I didn’t take 15 minutes searching for this image.
Weddings.I hate weddings.
Having to dress up all posh, being on my best behaviour, not getting pissed and insulting people and listening to boring cunts,
Posh food. Missus loves them but god, I hate weddings. Always tempted to start a food fight, dont get me wrong, im not antisocial, I love a good funeral!! But weddings?👎👎
Shite music too, all schmaltz, sickly and best man speeches, you’re not allowed to Boo them. Luckily im such a cunt I dont get invited to many, word of past misdemeanours has spread and I look like Lurch in a suit. Fuck weddings 🖕
Nominated by – Miserable Northern cunt
My brother’s boy is getting married next month. My only nephew. Naturally I turned down the invitation. 😁
11
Correction: this month.
4
What excuse did you come up with Ruff?
Portmeirion on lockdown? Couldn’t get a cat sitter?
4
I didn’t really need an excuse, LL. I’m renowned for being a unsocial grouch, practically a recluse nowadays.
The wedding was first mooted a couple of years ago, to be held in Greece or somewhere exotic, so for me that was right out! Then Covid hit and the venue was moved to some fancy hotel in London.
Truth is, anywhere beyond 20 miles of Creampuff Manor would have been out as far as I’m concerned.
Lady C has the perfect excuse: me! They think she would have been delighted to attend, a notion which could not be be further from the truth. 😂
Only downside is I’ve had to come up with a substantial cash contribution towards the honeymoon. 🙁
5
Thankfully haven’t been invited to a wedding since before meeting Mrs Stroker for the first time in Japan, 2002.
In the outside chance I was to receive an invitation I would almost certainly decline, social gatherings and small talk not really my thing.
For this reason very rarely attended the Xmas works do.
Funerals probably the only exception, paying respects and all that.
9
The ones where it’s supposed to be a lavish do, all paid for by the bride’s want to be seen as flash cunt parents. Yet the guests still have to pay for their own beer, and it’s only crap like warm Stella, and it’s only available in bottles and at a fiver a pop?
Fuck that. Been to a few of those. tightfisted all for show cunts…😒
My best mate got married in that lovely Welsh place where they filmed The Prisoner.
His wife’s/bride’s dad – rich as fuck – hired the whole place more or less, and we took it over for a day. It was great, with booze on tap and top grub fit for kings.
Oh, and the bride’s sisters and mates were all fit as fuck ex-posh school totty. A veritable bonanza. I was footloose and fancy free at the time, so I filled my boots in every sense of the words. A true classic.😊
12
I was so pissed at my cousins wedding, I puked up in the brides parents fish pond. It was great being a cunt in my younger days!
7
My mate photographed a wedding, big lavish do. Stately home, helicopter, all the bells and whistles. £100k+.
The couple split up five months later.
Money well spent by the bride’s father….
12
Weddings are now a piss take.
Gone are the days of a stag night down the local followed by an Indian and then shaving the groom’s eyebrows off.
Now it’s got to be a week in Prague or some other far flung shit hole.
Young Cunter is at the age where many of his friends are getting married.
It’s fucking inconvenient and expensive to be expected to go away several times a year.
Hen nights are now hen fortnights in Benidorm.
And the fucking eye watering amount that is spent on the actual day.
I avoid weddings like the plague.
I now have a perfect excuse not to attend due to my reluctance to comply with the travel requirements.
If I would have ever been invited to one of those theme weddings where people are supposed to dress up I would have told the couple to fuck off and get some respect.
7
Don’t get me started on the comedy weddings of benders.
They can fuck right off.
“I now pronounce you husband and husband and the groom can now kiss the groom”
Sickening.
14
Agreed Artful, it’s ridiculous.
Only the other day I was reading about two scout leaders who tied the knot….
4
According to the latest statistics (from a source not specified so possibly completely unsubstantiated) the average cost of a wedding in the UK these days is around £30,000.
Even if it’s a quarter of that, what a fucking waste of money.
9
Especially the traveller weddings, and so they should be since some poor old Doris’s life savings are paying for it.
8
I have Italian ancestry so Mrs Cunter and I went down that traditional route.
We hired my friend’s night club and asked our guests not to buy us presents but to give money, if they felt inclined.
The wife carried a large lace bag around and our guests were putting envelopes containing money into it.
We paid the entire bar bill along with the food.
We came out thousands of pounds in profit.
8
In many countries throughout the world (including Japan) it is traditional for guests to give the bride and groom money, the total of which is usually enough to cover the cost of the day.
Makes perfect sense.
8
I’ve been to a few Greek weddings; they pin money on the bride and groom until they look like Bruce Almighty covered in post it notes.
5
My Nephew has been planning to get married for two years, lost a fortune due to cancellations and as I am the black sheep of the Family and usually only get contacted when relatives want a lift, a loan, some legal advice or some muscle I assume I will find out about it afterwards, as I did with my Nieces wedding some years ago – loyalty is everything to me, and it would be difficult to make small talk with people who look down their noses at me but never mind fucking me over.
6
I went a posh wedding in Nottingham.
But gyppos had parked up along the country lane leading to the hall, little gyppo kids playing in the fountains outside the hall😀
I said to the bride (missus mate)
Is that your family or the groom’s?
Heehee, Missus bollocked me but the bride laughed to be fair
9
I prefer funerals.
4
Little known fact.
At a traditional wedding in Norfolk everyone sits on the same side of the church….
16
I hate weddings too. There’s always an interfamily fight – usually involving at least one drunken uncle and sadly, I’m the current drunken uncle in my extended family so I’ll be sure to decline any and all wedding invitations going forward.
3
My wedding was fucking great! I looked the dogs bollocks in my ceremonial uniform, even if I do say so myself, guard of honour outside, family fucking loved it! Still together over twenty five years later. Other weddings, however, I’m always conveniantly working…
7
It’s great being a best man, like being a top footballer for a day.
Loads of women want you for a trophy fuck.
You feel like an Emperor. .. ‘ No, no, fuck no, yes. …. I’ll have you dear. What’s your name ? Not that it matters. Walk this way ‘
I know this.
Fucking great.
Good afternoon.
11
They’re a waste of moolah. Watching the bride all coy and giggly dressed in virginal white while recalling her being ploughed by your magnanimous boner while her legs were behind her ears was one wedding’s most pleasurable part..
Have a medieval one, a wedding abroad or everybody dressing as Spiderman, or simply do it at the registry and save a boatful of cash.
6
If I was a single slag stalker I would attend them as a happy hunting ground.
4
I hate weddings with a passion.
Been to loads of the cunting things and probably wriggled out of twice as many.
Each one seems to be slightly more elaborate in a bid to out-cunt the last.
For example
Stag do – lads trip to Saturn’s moons for a week – better make sure you’ve a spare couple of grand to waste.
Wedding ceremony – Medieval castle in France – better make sure you’ve a couple of grand to waste
Honeymoon – round the world journey with frequent stop offs at a multitude of cities – and you better have a spare couple of days to look through our many photo albums of the occasion.
Insufferable wank.
Another one on the horizon but not until November.
Top nom MNC
8
Registry office, pub, DIY cake, phone for camera, new bloke’s suit from M&S, bridal outfit second hand, new shoes, done.
6
Pay the hobo in the shop doorway down the street to be a witness and promise him a gobble (admittedly he’ll be gobbling the groom but he won’t turn down the chance of free protein).
5
Cuntologist@ – And the resulting 20 grand saved will go a long way to being a deposit for a house.
3
Spot on Cuntologist! Closely describes our wedding forty-seven years ago. (No cell phones in those days.)
2
I was only 5 and don’t remember our wedding.
3
I hate weddings
It’s the run up to the fucking day that drives me insane
Please fuck off and get married abroad and enjoy yourselves
The current rate of payment for their present is 500 euros where I live
I then have to pretend I’m happy , when all is I want is to fuck off as soon as I can and calm down and wonder about how long is this couple going to last
Fuck to Fuck Off with your big day that’s your wedding and spare a thought for the poor cunts that have to pretend
7
I went to a few Asian and one Greek wedding ages ago. They just have a good time with no speeches or bullshit.
3
Best part of a Hindu wedding is the whisky-fuelled punch-up afterwards.
4
I turned down the only formal invitation to a wedding I’ve ever had. The reception was at the Manoir Quat’ Saisons and was attended by a gaggle of upper management cunts. I pleaded pressure of work. I lied.
2
I’ve only been to 3 other weddings (mine was the best, 2 witnesses and the Registrar at Hanley, Stoke-on-Trent reggie office)
What I hated about the other people’s weddings was that being pissed as fuck I felt euphoric being surrounded by all these pretty girls and milfs but knew down under that the only cunt who was guaranteed to get a shag that night was the fucking groom.
2
I fucking love weddings, been to loads and always have a blast. Great day on the piss and nailed on for a shag that night!! Sorry can’t cunt them.
1
I fucking hate weddings. I always try to get out of going even my own but alas didn’t succeed. It’s all so fucking false and a complete waste of money. The bride looking radiant as she walks down the aisle in her virgin white dress even though she’s had more cocks than Davy Crokett’s rifle. And I feel especially sorry for the bridegroom who you can see is just developing a thumbprint on his head or if he’s lucky divorced in two years. They’re all so fucking depressing, I much prefer a funeral especially the wake when people get pissed and a good old fashioned punch up ensues.
2
I hate people that have too much to drink and then dance like cunts. Someone will inevitably start to film this on their cunting phone. This then makes the dancing person think he/she is cool as fuck. Fuck off.
2