The Charts/Top 40

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This is a bit if an odd cunting, as I am not cunting all of it, but just specific elements.
Before I go into my explanation, I am cunting the state of modern chart music.
Now to bore you with the details.

As a child and teenager, like most, I would sometimes sit poised, with my finger on the record button of the tape deck, whilst listening to the charts from 4, on a Sunday afternoon.

Over time and as I got older, I took less interest in the charts and found my own taste in music.

Fast forward to a couple of days ago, and a random thought that popped into my head.
“I wonder who the Christmas number one is this year?”

I started my journey of research on Google. I was not only pleasantly surprised, but also shocked, as well as being educated.

The Official UK Top 40, is on Radio 1.
It is no longer on a Sunday, but on a Friday, from 4 until 5.45.
Apparently this is in line with the music industry, who release all singles on a Friday.
Also, it is in line with all the various platforms they are released on such as streaming, digital download, smoke signal, carrier pigeon, etc. (As a young man, the highlight of a drab Monday working, was popping into John Menzies on my dinner hour, to have a look at what albums and singles had been released).

Other radio stations still have the chart countdown playing in the traditional Sunday slot, but these are not classed as official now.

After discovering all this information during my search, I then went back to my original query, from which I had been side tracked.
Who is the Christmas number one?
I was met with a mix of emotions as I looked at the official top ten.
Number one is some sack if wailing shit.
But wait, the top ten consists of a majority of Christmas songs that gave been around for years.
There is a couple of shite modern songs in there, but the majority are not.
Wham, Shakin Stevens, and others are present.
Even the original rockin around the Christmas tree!

In conclusion, I thought to myself, the state of the music industry is akin to the amount of animal shit cleared out of zoo’s on a daily basis.

It was nice to see old songs in there that I personally like, but shows that modern chart music is clearly not good enough to keep the classics out of the Christmas top ten.

Modern chart music and modern pop artists – a nice big slap in the face for you, you cunts. You clearly aren’t good enough.

The public has voted with their ears!

Nominated by: Andy

68 thoughts on “The Charts/Top 40”

  1. Last time I listened to Radio 1 “The spunk Girls” or someone or other were howling shite.
    I used to like Absolute Radio but they have gone vaxwoke so fuck them.
    And MY Christmas single – “I’m going to fuck that turkey until the meat turns green” never even made the top 100! 😢😢

    • I just found it Ytube Vernon.
      Greatest Xmas song since ‘White Christmas’.
      The bird in the Santa suit with the monster tits and camel toe was awesome!

      • RK@ – It took ages for me to persuade Miss Busty to squeeze her astonishing Zeppelins into that Santa outfit!
        Thank fk you didn’t see the mess I made on it ten minutes later..

  2. Video killed the radio star.

    Downloads killed music. Ably assisted by Simon Cowel.

    👎

  3. Good nom Andy👍

    The charts used to be a big deal!
    Not to me,
    I hate pop music.
    But a record getting to number 1 was a big thing.

    Modern music is shite
    As is everything modern,
    It sounds like distant fairground music or something?
    Ive no interest at all in it.
    Don’t understand it,
    Don’t wanna.

    Last time I was happy something was at number one in the charts was ‘Ghosttown’ by the Specials.

  4. The charts have been bent for years. Brian Adam’s, Whitney, Wet Wet Wet, all had fuck knows how many weeks at the top in fairly quick succession. Funny that. Since then and the advent of downloading along with the proliferation of R and B and that cunt Cowell, they’ve died a death. If old Christmas songs are selling via download, who gives a shit? As for new music, it appears to be over produced and full of sampling. Maybe all the great hits have already been written, there’s only so many chords that can be used and used again.

  5. You get a number one now with a few dozen downloads. Of shite.
    Dont know if there is any talent now. Wont wade through the shit to check.

    I lurve ya bahdy

    • Whilst I appreciate your posting that link, Mr Twatt, intended, I`m sure, for many of our most praiseworthy loyal and red-blooded heterosexual readers, I must counter-post by providing this heart-wrenching clip, which has me in floods of tears every time I watch it …
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIaj7FNHnjQ
      .. which, I assume, might also cause cardiac arrest in more `flaky` quarters.

    • Wow that’s fucking hot! Dirty bitches.
      And of course, they cut it short…

      Christ, weren’t the Beeb DJs introing TOTP a collection of cunts tho.

  7. I’m surprised they still bother with such a chart.
    Surely they should have been cancelled by whoever came in second?
    Hurty feelings and a Twatter onslaught?
    Modern music us by and large a stinking pile of shite.
    Oven.

  8. The charts haven’t been much cop since 1980, Lyons Maid chart with Mike Westcott back the 70s, that was proper music, or is it just my rose tinted nostalgia cunters?, no I do believe most things were better!

    • CQ@ – The “BritPop” trend killed chart music in the UK – who will ever forget monobrow chancer Noel Gallagher partyin’ on with Tony Blair in 10 Mordor Street?

      • Noel has come out saying Labour are cunts, who have stolen the party from the working classes.

        So he gets a 5% dispensation from being a total cunt. The “Parker from Thunderbirds, Beatles tribute bad, Manc twat!”
        🤔

  9. Top of the pops using Whole lotta love as the theme music 👍
    Great presenters who knew about music and were hip
    Like Terry wigan and the ever youthful Jimmy saville.

    Now then now then pop pickers, (strange Tarzan noise)
    The wonderful showaddywaaddy!!!

    Happy daze….

    • If you look carefully in one episode you can see a youthful Bertie in the audience circa 1966 doing a particularly energetic ‘Mashed Potato’.

      • I miss Bertie LL.
        Also notice Spoonington and DCI Gene have gone awol.
        I miss Spoons inoffensive offerings.
        And DCIs shy approach.

      • Aye,I miss them too….Spoons made me laugh… DCI was guaranteed good value….Bertie was always prepared to have his say regardless.

      • Afternoon Dick👍
        Has DCI been banned or has he just walked?
        I know he argued a bit with some about Chinaflu but nowt wrong with robust debate!!
        Hope Spoons is ok,
        A gentle soul.
        Like myself.

      • I hope DCI wasn’t banned… I enjoyed his contributions and I must admit the thought of him turning up in his Ambulance to deal with some Cunt who had offended his sensibilities always made me laugh.

      • 😁😁
        Awhile back he was arguing with about 5 other cunters on here,
        Funny as fuck
        Wouldn’t back down hehe 😀
        Admin and st Johns ambulance had to break it up.
        DCI started on the st Johns then!

        ” ooohh bunch of part timers,
        Don’t know one end of a stretcher from the other,
        Who made your uniform?
        Yer fuckin mam?”

      • Evening Ruff👍

        Guess what im having for pudding tonight?!!
        Christ,im tingling with excitement,
        Can barely sit still….
        Banana Angel Delight♥️♥️♥️
        Not had it in years,
        Saw it in Aldi and bought 10 packets😁

        If a bus hit me tomorrow id die with a smile on my wickedly handsome face.

        And people say theres no God..

      • You’ve got me green with envy, Miserable!

        Banana Angel Delight is well scrummy!!

        My favourite flavour is butterscotch. Mind you, it has to be nice and thick, not too sloppy.

      • Butterscotch 😋

        Of course you bourgeois pigs are showing your true, decadent characters.
        We were so poor, we could only afford “Instant Whip”.

        Which is Ron Knee’s favourite desert😉

      • Instant Whip was yummy too. Back then chocolate was my favourite, closely followed by strawberry.

    • Wonderful. There is no such thing as an unfunny Jimmy Saville impersonation. Just ask Nicky Campbell.

      • Steve Coogan might soon change that thought. What sort of cunt takes the role of Jimmy Savile ? He’s played some desperate characters in the past but I think he needs the work.

  10. Music is a very partisan thing – people told Beethoven he would never make it – but did he listen?..

  11. Too many Sooties and Homosexuals for my liking….I don’t want my eardrums assaulted by such types.

    • What music echoes around your, no-doubt-vast music room at Fidler Towers?
      Medieval music? Gregorian Chants? Motorhead? Peruvian nose flute music? The St. Winifrids school choir?

      🤔

      • CG@

        I’ve fucked one of st Winifred’s school choir.
        On a pub pool table.

        Suppose its best I point out she was 24yr,
        Not still in the choir!!!

      • Did she sing “Grandma we love you”, whilst you were on the vinegar strokes?
        😀

      • CG@ – Wagner – what else? Although I have to say “Das Rheingold” is an amazing piece of music, makes me all misty eyed, tears dropping on to me SS outfit, rusting up me Iron Cross..

  12. I miss the old days when Jimmy Saville told us what’s hot and what’s worth fucking in the local hospital morgue.

    Jimmy and David Fuller would have made a great double act on TOTP

  13. I was at a New Years Eve party stateside at a friend’s house. His college age kids were having a separate gathering in the basement with booze, drinking games, music etc (your typical basement in a septic house is about the size of two British semis in total floor space). They deigned to permit us old folks to descend to the basement to join them for a bit. Their playlist was entirely from the 70z, 80s, 90s.

    So even discerning yoof are turning their backs on the current aural assault masquerading as music.

    In the words of Homer Simpson ‘everyone knows rock achieved perfection in 1972.’

  14. Apparently 80’s music is going to be “huge” in 2022.

    I’m thinking of putting together a Spandau Ballet tribute band.
    I’m up for rythm guitar-
    Any takers?👍

    • I think I could manage the bass on ‘Through the Barricades ‘.a heartwarming vocal part by Mr Fiddler?

    • I can’t hear the name Spandau Ballet without thinking of Rudolf Hess dancing on the end of his improvised rope.

  15. The singles chart used to be a way for record companies to market a wide variety of different types of music. Customers would sample that variety, develop their own tastes, follow them and eventually leave following the chart behind. Nothing wrong with that.

    The demise of pop/commercial/chart music has come about by several means, including.

    1) Formulaic song writing and production. I first noticed this with the rise to prominence of Stock, Aitken and Waterman in the ’80s. Some artists would spend years honing their skills, paying their dues, developing a following all hoping for that breakthrough hit and entry into the big time. Then SAW came along and negated that with their mass produced production line methods. This is still happening today. Not by SAW perhaps, but by other bland/mass market/lowest-common-denominator production teams.

    2) Sexual Imagery. Sex sells product as we all know and image has always been an important factor when presenting and marketing music. Irrespective of the decade, being an extremely good looking band or singer will certainly help sell your records. That’s quite different from gorgeous people, with ripped abs, perfect teeth and provocative dance moves being molded into a music act, just to sell product. In the 80s, we saw the start of that tactic get into full swing. Great song writing and fantastic musicianship started to become less appealing compared to the opposite of that but with gyrating hips, pouting lips and showing too much skin.

    3) Affordable Digital Technology and the Internet.
    To make it in the music biz, you used to have to be signed to a record label and have a recording contract. The label was the thing which provided advances, paid for studio time, session musicians, producers, mixing, mastering, marketing campaigns, etc. As equipment became more affordable, budding musicians realised they could write and record in high quality at home, afford limited runs of CD manufacture and get the word out via the internet. In some ways, this was a good thing because it broke the monopoly record companies and A&R people had over who got a music career and who didn’t. In some ways, this was not a good thing because it opened up the music business to people with little in the way of musical talent. Quantity over quality became an issue.

    4) The Internet (again).
    Napster started the trend in the 90s of giving other people’s copyrighted product away for free. It established in the minds of the music consumer the idea that having a file rather than the physical item was OK so long as it was free. Music suddenly became less valued and to some extent, less important in some people’s lives. Today we have streaming services where you can hear tens of thousands of songs for no financial outlay whatsoever. People are now used to the idea that you no longer have to pay for music. Thus music’s value has been diminished. Streams and downloads now count as sales, making it easier for a nobody with the right connections to have a hit. Simply amazing!

    5) Chart Dilution and attention span. Back in the day, we had the singles chart and the albums chart. Both meant something. Nowadays we have charts dedicated to a particular kind of music, indie, rock, hard rock, metal, dance, etc. One chart becoming several charts has further divided the attention span of the music consumer. Add to that the multitude of other distractions we had less of or not at all in times gone by and it’s clear how music has taken a back seat in many people’s lives.

    All of these things have contributed to an increase in quantity and a massive decrease in quality and the chart(s) reflect that. Unfortunately. Many more people hear music these days, even fewer actually listen to it. Great music is still out there, you’re just less likely to find it in the charts. To that end, I recently discovered a band who are already on their fourth album. Maximum Sorrow! by Desperate Journalist comes highly recommended. Here’s a track from that album – Everything You Wanted:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JYvJIv4cuWE

    If you like it, don’t stream it – buy it or there might not be a 5th album.

      • Thanks Andy. It was a good nom though. I’m passionate about music. My singles buying years were late 70s through the 80s. A great time for music. To see what’s happened to the industry and the charts since since is painful. Some music will always be of its time. Some music is timeless. I think it’s fair to say that if something like Bohemian Rhapsody or Are ‘Friends’ Electric? were released now, they wouldn’t get to #1 and may not even chart. The consumers’ faulty for demanding rubbish or the industry’s fault for supplying it? Ugh! Good nom though. Cheers – IY.

      • Thanks IY.
        Although I was born in 75, I still appreciate a lot of music I heard growing up.
        My brother was big into music, and blew his wages on records every chance he got.
        (I did the same late teens and started to ease off as time went on towards my early thirties).
        My brothers music and what he played was a big influence.
        I remember being amazed by the sounds of electronic and synth stuff like Kraftwerk – Computer World.
        That album got played to death by me!
        Then there was other stuff like The Human League, which are my all time favorite band.
        Dare got played to death too!
        Then there was other stuff like Visage, Ultravox, I could go on!

        I remember going to one of James many we-are-pretending-to-retire concerts at the M.E.N.
        While we were waiting for the support act to come on, out comes blasting through the speakers Are Friends Electric?
        With the added pleasure if it being a very long and extended version, with heavy emphasis on the main uplifting synth riff.
        Sublime!

      • OMG Andy. You’re listing bands who provided the soundtrack to my formative years. Computer World was a bit special, wasn’t it. I bought The Man Machine album after I’d heard The Model. It’s extremely good (of course), but then Computer World came along. I went to see Kraftwerk around that time in London somewhere (Brixton Academy I think). Very surreal. Seen them a couple of times since. Always special.

        Numan was my main thing during this period. Worshipped the air he breathed for many a long year. Ultravox, Japan, Jean-Michel Jarre, A Flock of Seagulls, Heaven 17, Human League, OMD, Dalis Car, John Foxx, Talk Talk, Art of Noise, Thomas Dolby, Vangelis…..ahhhhh…all still sound great!

        I saw James live in Minneapolis a few years ago, around the time Hey Ma was released. Absolutely fantastic performance.

        Cheers – IY.

      • Wow John Fox.
        There’s a name I haven’t heard for a long time.
        He was the support act for The Human League, at the Manchester Apollo in December 2003.
        Me and my brother sung ourselves hoarse that night!
        Especially shouting UNDERPASS!

        You lucky sod seeing Kraftwerk live.
        Lucky lucky man.

        Although I grew up with excellent music like that, by the time I was old enough to go clubbing, music was different.
        I loved it though.
        House music, dance music, etc, became my new love.

        These days I like all sorts.
        I educate the youngest when she is with me by choosing random videos on you tube.
        9 years old and loves songs by Kraftwerk, Robert Palmer, dead or alive, human league, etc.
        Diverse taste.
        My son is the same.
        It is not out of the ordinary to hear most tracks from the human league dare album, to be blasting out from his room.

        May I recommend an unofficial mix I found on you tube last year.
        The Napoleon mix of Don’t You Want Me.
        The best version I have heard ever.

  18. Anyone referring to the charts as “The Hit Parade” from the 1950s onwards should have been shot on sight – including Pete Murray, David ‘Diddy’ Hamilton and Jimmy Savile.

    In the old days it was rigged so that if you paid DJs enough they’d play your song ensuring higher sales. These days they calculate it from sales, streaming and radio airplay which is basically the same thing as before.

    Most music is shite anyway.

  19. Yep…the pop music genre, you gain an insight..of the style of music, which consists of some ballooned lipped slapper singing down her nose in auto tune, doing a duet with some “lemonade” who rambles incoherently about “where to park his yard of baboon meat”…probably into a fat thick blonde off the block of flats in Sarf London..in brief..”sooty drill acts”…smother the charts…

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