Life? Don’t talk to me about Life!

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Life is a cunt.

It is imposed on you and you have no say in that.
Popped out into the world – Here you go, sort this lot out.
No handbook, no map, no reverse gear.
If there is a god that started all this, He’s a cunt.
On the bright side, one day you’ll be dead.
You won’t even be aware of the fact that you no longer exist.
Doesn’t sound too scary.

Nominated by: Cuntry House in Kent

95 thoughts on “Life? Don’t talk to me about Life!”

    • Magic mushrooms are the bees knees!

      Used judiciously.

      Found a fantastic crop of Hypaloma Cyanescens in the local park in the early 1980s – what a revelation! Opened up so many previously unsuspected spiritual dimensions.

      Literally changed my life (for the better).

      • As I’ve said before, I’ve taken them to Amsterdam zoo with blue giraffe tongues poking out everywhere. These things were far too strong for a first-timer, for about four days I just wanted to wither away. Never again. Horrible things. Like all drugs, but at least they are natural. Unlike cocaine.

    • For the busy cunt on the go try NN-DMT and within 20 minutes you’ll be completely sober again but with an entirely new perspective on reality.

      Fucking outrageously beautiful experience, visually and experientially. As McKenna said, it’s incredible that something so incredible is essentially a secret. DMT is a neurotransmitter like serotonin, actively transported into the brain, and found throughout nature.. but no one knows why it’s there.

  4. Life is what happens when you’re looking the other way.
    I think John Lennon said that, I hope so.
    He was a sarky cunt, but I liked him, being a sarky cunt myself.
    Evening all, wine’s on the go, tea is in the oven and very fucking unappetising it looks, too.

    • Or life is what happens while you’re waiting to die. Thankfully we don’t live forever. The very thought is horrendous.

    • That was awful, even though I put industrial quantities of Hendos on it, won’t be buying that tray of shite again, I can tell you.

    • The actual quote was:

      “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.”

      ​​The quote, often attributed to Lennon, was actually first used in a 1957 issue of Reader’s Digest by a man named Allen Saunders.

      Lennon was 17 at the time, so may have remembered it from then.

      • Thanks, RTC. I’m very old, & glad I got at least 30% of the words in the correct order.
        It’s amazing I have a brain cell left, considering how much I drink.

      • Allen Saunders later lost his mind and claimed he was, “bigger than Jesus,” and has been in hiding ever since.

  5. What pisses me off about life is why fame and fortune seems to come to cunts of the highest order? Robbie Williams, George Clooney, Lily Allen, Tony Blair etc.

    • Because they are ruthless. They don’t care about people other than themselves. They don’t serve, they listen and then take everything for themselves and don’t give back. With the exception of Robbie Williams. I think he is alright.

    • Because they are ruthless. They don’t care about people other than themselves. They don’t serve, they listen and then take everything for themselves and don’t give back. With the exception of Robbie Williams. I think he is alright.

      • Robbie Williams=Take That’s fat dancer. Noel Gallagher was right about that.
        Fucked his songwriter Guy Chambers off and has done fuck all of note, since.

      • Well, he is a lot richer than me and you that’s all I can say. Self deprivation might be a good thing sometimes, to comedians but the daily bread on working mans table ain’t going to but it. But sometimes you just do what your God given talents give you. That’s diversity not a bunch of racist murdering cunts squblling over a deal deal and then claim all white people are racists. Once again their is onviously money in racism, the downfall is no one knows what the fucking hell they are on about.

      • Guy Chambers was a good writer. He was in a pop band called the Lemon Trees in the early 90s, and they made one album.
        He started writing for the ex-Take That fat fruit Williams and the lard arsed mincer’s career took off.

        Needless to say, Williams has done fuck all since Chambers fucked off.

      • Like him or not, Gary Barlow was the only talented member of that band-a decent musician and songwriter.
        Not a fan of his music but can respect his talent.
        Williams tide in on his shirt tails and spent years being bitter in that knowledge.

      • Robbie Williams is not alright.

        A relative of mine saw him perform at the height of his fame at Knebworth, where he repeatedly called Barlow and the rest of the group losers.

  6. Sorry, I ain’t buying all this “life is a cunt and then you die” bullshit. Us normal people have a fight on our hands in case you hadn’t noticed. All this gloomy fuckery is exactly what the enemy want. Before you know it they’ll have labelled you as a mental elf problem, pumped you full of drugs and turned you into a happy clappy Little Wokie.
    Not this cunt my friends……not this fucking cunt.
    I have recently decided that I believe in ghosts. Yeah, I know it’s bollocks but i’m hoping that after I snuff it I can come back and scare the living shit out of some bastards. Quite a lot of bastards actually. You’ve gotta have hope ain’t ya? Miles knows what i’m talking about.
    Anyway i’m off for cod and chips with mushy peas and a fucking skinfull. Cheer up you miserable wankers.

    • Oh dear!
      This might not be the party you expected, but why not dance to the music while you’re here?

  9. In my teaching career I used to tell sixth formers ‘ Life’s a bitch ,then you die’.

    • When I was a hell of a lot younger, I was in horrendous debt. I vowed that, if I ever got my head above water again, I’d never owe anyone a round coin.
      Fast forward, debt free, owns a mortgage free house, savings in the bank, decent income ( thanks to very generous private pensions) but I lost both parents and my partner to get here. Life’s OK, but not if there’s no joy.

  10. 🎶
    In the midst of life we are in death, etc
    Etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., etc
    Etc., etc., etc., etc…
    In the midst of life we are in debt, etc… 🎶

    (The Smiths – Sweet and Tender Hooligan)

  11. Life’s a struggle
    I don’t mean , by your means ,as in your financial or inheritance or your silver spoon.
    You can be poor financially but have a wholesome experience through out life so you don’t have to have wealth to have a good life
    I think the physiological impact of existence itself, gets to all the cunts that inhabit this world at some point .

    It’s just a pity that powerful forces of Zionist proportions make the lovely place unbearable at times, cunts one and all.
    Fucking mad house the whole lot and that’s why I personally choose to see things by myself as I’ve nobody else to blame
    I’m a bit tipsy , so fuck it up if you want

  13. If covid had been as advertised by the ‘experts’, we could have had the same world with so many less people.
    More space for everyone..
    Cheaper houses.
    Less cunts
    Alas, it was a con….

  14. In the words of Winston Churchill, I just keep on buggering on. The nearer I get to The Reaper, the more wonderful existence appears.

    In the words of some Zen monk or other, when an idiot asked him to do a miracle, “I exist. That is my miracle.”

    • What a great man. He dealt with the cards stuck on the table he sorted it.

  15. To paraphrase Dr Leonard ‘Bones’ McCoy, ‘It’s life Jim…..but not as we like it.’

  16. At 56, I’m just glad I’m old enough to remember the world before it all went to bollocks.

    I never thought I’d say this but in many ways but the eternal void of death is really quite appealing.

    • The way things are heading it’s a bloody sight better than the alternative….

    • The world has been going to bollocks since 1945 GtW, you just never notice until it’s too late

  17. Death ! It should be treated the same as Birth.
    You’re born with joy and tears and you should die in the same manner

    We have to appear as , it’s a sad loss, she was much more better, he didn’t deserve this ending
    Life is what we have , the only reference to our existence and that should be enough
    I don’t need a headstone to commemorate my existence, please fuck off with platitude
    We are not that special, we are just the same as the garden grass , it needs to be mowed.

    • The laughs when they turn St. James’ Park into an open air mosque🤣. I wonder what hardcore lifelong Magpies thinks of this lot?

      • The Toon Army think they will attract every player in the world-thing is, NUFC does not have the history of Utd, Milan, Juve, Real or Barcelona.
        At least PSG has Paris as an attraction.

        Having said that, I would rather see the Toon winning trophies than City or Chelski.
        🤔

    • My 1st and only thought when I saw her on the news was “My God, you’re ugly.”
      FLK, indeed.

    • What the fucks been going on?!!!
      Go out for a nice meal with the family get back and ISACS all mopey, full of fuckin goths whining about how cruel life is?!!
      FUCK THAT.
      Lifes fuckin great!!!

      Shagging, laughing, crying, singing, fighting, playing, drinking, screaming, dancing,
      Its magic.
      And sitting feeling sorry for yourself?
      Id slap you fuckin crosseyed.
      Pull yourself together,
      Wash your face
      Shoulders back
      And you soldier on.
      We are English not some mardarse crybaby french poofters!
      Get the music turned up to 11,
      Get the ale flowing
      And dance like the fuckin devil is chasing you.
      Lifes great
      Youll miss it when its gone…
      🇬🇧🇬🇧

      • Exactly, get the ‘baby batter’ around, apparently were running out of fish and chips. Hope you are running a joint.

      • You haven’t actually read all the posts, have you MNC, because if you had, you’d see some are quite positive.

      • I’m being a sarcastic, you don’t understand my humour obviously. I love dry humour.

      • You might have to ‘splain that, as I’m very old and not down with the kidz anymore.
        Do it in words of 2 syllables, or less, so my ancient mind can understand and clearly grasp what you’re saying, innit!

      • Pardon, do you see me as an issue? I’ve never ranted at MNC. What’s the problem saying I’ve not read his posts? Course I’ve read his fucking posts they’re hilarious.

      • Pardon, do you see me as an issue? I’ve never ranted at MNC. What’s the problem saying I’ve not read his posts? Course I’ve read his fucking posts they’re hilarious.

        Don’t start playing younger people as though they’re all thugs.

      • Admin! Did I at any point say ctcm had not read N
        MNC s posts.
        Wtf is this poster talking about?

      • Jayeus slap up meal and a night out,your back early MNC,
        The world was on the brink , glad you turned up🤕🤕

      • Evening Mecuntry!
        Night out was last Saturday and I enjoyed myself plenty!!!
        Today we took my old dad for a meal in the Derbyshire dales.
        My dad is in remission with bone marrow cancer,
        And was told he had 5years to live 8yrs ago.
        But hes tough as they come.
        Proved them wrong!
        Not a man to just curl up and accept defeat .
        You dont just give up, lifes precious.
        You cling on with your fingernails and refuse to go!!!

      • Evening Jeezum.
        I did thank you.
        Its all about family isnt it?
        Whats most important.👍

      • They don’t make Dahs like that to often MNC
        Hope he beats the pessimists for years to come

        Good on ye all

      • Evening chaps!
        Life’s full of heart aching beauty.
        And lots to look forward too,
        Why shortly a big gyppo Is fighting a big monkey and it’ll glorious.
        Come on Tyson Lad!!

        As for the grim reaper?
        When he comes for me I’ll spit in his fuckin face an say

        ” Whats yer problem posh spice you anorexic twat?
        Ill come when im ready!
        Dont threaten me with a farm implement, you fuckin dinner dodging goth cunt!”

      • Glad you’ve surfaced at this point Mis! Your attitude to life puts me in mind of Dylan Thomas and Teddy Roosevelt. Very good evening to you!

      • Evening Arfurbrain!
        Hope your well this fine evening?
        Im not one of lifes mopers,
        Dunno about Teddy and Dylan but I enjoy things, take pleasure in things where and when I can.
        Simple pleasures!!
        Im grateful for being alive 😀

      • I’m very well thanks Mis, thanks for asking. Also glad to be alive and I’m sure I’m not the only one on here whose days are often brightened by your posts. Cheers! Keep it up! Oh, and good luck and best wishes to your father.

      • I’m trying my best to be noticed as a potential script writer for the BBC , Jeezum
        My love for MNC on the other hand is a private matter that is not up for discussion and gay away from the truth

      • I’ll respect your need for privacy.
        I’m obliging, like that.
        Wish you both the best.

  21. Sorry MNC , I’m pissed and hope you don’t take offense for mentioning your good name. P
    I shall say no more
    And return to work on Monday morning and be jacked tired from the events of the week at this time of the year

    • Fortunately, I don’t have to return to work Monday, or any other day of the week.
      He hehe!

  22. Jeezum ,
    as far as the reference ,you implied about been a bit gay
    I think you should know that when I was referring to
    “ as long as you’re around” it was A metaphor and nothing to do with MNC even though I love him , from a distance
    It was a statement of fact that when one exists, they are-around and present in this time .

  23. I dug myself a hole and jumped in, said the last rites and waited to go to Heaven.

    Two hours later an angel of the Lord appeared and apologised for being late. I apologised for being still alive, but he said it was alright – he would kill me on the way to Heaven.

    Now that’s what I call a true friend.

    © RTC 1976

      • Life, we are so smart, we know all and everything but only up to this point in time.(present)
        We the masses will always be late for the show that the cunts stage

        In 20 or 30 years time , will you be as smart?
        We are fucking only passengers in this play
        Nothing you can think of, that hasn’t been thought of before

        Have a nice life cunts
        Ignore them as best you can

  25. Life’s a joss stick, it stinks and then it’s over.
    Don’t forget to buy a poppy for those that had their life cut short or damaged by their experiences so that we can live.

    • Yah ,still pissed and getting more so infidel
      “Hello I love you
      won’t you tell me your name”

      Fuck, I must be going a bit ,they,
      I’m identifying myself as a unmarried ,they,
      I hope that clears everything up on my application form

      Oh fuck , I’m on the wrong site 🤫🤫

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