A Which? Special, to whom I’d like to couple the Dame Esther Rantzen Do-Gooders Award, to “financial expert, star of radio-and-T.V, self promoting, crashing old bore Martin Lewis:
At a blast from the marshal’s whistle, Farting Martin will turn up, all guns blazing gung-ho while he earnestly advises us to “switch suppliers” (and much fucking good it will do), like old Cissie on the bus, he will sit next to his pal Ada, look through her shopping and tell her she could have got it “much cheaper if she had shopped around”, the problem is, poor old Ada finds it hard to toddle off to the local shops, and hasn’t got a computer.
Martin fucking Lewis is the worst sort of know-it-all, smoother than Blair’s best pair of silk knickers there he was on Wireless 4 the other day, as soon as the energy crisis was mentioned, spreading doom and despondency, just like the curate talking about death.
The show was You and Yours, and a lot of their listeners always want something, if not for nothing, then VERY cheap. He advertised his great knowledge and then predicted the end of the world (well for “Y and Y” listeners who feel there has been an economic disaster if they drop 5p down the lavatory). You get a flavour if you read the piece above.
Lewis might not be able to do anything about it, but he has numerous radio and TV gigs to preach the gospel according to St.. Martin, including his own TV series.
Self-promoting, self-righteous, self important – a total cunt.
Nominated by: W. C. Boggs
(A smug cunt indeed, but he did recently advise people to take weekly snapshots of their energy provider account in terms of bills and credits just in case the provider tanked and you had to prove to the next provider how much credit you had – Day Admin)
Looks like a cunt.
Talks like a cunt.
Smirks like a cunt.
Probably a cunt.
10
Amen brother; He indeed be a cunt š
6
Iād fuck the arse off his Mrs. The lovely Lara Lewington.
0
But did give a sensible bit of advice, so I’m not going to cunt him yet.
5
He’d be alright if it weren’t for the irritating way he presents himself and his programmes.
Fortunately I’m financially savvy enough not to require his advice, apart from the occasional visit to his website which can be informative.
12
Willie has kindly stockpiled old copies of ‘Fungi Fancier UK’ for me to scrunch up and shove in my clothing for the winter at Creampuff Manor, Ruff. The man is the best of us.
10
I’d shag his missus, horse teeth or not – she has a cracking arse š
7
A little irritating, yes, but a cunt? Not sure on this one.
At least he does give a fuck about helping the “little people” out there to try avoid being dry bumfucked by some of these greedy corporate cunts.
15
Funnily enough, as he gets older, he looks more and more like Phil Spencer.
ā¦..or have I just been wanking too much and fucked up my eyesight?
5
Yes, a very unflattering photo, indeed.
4
Can’t write him off completely because at least he’s trying to help people save a few quid but he does come across like he’s in some kind of urgent mess so I tend to avoid him. Can see why he’s irritating but on the Megladon & Harry scale, he’s sub minus.
9
Who is he?
A meter reader or something?
Don’t know the cunt.
Knocks on here, I’ll give him a paki name,
Mustapha shiite.
3
Incidentally, and loosely connected, has anyone seen the news reports that certain people on certain benefits are going to get, to quote our oh so truthful media, a ” Christmas bonus” payment of… Wait for it!… Ā£10!
Ta Dah!
Fuck me sideways!
4
I don’t mind his website primarily because I don’t have to hear/watch him.
But he does give out some excellent advice on money-saving, especially the example Day Admin gave above.
He might be a smug cunt, but there are far worse out there, the majority of which don’t give a shit about the Little People.
7
I don’t think I’ve ever seen or heard him but I agree that his website and the weekly emails I get can be very informative. Not a cunting I can get behind.
6
He can be irritating, but I donāt think I would elect him to the coveted status of an ISAC Certified and Approved Cunt ( ISACCAC).
He gives tips on money saving to people who have to scrimp and save and seems to genuinely want to help them from being ripped of by greedy companies. More power to him.
He has however made a fortune from giving this advice. The last thing he needs to do now is walk an extra three miles to save 12p on a jar of NescafƩ
8
No point switching energy providers because they are all on the default capped tariff, there isnāt a better deal in town.
Unless you think the prices will continue to rise then a fixed even at a slightly higher tariff may be right for you.
Martin Lewis, money saving expert and slightly smug cunt.
6
Martin Lewis has a superpower though. Itās called āstating the bleeding obviousā!
Patronising, narcissistic cuntš
8
He’s on TV?
And not a goat herder nor dark key?
Can’t be all bad then.
12
His sidekick is a darkish young woman, had to be really š
5
If he was a towelhead or a Sootie he would be called ‘Fiddling Every Benefit Going Expert.
7
Heās joosh (bet Miles hates him already), which means obviously a āmoney expertā, reminds me of an estate agent, the cunt!!!
11
Ah!!!
A super jew!!
5
Miles is a bright lad-why the anti-semetism?
Genuine question.
Weāre you molested by Bernie Winters & Schnorbitz, as a wee lad?š
9
Your all wrong, he is Dick Fiddlers creative accountant.
10
@CF
Alan Dershowitz -‘Antisemitism is a disease of the soul’ which maybe it is.
4
Miles:
No Jew ever turned a concert hall of pre-teen girls into jigsaw pieces, in the name of their religion.
In my twenties, I had a fling with a little Jewish milf divorcee-Notting Hill girl
She was an Olympian level fuck.
Fill yer bootsšš
12
Everyone is fair game, CG, including God’s chosen. Behave.
4
Extremely off topic, but related to a recent nom, my GP has apparently found an unused blood bank bottle, so I’m getting tested tomorrow.
I’m already crapping myself, I have needle phobia.
5
āDonāt worry-you will feel a bit of a prick!ā
āSo whatās new?ā
Ā©ļø The Young Ones 1983
š
11
Thank you, CG, I will think of that tomorrow, when I’m lying on the fainting bed. I fucking hate them, I have to be given Valium at the dentist, and I can’t even see the needle going in. I’m not proud of it, it makes me look a bit poofy.
6
Not at all Jeezum.
Ducky types like being injected with pricks!
No, it makes you appear frigid if anything!
š
*(Good luck tomorrow š)
8
Best not to mention you’re a trypanophobite, Jeezum.
Wokies and thick policemen have been known to confuse trypanophobia with transphobia – you could be done for Hate Crime! š³
No shame in being trypanophobic, imo.
https://www.healthline.com/health/trypanophobia
4
MNC & RTC, thank you. It helps to know I’m not alone.
I mean it. Thanks, mates.
4
Iām undecided on Mr Lewis. Heās clearly smug and up his own arse, but most tv types are arenāt they? But among the litany of celeb āexpertsā he does appear as one of the few who actually know what theyāre on about. Iāve shouted at him on the telly about switching, because for me it doesnāt make any fucking difference. But itās like calling the weather man a cunt because itās gonna rain on Saturday.
Makes me feel a lot better though.
3
I’ve been a bit short of cash recently so I’ve got myself a job at a local factory where they make chess pieces.
My first shift is on Monday, I’m on knights….
21
Get your coat, you’re sacked.
8
Talking of money, the dreaded tories are getting a pasting on the Beeb for making the biggest cut to welfare ever. Of course they arenāt, they are just removing the 80 quid a month increase they had to help out during the pandemic. I could have done with an 80 quid a month booster during that time too, but as work, even the relatively low wage Iām on, Iām not eligible. The cunt across the road was though, and thanks to his free car, his free house, council tax, etc, he spends his wisely, on pints of peroni at five quid a pop in the pub a few doors down. Every day in the summer, Iād come home from a shit day in work and this cunt would be sitting in the beer garden with some other bums enjoying the sun and the beer.
As some Tory said to Evan Popeye on radio four earlier, āI donāt remember you calling us great for giving it to them when we first didā
Of course they didnāt. The cunts.
9
Boils my puss too-every town has such a group of workshy benefit-grifters.
I used to see one such group enjoying a fry up outside the local cafe, most days-and sitting in the beer garden, mist afternoons.
Cuntsš
4
I notice the BBC “News” website have “fact checked” Boris’ speech yesterday – they didn’t accord that honour to Starmer’s ramblings last week, what with that and their soft approach to last weeks Labour conference, I reckon, Tim Davie or no, they still have the old vote Labour posters up in Portland Place,
THe government always made it clear the extra Ā£20 a week was a temporary measure, but apparently the BBC have forgotten that. They need to fat check themselves.
0
Don’t know the cunt, but there’s been a lot of bytes expended lately on whether or not he endorses a selection of crypto scams:
https://www.economywatch.com/bitcoin-robot/martin-lewis-bitcoin
I doubt it, but in case anyone is tempted to visit any of the ripoff sites listed, remember there is no such thing as a free lunch, and quite a lot of money crossing their thresholds is never seen again.
3
I think it’s quite clear he wouldn’t go for investment in Bitcoin.
Anyone who’s thinking of it, remember the “Emporers new clothes”
What you can see and handle exists. What you cannot is pie in the sky.
5
https://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/money/martin-lewis-cold-fury-after-24426483
“The Money Saving Expert, 49, who has been presenting GMB this week, issued High Court proceedings against Facebook for defamation in 2018 after 1,000 scam ads abusing his name or image appeared on their website in a single year.
Martin settled the lawsuit after Facebook agreed to donate Ā£3million to an anti-scam charity. The social media site has also since launched a new scam ads reporting button.”
3
Good on him, Facefuck deserves a good shafting & he didn’t line his own pockets. Top bloke, IMO.
2
Do you lot have any money scrimping tips? With NI going up, dividend tax going up and basically everything going up we need a bit of scrimping. Here’s some of mine…
-Wear 2 pairs of thermal tops and leggings under your clothes this winter- you’ll sweat like you’re in Barbados and will be sticking it to the energy cunts.
-Turn off the lights. Use those dirt cheap tealights out of the pound shop.
-Turn off the TV and read a book by said candles or get a wind up radio.
-Buy an old diesel car for Ā£500 and run it on chip fat. What fuel crisis?
-Rent your entire place out for a weekend on AirBnB whilst you stay at your mates house or visit family, kerching. You could even put the heating on with the proceeds.
-Make your own soup and bread, buy cheap cuts of meat like beef cheek. Go to the supermarket and buy stuff knocked down to 10p. Go to Asian supermarkets for bags of spices.
-Buy furniture second hand. Make a few quid by doing it up and reselling. Sell anything you don’t want.
– Use old fashioned stuff for cleaning like borax and soda crystals.
-People re-use tea bags, can you re-use coffee grinds? The cunts give it away for free.
7
Fuck me, C. If you’re that short I’ll sent you my Christmas bonus.
7
I have offered Starmers Charmers a money saving tip – on the lavatory roll dispensers at the Lesbian Labour Ladies Sports & Social Club, you will see a sign “please use both sides of the paper”. Blair and his missus has been doing that for years.
1
Avoid buying costly deodorants by becoming a Muslim.
18
Evening Lord F.
Just been watching Hack Hargreaves āOld Countryā-did he ever get onto your vast land holdings, with his cameraman?
5
Brilliant Dick.
Please send that one to Viz ‘Top Tips’!
5
Buy two carpet tiles and strap them to your bare feet…hey presto,the feeling of luxury shagpile wherever you walk in your uncarpeted house
9
Evening,General
Evening,Ron
Television makers can Fuck Off…I var nigh shat myself that time I saw a load of Police cars gathering at my road end…the Hounds and I thought that we were about to be invaded…I had to hide vehicles,put certain items safely in their cabinet,shift someone’s exotic plants and then hide out in the Craggs until I could see what was going on…turned out to be filming that fucking old Cunt, “Vera”
6
Ha ha!
Wisely done!
Imagine if some wag at the BBC decides to produce an LGBTQ+ BAME survival type show in Rural Northumberlandš
They could call it āChasing Dickā-just the thing to show nursery school age impressionable totsš¢
7
You are, if not E. Scrooge, then at least, Christmas Carolš
I claim my Ā£5 Christmas club voucher, which I will ask Admin(s) to use to purchase you something from Abdulās world of spicy candlesš
4
Was it the re-using coffee grinds bit you didn’t like? What’s wrong with beef cheeks? Better than fillet steak; Hannibal agrees.
Stone and wood floors more my thing than a carpeted house but stuffing some free off cuts from Carpet Right into your shoes might be a good idea to keep your feet toasty this winter.
3
Ive some Cuntologist.
Rather than fritter money on expensive beach holidays simply stick another bar on the fire and stick sandpaper to your feet,
Hey Presto!
Like being in Barbados.
Also
If you eat fancy muesli like Alpen, simply clean out a rabbit hutch for a cheap alternative.
I regularly save money by raiding bird tables for breakfast,
And using wallpaper samples for toilet roll.
If you use a bit of creativity you can save quite considerably on monthly expenses.
6
Cuntologist@
Maybe start cutting your own hair?
A car wing mirror and a sharp pocket knife and hello!!
Toni & Guy!!
And crayons make a cheap alternative to makeup.
4
Talking of sand paper, the other half uses a Dremel for a bit of DIY chiropody about once a year. All hard skin gone in no time and no costly trip to the salon.
3
Sound ideas, Cuntologist, and as inflation continues to bite others will agree with us. Want to stay warm? Layers. Sadly, don’t have a car license, and diesel bikes are crap, but if things get worse I’ll chop in the Tracer for a Honda CB125F and swallow my pride for around 150 mpg.
5
Quite right Komodo. Bills and taxes are going up so save where you can. I’d rather sit warm and toasty wearing my clothes over thermals with Carpet Right off cuts down my slippers than pay EDF more than they deserve.
3
Send, not sent, fucking phone, invaded by bots.
2
I came up with a fantastic money saving tip when the neighbours were on holiday.
Up in the loft, the dividing wall doesn’t run the full length, there’s a small gap, but not small enough to prevent me getting through.
Whilst they were sunning themselves in some faraway paradise, I ran a cable from their leccy, into our loft and connected a socket. I concealed the cable under the boarding and popped the insulation back on the top.
Perfect.
It’s very reassuring, in this time of booming energy prices.
It also saves loads of time and hassle, looking for the best energy deal.
We haven’t switched for years.
Get To Fuck.
10
Sharp thinking Jack.
Maybe next time their away,
Make use of their generosity by showering, cooking meals, and using their washing machine?
Its nice to have good neighbours.
Have they got skytv and Netflix?
Treat yourself!!
4
Well, I didn’t like to say, but ……..
Also, unbeknown to them, they live in a Bitcoin mine.
It’s a good job interest rates are low, they’ve had to remortgage the house.
Hope it doesn’t get repossessed.
I’d be ruined.
Evening, MNC.
3
My money saving tip?
Stop worry about rising petrol prices by always putting Ā£20 worth in when you go to the petrol station.
6
He is a renowned 100%
1
Remoaner
1
He is a cunt but a helpful one.
Helped me claim back money from my bank
Get a good mortgage
Get good car insurance
Previously get cheap energy (cunts!!)
And the odd fiver here and there.
But of course that all pales into insignificance compared to his multi-program/gig salaries.
I’m just envious.
Cunt.
3
Iām unable to benefit from his advice because the cunt talks so fast.
0