Amazon Fire TV

Posted on by

Just spent a few days in God’s own country (Yorkshire not the USA) and have been subjected to a JVC TV infected with the monumental piece of horse shit that is Fire TV.

Now I spent many a year in the IT industry before I retired and consider myself pretty savvy when it comes to using tech, but this this has driven me around the twist.

For some unspeakable reason, JVC decided that the best way to control a TV was to force you to use Alexa, a useless bitch that I wouldn’t let anywhere near my abode, but when you’re renting then you take what you’re given.

On the face of it, when presented with a nice shiny new 42″ TV all seems good. Then you try to switch it on. Whether this happens immediately seems hit and miss. When it eventually loads, you get the home screen, which is a default to Amazon streaming. You want TV? Press “Live TV”. Sometimes it works.

You want a program guide. Why would you want that when you can use Alexa? Could it be because Alexa is a thick pig useless piece of crap? Search for a program you want to watch? Defaults to Amazon Prime.

Took a load of stuff with you that you want to watch on a USB stick? Tough shit. It has 2 USB slots but these only work if you format the stick as external storage. So basically it prevents you watching anything other than streaming services. Which basically means you’re forced to watch advertisements because you can’t fast forward through them.

Subtitles seem to switch on and off with a life of their own. Here’s a tip – to switch off subtitles, pause the program, rewind a couple of seconds and press play. Subtitles disappear.

I could go on and on, but the main message is that just when you thought that TV couldn’t get any worse, it just did. The words ‘screen and’ brick’ come to mind. This fucker is giving me a nervous breakdown.

If this is the future of TV then we really are fucked.

Nominated by: Dioclese

 

58 thoughts on “Amazon Fire TV”

  2. I stopped watching about three weeks back, when Freeview died in Cardiff, though oddly I get loud and clear reception of the Polychromatic Portillo as he pootles around on trains. Maybe it’s trying to tell me I should buy a loud jacket and bright pink cords?

  3. Being forced to watch adverts is reason enough to deposit a brick through the TV screen no matter how state of the art it is.

  4. Got one of the last Panasonic plasmas on sale as they were banned by the EU
    Still have it and love it
    Plug any device you want and effortless synchronized performance icluding my own video player from the past
    Gorgeous screen colour even the blacks are superior to LED screens
    Much more natural movement when watching sport for example and very easy on the eye strain which LED is not

  5. Bog standard TV is fine, as far as I’m concerned. There’s always something worth watching, when all else bores I watch Food Network, there’s always some daft twat trying to convince viewers that they’re a Cordon Bleu chef, although the Hairy Bikers are OK, they cook steak and kidney pudding, etc.
    Other than that, I read a book, the real paper kind, not a fucking e-reader.

  6. From time to time I sign up for a free Amazon Prime trial and then cancel it immediately. Never fails to annoy me that episodes of tv series, that are actually quite old, are priced at £3 or £5 a pop. Who is buying at those daft prices? I get the trial to see if there’s a film that I might like – always the optimist me – but always disappointed.

    Btw, can you just unplug the fire stick thing, turn off the Alexa contraption and use the JVC with a normal remote?

  7. I have a jail broken Fire Stick. Fooking great – lots of films buckshee. Lovely fucking jubbly.

  8. Get on YouTube and see if it can be doctored to get rid of that mithering shit.
    Otherwise get a Sony..very decent with no such mess inside it’s guts.

  9. I won my TV in a raffle, best £5 I have ever spent. I’m hanging on to it until one of us dies.

  11. Buy a TV whereby you can download and install apps such as a Samsung.
    Go to apps and search IPTV. Look for any of nanomid/siptv/smarters/setiptv etc and install. There are many, some free others about a fiver for lifetime subscription.
    Then once you’ve done that get an m3u line for a year (30/40quid)
    That’s it. Everything you want. You maybe blocked for a while if footie is on but not often.
    m3u lines are available everywhere

    • Dioclese@
      I get the feeling that like me you and technology are incompatible?
      Mobile phones that walked into a door
      Satnavs that fell on the stairs
      As time passes im slipping farther behind technologically.
      As some are stepping on the holo-deck
      Im screeching and throwing bones at the black Monolith.
      Im more for the Luddite life
      Ive found myself envying the Amish.
      Im not suited to it.
      The worlds using calculators
      Im still using the abicus.

      • I’m the same Mis, recently I’ve been forced to use that thing with the little squares within a square to sign into work and for the state to track my visits to the shops. I don’t understand it and think it’s akin to witchcraft. I’m still trying to figure out how to send a telex to the Soviet legation in Rhodesia.

      • Hehehe 😀
        My missus does all my invoices and anything involving computers or technology Shackles.
        Its all a bit mysterious to me?
        Hey, that albino we have as PM just announced a trade deal between us and New Zealand!
        I was surprised,
        I thought wed already fuckin have one!!

  12. I feel that I should agree with this Cunting but I don’t have a fucking clue what most of the things in it actually are…the last telly that I managed to fully master was in a 3 foot square wooden cabinet and had 3 channels.

      • I wouldn’t bother with all of my vast televisions ( I have one in every room of course,which, as you probably can’t imagine is quite an expense in a vast property like mine) but I like to be outraged by the sheer volume of Gays and Dark-Keys that seem to monopolise the screens.

        Hope yer sweating yer bollocks off..it’s nice over here at the moment…cool mornings but sunny days.

        Evening,Mike.

  13. Yorkshire, eh? Beware of transplanted sheepshaggers with the horn.

    I thought you already lived in God’s own country Mr Dioclese?

    Freedom for East Anglia.

      • As in:
        “Thank you for travelling Angular Railways.”

        There was no feckin alternative when I li lived n Naaarge…

      • Tellys now are light, thin,
        Like a big envelope.
        In the 90s they were about the size & weight of a caravan.
        Some fuckin egghead on some science show said that soon theyll be like a mat, you can fold it up and move it.
        Didn’t believe him though.
        Probably bullshitting…

      • Jeez, Mis, try and warn me when you are going to post summat that’ll make me choke, laughing.

      • Heres a folding television Miserable.

        https://youtu.be/fSfNzsY0LSU

        Funny its always referred to as the ‘idiot lantern’ on here. Seems peope will go to great expense to watch idiocy.

        I,if course,never watch it. I am too busy improving my mind in books.

        Re the folding televisiin. It is really a return to hiding your set or it in a wall panel as in the 70s.

      • Fuck me sideways.
        Books improve the mind.
        Stop you getting old timers.
        Unlike television.
        I approve of book readers.

      • JP@
        Whats your favourite book?
        Most of my life ive read,
        But for the last 2-3 yrs,
        Just stopped.
        Not a conscious decision.
        Just stopped.
        Dunno why?!

      • I don’t have a favourite book, but I like Evan Hunter, Michael Conolly, that genre.

      • Ugly isnt it?
        No this was like a yoga mat, can just roll it up, tuck it under your arm.
        Yeah considering lots on here sneer at tv theyve all fuckin got one!
        No license though!😀

      • Agreed Ruff,
        Like a parent to me.
        Everything I know I owe to television.
        Just a matter of being a bit discerning in your viewing!

        Porns good😁

      • I can, but if I get caught im in serious trouble 😁
        Have Adult channels,
        Babe station
        40+
        Etc
        Have some package deal thing with Sky.

    • now you can say that I’ve grown bitter
      but of this you can be sure
      the rich have got their channels
      in the bedrooms of the poor

      those lyrics spoke IMHO

    • East Anglia is full of pompous self opinionated cunts. Listen to Chas’ “small town man” because the lyrics tell it like it is.

      And my neighbour is the biggest cunt of all. He put a CCTV camera up looking straight into my kitchen window. Was tempted to use the 12 bore on it but continual badgering has forced him to take it down. I suspect that he did it because he wants something from me. He can fuck right off.

      Living here is like the wild west populated by geriatrics…

  14. The stick is ok as a coduit for all streaming sites. Alexa (probably a tranny )can fuck off…she isn’t real! Siri can fucking suck my dick.The arrogant bitch pretended that she couldn’t understand me.

  15. If you buy a new TV and can’t work the gadget that changes the channels you can go online and speak to someone who will show you how it works, it’s remote learning….

  16. I borrowed a (completely legitimate, honest) stick from my son inlaw to watch NZ vs Seffrica. Rugby you cunts.
    It hung and failed 10 minutes into the second half.
    If this was a fire stick you can stick it up your arse.

  17. This nom reminded me that we have one of those Amazon things which plugs in the tele. I removed it from the old set but didn’t get round to putting it on to this new set we bought a few weeks ago. So I connected it up and I’ve just wasted an hour of my life trying to persuade the fucking thing to operate in some half sensible fashion. In the morning it will be in the bin. So many gadgets these days seem to be this way, loaded with gimmicks we neither want nor fucking need and only the nerds who design them have any understanding of them. And the parts you need to use are cumbersome and clunky and work badly.

  18. It’s not rocket science.

    Get a smart TV. A Samsung or LG Oled.

    Get an IPTV box and sign up with somewhere reliable like leeztv.
    About 30 quid a year.
    You get all the Sky channels for fuck all and thousands of others as well.

    Buy a kodi box and put on a few addons, Exodus for almost every film and TV series ever made. Rising Tides for live football. Dozens of high definition porn addons. All free.

    Sign up for Amazon Prime when you next order anything.
    They occasionally have some stuff worth watching.

    Install Chrome Cast on your mobile so you can watch most videos from your phone on your television.

    Then sit back and moan that there is fuck all on the telly!

    • Thanks for the information AC, I’m sure it’s well intentioned. Problem is my level of knowledge is lower even than you assume it to be. I never before heard of IPTV, leeztv, kodi box and Chrome Cast. I thought Rising Tides would be of interest only to seafarers and Exodus came between Genesis and Leviticus. Sorry about that, but you see what you and the people flogging this stuff are up against!

  19. SIrs:

    I’ve been through a couple of Fire Sticks. They get clogged up and the unclogging process is laborious since they clearly want customers to say “fuck it” and buy a new one, which then gets clogged up…

    It doesn’t help that I am located in a town that is at the absolute ass end of the internet.

    I know someone with a Roku that seems to work better than this Fire thing.

    When I move to South Dakota I’m not going to have any of this shit. I will amuse myself by shooting prairie dogs.

  20. I have a jailbreak FireStick. Found all the info on YouTube and did myself in an hour. Takes a bit of figuring out but get all the top movies, YouTube with no adverts and quality porn…..allegedly! As you know, these things are as nought, to me!

Comments are closed.