Worst Cold Ever – Shock Horror!

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Here we fucking go again.
Put a lid on it for the love of Dog.
You just cannot stop, can you, media.
You are like carrion crows picking eyeballs out of corpses.
You’re like Harpies, pecking living organs out of people, you don’t care who gets upset, panicked, distraught as long as you get the shot.
I had a choice, I’d burn most of you as witches and wizards, after doing the medieval version of waterboarding first.
Want to record a tragedy, I’ll hold the camera.

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Nominated by: Jeezum Priest

59 thoughts on “Worst Cold Ever – Shock Horror!”

  2. When are they going to tell us about the shortage of underpants due to people believing everything in the media and constantly shitting themselves?

    • It’s mental how in 2021 after decades of nonsense and lies in the media, that people STILL BELIEVE THE MEDIA. They are like abused wives that keep going back to the psychotic alkie husband

      The media is the problem. Destroy it by laughing at the big names in media. Create your own media. Bingo!

  3. It comes as England’s deputy chief medical officer Professor Jonathan Van-Tam warned that influenza is a “significant public health concern” this winter – because our natural immunity has been lowered by two years of lockdowns, social distancing, increased hand-washing and mask-wearing……….. Maybe us non brainwashed sain people who didn’t get jabbed will be fine

    • Influenza and pneumonia have been on an unexpectedly long vacation but are due back anytime allegedly.

    • I have literally just recovered from a nasty fucking bout of something. It was a real shitter. But you know what I’m ok, I’m still alive. A couple of lem sips, some ibuprofen a few days in bed and I’m still here. No need to put millions of cunts on furlough, lockdown the nation or stir up so much shit you have fuckwits walking around their own homes with a bit of cloth over their face.

      The media are pure cunts

      • True that! What makes more sense, pump money into NHS so the cunts keep doing their fucking jobs or ‘protect’ the NHS and shut the whole fucking country down?

  4. Goosefat.
    Slather goosefat fat on your chest to avoid cold an flu.
    Old wives cure that.
    Not worth a wank medically speaking,
    But no one will come near you stinking of goose fat.

    Dr Miserable

      • I used to love Victory V lozenges back in the ’60s. That was before they ruined them by removing chloroform and ether from the ingredients.

      • I used to hate getting a cold when I was a kid. My gran would smother my chest and nostrils with Vic vapour rub. It was a disgusting feeling and had an effect on me like mustard gas.
        Fucking horrible stuff; bet it was outlawed when we joined the EU.

      • Ron@
        Ive used Vicks today.
        Had a job for social services,
        Head the ball recluse.
        The fuckin smell was rancid!
        Smothered my nostrils in vicks and wore a mask.
        Still made me gag.
        Disinfected the back of the van 3 times,
        Showered, shampooed my beard, washed all my clothes-still smell it!
        The mad cunt had been shitting and spewing in carrier bags.
        Didnt even go the chippy for my dinner 🤢

      • Good call, MNC. I do the same, and, I’d advise a smear of it on your mask where your nostrils go. Can’t even smell a hoarder that had been on the floor for two fucking days! Shame Vics can’t get rid of the fleas and maggots, though!

      • I deal with loads of hoarders as I assume you do DCI?
        More common than people think eh?
        This was the worst one in regards to stench.
        Jesus it was bad☹️

      • Certainly are. Mental health problem, usually. But not always. You have my sympathy. Very unpleasant. Worst one was the fucker that just shat where-ever he was. Fuck me, you needed an NBC suit for that cunt. Or the fucker that died in his flat, in a heatwave, with all the windows shut and was undiscovered for a week and had decomposed into the mattress. Fuck me, no wonder I have trouble sleeping!

      • I am hooked on Brittney Nowalsky…
        As an aside to RTC, Louis Vierne, who was a brilliant composer, and organist of Notre-Dame Paris, used to take ether as a “stimulant.”
        He died at his organ (!) : given that he was a 60-a-day man, I am surprised that with the ether he didn’t go up like the fucking Hindenburg.

  5. I am surprised most of the brainwashed cunts move fast enough to catch a cold.

  6. Best way to avoid colds, chest infections, sore throats etc is to breathe through the nose and never through the mouth.

  7. The horror of catching covid and flu at the same time… no need for DCI’s wagon, the 8 minute response time won’t cut it 😂

    The number of people who have colds and say it’s flu, bullshit.

    • The thing that worries me most, Ron, is that there will be no pigs-in-blankets this Christmas. Fact.

      • My freezer is stuffed with pork products, so there WILL be pigs in blankets chez Priest this festive season, although if the alarmists currently calling for masks and WFH
        to be reintroduced have their way, I may have to scoff the lot myself.
        That’ll be a right hardship!

  10. I’m considering homeopathy in future because I’m pretty sure that my doctor is wrong more often than he is right and more than once I’ve told him that I disagree.
    At my most recent appointment he told me that his diagnosis is……..that I’m suffering from depression.
    Well I’m not fucking happy about that….

    • When I was a child I had a singing teacher and he was born with one lung smoked like a chimney until 60 drank every single day and had constant chest problems.He didn’t see a Doctor for the last 30 years of his life as he told him he should be dead by now.Anyway he lived to 86.

      • As a kid, there used to be a bloke about 5 or so miles into deepest Surrey, who had a brass plate on his gatepost that read “Teacher of Singing.”
        I always imagined him to be a James Robertson-Justice type, who was probably very worried that people might think he was, perhaps, a chemistry teacher who sang whilst working…
        He must’ve been loaded: his driveway was so long couldn’t even see the house.

    • These GP wankers are always reading off the NHS choices website. I could be a GP too all i need is a reliable internet connection.

  11. All it is at the moment is endless fear-mongering on every issue. Need to stick my noggin in the ground for six months.

  12. Oh FFS … so the sniveling cunts morph into sniffling cunts. Not a lot of difference cos in the first instance they whine and constantly spew shit from every orifice … in the second instance they turn into a cascade of uncontrolled snot and phlegm and excrete shit from every orifice. In both instances they seek reassurance, strokes and sympathy.
    Well I assure them that they’re cunts! They requiring stroking with a baseball bat and the sympathy bit? … well that comes somewhere between shit and syphilis in my dictionary. Cunts!

  13. Haven’t had so much as a sniffle the past 2 years.

    Unsurprising given I’m not a fat tub of lard, don’t partake in the Abbott diet, and exercise more than once a year.

    Half this country are rotten piles of useless garbage. You reap what you sow.

  14. I had a nasty cold recently might be what they were referring too.Had two weeks mainly feeling shit and some days in bed.Big deal.

    • I had an irritating cough Sunday morning that by midday turned into a full on, headaching snot fest. Monday was worse, but by Tuesday was much improved and now completely over it.
      Can I recommend Brocho Stop syrup and lozenges. They wear steel toecap boots and kick the fuck out of any colds.

      • Broncho Stop lozenges taste like shite though.

        Tastes like you have tipped the contents of an entire herb rack into your mouth.

        Victory V’s were the dog’s bollocks years ago, until they were fucked about with in the 70’s.

        I used to crunch though packets of them, I was addicted to the chloroform and ether!

        They used to do some other Victory V’s in the form of a brown gum.

        They used to send you to sleep eventually!

  15. I just hope more people have seen through MSM sensationalism after their designed fuel shortage and completely made up food shortage.

    • The one that had people rushing out to fill cars, cans, bin bags, cat litter trays et al, fucking cunts, the lot of them!
      There wasn’t a fuel crisis until the media created one by their idiotic speculation.

      • That’s the one! Fucking unbelievable wasn’t it? They had a go at food – didn’t pan out as they hoped.

      • That’s because every idiot in creation already had two years worth of toilet paper and tinned/ frozen food.
        Enjoy!
        You cunts.

    • MSM found a supermarket that was having a ‘spring clean’ of one aisle and photographed it.
      MSM found a couple of BP stations hadn’t got their delivery on time and reported it.
      On both reports the word ‘no need to panic buy’ were in neon lights, question, why?
      The government should just say ‘Everybody Panic’ and no one would take a blind bit of notice and carry on as usual 😂

  16. Also, I think I may have cunted this subject twice, Admins. Please be kind and bin the other one, grovel, grovel.

  17. Tell attractive female acquaintances that a lack of Vitamin B6 leads to weaker immune systems .

    Go on to point out that HumNan semen is a hood source of Vitamin B6.

    You know where I’m going with this😀👍

    All true too!
    🤔

  18. I’ve got this ostensibly cata-fucking-clysmic cold at the moment.
    It’s a piece of piss. It is of course due to Brexit though….

  19. No need to panic.

    One sniff of Diane Abbots knickers and your cold, however bad, will be instantly cured.

    One generous lick of the soiled gusset and you will be immune from every ailment known to man.

    She is selling a few pairs on Ebay if anyone is interested. £2 each or three for a fiver.

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