Steven Seagal (3)

Posted on by

Steven is a action hero and sex idol, maybe you’ve seen one of his excellent well crafted films?
Hes also a bit racially fluid.
Hes been italian, Japanese, American Indian and occasionally slips into a black ghetto voice.
Amongst Stevens claims are
He was born clairvoyant
He can speak four languages fluently
He might of been a Navy Seal,
He trained CIA operatives and went on missions.
He is a expert on swords
He fought the Yakuza singlehandedly.
None of which is backed up with evidence.
Now im not ex forces but I doubt they have dyed ponytails and weird Dracula widows peak hairdos?

Id expect them to have a proven, traceable military history, maybe I’m naive?
And as a martial artist id expect them to be in reasonable shape?
Not a big fat sweaty cunt in cowboy boots?

Steven also likes to be a police officer.
Deputised for reality show ‘Steven Seagal:lawman ,
Things soon got out of hand.
Some genius convinced them to allow Steven to drive a armoured tank used in seige situations during a raid on someone suspected of illegal cockfighting.

Steven drove the tank right through the blokes house killing his puppy and causing 115 chickens to be euthanised.
Stating “one thing I cant abide is animal cruelty”.

He seems to be out of favour in Hollyweird circles, but can’t think why?
Maybe he should take up a hobby?
Maybe running?

https://youtu.be/nkskuSXqUD0

Nominated by: Miserable northern cunt

70 thoughts on “Steven Seagal (3)”

  1. Hard to believe this snake hipped fuck banged 80s hottie Kelly LeBrock. His fondness for Vlad the arse impaler means he’s not shy of a game of touch Toby himself.
    There was a bit of a handbags at dawn between him and that other B grade wooden action cunt Vandamme, where they took to slagging each other off in the press, with fighting talk similar to that kids WWF wrestling nonsense. Nothing came of it of course, and carried on making their bargain bin blockbusters such as ‘Under Medication’, ‘Over Nourished’, and ‘Wheelchairs at Dawn’
    Great nom, as he is as irritating as he is forgettable, and could have slipped the net.

  2. The nom that was just begging to be put up. Great work Miserable.
    How anybody can take this cunt seriously with that hair is beyond me. I sometimes watch extracts from his excrable output on youtube for a laugh. The sight of him trying to hide his fat gut under those loose shirts he wears cracks me up.
    What a cunt.

  4. The only 80s action film star I thought had any real bollocks was Dolph Lundgren.
    It takes courage to jump in the sack with Grace Jones…

    • Dolph is superhuman! He’s 6′ 5″, 220 lbs, 160 IQ, Masters Degree in Chemical Engineering. But he’s a humble, family-loving guy, no ego, no embarrassing incidents or quotes to dig up. Imagine if 1% of men were like this guy, the world would be awesome. We’d have true leaders.

    • I Remember hearing about Rolf Dungeon at a Comic Con Charging £50 for his Autograph £ 70 if he signs Boxing Gloves you Bring Along

      Show me the Money

  5. I have fondness for just earlier movies like Out for Justice, Under Seige, and Marked for Death. Beyond those 3 it’s monotonous shit mostly. The man in real life is a fucking weirdo cunt for sure. Now days he could star in Kung Fu Panda the live action musical the fat bastard.

  6. Have you seen some of the YouTube clips of his ‘martial arts’ expertise?

    https://youtu.be/USUbB-kg6P4

    I mean I don’t know how anyone ever doubted his clear superiority in martial arts and how anyone could ever claim he was a charlatan.

    • He is a legit master at Aikido, no question about that and it’s nothing to be sniffed at to be able to defend yourself against anyone coming at you and not harm them. I mean check out this skinny, 75-year-old Japanese master and inventor of Aikido, Morihei Ueshiba, back in the 1950s…

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DEkBqK_P00s

      Cunts these days call this fake, but it isn’t. Try taking on an Aikido master and they will make you their bitch!

      • Sure someone on here does Aikido?
        Paul Maskinback maybe?

        Paul! If you read this an im right,
        Is Steve a master of Aikido?
        Or just a fat bullshitter?
        And
        If he started getting a bit leery could you put him on his arse?
        Im not a martial artist but if he got cocky in the pub say,
        Or nudge my chips an I dropped them in the street?
        I reckon id knock the daft cunt out!
        Aiiiii yaaaaaa!!!

      • Oh, Seagal is fucked NOW, but back in the day he was legit. But it all went to his head, he got on bed with the Mafia supposedly and I imagine he got depressed. He also has allegations of grabbing women and generally being an ass-cunt to most people. The Gene Simmons of Cinema, as I say.

    • I loved the comments on that video.
      First prize goes to this….
      The only thing dangerous about Steven Segal is his cholesterol level.
      Genius.

  9. Demented old wanker couldn’t act daft, typical show biz dick head along with That other deluded simpleton Dog the Bounty hunter, it’s a toss up Who is the most grotesque.!

Comments are closed.