Jools Holland (6) and his Hootenanny

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Disclaimer: I did not watch this cuntfest through choice, unfortunately I was round a mate’s house who insisted on making me suffer it.

What a fucking pile of steaming dog shit. The Black Bullshitting Cunts have now hit rock bottom and I’m so pleased I cancelled the TV tax. It’s not even live for fucks sake, but pre-recorded.

In a case of ‘spot the white cunt’, they had some fucking slave dodger wearing some cunt of balaclava helmet left over from the Crimean War, a spaccy speccy Bleck bitch murdering Auld Lang Syne (if that was possible) and a various assortment of other sooties I never heard of.

On top of that, we had Vic Reeves (who used to be funny) “performing” ‘Dizzy’, and some fat cunt riddled with tattoos including his face the stupid cunt. At least he was white – I think.

The pièce de résistance was screechy fake jock Lulu wearing an enormous pair of sunglasses which at least covered most of her fucking ugly fizzog. I thought I hope to fuck she’s not going to trot out ‘Shout’ – which she did.

We also had that cunt Ed Sheeran (who’s not even a proper whitey) to ensure my piss remained at boiling point.

Interspersed with these ‘live’ acts, they decided to show us cunts from past shows which included Madness doing an embarrassingly shitty version of ‘House of Fun’ and the sweetheart of Isac, Lily Fucking Allen.

Oh, and just to keep the diversity level dangerously high, Craig Cunt David. Luckily my mate fell asleep which meant I could go to bed and have a crafty wank. However, I couldn’t get the thought of Lulu and her the stench of her rotten pilchard addled crusty custard cunt flaps out of my mind. Happy Fucking New Year.

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Nominated by: Cupid Stunt The First

87 thoughts on “Jools Holland (6) and his Hootenanny”

    • Well cunted that man!
      Haven’t watched this in five or six years. It was shite the last time that I did, and I’ve no reason to suppose that it’s any different now.
      It was always stale and flat to me, no atmosphere. Maybe something to do with the fact that it was filmed in August or thereabouts.
      And I’ve still no idea who the fuck Rowland Rivron is (or was)…

    • Oh, and I bought that superb live double album when it first came out Sam. It still graces my collection today.

    • …and utterly ironic that it was (obviously) broadcast in Black and White. How have these historic broadcasts escaped being cancelled? Some perpetually offended wanker has missed a trick there 🤪

    • Excellent wholesome family viewing Sam. Watch it as a kid with all the family. Should be returned to the screens pronto

  2. Superb cunting. I recommend it to the house.

    That unfunny cunt Vic Reeves is due one of his own, but that’s for another day.

  4. I’m sure Jools Holland’s voice gets sillier every time i hear the spastic Cunt.
    The usual suspects always appear on his shite show , and why oh why does he insist on playing boogie woogie whoever he performs with ?
    Ruby Murray again and that bloke with a body stocking around his neck.
    Couldn’t face watching it all.
    Did he have Lenny Henry’s ex Dar key socket Dawn French and Jennifer Saunders. Plus a plethora of untalented cunts ?

    • Ruby Turner, Fenton.

      Does that bitch do anything other than haul herself out of her casket to “perform” at this shitfest every fucking year???

      Do the BBfuckingC think that anyone is even remotely interested in watching this load of auld bollocks every NYE?

      Torch the fucking place.

      Cunts.

    • Because it’s his show Fenton, the soul-less fucker can boogie woogie over whoever he likes.

      He could boogie woogie with Metallica or Radiohead if he felt the urge, (and probably has).

      The cunt would even boogie woogie over Mozart if he was alive.

  5. Before everything went mental this caper used to be OK after a night in the pub.
    Some decent music and unusual guest appearances..I think,I was pissed.
    Now it’s a Dark Keys carnival and most of them are fucking useless.
    Haven’t watched it well over a decade.
    The BBC are such poisonous cunts (although that is stating the obvious).

    Oh and that Holland fellow has always been a very irritating little turd.

  6. It used to be good about 10 years ago but since then it’s decended into a pile of woke shit. Watched about 19 minutes of it this year and turned it off.

  7. A well deserved cunting for this tired old shit. It’s well past it’s sell by date, like the channel it’s aired on. Mind you, this shit pales into insignificance compared to the gay fest that passed as New Year’s Eve entertainment on BBC1. Not a straight person on it apart from Kylie, who seems to be the darling of the gays for some reason and isn’t averse to whoring out her arse for any cause when she’s got a new album out. ‘Presented’ by some odious iron called Ollie Alexander who would insist on singing all the fucking time. Even my good lady found it overly camp and switched over.

    • I used to love Squeeze.
      Thought they were a brilliant band!
      And I thank Mr Holland for that.

      But this show has gone right down the khazi.

      What bugs me about Jules Holland is his insistence on trying to duet with acts,
      Play some shitty boogie woogie piano 😫
      Is he on the spectrum or something?
      Think it was Noel Gallagher who refused to let him?
      Don’t blame him.

  8. I have it on impeccable authority that this is ecorded half way through the year. The authority being that a mate of mine is in the band.

    Don’t worry, I think it’s fucking shit as well….

  9. The only memorable thing this tired old cunt ever did was the singer for Squeeze and the pop video for “Cool for Cats”. But that was only because of those two birds, one of whom was a rather sexy Lesley Ash.

    • Holland wasn’t singer for Squeeze, that would be Glenn Tilbrook.

      Holland was the keyboardist, did an excellent job as it happens.

      That apart, I despise the narcissistic cunt without reservation. Caught 2 minutes of his Hootenanny about 15 years ago. Never again!

  10. Our class bully at school was called Julian. I’ve never watched this Hoot ya fanny shit on the grounds that anyone called Julian must be a cunt.

  12. The last time this shitshow was worth a wank was 2001 when Ronnie Wood and Slash were on doing Little Queenie (the Chuck Berry song, not actually…. you know what I mean) and some pissed-up old fart took his gear off and wandered across the stage stark bollock naked.
    https://youtu.be/6Zs1BnXtk_o

    • Although Tool Holland is the type of irritating little cunt who no doubt got regularly “bogflushed” at whatever posh school he attended, he is a bloody good boogie-woogie pianist.

      • My new years resolution for 2023 is to take a hammer to his fingers live on the Hootenanny.

      • Hahaha! That’ll be the best thing on BBC since John Noakes went arse over tit in elephant shit!

        Seriously though Mis, I love a bit of boogie woogie. Ahem….

  13. Completely off topic for which I apologise but I cannot contain myself. The bastards who threw Edward Colston’s statue in the dock have walked away scot free. Near to where I live is a statue of John Hampden in the market square in Aylesbury. Tomorrow with a couple of mates I am going down there to pull it off it’s plinth and then we will throw it in the canal. Obviously we will not be guilty of any offence.

    • I will give you a hand 👍

      Afterwards we can go on a BLM type “after hours” shopping spree in Oxford street, before glueing ourselves to the road outside Downing Street.

      I expect we will receive our Knighthoods in the next honours list😉

    • Top tip: weigh it in at the scrapyard on the way home and keep the money aside in case you do get fined.

      • Odin@ That’s exactly what I said to Ethel.
        This ridiculous verdict sets a dangerous precedent.
        Good evening.

  14. ‘Jools’ (Julian – gay name) Holland reminds me of the scary dw arf from Twin Peaks.

    His band was shite, so why is he seen a some kind of musical guru?

    Almost as bad and as awkward a host as Terry fucking Christian.

    Fuck him and his dark key only party.

  16. You never know, he might bite off more than he can chew.

    Next year, he might invite loads of ‘gangsta rappers’ to have some kind of ‘rap battle’.

    One sooty then feels dissed, after a rival rapper says he has more money and ‘beootches’ than him, and soon, little Julian’s studio becomes a bloodbath, as little Julian, the evil mid get, gets caught in the crossfire and gets a ‘cap in his ass’. Finally,he is stomped to death by the battling hoardes in front of his crying family.

    Hootenanny that, you ugly little cunt!

    • Evening CB, Hootenanny could be fucking awesome if all participants ate some granola with about 2g of high strength cannabutter in each piece and they all did a further 2g of mushrooms each…

      • If nothing else, it might open Jools Holland’s mind to playing something more imaginative than that tedious boogie-woogie shite.
        That prick’d play boogie-woogie if he was accompanying death metal.

      • Add some DMT, and we’d have a proper show Thomas.

        Would be like the Ozric Tentacles featuring a well and truly fucked up Fats Domino.

      • I like Fats Domino.
        Hes one of my favourite sooties.
        Hes alright 👍👍
        Salad dodger .

        That Ozric Tentacles I saw years back before they had a album playing in a woods not far from Stonehenge.
        I was fucked up at the time.
        Nowadays id throw a brick at them.

      • Before I met we indoors, she was propositioned by the Ozrics, at Glastonbury.
        We used to laugh about that-I bet she looks at me now, a miserable twat, hanging out on IsAC, bitching and moaning and probably thinks if might have been…..
        😂

      • I haven’t tried DMT, might attempt to grow appropriate plants that I can extract some from, although successfully growing the mushrooms was also one difficult son-of-a-bitch!

      • No need to grow the plants.

        It can be extracted from Mimosa Hostilis root bark, also sold as a dye, which is available from the NL. Very straight forward process.

        Much easier than cultivating mushrooms.

      • Nice, thanks for the info. The shroomies were more of a challenge really as I had several failures before success. A war of attrition with some fungi!

  17. Jools Holland and his anal Appeasenay. Black? Chippy racist? Can’t warble an octave or play a note? Come on in you useless fuckers, but keep racist whitey sidelined. BBC, say no more.
    I would use the corpse of this cunt to beat the “Coulston four” to fucking death.
    Democracy, law and justice are dead.
    Time for war.

    • Hopefully, 2022 will be the year that Crapita sends one of its goons round my house for non payment of the licence.
      It’s not often a chap is justified in telling someone to “fuck off and die” and slam the door in their face!
      Although I do find myself a little less antagonistic towards the beeb now that I’m not paying for the commie pædo protectors…

  18. If i was in the audience on his boring boogie woogie fest , i would leap out and slice his stubby little fingers off with an angle grinder then make Ruby Turner chew on his decapitated knuckles

    • I’d quite like to see Jools Holland playing his usual crap if he was accompanied by a Red Bull-powered Harvey Price with backing vocals by Daniella Westbrook attempting to sing through her ruined nose and coke-rotted jawbone, interspersed with her choking sobs as she realises the damage she’s done to her body with a quarter of million quid’s worth of charlie.

      • Then let Harvest moon let out 10 years of sexual frustration on her orifices👍

      • She’s probably been paying local prozzies to service Harvey’s möng-lust for a couple of years now, CG.
        Perhaps that’s where she was going during her latest drink/drug driving escapade after Harvey managed a moment of clarity, breaking free from a lifetime of abstruseness to inform his mother that if there wasn’t a flabby, middle-aged whore (who was doing acts of filth and depravity to pay her rent and keep a roof over her and her 3 multi-coloured kids’ heads) touching his winkle within half an hour, then he’d take out his lust on his mother’s own capacious fanny, being both father and brother to the resulting mutated offspring.

      • Having just re-read that, I realised that you were meaning for the Harvster to be let loose on Westbrook, whereas I’d automatically ascribed him toward mother/son incest!
        The though of Westbrook being pounded by Harvey makes my eyes wince; he’d pound her to fragments!
        The weight disparity alone…it’d be like the late John Candy porking a primordial dwárf

      • We had a kid at school played piano as bad as jools holland, plink plonk bang crash plinky plonk, every music class, dreadful it was, when he started banging his head against brick walls he got taken off to a Do Lally school wearing a scooter helmet…I can’t tolerate other ppls fucking mongs, Jools holland should have been an abortion

  19. Good nom, Mrs Fugly always insist in putting the utter fuck fest on, it was bollocks, Vick Reeves was the final straw, honestly I think I would enjoy stretching my sack out and carpet tacking it to the kitchen worktop.
    Yep that gormless svery moon Celest with the silly Micky mouse style fro and that guy in the Biggles helmet and all the other bollocks, they even dragged old footage of Lilly the mong.
    Jooles Holland looks bent as a nine pound note, its fair to say I will make damn sure we don’t have it on next new year’s eve…

    • My other half always insists on having this shite on but I put my foot down this year so he recorded it I think. I know I’m now not entitled to ask questions about it, but did they have that stupid cunt with the clock on his head dancing about doing jazz hands all over the place this year? Unbelievably fucking irritating.

  20. Every year someone called Stewart used to sing “Jimmy where’s your trewsers” on new years eve…sadly jimmy is now mohamed, wears a frock. lippy and a beard and has decreed music to be haram

  21. i used to like the show but it must be over 20years plus ago
    if i was shagged and staying home, id tune in , some great bands and sessions when began.
    it went all shite though, Jools started thinking what was best for us and thereafter became bollocks with some tuneless shite from Mali or Crackatoa educating us in what legends they are to the music world.fuck off Jullie
    i saw one show during this period pain when Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds were guests and I’m not a major fan of Cave but when combined with the BadSeeds ace and they blew the socks off the rest of the other mediocre shite with perfect rock sync
    the wokey fucking hangout audience hadn’t a clue what they just saw.
    Uncompromising ,unsympathetic rock at loud level and Cave just looking at Jullie like it was a child

  22. Holland has been overtaken by the times. 20 years ago there were decent musicians to have on. That’s all gone now, Rap, Sheeran and the bland rest. He should have left it to musical giants like Stormzy or Adele and packed it in.

  23. Kevin Maguire is a four eyed, commie woke cunt.
    Tie him to Jools’s piano and throw it off a cliff.
    Thank you.

  25. Cupid, I think tattoo face fat cunt is probably ratboy binman who is very popular with the youngsters. Today’s youth sure know how to rebel against the establishment, is it sam smith who’s the pathetic little prick with silly pronouns? Back in the day Fat Reg and Freddie Mercury would have fucked it to death. Then snorted charlie from his mangled anus. I miss the 80s and the innocent fun.

  26. Jools Holland: ex-Squeeze piano player who used to smoke cigars like it was from Alan Yentob’s bum when he was 21. He played piano in Up The Junction (1979) but left before Labelled With Love (1981).

    To be fair he’s a very good boogie woogie style piano player.
    Example: Two cunts both the same
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dxK6dTcaJTc

    There is a bit of racial bias in his show. There’s always a black fat woman dressed up like a tyre and an assortment of fruits, arseholes and twats.

    The New Year show 2021/2022 (probably recorded in August) didn’t even include “Enjoy Yourself, It’s Later Than You Think”. I wish someone would sing to him, “Go Fuck Yourself, It’s Later Than You Think”.

  27. That’s Entertainment , the Jam
    great song
    proper song of the times, probably their best.

  28. I’ve never liked the Dutch. Fucking cunts. Lasted for a week in World War 2 armed with tulips.

  29. I was an apprentice to a bloke called Julian, he caused a strike once over a nicked hacksaw, cost loads of lads money, Twat…

  30. I think he should stick his show up his Hootenanny. Apologies if anyone’s already done this gag.

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