Soccer Aid (It’s called Football for normal people)

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Couldn’t find a pic of someone crippling James Corden, sadly.

Call me a soppy fuckwit, but I like a good charidee football match. Former pro’s in middle age showing they’ve still got it and the odd famous face maybe showing a bit of class. Soccer aid should therefore be right up my strasse, but is invariably ruined by multiple examples of cuntitude.

Robbie Williams, the great pretender. Pretending he’s Alf Ramsey for 90 minutes and still pretending he’s heterosexual. All this whilst banging on about how he alone came up with this vanity project and should be lauded thus.

Alex fucking Scott (Again!!) bouncing around pitch side like a 12 year old. Dermot O’Growly with his personality free presenting skills and Micah Richards, still blissfully unaware that he is employed as a token and nothing else.

The sleb players, of mostly indifferent quality, loving every minute of their chance to self promote, make the ex pro footballers look like paragons of humility. The only good thing to come out of this wankfest was the irrefutable evidence that wimminz footballers are inadequate in every respect and were, basically, shown up to a degree where even I felt embarrassed for them. Still, never mind love. There’s always shirts in need of ironing.

Link to the “all star” lineup

Nominated by – Field Marshal Cuntgomery

39 thoughts on “Soccer Aid (It’s called Football for normal people)”

  1. I’d pay good money to see busty Lisa Nandy rolling round the pitch in 1960s/70s football kit – nice tight shirt , showing off her nipples like acorns, and those very short shorts…….

  2. Soccer Aid is just a vanity project for that fat arse artist and slab of singing lard, Robbie Williams.

    I recall one particular year, the ex-Take That doughnut puncher (allegedly blah blah) did fuck all in one match and he was also on the losing side. Yet the fat mincing cunt picked up a trophy at the end of the game like it was the FA Cup Final. All ticker tape and jubilation, yet he was on the losing side?! Narcissistic fat fucking prancing twat.

    And Gordon Ramsay is a ‘look at me’ fat fucking cunt and all.

  3. Agree with this cunting except the bit about Alex Scott, the thought of her bouncing is just too much for me.

    • Granted, I’d allow her to bounce around on certain things. As long as she promised to do the washing up before she left.

  4. When the biggest and most recognisable ‘name’ on the celebs list is Paddy McGuinness, you know that the barrel has been well and truly scraped. I dare say most of these cunts will be Hollyoaks rejects and reality TV nonentities. I think one of them is ‘famous’ simply for screwing Michelle Keegan (jammy cunt). I mean, for fuck’s sake…🤣

    And any dugout featuring Robbie Williams and Micah Richards will be a nuclear level cunt zone. Add Alex Scott to that and there will be a cunt mushroom cloud.

  6. Spot on comment about birds playing and showing how shite their standard of football is. Let’s have one of these for rugby and see some of the wimminz players trying to get near Rory Underwood or tackle Martin Johnson.

  7. Robbie Williams only came up with the idea so that he could ogle men in the showers afterwards.

    Fat Wanker.

    • I wonder if Robbie will enjoy a reunion with a certain ‘calamitous’ 90s ex-England and Liverpool goalie? I certainly remember the rumours at the time.🤣

      Take that…. And that….🤔

    • What ever happened to his “friend” Jonathan Wilkes? He used to love coming from behind with him.

  8. Gordon fucking Ramsey is a cunt. He used to say he played for Rangers reserves and his career was finished by injury. Turned out to be a load of bollocks. I used to tell the same lie to impress birds but in my case it was Colchester Utd not fucking Rangers. At least I had some modesty with my bullshitting.
    I’ve seen the cunt play and you can tell he’s never played above schoolboy level……soft as shit and gets pushed off the ball so easily.
    He’s a right hard fucking cunt when he’s fucking swearing at some fucking chef who has been fucking paid to fucking take his fucking bullshit.
    Fucking wanker.

  10. The trouble with slebs these days is that 90% of them i’ve never heard of. Even if i’ve heard of them, most of them I could walk past in the street and they are just another cunt.
    I fear I have been culturally deprived……or something like that.
    I’ll probably get over it.

    • Not even Chunkz or Aitch, Freddie? I see Judy Murray is a manager for some reason, maybe Wayne Rooney will be hiding in the showers after the game.

      • No idea. I’ve heard of Judy and Wayne but I don’t know what Judy looks like.
        Wayne ain’t no oil painting so I admire him for taking what he can get. A man needs to know his limitations.

  11. No idea about this and couldn’t give a barrelful of fucks either. But I wonder if all these “legends” bend the knee before these games?

    And why are we asked to donate cash when a lot of these cunts are millionaires and could donate a shedload of their own ill-gotten gains!

    That said I wouldn’t mind seeing Alex Scott in a tight top and camel-toe, arse hugging shorts !

    • A load of hasbeen luvvies and ball benders who didnt matter then and dont matter now?
      And theyre asking for money?!!

      Cheques in the post.

  12. It would be interesting if there was a proper match between 12 England legends from the 90s and early 00s (blokes) vs the current wimminz England team.

    If the blokes won handsomely they would be instantly accused of the usual triggers, not least “misogynists”, “sexists” and “alpha males” la-de-da

    If the wimminz win then the blokes would be criticised for taking the piss, and patronising the wimminz into letting them win (more trigger words would follow)

    So even though wimminz want equality and equal pay in most sports, they very rarely fancy the idea of playing directly against blokes because they know what would happen!

    • Not on the BBC. Alex ticks all the boxes but if she looked like the Flabbopotamus she would be laughed out of Jimmy Savile House.
      Fucking hypocrites.

  14. Anything to do with UNICEF will be as corrupt as fuck.
    Nice little earner, Rodders.
    Luverly juberly.
    Is jug ears Linecunt involved ?
    He’s always keen to get his hands on some bunce.
    I wonder what the tax angle is ?
    Dodgy cunts, one and all.
    Get To Fuck.

  15. Just a chance for wankers and nonentities to get on the telly.
    And of course, it’s all about me me me.

  16. Band Aid, Soccer Aid. Multi millionaires brow beating the great unwashed to part with their money. Guaranteed to bring out the Adolf in me.

  17. I clicked on the link and I couldn’t recognise many of the slebs, apart from Mohammed Farah and Usain Bolt, who are famous for a different sport. I’ve heard of Olly Murs but I never what he is famous for. Didn’t Paolo Nutini play one year?

    Shocked to see Christopher Biggins isn’t taking part. He heads the ball better than Dominic Calvert-Lewin.

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