Why yes it was tough being a 7 year old in Iraq.
Stolen valour is when very sad boring people pretend to be military veterans. They want attention or to impress people despite not serving a day in their life.
Picking up mismatched clothing from various branches online they often beg for money or ask for discounts. Some of the sad bastards even wear fake dog tags. They know nothing about serving and disrespect everyone who ever did.
Short version they’re utter lying cunts who are pretending to be something they could never achieve . Thankfully they get confronted by real ex military people who call the frauds out. They also buy medals off ebay to impress people.
Nominated by – Lazybiscuits
Mostly Yanks I seem to think.
A disgraceful way to carry on.
I have watched one of these fucking rotters getting filled in by a legitimate and quite annoyed U.S marine.
Just the ticket.
15
Good shout Mr Biscuits.
6
You weren’t there man!
You dont know the horror!
Choppers over Da Nang
The Viet Cong shooting at us,
My best buddie stood on a landmine, maaan!
Dave Jones
Age 23yrs
Oldham.
18
MNC@ – A balloon popped – it’s all kicking off – I’m off home!
Vernon Fox, 55, Yorkshire 😀🏃♂️
7
Tell me when its over Foxy.
Im hiding under the bed..
5
UT@ – I have found the people who have done the most shout the least.
It is insult to them – I know a few serving and ex forces who would think nothing of giving these Walts a fucking good hiding.
9
From the Tokyo Olympics – The Untold Story nom yesterday they mentioned Japanese war crimes of cannibalising U.S POW’s.
Future U.S president George H.W Bush was one of those aviators who was shot down but escaped whilst several others were eaten by the Nips. Amazing to think how history could have turned out very different.
7
You don’t know me, Vern😉
1
Plenty of them in the UK too. Fucking Walts
5
How come they’re called Walts? Cheers 👍
4
Reference to Walter Mitty, I think.
10
Quite so, LL.
‘Individuals who impersonate serving or retired members of the armed forces are known as “Walts” in the British Armed Forces, a shortened form of “Walter Mitty”. In the United Kingdom, it is an offence under the Armed Forces Act 2006 to wear real or replica military decorations to pretend to be a member of the armed force. Such an example of this is Alan Mcilwraith, who falsely claimed to be a highly decorated British Army officer.’
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Walter_Mitty
5
Surely Ross Kemp is liable to a prison sentence, then.
5
We used to know some lying tosser who said he was in the SAS, used to fall on the floor crying idf a car backfired the whole nine yards, endless bullshit stories about his shinanigans behind enemy lines, he dies of cancer in the end[ shame he was a funny guy] and when his family approached the SAS in Hereford they had never heard of him, says it all really…
18
If these cunts were smart they would just say:
“It’s just too hard to talk about any of it.”
Or
“I could tell you but I’d have to kill you. None of what I did have been declassified.”
7
I worked with someone who was always going on about being in the SAS. We were at the pub one day with a colleague who had been in the army so dickhead starts his SAS stories, not realising the other guy was ex-army.
The ex-army guy asks when he was in the SAS and dickhead starts babbling about the official secrets act and how he can’t tell and then promptly says when he was in.
Ex-army bloke says “That’s funny… I don’t fucking remember you!”
Dickhead makes his excuses and leaves. I asked the former squaddie if he was in the SAS and he said “Nope, but neither was that prick.”
2
There’s a bloke in my street who dresses like a bishop, big purple religious dress, mitre on his head, the whole deal, but I don’t think he’s a real bishop because not once have I ever seen him move diagonally….
22
‘Walts’ as they’re known in the UK.
Mental cunts. On holidays and work abroad, I must’ve met at least 20 ‘ex-SAS soldiers’ in pubs, the bullshitting bastards.
15
QDM nominated Walts last year. How some of these bullshit artists think they can brazen it out when caught shows politician levels of egotism.
5
Had the pleasure of meeting a couple of walts (SAS). If these twats were an example of what being in the SAS did to a person then I’m sure I would have passed selection. More beer bigger bullshit what an evening. Cunts
4
“What colour is the boathouse at Hereford.?”….
11
Sky blue pink
5
Well I think I look very dashing in my Reichsmarshall uniform.
18
I look good in an ambulance uniform.
6
A few years ago I was in the market for an SS dagger as an interesting decoration for my study. Apart from the fact they are around £12k and an appreciating asset (they aren’t making any more), I was reminded by my better half that I am in fact of Red Sea Pedestrian decent on my mother’s side. A stupid idea really and brought about by far too much beer.
I mentioned this to a friend who served in the Balkans and Iraq and the response was one of concern more than ridicule.
“Why would you want to own something that doesn’t belong to you and you didn’t earn?
That dagger was awarded to someone and was personal to them, you have no right to own it”.
A good point and one the walts would do well to remember.
10
The cunts now can apparently 3d print all sorts of replica shite nowadays. I’m lucky if my 20 year old HP printer can knock out a basic text letter without either missing print or low ink warnings on occasion I try to use it.
3
Ahh, a cousin of the space shuttle cargo door rail-gunner who served in the Korean war, Vietnam, the Gulf, Afghanistan and Iraq. Seal team six. five congressional medals of honour, fought aliens at Dulce base and no re-spawns on Call of Duty.
Oo-rah and semper fidelis, muthafucka.
11
Reminds me of the movie Tropic Thunder. What a great movie! About actors pretending to be soldiers. Tom cruise was fucking great.
7
They are almost as common as the cretins that ‘used to be a driver for the Krays’.
12
I was in the Blind Beggar that night but i’ve kept schtum about it. I’ve never said nuffink nor nuffink. You can tell Ronnie that……oh fuck, what have I said!
9
‘I used to be Reggie and Ronnie Kray’s old nan.’
4
We was always good to you.
5
Also Eddie Murphy pretending to be a legless vet in Trafing Places. “I was in Sang Bang…” damn funny.
13
Dressing up in uniform?
An Incels way of maybe speaking to gals?
I don’t get these people – it is so easy to disprove – I will be kind and call them “lonely fantasists”.
I used to look ever so smart in my uniform, but those fucking arrows and the ball and chain rather spoiled the portrait TBH..
6
The Incels usually go for a black trenchcoat, fingerless driving gloves and brag about owning a katana.
4
That knob in the photo looks about 20/21 yet he’s got a tit weighed down by fruit salad. I know Custer was known as the “Boy General” but even he couldn’t compete with this little hero.
9
I was in the war of attrition. Got medals for it and evryfink. Cunt!
4
Worked with a guy who claimed he’d been in the Sas and MI5.
He was known as IBM, the Incredible Bullshitting Man.
I think the knackered old Hillman Imp he drove gave him away…
14
Can’t say they bother me overly, they are easy to spot and clearly mental.
If they are begging for coins for the lads, that’s a different matter and they deserve to be completely filled in.
9
I remember the War on Poverty. I put my hands up and said “where do I surrender?”
6
Then there was the War on Drugs.
I offered to do my bit by storing confiscated merchandise, but for some reason they never got back to me.
8
In my student years I had a Xmas job at the old Post Office hq in Brum, which I did for a few years, working with the same PO regulars each year.
One of them used to drop these vaguest of vague hints about his time in ‘The Regiment’ but naturally would come over all coy (‘mustn’t say too much’) when asked to elaborate.
I once asked one of the other guys about this and he said that he reckoned yer man had done a bit of time with the Terriers; enough to pick up a bit of knowhow and jargon to help put out a bullshit line.
Sad wankers to a man.
Great nom Lazy.
10
“Hey, have some respect! Ma daddy fought fer dat flaag over in Korea!”
“That’s funny, my flag was made in Korea.”
~ Bill Hicks
9
I was in the Cold War. I didn’t do much to be honest……..bought a paraffin heater.
I love the smell of paraffin in the morning.
9
Anyone remember “Bottom” when Ritchie is trying to bullshit having served in the Falklands?!
https://youtu.be/SAX39-ij2CE
10
TtCE@ – Bottom is class! 😀👍
5
I know an old boy who bores everyone with his tales of battlefield heroism. All clearly bullshit. As he’s not old enough for ww2, Korea is his conflict of choice. My favourite is his story about driving over a land mine in his Land Rover, everyone else on board being vaporised and discovering the remains of his vehicle over a mile away. Some fucking land mine! Good for a laugh in the pub I guess, but a different matter if they try to make money out of it.
11
If I was going to “steal Valor” I would put on doctor stubbs and play up that I am an endocrinologist or some such shit that most people ina bar don’t understand.
3
At least dress up as an SS officer. No one has done snazzier military attire than those cunts.
9
I dunno. Harry Halfwit looked like a cunt to me. Some things are impossible to disguise.
8
Poor little Hawwy Saxe-Coburg-Gotha isn’t allowed to dress up and play brave soldiers anymore. His nan won’t let him
4
Yeah but Harry is ginger. Ginger and black don’t mix.
4
Hugo Boss!
Evil likes to be well turned out.
I heard that the devil wears Prada too .
3
The Nazis were an evil and intolerant lot, too clothes minded.
2
Never trusted the well dressed LL.
Designer labels may as well be a signed confession of genocide.
Tony Blair, nazis,
Honest kind men are like us.
Arse hanging out of our trousers and demob suits.
2
Can’t beat a bit of breakfast on your vest with your flies open, we built this country Miserable. I can see Goebbels and Himmler at the party conference, “Ah ficken! Ve are clashing wiv ze waffenrock!”.
2
Me in my younger days:
https://images.app.goo.gl/Rk4zA5Quhtn8N6P39
Happier, simpler times. Have to admit I’ve let myself go a bit since then.
3
Strolling down the red light district in Hamburg several years ago, a whore rapped on a window at me with a riding crop and she was wearing a bit of WW2 fashion, cap, military boots, and lace underwear under a duster coat.
2
Fawlty Towers
Basil : “I was in Korea you know, I killed 4 men.”
Cybil : “He was in the Catering Corps, he poisoned them.”
9
Re-enactment by the Seal Clot I suppose. He’s a six-star general, I see. Should be able to afford a collar that fits, eh? His mother did a great job of pressing the uniform, though.
Round here there’s an oldish bloke with a pushbike for carrying his bits and pieces, in full (outdated) desert camo – no badges of rank, so I suppose he’s broke and the kit was cheap. Real walts are cunts, and, I believe, breaking the law, but some are just sad.
5
I got caught wearing my grandad’s 8th Army medal from WW11. I tried to bluff my way out and tell them I was 105 but they didn’t buy it. Ho hum.
4
Met a French man on a street bench in Munzplatz Koblenze Germany 1985
I was with a friend (German)at the time so not to bothered as it was summer
The French man was down on his luck
He was a hobo ,not a bum
He spoke English not to well but good enough to understand the nuance
He went on to tell us that he was ex foreign legion
I believed him absolutely as the day got hot he had no choice but to remove his jacket.
It was at that moment I knew he was telling the truth
He was destitute but also knew who he was at some point in his life
I’ll never forget the scars he bore
I have nothing but respect for people who served there Country and also they
never look for anything from anybody
6
“Joker’s so tough, he’d eat the booger’s out of a dead gooks nose. Then ask for seconds”.
“Anyone who runs is a VC. Anybody who stands still, is a well disciplined VC”.
“Get some motherfucker, get some!!!”
You can’t beat Full Metal Jacket.
2
Funny scene in Falling Down when that youngish scratter in the Park tells D-Fens he was in Nam. D-Fens “What were you a drummer boy? You must have been 8 years old”.
1
The best medal collector was Idi Amin Dada.
He was splattered in them.
Not really a ‘walt’ though,
As he served in the British Army
And Ugandan army.
But he loved medals!!
He saw it like doctors see fruit,
5 a day .
Everything from bravery in the field to best dressed cannibal
3