunity to positively discriminate against it. Disney … cunts. Porgs … cuntishness directly proportionate to size.
5
Porgs indeed. Professor Yapp would have known what to do with this cunt.
3
oh to go back to the days when lobbing a dwarf up a velcro wall was the past-time of an English cricket team on tour in Australia.
1
That midget from Austin Powers would beat this waddling fuckhead in a battle I reckon.
8
Or possibly that one in Fort Buoyard that runs really fast to the next game to unlock the door whilst Melinda Messenger’s boobs bounce around behind him.
9
Verne Troyer died, sadly. Suicide by alcohol poisoning. 🙁
5
That’s not suicide, that’s a fucking good night out that went a bit wrong.
8
So many issues raised here.
I like Peter Dinklage and think he is a fine actor. He played his part really well in Game of Thrones. He also ripped the piss out of himself as the Mighty Eagle in the otherwise execrable Angry Birds Movie that I took my son and his friends to for his birthday in 2016(?).
But, as another dwar f actor said about this new fillum, Dinklage is not the king of the dwar ves. He is depriving other actors of work.
And aren’t the dwar ves the goodies in Snow White?
The real problem here is the complete lack of originality in Hollywood. As others have said, the 1937(?) animation is considered a classic. Why does it need a remake? The last time I was in the cinema, every fillum advertised was either a remake, a sequel or a superhero pile of wank. Sometimes all three. Hollywood are so petrified of a Twitterstorm that they prefer to produce the blandest muck imaginable. Can you imagine A Clockwork Orange being made today? The Life of Brian? Or on television, Blackadder or The Young Ones?
It is depressing to see so many people who claim to be edgy and artistic coming out in favour of censorship. I know David Baddiel is not popular with some folks here but I’ve always liked him. He used to call his show The Mary Whitehouse Experience – now he wants to stop that wankstain Carr telling risqué jokes. Personally, I find Carr about as funny as the twat in Year 7 who has discovered the word ‘fuck’ and keeps shouting it out in class. But his whole persona is being the worst person in the world. I assume Carr’s show was 18+ and is on a subscription only channel. What sort of sad bastard gets his kicks from seeking out offence?
I think this. And I also think that Carthage should be destroyed.
9
You’re right about Hollywood. It’s pretty much eaten itself.
4
Nailed, Mike.
Well done👏
4
Hollywood films are made to appeal to americans. They do this audience test shit where they get 100 people to watch it, and fill in bits of paper about what the did/didnt like. Plus, every film they make has to fit a genre: gangster, sci-fi, fantasy, romance… So original ideas get fucked. Its a dumb way to do things, and produces many films that are too similar. Today, they wouldnt have made Usual Suspects, Pulp Fiction, Scarface, Labyrinth, Terminator or Predator. Fucking ridiculous. And I’m sick of these Marvel/DC multiverse pieces of shit they pump out. Avengers Assemble my arse.
3
When I was at school Diablo (one fucking hell of a long time ago!) Mary Quant made the point that “market research” ensures that people receive only that with which they are already familiar. Innovation is stifled by such practice.
2
A dose of small man syndrome.Pipe down shortarse.
8