The Bore Revisited

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There are so many fascinating facets it is difficult to do the subject justice but I feel I must try. I have met a beaut. An absolute stonker.

There are rigid painful smiles from everybody who encounters him for any length of time. He’s rather jolly. His eyes are wide when talking his bollocks.

We all know that The Bore has absolutely no interest in telling a story that you could possibly be interested in. They achieve this as you know by talking about people THEY knew in the past in places you’re not familiar with. That is standard practice of the persistent Bore. But what this fella has added to the repertoire (as it were) is he doesn’t have the story straight. He keeps forgetting the times and places. So the story itself (of infinite tedium) is peppered by a sort of back- tracking just to make it more unendurably interminably excruciating.

So for example ‘We were in Donnington no we were back back in Hove, it was in ’86 no it was in 84 and we were somewhere in Suffolk I cant remember..’.The ‘topic’ of his discourse was generated by my saying to him that I was going to have my haircut that day. That set him off. He had been a barber. Corrected himself and said he owned a barbers. Corrected him self again and said it was a salon and his ex owned it but he had put money into it. ‘about £60, 000 no I put £100, 000 or was it £80,000 cant remember anyway…’

I am trying to think of the point to the story. The point he was trying to make I mean .It just fizzled out.

No, own up I just couldn’t take anymore and just made my excuses and abruptly left. That is the truth of it.

Got to say he doesn’t physically stop you from leaving like some aggressive Bores do. In fact you’ve just got say ‘I’m sorry but I’ve got to go’ and he steps ouf of the way.
What else about him? He tells me what bargains he has got from the shops. He even fetches me his junk mail where he gets these bargains. And exhorts me to do the same. Now that is innovative for me regarding the practice of being a bore. Someone getting their junk mail for you to read.

Really I am in Awe of this Bore.

Nominated by: Miles Plastic

140 thoughts on “The Bore Revisited”

  2. One of my favourite films (nom pic) is ‘Airplane’.

    Saw it as a nipper on VHS…no it was Betamax I think. Watched it at my mate’s house. Tommy’s mum was out…oh wait I think it was around at mine and I watched with the family. I think it was about 1983. Or Christmas ’84. I remember watching it while eating a Pot Noodle. I was unhappy because I wanted the green chicken and mushroom one, but they had none in the shops so me mam got me a beef one….

  3. Tell him you identify as a homosexual lady with cleptomania.
    See what he makes of that.
    Make a change anyhow.

    • Great nom Miles👍

      I know the most boring man in the world.
      Hes fuckin painful.
      He calls me Malcolm (not my name)
      His stories meander without a visible end no punchline,
      And cover different tangents along the way.

      And he wants to share!
      Jesus, does he.
      Doesn’t matter if your carrying your own weight in shopping,
      Its raining,
      He’ll stop you and bore you.

      Hes not a orrible cunt
      Hes good hearted
      Just the most boring cunt on the planet.

      Id feel bad if I hurt his feelings,
      Hes a neighbour,
      But I know there’s a time coming hell catch me in a mood and ill say

      “Why don’t you just fuck off you boring little cunt”.

      And I’ll hate myself for it.
      And hate him for making me do it.

      The cunt.

      • You will just have to say “Sorry but John Major is about to narrate a history of Norfolk service stations on Radio 4”.

      • That’s the problem with bores in my experience. They’re usually genuinely decent people in every other respect, just fucking tedious and they don’t know it.

        If they were cunts then they wouldn’t be a problem, you’d just tell them to fuck off. But because they are otherwise good you don’t want to hurt their feelings and end up trapped with them. And the longer you pretend to be interested the deeper the hole you dig for yourself.

        As for this cunting, it’s the fact they’re not cunts, that makes them cunts. It’s like a version of Russell’s paradox.

      • MNC@ – One of my neighbours has spectral autism – loveliest lad you would want to meet but “somewhat challenging” shall we say – not one donkey round here has all four legs and all glass eyes are asleep..
        Do you do the “round the side of the vehicle and squat in hiding” as I do? – If they catch you “I was just checking that tyre, it looked a bit soft, if they don’t 10 minutes more of your life is yours!

      • There’s a bloke who lives by us who walks around the block several times a day having a smoke. He’s deadly, and I always make myself scarce when I see him coming.
        Unfortunately I was out in the front garden the other day and didn’t see him coming.
        I got excruciating details of his struggles with constipation, up to and including the finale, his wife calling an ambulance on Xmas Eve, with the long-suffering paramedics inserting a suppository.
        It’s 20 minutes of my life that I’ll never get back.

      • ‘And the longer you pretend to be interested the deeper the hole you dig for yourself.’

        So true.

        Because if you are generous with your time they take it they are getting more and interesting when in fact as each minute passes thfy are becoming more insufferably boring.

        Also, it encourages them to seek you out because you have ‘listened’ politely to their drivel they for a good while. And they remember that.

      • Indeed Miles, it’s like feeding seagulls isn’t it? They get used to it, start to regard you as easy prey and you’re never free of them.

      • MNC@ – Yep, that’s the one! I preferred Don Brennans sarcastic assistant who said “fuck religion”, grabbed a joint and joined a hippy commune!
        If I am ever pigeonholed by a bore I simply cheerily state “Can’t stop to talk, off round to fuck your Daughter”!
        Oh, the look on their little faces..

      • Foxy@
        I like Father ‘Damo’ Lennon in old grey whistle theft

        Ted “father Damien father frost says you have to go home your teas ready”

        Damo “tell him to feck off” 😁

        And fr Finton Stack
        “So long girls, pair of wankers”

    • That was probably the Speed 3 episode you have in mind when they were trying to devise a plan to rescue Dougal from the explosive milk float. ‘ it reminds me of the time…’

      Or it could’ve been Fr Stone?

      I’m sorry am I boring you cunters?

      • I think it was Father Austin Purcell. Father Jack was stuck in a cupboard with him!

    • It was Father Stone who mostly sat there saying nothing and creating a pall of gloom just by his very presence.

      I remember the father of the Manny character in Black Books being a verbose bore of the type illustrated in the nom. Although I think the writers may have copied the character from an earlier Richard Briers sitcom.

  6. Clearly you have your standard salutation all wrong. It should start with ‘Oh for fuck sake’ and end no more than 10 seconds later with ‘now fuck off and leave me alone … you cunt’.

  7. After I was discharged from the hospital I decided to go on holiday with my wife (at least I think it was my wife), we bought a tent and answered an ad in the personal section of the local rag for someone to camp on a piece of land owned by a farmer in Northumberland.

    When we arrived the weather was wonderful – barely a cloud in the sky. The nice green grass, a few daisies and that sort of thing, was super too. My wife brought along some ham and hard boiled eggs which we ate on a blanket in the sun.

    Just then the farmer came along with his stick and spaniel dog.
    “Good morning” he said.
    “Morning,” I replied, smiling up at him with the sun in my eyes.
    He said: “My name is Farmer. Farmer Farmer.”
    “Creampuff,” I replied, “Mr creampuff. And this is my wife, I think, Mrs Bingo. Very nice of you to let us use your land like this.”
    “Oh, that’s alright,” said Mr Farmer, that’s all I live for – having people camp on my land – my spaniel dog and me.”

    He wandered off with his stick and spaniel dog. We spent the rest of the day lying in the sun. I was reading a book at the time, something by Hammond Innes. It was a good book, a paperback. For lunch my wife brought out some cold meat and salad which we enjoyed immensely. For pudding we had a Bird’s Eye Super Mousse which was quite nice, but wasn’t that interesting. Afterwards we lay in the sun and I enjoyed myself because it was really hot. The sun was beating down, sweltering. My wife said: “I’m going inside, it’s too hot!”

    She went in – I stayed out. I wanted to get a good tan to show my friends when we got back. I had a few humbugs, they were quite nice, tasted a bit sweet though, so I didn’t eat many. I offered one to my wife but she wasn’t interested.

    At night there were lots of gnats and things that got into the tent. My wife used to get bitten all the time, so she put cream on her bites to make them less itchy. I never got bitten but always put cream in my hair to stop them getting into my head at night when I was sleeping.

    In the morning I was awoken by my wife offering tea made on the calor gas stove. It was all very idyllic. We would sit out in the rising sun having breakfast and I would listen to the radio – gardening and farming programmes mostly – the sort of programmes I enjoy listening to.

    Once, before lunch, I decided to go for a walk. I walked all the way round the field in which we were staying. There were lots of things to see. There was grass, bits of road, a few bits of spaniel dung and sticks and the like. It was quite nice. I even bumped into the farmer with his stick and his dog. We had another chat.
    He said: “Good morning Mr Creampuff, how are you enjoying your holiday?”
    “it’s wonderful,” I said, “I’m really enjoying it, having the time of my life, I’ve been reading a book by Hammond Innes, you know.”
    Really?” he said, with undisguised interest. “Could I read it when you’re finished with it?”
    “Yes, alright, but I’m a bit of a slow reader actually and may not have finished it by the time we have to leave.”
    But Mr Farmer had the answer: he told me we could stay on until I’d finished the book – at no extra charge!
    “It’s a deal,” I said, shaking him vigorously by the hand.

    I spent a long time reading that book as I wanted to stay on holiday as long as possible. But when my wife decided to read it after me, Mr Farmer got quite cross. He wrote a strongly worded letter to the Farmers Union, complaining that there was someone camping on his land who wouldn’t let him read his book.

    Anyway, after a few months we got fed up of camping so decided to go home.

    • RTC@ – You are Alan Bennett and I claim my five Pounds!
      Actually, I was listening to Alan Bennett the other day, or was it week – he was talking about a cat, or maybe a Land Rover..

      • Was Thora Hird involved?

        She reminds MNC of that awful little man, Mark Drakeford.

        Evening Vern.

    • I’d have told you to “Fuck Off” afore ye’d even had a chance to open yer yap.

      Good Afternoon,RTC.

      • Evening Dick.

        The events as narrated above probably happened before your time. I remember Alquin had only just released their second LP, The Mountain Queen. That would place us in 1973. I had a cassette tape of the LP which I played occasionally on our Philips N2202 portable cassette recorder, wearing earphones of course, because the wife weren’t a fan and I didn’t want to upset Farmer Farmer’s cows and the like.

        Also seem to recall the IRA were being a bit uppity at the time, so it was nice to get out of town for a while. A bomb had recently gone off quite near where we lived, about 175 away as the crow flies, in actual fact. Under the circumstances we were fortunate to escape with our lives!

        Just out of interest, do you hire out your land to campers, and if so how much for? Do you do mates rates? Thanking you to keep a civil tongue in your head in advance.

      • There’s a whole book in there somewhere, RTC.
        Let me know when you have a publisher.

      • I have several publishers all competing for the honour, Jeezum. Will be sure to send you a review copy before the rest are pulped.

      • Evening General.

        I’ve got a copy of Biggles in the Jungle which is nearly as exciting, if you’re interested? Says on the back:

        “There are jungles and jungles, but the jungles of British Honduras are far deadlier than most. They creep with horrors – like the snake of such size that Biggles’ jaw dropped when he saw it.”

        “Biggles flies to Central America on the trail of the so-called King of the Forest, a man who is stirring up trouble among the Indians. The King of the Forest stirs up trouble for Biggles too – a lot. But Biggles, well he can hold his own!”

        This King of the Forest cunt sounds suspiciously like Lord Fiddler. I wonder if by chance they could be related? (This edition published by Armada in 1966)

        Only other book I can lend you right now is The Constant Nymph by Margaret Kennedy. (First published 1924, this edition published by Pan 1953)

        Interesting coincidence: my mother was born in 1924 and I was born in 1953! Whaddya think of that then?!

      • Got owt I can have?

        Not books though, I don’t trust em .

        Evening Ruff👍

      • Sorry General, I lost my collection of ‘New Cunts’ last time we moved house 20 years ago. Somewhere a removals man is wanking himself into next week…. MNC, I’m looking at you. 😠

    • If your comment is of a length that it requires me to scroll at all, it’s too long and I won’t read it.

  9. Boring fuckers tend to be of a type dont they?

    Trainspotters
    Plane spotters
    Model railway enthusiasts
    Vehicle hobbyists
    CB radio twats

    Passionate about a subject and introduce it into any conversation no matter what.

    “My condolences on the loss of your father, lovely flowers at the funeral!
    Those marigolds?
    Hornby did a 12mm gauge locomotive that exact colour…
    Blah blah fuckin blah

    • Don’t get me started on the advantages of a Mountfield petrol mower over a Flymo Mighti-Mo cordless battery mower, I could talk for 5 minutes straight and 3 minutes of that would be what cunt Greta Thunberg is.

    • Not to mention photographers.
      No matter how long yours is, theirs is always longer. And their missus always has a wider aperture and is faster. Or is that actually the camera? I really must try and focus harder next time.

      Oh and try to avoid getting trapped having a coffee with a couple of boring cycle or golfing cunts at all costs; always try to angle any conversation around to something far more interesting, such as Villa’s activity in the transfer market. I find this subject to be of particular interest to female friends, as an alternative to small talk about handbags.

    • Football bores. Who assume that because you are male you are obsessed with soccer. No, I’m not, it leaves me completely cold, and I’d far rather talk about motorcycles….

      I’m afraid one person’s bore is another person’s enthusiast.

    • Vegans…never forget fucking vegans. I’m aware that some people have apparently never met one but take my word for it…they are fucking appalling.

      • I met one once, and that was enough to last me a lifetime. They espouse their subject with a mania akin to the Nazis’ adoration of dear old Adolf.

      • DF@ – Evening DF – when you do meet a vegan tell them you shot and ate a cow for stealing their dinner – I imagine they will be most grateful!

      • Evening,Vern.

        The vegan I knew had all the zeal of a recent convert too…she was fucking unbearable.

      • I really don’t understand all this ‘eating beef is killing the planet’ stuff.
        If it’s damaging the environment having these cattle about, let’s just eat more meat then.
        Fucking vegans and veggies; they just don’t get it, do they?

      • You tell ’em ” Vegetarian???…fuck off! I can’t even enjoy a nice lamb chop unless I’ve punched the little wooly cunt to death!”

    • We’ve got a neighbour who, if he catches you unawares, can go on at you for hours. In fairness, I don’t think he is quite “right”. I have taken to wearing large obvious headphones , not connected to anything, when I go into the garden as he seems to be out there about 90% of the time. He collared me a few months ago as I had apparently had a discussion with him, God knows when, about paving slabs and he had just had some delivered so I had to go and look at them. It was excruciating. Also uses unfortunate phrases, for example when he’s a bit tired he says ” I’m a spent force today” so I end up getting pictures I don’t want. The other half calls him The Experiment.

  10. As a complete cunt, who ignores 99% of other cunts, I do not suffer bores😀👍

  11. Back in the day, used to slip out for a quiet beer or two. Along comes the bore………

    • Fucking hell, the Man in the Pub. The world’s greatest authority on every subject under the sun.

      • Oh yes, I remember him well, Ron.
        Thank Dog I decided drinking at home, watching Traffic Cops, was more enjoyable.
        Never stood his round and always had only 1 fag in his packet, the cunt.

      • Yep; he knew a bloke whose missus was the sister of a friend whose auntie worked at Buckingham Palace, who told him, no word of a lie, that Prince Phillip was a lizard.

      • I loved getting ‘facts’ from the man in the pub.

        It was a retro version of Google.

        “Well I never. I’d never have thought Adam Ant had it away with Lady Di while Keith Chegwin wanked himself off while watching.”

        “Really? Mike Tyson knocked out his first 30 professional opponents inside 30 seconds? I knew he was good but blimey! And he was a trained fighter pilot? You learn something new every day. The woman who played Dot Cotton won Miss United Kingdom when she was young? Wow!”

        Cunts checking the man in the pub’s facts ruined it all.

        “Muhhh that’s not what it says on Google.”

        Now they really are boring cunts. Bring back the man in the pub, I miss him.

      • It was the complete authority of a person sure of his facts that used to enthral me.
        He was still a tight cunt, though. Used to stand by the cig machine ( remember them?) saying mate, I’m 10p short in change, help me out, eh?
        Until he had enough for a packet of fags. Cunt.

  12. I can’t stand boring cunts that talk about nothing but themselves . Are not the least bit interested in what you have to say.

  13. Couldn’t be bothered reading the nomination, was too busy looking at my collection of 1970’s British Rail timetables, especially South West Midlands branch lines from June 73 to April 74, absolute corker that.

    • Cor😍

      Have you got the Evesham timetable for 1973, Autumn revision.
      Asking for a friend.

    • You sad cunts want to get a decent hobby, like me and the wife. Next week we’re going to a ‘Star Trek’ convention. I’m going as Data, she’s going as Jadzia Dax.
      Eat your hearts out, you sad bastards!

  14. My Sis, who I’ve mentioned before, visits me every Sunday morning.
    She then proceeds to tell me about every evening meal she’s had since last week.
    Not only that, but she lists the ingredients and how to prepare the dish.
    I’m considering having a custom mask made, that makes me look like I’m awake and listening, when I’m actually having a snooze. I’m sure I can program Alexa to say uh-hu and really from time to time.
    I feel awful, she’s my Sis and I love her, but by Dog, she’d win gold in the Boring Olympics.

    • Tell her about doing your washing JP; what kind of soap you use, go into great analytical detail about the virtues of a hot v. cold wash machine, variations on the spin cycle, and so forth.
      She MIGHT just take the hint.

      • Thank you, for today’s belly laugh, Ron.
        I’ll try it, I use a eco thingy that younger put me onto. Not because it’s better than anything else, it’s OK, but it’s delivered by the postie, so I don’t have to remember to add it to the shopping list and it gets the clothes clean. I get dishwasher tabs from them, also.

      • Blimey JP, keep going.
        I think I speak for all of us when I say that I sense a fascinating discourse emerging here…

      • Sorry, Ron.
        I don’t get out much.
        I’m not much of a conversationist.
        I’m awkward in public and company.
        I’m frightened, a lot of the time, and find staying home comforting.
        I’m scared in cars, but not on buses.
        I have problems.

      • Wow, sorry to hear that JP.
        Never mind; let me recommend a book to you that I’ve just finished.
        It’s called ‘Non Italian Popes; 1000 to 1978’. Take it from me, this is a real page-turner. You absolutely won’t want to put it down.
        It’ll help to pass the time if you don’t getout much.

      • Thank you, Ron.
        It sounds riveting, and I’ll be sure to send you my review, which will be detailed, after I’ve read it.

      • I also have a riveting read, by our much loved KP, when she was Jordan.
        Anyone catch her appearance, with Harvey, on GMB?

    • JP@ – “I don’t believe you – cook it and prove it – give me a call at the pub when it’s ready”!
      Worth a try..
      I had to hoof my nephew “Snowy the gaslight boy” from my home recently – as well as being a wokeflake Mummys boy prick he was also boring and thick – and that’s MY job! 😀
      Saved him a broken jaw.

  15. Question:

    You meet a wimminz who is stunning, has the most amazing body and is the BEST FUCK you have ever had-BUT is the most boring person in the world.
    Marry her or fuck her and move on🤔

  16. People talking about their Vegan lifestyle and the virtues of their humanist credentials generally bore one to tears, but if I bore anyone I really don’t give a fuck anyway, they’re only jealous of my art of being a wonderful raconteur!!!

    • Interesting Captain Q.
      When you say “raconteur”, are you thinking “epicure” or ” bon viveur”?

      I imagine you as both🤔

  17. Funnily enough, I was clearing out some old packing boxes-found loads of stuff that I had completed forgotten about.

    Pertinent to this thread, a badge which says:

    “I have listened to your tale of woe. I sympathise, really I do. Now FUCK OFF and let me enjoy my pint”

    😄👍

  18. Well written nom Miles.

    Creative use of obscurity, excellent syntax. Imaginative.

    I’d regard it as a piece of fine prose, as opposed to just merely a nomination.

    • Agree that Miles is like one of the great poets: Keats, Byron, Shelley, Pam Ayres👍

      Evening Miles👍

      • There are some fine wordsmiths amongst the cunters on this site.

        Spelling, grammar, and creative writing are very much in decline.
        A dying art one might say?

        The majority of cunters take pride in such matters, and that should be applauded.

        Am soooooo tyred!!!!! Am gonna get sum kipp on me Land of lether sitee bros,
        byeeeee! X

    • Miles: I DO enjoy your nominations-they usually garner lively debate👍

      I picture you as Jarvis Cocker, when he was in his full, laconic flow👍

  20. As much as I love all things IT I do get rather hacked off when I go out to the local boozer with a couple of friends and they start banging on about IT even though its supposed to be a nice social evening out!

    A couple of months ago they were getting into a rather tizz regarding the best USB type, bigging up USB standard 3.2 Type C dual lane gen 2×2 vs a USB 4 dual lane 3×2 …

    And if its not that its Apple Vs Android Vs Linux Vs Windows Vs Fuckoff!!

    2 hours and 40 quid’s of booze wasted on boring bollocks

    • Techno@ – It could be worse – they could have brought their dungeons and dragons game and insisted everyone played! (Don’t tell them I said that! 😀)
      I don’t mind fixing machines, can’t be doing with software.

      • Don’t talk about software!

        Two of those friends are programmers and SQL developers; and they bang on about sql commands and syntax errors, even to the point of tearing a beer mat open in order to write down some SQL code and the best way to structure it!

        Meanwhile I’m holding my pint glass watching the fucking BBC on the TV at the other end of the pub lounge wondering whether to top them with a broken bottle to the jugular, or top myself!

        Programmers/Developers need to get out more; and when they do get out more they need to find a bleedin’ life

  21. Boring cunts should be forced to wear a government health warning.
    A t-shirt saying

    DANGER!!! BORING BASTARD!!

    To give fascinating, riveting cunts like me a chance to avoid them .
    They should stick with their own.
    Know their place.
    The social pariah motherfuckers.

    I don’t want to associate myself with them!
    I’ll be tarred with the same brush.
    And im interesting as fuck.

    😍

  22. I have a polite way of telling you that I’ve heard this a thousand fucking times by saying, “Yes I remember you telling me that.” I hope they catch on after I say that for the 23rd time but alas they don’t.
    My Dad is The Bore. First time you meet him see seems ok but after that the reruns and zzzzzz.

  23. I used to say to Sis, did it happen twice then? You already told me!
    She used to look so hurt, like I’d punched her or sumat, I stopped.

      • Oh, MNC, my Sis, punch her?
        My kids would probably be in favour of that. They universally hate her, because she’s a patronising, supercilious bitch, who should have been drowned at birth, actually.
        There’s always one in every family.

      • Just a ‘dead arm’ maybe?
        Or a ‘ chinese burn”?
        Something that could be written off as sibling horseplay!!
        😁
        Ive a sister JP.
        Shes OCD about germs
        Always cleaning and washing her hands.
        I dont even believe in germs.
        Shes always ill
        Im never hardly ill .
        If germs are real best to get some down you.
        Good for you!
        👍

      • “she’s a patronising, supercilious bitch…”

        That’s MY sister you’re talking about. Are you my long-lost brother?

  24. I was once involved in organizing a presentation by the owner of a newspaper who was to speak at a business lunch for about 15 minutes.

    He turned up with 12 “assistants”, many of whom were knockout girls in tight short skirts, and a Powerpoint presentation with over 300 slides. I assumed the slides were for some other meeting but to my horror he began on slide 1 when he stood up to talk.

    The audience consisted of CEO types, all with busy schedules and short attention spans. The super bore droned on and on regardless of the fact that people were ignoring him, talking to each other then leaving in droves until all the tables were empty and his audience consisted of his “assistants”. I left after two hours and he was still rambling on like Steinbrenner in Seinfeld. Needless to say his company went bust shortly afterwards.

    • Well I’m bitterly disappointed Mr Polly, I was expecting at the very least some sort of girl on girl action among the knockout hot assistants to emerge from this comment, or for it to descend into some kind of hedonistic clusterfuck while the guy droned on.

      • ‘Powerpoint presentation with over 300 slides’

        That would be the same as I’ve suffered only with me it was closely-printed text on sheaves of paper.

        ‘She is not going to read all that’.
        ‘Wait…’
        ‘Oh no’,
        (That dreadful sinking feeling)
        ‘Yes, she is’.

  25. Boring customers are cunts too as some expect a little small talk which can be a bit of a minefield and frankly I’d rather just be getting on with my work with no distractions. Golden rule with pensioners don’t mention health problems, grandkids or COVID. Its like some wrinkly Venus fly trap armed with digestive biscuits and a cup of tea. More than a few times I have looked longingly at heavy spade propped up against the wall.

    • I have to say, LL, now I’m in my dotage, I rely on work people more and more.
      I let them in, show them where the work needs doing, point out the toilet facilities, say shout if you want the kettle on then fuck off and leave them to it.

      • LL@
        Ive a customer who’s a archer.
        Its all he talks about.
        Quite interesting for first few minutes.
        3hours in not so much .

        Problem is hes got a bad stutter.

        Its when hes really excited it gets worse.

        “Yyyour English bbbobow was normally made from aaaaaaash
        Or more cccommonly yyyyyyyyyyew.”

        The day just flies by….

      • Mis: if the cunt is in his late 40’s and called Martin, it may well be the cunt that I was “sat” next to at a friends 60th birthday shindig. Er indoors was NOT best pleased.

        It was a big, no expenses spared event at my friends country pile-marquee, marquee with dance floor, band, DJ. Loads of guests.
        And the fucker stuck me with a fucking archery anorak, who stuttered when he got excited. Probably a fucking sex case.

        To make matters worse, couldn’t even get pissed, as i was driving😢

        As I bid my friend farewell, I lent forward and whispered “You absolute cunt” in his ear.
        “I know”, he returned, with a wink.

      • Hehehe 😀
        No mate, not Martin,
        Hes late 60s.
        Hes not a bad bloke,
        Knows lots about WW2 and obviously the use of the bow in warfare.
        I stupidly mentioned I owned a compound bow and a crossbow.
        Worse thing I could of done.
        Set him off didnt it?;
        Yak yak yakety fuckin yak in my ear
        And im a captive!
        It was two full days work and he never shut the fuck up ,😫

      • You sound the perfect customer, JP. I don’t mind a bit of chitchat but some people, usually wimmin it has to be said, do go on.

      • @CG, that’s some friend you’ve got there.

        To return to the theme from the top of this nom, it’s reminscent of Father Ted’s account of how he was introduced to Father Stone.

        Another priest walked up to him, announced ‘this is Father Stone’ and disappeared.

        You are Father Ted CG.

      • Isn’t there some removal van industry trade magazine that you could bore him with on tread types or weight distribution, Miserable?

      • Probably LL
        Youd think after 45minutes of someone showing absolutely no interest in what your saying,
        Only non committal grunts in reply
        And openly weeping that hed twig I just want to finish the job and get paid wouldn’t you?

      • Evening Miserable.

        The ‘Shakespeare Bore’ I called him in my mind. Or rather he was a Shakespeare bore who tb8ough dear 6okd Shakey was the 17th Earl of Oxford.

        Some great big masdive Consluracy theory. Deep in intrugues of the 16th century.
        I did weary.

        A huge great black bag with all the research in.

        See he had no-one else to talk to about it in Barnsley.

        We would meet in the library. ‘Oh and another thing’ reaching down into into the bag for more research. His head sometime in it. A black hole.

      • Poor

        Evening Miserable.

        The ‘Shakespeare Bore’ I called him in my mind. Or rather he was a Shakespeare bore who thought dear old Shakey was the 17th Earl of Oxford.

        Some great big massive Conspiracy theory.

        Deep in intrugues of the 16th century.

        I did weary.

        A huge great black bag with all the research in.

        See he had no-one else to talk to about it in Barnsley.

        We would meet in the library. ‘Oh and another thing’ reaching down into the bag for more research. His head sometime in it. A black hole.

      • Evening Miles,

        What can you do?
        Just our crosses to bear aren’t they?
        Maybe theyre lonely?
        Maybe they struggle to form friendships and its their awkward attempt to bond?
        We’re to well raised to hurt their feelings.

        Hes your burden for life may as well face it,
        And youll have to probably say a few words at his tedious funeral.
        If so,
        Misquote Shakespeare!!😁👍

      • Better yet, quote Charles Dickens, but start with
        ” As Shakespeare would say, ‘Tis a far better thing’……

  26. Indeed Miles, it’s like feeding seagulls isn’t it? They get used to it, start to regard you as easy prey and you’re never free of them.

    • Sorry folks, not sure how this disembodied comment got duplicated down here, except to say my phone is still a cunt.

  27. Great nom Miles, have read every post as per usual, fancy a pint, i just got a new fishing reel and its top of the line but i won’t bore with that but it was for nothin on Missisippi.com. i will bring it with me just to see it like.
    Im only having the one mind, bit short after the reel

  28. Some years ago I did a British Standards (BSI) course. The cunt ‘training’ just reproduced every page of the tedious shit on Power Point.
    A highlight of my career.

  29. Must be a 1st class bore, as your nom alone bored me shitless…..
    I did lick my fingers and push them into a live power socket, to enable me to stay awake to the end of your nom…

  30. We’ve all got a neighbourhood bore like that, you dodge him all winter with “must dash so chilly” and then get stuck in summer for a good fucking hour to atone for your winter sins. My local bore has a lazy eye that can see round corners, that cunt manages to catch me trying to sneak round to my own back garden every time, I know more about his ulcerated bullock than his wife now and that he and his lazy eye almost wrote a book once, science fiction it was going to be, it was about this …….praying his manky bullock kills him

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