Looking back, I realise that I’ve cunted songs and performers in various guises; done-to-death songs, boring songs, nauseating songs… I trust that another pop will not go amiss, this time aimed specifically at rubbish lyrics, by which I mean the self-indulgent, pompous, vacuous, or just plain cringeworthy.
This was kicked off yesterday when the wife put on Dylan’s ‘Bringing It All Back Home’. I was able to tolerate his nasal whine for so long, but then came ‘of war and peace the truth just twists, its curfew gull it glides, upon four-legged forest clouds, the cowboy angel rides’.
Now I’m sure that arty-farty types have droned on about the ironic imagery and visionary poetic lyricism of the words (or something), but honestly, I reckon that this song’s lyrics are a pile of pretentious wank.
Not for the first time, this took the missus and I on a trip to pick some of our favourite ludicrous lyrics. She chimed in inevitably with ‘no 9, no 9, no 9…’, and then picked Lennon’s ‘imagine no possessions, I wonder if you can’, from the Rolls Royce radical himself.
Okay dear. I’ll see you and raise you a ‘you consider me the young apprentice, caught between the Scylla and Caribdes’. A perfect couple of lines from that poseur Sting, to which I added a bit of twat cod-philosophy from Neil Diamond, to wit; ‘I am I said, to no one there, and no one heard at all, not even the chair’. Deep stuff, I’m sure you’ll agree.
How about ‘we are stardust, we are golden, and we’ve got to get ourselves back to the garden’, said the missus. Mmm, the ‘Woodstock’ generation of Mitchell and CSNY types could take itself a bit seriously at times. I’d include Paul Simon here, for the likes of ‘I have my books and my poetry to protect me’, not to mention ‘what a dream I had, pressed in organdy, clothed in crinoline of smoky burgundy’. Struth.
Then there are those words which initially sound very meaningful, but become less so the more you listen to them. Like ‘Mars ain’t the kind of place to raise your kids, in fact it’s cold as hell, and there’s no one there to raise them if you did…’. Taupin torpor at its best.
Of course I could go on and on, I’ve got a million of ’em. Don’t get me started on the likes of Muse and Lady Gaga, or that infuriating little twit Katy Perry (‘I wanna see your peacock-cock-cock…are you brave enough to let me see your peacock?’).
But I’m limited for space, so I’ll close on the cringeworthy. What could be worse than ‘one day when I was not at home and she was left there all alone, the angels came… and Honey I miss you, and I’m being good’?
Christ on a bike. What a load of old pony.
Nominated by: Ron Knee
And on the subject of shit lyrics, try some Rap, from Miles Plastic
Rap
Well I’ve been ‘down with the kids’ recently. Too long to explain. But all about Rap and a very long video of Ed Sheeran and Stormzy performing together. Fuck know what it was called but how very long it was. And it was on a loop. Exorbitant is the word.
I suppose these two are leaders of their generation musically speaking. The actual sound is a feel good ambient sound which doesn’t vary. And the repetitive beat ad nauseam.
You can actually record your own Rap on your phone. A rap app I suppose you’d call it. So the task was to make your own rap recording. I was struck how seriously the ‘the kids’ took it. (More 18 to 20 year olds).
It was very comical. ‘Shhh… I’m recording….’. One fella– ‘Sheff town Sheff town I’ve been down’. He must have been to Sheffield recently. But that as well-they all did it with a black accent. They were all white.
‘I have my destiny in my pocket’ wasn’t a bad line I thought. Intense confessional stuff about ‘ma girlfriend’. But the beat just the same. No variation.
I thought when I was their age I was into Yes. I know pretentious and overlong but certainly it was all about creativity. And it was all about variation and true experimentation.
Came back home and decided to indulge myself in Yes. The first two videos of like vloggers appreciating them. I listened to ‘Awaken’ and ‘The Gates of Delerium’. The hosts of both vlogs two black dudes with dark glasses.
Aside from their disco nonsense, the Bee Gees did some crackers in the 60s.
‘I Started A Joke’ being the best.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jrg1UAixGaM
2
The Bee Gees were great until they had their bollocks cut off.
‘Ah ha ha ha ah hahaha…’.
Evening Norman.
0
The Bee Gees were great until their bollocks retracted.
‘Ah hahaha ahhhahaaaa…’.
Evening Norman.
3
Evening Ron.
The Villa deserved that win today. That useless cunt Lindelof nigh on guaranteed Villa a goal. How can Ole not see where the problem is? Fred was being circumvented by Villa with every attack. Fred is shite.
3
Cheers Norm.
I must say that win was a great relief. Utd have been turning us over for years. It had become an embarrassment in my neck of the woods.
1
Band Aid-worst lyrics EVERđ
4
Absolutely true, CG.
‘And there won’t be snow in Africa this Christmas time.’
Of course there fucking won’t.
‘Let them know it’s Christmas time.’
But fanatical peacefuls from African crapholes don’t celebrate Christmas.
‘Well tonight thank God It’s them, instead of you.’
Fuck off, Bonio, You taxdodging fat cunt.
16
Evening Norm-hopefully they wonât ârebootâ (I know you hate that, sorryđ) Band Aid again.
It would be completely BAME & đ -the fucking cuntsđ
2
‘We are the world, we are the children
it’s time to make a brighter day
so let’s start giving’
sang the millionaire pop stars from LA, as they boosted their profiles while wanting to appear so generous.
Cynical, moi?
11
My 2015 version of that piece of shit by Bland Aid was much better.
Largely banned by YouCunts amongst others.
No fucking sense of humour
1
‘We are the world’ was even more lamentable.
0
Best song title ?
‘ If You Don’t Wanna Fuck Me Baby, Fuck Off ‘
By Wayne County and the Electric Chairs.
Reminds me of when I first asked Ethel out.
Happy days.
8
That sounds like a cracker. Must try and track that one down.
2
Someone did a link for it the other week, but cant remember who?
Evening Jack@
Evening Ron@
1
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QZpMj2epGNQ
There you go, Ron.
A pleasant ditty !
1
Evening, MNC.
1
Odd song titles:
I punch your ass with the fist of my cock
Trim the bush
Swashbuckling fakkots
Young fakkot from China
Violent masturbation blues
And many more from The Sailors
1
Odd song titles:
I punch your ass with the fist of my cock
Trim the bush
Swashbuckling fÀggóts
Young fåggöt from China
Violent masturbation blues
And many more from The Sailors
1
I remember when that âMockneyâ from Birmingham, who did that âDry your eyes mateâ shite, was being lauded as the second coming.
I knew it was the end for commercial music….
As for rap music, my opinion has never changed on that genre: the âCâ is still silent.
đ€
9
I believe Def Leppard’s ‘Pour Some Sugar On Me’ was either written for or adopted by strippers all over the world. I bet the boys enjoyed all the ‘tributes’ they were sent regarding that song.
7
Listen to Def Lep and then listen to Bryan Adams-they sound very, very similar-because they had the same producer.
I canât stand âHair Metalâ.
5
Nor me CG.
I hated all that shite!
Grunge was good for nailing that shite in its coffin.
Although that hair metal shite certainly attracted the wimmin?!
Told you before I stole a groupie off Dogs d’amour?!
Heeheeeđđâ„ïž
2
đđđ
Hope you washed them, âbeforeâ and scrubbed your âJohn Thomasâ thoroughly, afterwards đ
3
Ladies gents (and others)
This is turning into a really enjoyable trip down memory lane. I’ve had worst Saturday nights lol!
On the subject of rubbish lyrics, does anybody recall ‘bubblegum’?
‘Yummy yummy yummy I got love in my tummy’.
Ffs!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sz4TT3QoPJw
4
You just spoiled the experience for me.
0
Born in the USA by Bruce Springsteen is the most repatative annoying cunt of a song I’ve ever heard. It just goes on and on, same riff over and over while he just repeats “born in the USA”.
I funking hate everything by Springsteen, but this is by far the worst for me….
18
Yeah hes fuckin dreadful.
Springsteen is a right boring fucker.
Bored of the USA…
9
I always thought it was funny that time Reagan made a speech about how great the good ol’ US of A was, and went on about Springsteen had sung about how great it was to be ‘Born in the USA’.
The daft old cunt couldn’t see the irony in the song, even tho it was ladelled on with a trowel.
6
Fucking hate Springsteen with a passion.
Just a sweaty bastard clapping his hands.
âTramps like us, baby we were born to runâ
What a pile manure. Fucking run then you cunt. As far away as possible.
13
Clint Eastwood singing in the musical film. “Paint your Wagon”, and in particular these great lyrics…
“I talk to the trees, but they don’t listen to me.”
Rodgers and Hammerstein it ain’t
5
A strange one that Techno.
Written by Lerner and Loewe, who gave the world ‘Gigi’ and of course ‘My Fair Lady’.
‘Paint Your Wagon’ was not their finest hour, I’d suggest.
3
PS
Mind you, if you want to see just how bad it’s possible for a musical to be, look up the utterly excrable ‘Song of Norway’ on youtube.
You’ll piss yourself laughing.
3
https://youtu.be/6RIYi0D_m4o
This is the best one.
1
Funny I never remember that being played on ‘Top of the Pops’.
2
Still got me Snuff Rock EP.
Classic.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a7PQxA7ffAo
1
Thanks , bye byke and goodnight
2
I have to thank Craig David for his first album. I fingered a girl and got a blowy because of the songs on that album.
He posts on here sometimes under the alias Black & White Cunt.
5
His song 7 days was originally written as:
I met this girl on Monday,
Took her for a drink on Tuesday,
Tongued her up the arse on Wednesday, and Thursday and Friday and Saturday.
Then rinsed with Listerine on Sunday.
đ
7
” Tongueing arseholes,
And dysentery,
Go together in perfect harmony …….. “
7
Glad tidings and rejoicing:
That chippy black bastard Anthony Joshua has had a boxing lesson from a real boxerđđ
Ha ha ha ha ha ha hađđđđđđ
17
I also loved that, CGđ€Ł. Joshua couldn’t fight his way out of a paper bag.
I also don’t think the chocolate chip will ever fight Tyson Fury now. Because Joshua and that Hearn slimeball know that Fury would turn the chippy bur-lack cunt into chocolate spread.
4
Joshua has been beaten up.
What jolly news.
Put up a Blue Plaque.
Found out at last.
Useless cunt.
10
It’s a happy bedtime.
Night, night, heroes.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J06yQb4lbPk
4
Great song but these lyrics?
See the mice in their million hordes
From Ibiza to the Norfolk Broads
Rule Britannia is out of bounds
To my mother, my dog, and clowns
Fuck me.
And then the wonderful While my guitar –
I look at the floor
And I see, it needs sweeping
Still my guitar gently weeps
Which George followed up with –
I told you ’bout the swans that they live in the park
Then I told you ’bout our kid, now he’s married to Mabel
(Badge)
Great songs but dodgy lyrics.
2
Fantastic night for boxing.
Joshua exposed. (again)
Media hype job and nothing more.
A product of and typical of the times we live in.
File away under : Cunt
Take Greaseball Hearn with you while you’re at it pal.
9
I fucking despise those Hearn cuntsđ
7
Hearn has unashamedly milked that thick fucker for all he was worth.
The slippery cunt will slither away unnoticed and Joshua will be charming the viewers on Strictly this time next year.
3
Now fuck off back to Nigeria, you pro BLM, anti-British, drug gang enforcer, sub-Saharan IQâd cuntđ
12
No criticism allowed by of the Bottler otherwise he’ll play the R card
3
He lost the gold medal match in 2012.
2
Fury would have knocked him out.
Absolutely no doubt of that.
7
I was just thinking would an exponent of rap music be called a rap ist
And ha ha ha ha ha ha ha fuck off joshua I hope lynx give you the boot for being a useless fucker and besides I didnât think jigaboos wore deodorants
1
What happened to great songwriting and great lyrics like the Macc lads classic Sweaty Betty
She wore big knickers and she worked on the sewage farm
I got my hands down her jeans and I nearly lost half my arm
After 10 pints she looked quite fit
I couldnât wait to get my hands on her flabby tits sweaty Betty
Classic songwriters have all disappeared itâs such a shame
10
Modesty forbids that I should praise my own lyrical efforts in the context of this post. Best keep me head down.
What I would say though is that rap music – talking fast to a drum beat – ain’t music. An art form it might arguably be, but it certainly isn’t music.
4
Actually, I’m being a cunt. I’ve actually recorded rap music.
How could I’ve have forgotten the classic Ratshitter Rap???
And my Christmas song what I nicked from RunDMC’s Walk This Way???
My personal favourite own lyrics from ‘Mid Life Crisis’ :
“I’ve got 16 guitars and a trilbey hat
Two kids and a dog and cat
I play down the pub with a couple of mates
And I sound like Clapton ain’t I great?”
“I’m not as young as I used to be
I used to be a jack the lad
Now my gut hangs over my skin tight jeans
And bulges through my Hendrix shirt
And my hair is tied back in a pony tail
To hide the bits where it fell out”
Christ! I wrote that 10 years ago. Getting old is a cunt
I could go on, but I won’t!
5
During my days playing darts and cards in the 6th form Common room of my local comprehensive in the late 70s, I can remember someone putting a single on our knackered record deck, which had a really weird “out of time, out of space” intro, before the lyrics kicked in with …
“I,
I just took a ride in a silver machine
And I’m still feeling mean
Do you want to ride
See yourself going by
The other side of the sky
I’ve got a silver machine
It flies
Sideways through time
It’s an electric line
To your zodiac sign
I’ve got a silver machine
I’ve got a silver machine
I’ve got a silver machine”
No idea what it was at the time, but it was the sort of song where you just wanted to light up a doobie, open your mind and enjoy the “trip”.
I wasn’t quite sure what the lyrical were referring too (Time travel and bicycles, apparently), but to my mind it was about motorbikes, and travelling the country roads of Britain on a “silver machine”. And from that point I knew I wanted to buy a bike and do just that (which I eventually did a few years later)
Turns out it was Hawkwind and their seminal “Silver Machine”, with Motorhead lead singer, Lemmy doing the vocals
1
Saw them at the Lyceum way back. They came on to do a 60 minute set. The front man walked up to the Mike and said “Fuck knows what we’re going to play”
Their synth man (or whatever they used in those days) a bloke called PickNick started off and they improvised non stop. No vocals, just sound. They were fucking amazing
2
LYRICS:
O Fortuna, like the moon you are changeable, ever waxing ever waning;
hateful life first oppresses and then soothes playing with mental clarity;
poverty and power it melts them like ice.
Fate â monstrous and empty, you whirling wheel, you are malevolent,
well-being is vain and always fades to nothing,
shadowed and veiled you plague me too;
now through the game I bring my bare back to your villainy.
Fate is against me in health and virtue,
driven on and weighted down, always enslaved.
So at this hour without delay pluck the vibrating strings;
since Fate strikes down the strong, everyone weep with me!
Original Latin available at Wikipedia = https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/O_Fortuna
Ever popular AndrĂ© Rieu seems to have the shortest rendition. I won’t say “pretentious” but conducting holding your violin when there’s no violin part?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EJC-_j3SnXk
0
Used to fly from Nairobi to Dar es Salaam quite often. Pilot used to invite passengers to look out the window at the big mountain poking out of the clouds.
Always made me think of Toto’s ‘classic’ Out of Africa, and possibly the most tortuous lyrics crammed into a verse.
“The wild dogs cry out in the night
As they grow restless longing for some solitary company
I know that I must do what’s right
Sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti”
Load of wank.
3
I must admit that I could never quite catch the sense of that lyric;
‘it’s gonna take a lot to drag me away from you
nothing a hundred men or more could ever do
I bless the rains down in Africa…’
???
0
The Osmonds – of all people – came up with a lyric that stood out at the time.
From ‘Love Me For A Reason’,
âMy initial reaction is â honey gimme love, not a facsimile of!â
A-ha also had some top lyrics….
All my powers waste away
I fear the crazed and lonely looks
the mirror’s sending me
these Days (The Sun Always Shines On TV)
I climbed all the stairways
To find the rooftop clear
Got a shotgun lying with me here (Early Morning)
I can still hear our screams competing
You’re hissing your s’s like a snake
Now in the mirror stands half a man
I thought no one could break (I’ve Been Losing You)
1
Oh yes – Band Aid : My version. Much better than the original.
All together now
We sitting round
In the burning sun
It that time
When de white man come
And he give us lots of money
So we never have to work
And dat is how we know
It Christmas time
So spare a thought
For de poor white man
Who has to work
Work hard doing what he can
To earn an honest living
Wishing he could be like me
Hanging out and chillinâ
And drinking ice cold beer
Sitting in de sunshine
Underneath a shady tree
Knowing it will soon
Be Christmas time
And we wonât be going short âround here dis Christmas
âCos thereâs loads of stuff arriving every day
And the trucks dey keep on coming
And de dosh keep rolling in
Itâs Christmas time
Thereâs plenty for us all
Sitting round drinking beer and having fun
Lazing round underneath de burning sun
Itâs Christmas time
That time we do fuck all!
Send the money!
We donât care â itâs Christmas time
Truck de food in!
Save us working in de fields
Send de workers!
Build us houses, build us schools
Keep it coming!
We tâink youâre a load of fools
Life is easy!
Thatâs how we know it Christmas time
Bugger working!
Just wait round for Christmas time
Oh no â it Lenny Henry!
1
That’s poetry!
0
Rambling Syd Rumpo was one of the best around!!
1
‘Rambling Syd Rumpo in Concert’ has to be one of THE great live gigs of all time.
An absolute legend, and one of the most inspiring lyricists who ever plied his craft.
Genius.
1
Ed Sheeran’s A Team used the line ‘crumbling like pastry’.
When I first heard it on the radio I knew a successor to Dylan had arrived.
There’s also George Ezra with his robotic primary school crap.
‘I’ll be ridin’
Shot-gUn
Underneath the
Hot sun’
Then the Lumineers with
‘HEY!…
HO!…
Fucking mongs.
0