A Challenging Wank

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Recently on this esteemed site, a certain Mr Cunt Engine admitted to (and I quote) ‘knocking one out to a picture of Diane Abbott (wearing mis-matched shoes)’. One can only conclude that the gentleman concerned either has a shoe fetish, or was considerably under the influence at the time. (Or both – NA)

Now for a while, I’ve been toying with the idea of putting up a nomination entitled ‘a challenging wank’, but wasn’t sure if it would meet the criteria for a cunting. Anyway, Admin. have given their blessing, and inspired by Mr Engine’s onanistic excesses, I’ll proceed.

Okay; so what to my way of thinking actually constitutes a ‘challenging wank?’. Well, I think we could reach a fair degree of consensus as to what constitutes ‘an unchallenging wank’; a five knuckle shuffle to lascivious thoughts of a Salma Hayek soapy tit job for example;

https://www.thesun.co.uk/tvandshowbiz/13600616/salma-hayek-54-purple-bikini-celebrates-2020/

Ergo, a ‘challenging wank’ is the opposite; an attempt at self-fulfilment while lost in perverse thoughts of someone considerably plain or unattractive. The challenge is completed if the proverbial ‘happy ending’ is achieved.

As I’m actually putting this nom. up, I’d better kick it off. In moments of perversity, usually alcohol-induced, I’ve done the biz to Joan Rivers, Celene Dion, Barbra Streisand, Kathy Griffin and (heaven help me) Emma Thompson. Each one a bit of a challenge in her way.

However I couldn’t get a rise with the assistance of a lorry-load of Viagra from the likes of Yoko ‘the Wail’ Ono, Angela ‘The Fuhrer’ Merkel, silicon skank Madonna, Emily Thornberry or the queen herself, Flabbott the Hutt. Now these really do constitute ‘a challenging wank’!.

Need I say more? Cry havoc, and let slip the dogs of IsAC!

Nominated by: Ron Knee

165 thoughts on “A Challenging Wank”

  1. Morning Ron.
    Now, thats a hard one ( nudge, nudge, wink, wink), but Naga Munchbunch immediately springs to mind, closely followed by Demi Lovato.

  2. I choose celibacy over trying to starch the sheets whilst thinking of Thornberry flatbott or the German Munster.

    I’ll pinch this idea from Tom Sharpe.
    A challenging Wank would be trying to ejaculate by toss. Whilst being encouraged to do so by a group of beautiful sexy dirty talking women, but with an electric sheet with many 1000s of amps passing through it just an couple of inches from you dick.
    That would be a challenge

    • I remember reading how some wildlife park had extracted sperm from an uninterested silverback through the agency of an electrical charge delivered by some kinda anal intruding device.

      This news may be of interest to exponents of extreme challenging wanks

      • A chum of mine who visits this website, but is a bit windy about posting, showed it to me last night. He had 2 of them and that was by far the milder of the pair.👴 Mrs. Wanksock would be a bit frosty if she found it on my phone so I wouldn’t let him send it to me.

      • The fact that you can watch this on you tube but videos that go against the vakzine agenda are banned just show how fucked up this world is. Ooops here comes my sausage sarnie again.

  5. Teresa May.

    Only the thought of her starkers in just her kitten heels running through a field of wheat would do the job.

    Good nom Ron, I have already had my breakfast thank fuck.

    • Morning LL, if I may just embelish that image…May’s drooping, saggy tits windmilling around her bony chest, her grey, lifeless-looking fanny lips open to the wind but dryer than the Gobi desert, having never known the pleasure of sex or the fulfilment of giving birth and just as she runs past you in her leopard-print stilettos, standing there, holding your understandably wilting erection, you catch sight of her arse cheeks, looking like miserable, flapping teatowels atop her withered, bony legs.

    • Guaranteed limp biscuit for Theresa May. Like trying to push wet noodles down the drain.

  6. I have two ideas for a challenging Barclays:

    Jerking off over AnalEase Dodds, having just removed her bloomers, seeing the skidmarks and stains, and smelling both them AND her in all her crusty decreptitude the B.O being overpowering, and that little voice screetching “take me, big boy” and catching the whiff iof her halitosis and bad teeth.

    OR in the event of a win by Starmers Charmers and we all have to convert to sodomy, the favourite pastime of Labourites, especially his oiliest loyalists like Wes Streeting Peter Kyle and Ben Bradshaw the thought of Peter “Mandy” Mandelson bent over Kweers desk, offering me a tube of lubricant and stretching his cheeks – revealing the smell of lavender and Preperation H – even more terrifying than risk catching Lloyd Russell-Moyles HIV which he so “proudly” announced in the Commons a couple of years ago, and has been dining off since

  7. Just imagine Angie Vicky Pollard Rayner dropping her dunghampers that all pervading wafting aroma of rancid piss and stained gussets that would be a challenge,

  8. My mother.

    It’s not that she wasn’t an incredibly fit broad when I was 13, there was a psychological block I just couldn’t manage to get past.

      • Dat oirish fella, Arleen Foster.
        Bleughh😖
        I definitely couldn’t cum on Arleen.
        Id be shreiking for help while she groped me,
        And covered me in stubble rash.

        Id probably do a tearful interview on Oprah where I relived the trauma while counting my fee…

      • Morning Miserable. You might well think that; I couldn’t possibly comment. 😉

  9. That disgusting thing in the phone box, has put me off my breakfast, lunch, and dinner, until next bastard week.
    What the fuck is up with some people?

    • It’s just amazing that it was wiping its gigantic arse (using KFC napkins).
      Judging by the smell of your common-or-garden 9ollıwo9, personal hygiene isn’t high on their list of priorities, the damn dirty apes.

      • Well it’s a tip she got off of Dawn Butler and the Abbopotomus, when they found they couldn’t claim for bog roll on expenses.

    • Rose west was easy but id stuggle with say Mo Mowlan.
      Shed have to pop a finger up my arse and call me filthy names.

      • I wonder if Schofield’s missus ever got suspicious with him only ever wanting to bum her whilst calling her ‘Bruce’.
        I’m still waiting for him to be outed as a n0nće.

  12. We’ve not heard from Cuntstable as yet; he’s probably still in the bathroom on his third using Wanksock’s offering as stimulation.

    • I suspect he Is making a list of all the names on here and doing a Google search for them for some “scientific research”

      In the words of captain Oates, he maybe some time!

  13. Nicola Sturgeon, even in cruchless knickers and fishnets would be a challenge.

  14. Yvette Cooper – a turnip atop an ironing board with a 1950’s flowery curtain draped over her curmudgeonly cadaver.
    Must have been a traumatising day all round when fat Ed, her rampantly heterosexual husband had to do his duty and mount it (whilst secretly whistling “oh Jeremy Corbyn”)..

    • Talking of turnip heads, Greta Thunderbox is impossible.
      But luscious Penny would be a surefire horn-inducer in that yellow oilskin…

  15. The big,fat,dirty black bitch.
    This is what those fifty shot firework boxes were made for.
    Chuck one in and block the door.
    The disgusting cunt.

  16. I’d love both Jess Phillips and Sugartits Cooper to be gang banged in Broadmoor by a gang of sex maniacs convicted of acts of gross depravity with animals. Old Reg managed to get hold of a small amount of engine oil from the prison workshop (or Swarfega) and that will have to do for lube, after you have got the cobwebs out of Jess’s pissflaps – I bet “Mr. Phillips hasn’t visited there since about 1971. As a finale Sugartits doing a reverse cowgirl before both are DP’d. The screams of disgust would be as loud as the day Dominic Grieve did a massive whoopsie in the House of Commons bogs , couldn’t flush it away and Mandy had to use it immediately afterwards.

  17. Quote – “I’ve done the biz to Joan Rivers, Celene Dion, Barbra Streisand, Kathy Griffin and (heaven help me) Emma Thompson”

    What, all this morning before brekkie!? Bloody hell I wish I had your kind of stamina 👍

    • Now that she’s turned 18 Greta thunderballs would be a challenge. I wouldn’t be able to tell if she about to have an orgasm or a spazzy fit. Plus she no doubt moan about her future and that I wasn’t doing it right and killing the planet

  19. Dawn Butler is a difficult, obstreperous, fat, challenging wank.

    She’s also a cunt.

  20. Purely theoretical, obvs, but as Mr Thomas the CE once pointed out to me on here – Pasolini’s Salo (129 days of Sodom) would be a tough ask.

    Others would include The Queen Mother, Jesus’ Mum, Yasmin Alihhai-Brown and unheated tinned ravioli.

    • Morning TTCUtS…other challenging wanks in movie form:
      “Grotesque”…Jap horror
      “Murder Set Pieces”
      “A Serbian Film”…this one is amazing. Just when you think it can’t get sicker, it gets orders of magnitude sicker!

  21. I wonder if there’s a parallel universe somewhere that has an ISAC for wimminz.
    One of them posting a ‘challenging frig’ nomination.
    The likes of Bojo, Gove, Linekunt etc.

    • I reckon that’s a given, Infidel!

      I know a couple of women who, respectively, have admitted to me that they strum themselves over Jimmy Nail and (wait for it!) Gordon Brown!

      If anyone’s interested in exploring the exotic, and some might say bizarre world of bean-flicking fantasies, Nancy Friday’s book ‘My Secret Garden’ is a good read.

    • i’ve known young, attractive women who have found both Jeremy Clarkson and Arsene Wenger ‘sexy’.

      • Clarkson I can (kind of) get. Some birds do go for that Jack-the-Lad, bit of patter type.
        And during Hitler’s heyday, women used to swoon in his presence. Looks daft when today, you see films of what the cunt looked like. He also farted for The Fatherland as well, which must have been a right turn on.

  22. Shamima Begum – after 3 years, burka clad and without a bath or shower, out in the middle eastern desert.

    That is a difficult wank although the pungent aroma of her box and the sight of those tin opener teeth didn’t seem to put the jihadi’s off giving her one.

    Good Morning

  23. No such thing. A Sherman is a Sherman regardless of inspiration. Knee is just showing off, the cunt.

    I am surprised we havent had that Ipswich/Antipodean cunt on here knocking one out over Dame Edna.

  24. Jesus Christ, what a way to start the day. My mind is now cluttered with highly disturbing images that will linger all day.

    Admins are sadistic with their scheduling of noms like this.

    • Who the fuck do they think they are eh, RTC?
      Arrogant darkıe cunts.
      Without the white man they’d still be throwing poorly-constructed spears at each other.
      And shitting in phone boxes on the streets of Mogadishu.
      Fuck the insolent savages.

      • I doubt the BLM organisers will be boycotting white shops.

        They’d find that too inconvenient.

        But their dumb lefty woke white supporters probably will.

  26. Anyone who could knock one out over Miriam Margoyles deserves a knighthood.
    Or sectioning.
    Think I’ll skip breakfast…

  27. Ann Widdecombe sitting on my face whilst farting like a heifer.
    Struggled for 3 hours but managed to get there in the end.

  28. Not for me sounds far too much hard work and mucking about… I’ll quite happily stick with Kendra Lust, Bridgette B, Rebecca More, Paige Turnah, Brandi Love etc etc and the list goes on… If you know, you know 😉

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