I’d like to nominate mice….and my cat George.
George is a great mouser and i see him most days pulling one to bits on the lawn. He does love to eat fresh.
Well, the little fucker has brought one into the house and let the bastard thing loose in the kitchen.
For three weeks now I’ve been trying to catch this thing. It built a nest behind the dish washer out of chewed up rubber gloves, bin bags and dish cloths from the cupboard under the sink.
I cleared that up and set some traps but he mostly ignored these as he had a massive pile of cat biscuits stored under another cupboard.
I’ve pulled out the dishwasher, washing machine, taken all the kick boards off all the cupboards and the little bastard went up into the range cooker.
After jacking that up the little cunt is now up behind the built in under-counter freezer whilst the cat is asleep in a chair in the kitchen. He has even eaten food off the traps.
Last resort is all cat food is removed as soon as he stops eating and I have put down a human trap with food in it, like peanut butter and cat biscuits so I can trap him as he can avoid getting caught in the sping traps.
Once caught he will be let loose in the garden….in very close proximity to the cat.
Nominated by: Little Lord Fontlacunt
What a little bastard your cat is Lord F. We live in close proximity to some fields and the cat will regularly bring home juvenile rabbits throughout spring and summer, sometimes two a day if we catch her with one and get rid she will go back for another.
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Try and find the path the mouse takes to the source of food. You can buy traps that open up to an A4 size but they are REALLY sticky ( gorilla glue sticky ). Once the little bastards get stuck they are truly fucked! They come with a built in bait and are fairly inexpensive š
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Tommaaaaaaasss !!!!
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Cats are weird. Experts say that dogs can understand over 200 words, I don’t know about cats, but I bet if they could speak one of the words would be ‘ won’t’.
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Cat’s are like Frenchmen I reckon. They understand perfectly well but pretend not to. They’ve also mastered the gallic shrug, looking at you with disdain and turning around to point their asshole at you.
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Well you can be rest assured the Mouse wonāt die of covid or delta or Mandela or whatever.
Do what Baldrick did in Blackadder
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https://youtu.be/0K8lrVjT6fM
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Had a very similar experience ourselves a while back, with Fatfuck our cat (now deceased, how sad) bringing one of the little fuckers in one morning.
Luckily Madame la Guillotine did her business overnight, and the little cunt was spreadeagled when I went to look next morning.
Naturally after causing all the trouble, Fatfuck spent the rest of the day on the window sill, sleeping, scratching himself and sniffing his arse, the fat, idle cunt.
Good luck mate, it’s him or you!
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Name the mouse Stuart and treat him as a son.
Worked on some film I saw.
Failing that get your cat some competition so he ups his game.
Pythons are great mousers!
Get a 7ft python and let it loose.
Mouse free.
You can also use pythons as draft excluders and novelty scarves!
Just imagine how cool you’ll look?
Like Dr Who!
Or Alice Cooper!
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Did you see Fatfuck actually catch the mouse Ron, or did he find some other cats kill and pass it off as his own work?
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Didn’t see him catch it LL, but I opened the back door and the cunt came in doing that ‘creeping’ run that they do, and with that mad look on his face.
I knew straight off what he’d done, and my yell of ‘oi you!’ must have unnerved him, cos he dropped his prey, which stood like a rabbit the headlights for a second or two, before shooting off like greased lightning.
The missus was a nervous wreck until I got the little bastard on the trap (nb a bit of a ‘KitKat’ draws them like moths to a flame).
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For a moment there Ron I thought fatfuck met madam guillotine, hence being now deceased.
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My little Angel likes to scratch, he has two scratch poles and three cardboard scratchersā¦. But he still scratches the bloody carpetā¦
They are twats for sure š
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I disagree, they just like to demonstrate who is in charge. And it aināt you so get used to it.
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I like cats. I have a cat. He’s called Dexter, because he’s got a serial killer vibe going on.
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We have a black one called Gaz.
He lives on his nerves,
The dog never accepted it and chases it at every chance.
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Dexter outweighs my dog by 3 kilos, Dexter is a Bengal. Doesn’t stop my little dog having a go, if he thinks Dex is overstepping the mark, though.
Dex just waits until he get close enough and then boxes his ears.
Mind, he boxes mine if I’m not fast enough with the Sheba in the morning.
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I have a love hate relationships with my cat.
I love my dog with all my heart.
Cats are smarter than people believe. Theyāre sneaky. They act stupid on purpose, – to fool the human. They are very smart creatures.
My black tomcat āNig*gerā, knows tens of words on command. And lots of sounds and their meanings.
My greyhound knows about 10 words max.
Nig*ger kills everything in sight though, and that annoys me. Goldfinches, long tailed tits, and blackbirds to name a few āniceā birds.
Iām not bothered the about pigeons, rats, mice or pheasants he kills.
Never once has he brought any member of the Corvid family home. Theyāre far too smart and observant.
If I see Nig*ger with a songbird in his mouth I squeeze his neck gently and he drops the bird.
Then it usually flaps around the kitchen and dies.
The look of disappointment when I confiscate the bird off him is priceless. Cunt is what his face is saying to me.
Cats…..funny fucking things, that Iām not sure about. Shifty and sly. Never underestimate their intelligence.
Dogs…..Consistent companions, what you see is what you get.
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Evening Dickš
I agree.
Im a dog lover.
Like cats too, but more for my dog.
I know my missus is safe with the dog about,
I know nobody is going to walk in my backgarden.
Well, not going to get back out anyway.
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Eveninā Mis.
I wouldnāt be without my dog.
It wouldnāt bite anyone though.
Would probably invite intruders in for tea.
I like the shiftyness of cats.
The kings of sly.
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Aren’t they just!
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Cats are the type who cheat at cards.
Who would jump in alone in a lifeboat so it could stretch out an put its feet up.š
I like em.
And they love me!
Maybe I faintly smell of tuna or catnip?
But cats seem to really like me.
But I’ve always loved dogs.
Growing up I always had 2 German shepherds,
Now I’ve got a Akita.
Not into those little goggle eyed skinny fucker dogs though!
Like gremlins.
What the fucks up with them?
Pointless.
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Well, MNC, when you’re elderly and somewhat doddery, a small dog is ideal. It can’t pull you off your fucking feet, for a start, because you are stronger. It doesn’t want a walk if it’s snowed, because it doesn’t want its todger frozen, it doesn’t like wind or heavy rain.
I chuck the little wimp out, he goes and shits and pees under the table in the gazebo.
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Fair play JP,
Meant those weird looking little shaking cunts that posh birds have,
Carry em in handbags.
Like little epileptic rats.
I like a Jack Russell and some other small breeds .
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Ugg! Bram ain’t huge, but he’s not a rat dog. He is a cunt, however.
Dexter, the cat, is an assassin.
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Lap dogs.
Canāt imagine them dragging down a reindeer
But chihuahuas can can be ferocious little buggers
Protect grandma from Daveās mate patting it.
Make a hell of a racket at the window so good as a doorbell
Ignored by cats.
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You guessed, Three, Brams a chu, 4 9 kilos of fury.
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“Cunt is what his face is saying to me.”
Honestly, get the impression that’s what every cat is thinking anytime you look them in the face.
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I think I could agree. If not cunt, certainly mug.
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What do they say? Dogs have masters, cats have servants.
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I can confirm that the mouse is now deceased.
After chewing through the cable to the dishwasher, eating food off the traps and even poison, he then settled up behind an under counter freezer.
I lit 30 incense sticks and smoked the fucker out.
I was armed with an air pistol; Lady Fontlacunt was armed with Henry the hoover.
The little cunt made a run for it and after darting under the Welsh dresser, he the became the victim of Henry.
George the lazy bastard just watched us.
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It was probably a source of amusement and entertainment to the bastard.
Henry 1 Jerry 0.
Result.
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Great picture Admin.
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I hate domestic cats.
Evil, devious, pointless, using little bastard creatures.
Along with humans and magpies – they could do with culling.
Neighbour has one and on occasion it is stupid enough to venture into my garden.
My dog hates them more than I do so probably only a matter of time.
Stick a bell on the thing or better still keep the thing indoors altogether.
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I agree, Herman. My cat never goes out. I wouldn’t endanger the outdoor wildlife. None of my cats, current or previous, have been allowed to roam.
I live on a very busy road and would want to be responsible for an accident because some poor bugger has tried to avoid running over my cat.
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Dont mean blacks do you?
š
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Heaven forbid!
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So, the cat has had a week and hasn’t caught the illegal immigrant rodent trafficked into your home by the cat?
Is your cat the Home Office?
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One thing I tried a long time ago was a plug in anti-mouse sound emitter- it makes a ‘sound’ and sends them off, allegedly, but cats and dogs can’t hear it and neither can you.
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ps I heard it means the cat loves you if it brings prey back, no idea why.
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Well, next doors cat must have adored me! Presents daily, those little tinfoil dishes that fruit pies used to be sold in, a Yorkshire pudding one time, but mainly the lower half of a recently evicerated mouse or vole. Lovely!
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It wants to help with the bills
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Did the salesman demonstrate mice cowering in the corner from it at the flick of a switch?
Are you sure you weren’t conned into buying a used Glade air-freshener?
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In Ancient Egypt, Cats were worshipped as Gods. Bastet took the form of a cat… And the Cats have never, ever, forgotten.
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I went to Egypt, some time ago, when it was sort of safe, well, accompanied by armed security all the time, but it was great, and cats were revered, like demi gods.
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Which is ironic because most Egyptians are bumboys and dont touch pussy.
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archie the typing cockroach had a fried cat the cat was or thought she was cleopatra reincarnated itās true I read the book
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Her name was mehitabel she was too aloof to ever do something as catch and peel her own meals
https://comics.ha.com/itm/original-comic-art/covers/george-herriman-archy-and-mehitabel-dust-jacket-book-cover-illustration-original-art-doubleday-1930-/a/7204-93071.s
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As a lifelong outdoorsman & Hunter, I have nothing but respect for felines: they are natureās perfect hunter š
I love pussy too. Obviously š§
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I agree CG. If there was some major natural disaster that posed an existential threat to humans, over a large region, eg an earthquake or hurricane causing large scale power outages for an extended period.
While most people, starting with the human snowflakes, would be struggling to cope and expiring, the cats will be just fine. They’d have a ready supply of human corpses to feast on before they need to waste time hunting
Unlike digs, you never see a pathetic looking cat do you?
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My folks had a rescue balck & white Tomcat, who was a prodigious hunter.
He would regularly line up 10 plus mice outside the back door, as a āpresentā.
Rabbits, doves, pigeons, magpieās, songbirds…
His most astounding feat-a fight with a young fox. Result: dead fox. Seriously š³
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Believe you. That’s why my Bengal doesn’t go out.
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My Tervuren just sits there and watches the little fuckers raid his food bowl on the patio and then comes to tell me the the little fuckers are raiding his food bowl.
A few well aimed shots with the Weirauch 97K and crosshead pellets relocates Jerry and his mates all over my postcode…instantaneously.
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The little fucker let another one loose in the living room last night.
Not messing about this time and stuck a few cat biscuits just inside the nosel of Henry. After a couple of failed attempts the mouse went far enough in and I turned on the hoover. Henry 2 Jerry 0.
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