Dressage (2) (or poncing about on horses)

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A la de da, hooray henry, pass me the gin please Tarquin cunting for the “sport” of dressage.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Some posh toff tart called Charlotte Dujardin (such a classical British surname) has become the most decorated UK wimminz Olympian.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/olympics/58000595

Her “sporting” achievement?

Getting a horse to prance about, stop, trot, stop, trot some more, and have wonderfully combed hair seems about the size of it.

Sport? This…is a fucking sport?

Fuck right off you posh prancing cunt.

Nominated by: GeneralZod

79 thoughts on “Dressage (2) (or poncing about on horses)”

  1. Some very nice little bottoms in jodpers on display amongst the female contingent mind. I can tolerate the ‘sport’.

  2. I love everything horse but even I must admit that dressage is fucking dreadful.

      • Evening,K.

        No denying that it’s impressive being able to train a horse to do that but it just seems so fucking pointless and unnatural to me…it’s a bit like putting an elephant in a tutu and training it to stand on it’s hind legs when someone plays ” Dance of the Sugar Plum F@iry”

      • Cunts will pay to see that too…know what you mean. though. Just thought that in that clip, the cuntishness of the concept was mitigated by the fluid perfection of its execution. Or something like that. !0X better than the Dujardin effort, anyway.

      • “Hanoverian, I believe. Perfect.”

        Superb! Nice one Komodo. Used to to a bit of hacking out 30odd years ago and can fully appreciate the incredible skill and ‘conformation’ on display there.

        “…but it just seems so fucking pointless and unnatural to me…”

        I believe it was born out of cavalry training and the need to manoeuvre a horse in formations, crowd control and ‘in the thick of it’ close quarter, sabre slashing combat.

  3. On the same level as Prince Philip´s carriage “racing” where he put on a bowler hat, flasher´s raincoat and steered an unwieldy rag and bone man´s cart pulled by a team of would-be Clydesdales through fords in rivers. Ben Hur it wasn´t.

    • My father in-law used to do that.
      The carriage racing, and did it for Phil the greek.
      Not sure why he did it?
      Anyway, dressage!
      Im all for it.
      All horses should be taught to dance.
      Civilised.

  8. Dressage is great. Fit gels in top hats, jodhpurs and boots, being all strict with horses. Much more exciting that footie. The cunts are busy putting the knee in at Wembley to mark the start of the new shitfest.

  9. At least its only the horse prancing, it could be worse, step forward Tom Daly you embarrassing mincing twat, not to mention all the other non sports in this Olympics, at least its costing the rinky drinks millions and not us this time…… Waste of airtime, oxygen and its boring me beyond belief.
    BMX FFS went out in the 80,s, skateboarding is only for kids and cunts… Remenber that cunt with the coffee, still makes me laugh ad the only good skateboard action I have seen in a long time….

  10. Along with the Tennis, a sport for the rich and elite. You never see a bloke or a bird from a council estate taking part. I’m not a tennis fan but I’ll say this for the US, they go into the projects to search out sports talent. No snobbery just finding the best. This is why they win the most golds every Olympics.

  11. Jodhpurs erm lovely erm em
    The first sight of a horsey women always gave me the horn when I was young 12
    They were ahead of their time those jodhpurs
    Nowadays every fat fuck slag is wearing cheap ski pants
    It’s just not the same and no horn sadly

    • They’re all up for it, these young ladies who spend their time sitting on horses. They want to feel something big and powerful and alive between their legs.

      • Standing outside in a football stadium in Glasgow many years ago I heard a tipsy fan tell a policewoman on top off a horse that her horse was sweating to which she replied so would you be if you were between my legs. Class banter from the Glasgow polis .

    • For some reason best known to herself, my mother (raging snob, Dog rot her soul, if indeed she had one) decided, about 4 months short of my 9th birthday, that I had to have riding lessons. She got me pounced up like little Lord Fauntleroy, insisted on picking me up from school 20 mind before end of day (further embarrassment).
      I was crap, but I spent long enough at it to develop a fixation on one of the stable girls (prob about 14 yo), who was quick to grab an opportunity (and something else…). It’s stuck in my mind, very pleasantly.

    • For some reason best known to herself, my mother (raging snob, Dog rot her soul, if indeed she had one) decided, about 4 months short of my 9th birthday, that I had to have riding lessons. She got me pounced up like little Lord Fauntleroy, insisted on picking me up from school 20 mind before end of day (further embarrassment).
      I was crap, but I spent long enough at it to develop a fixation on one of the stable girls (prob about 14 yo), who was quick to grab an opportunity (and something else…). It’s stuck in my mind, very pleasantly.

  13. Some dressage coach cunt was bunged out of the Wokyo Olympics the other day for punching a horse in the face. I’ve often wondered what cruelties are inflicted on horses to get them to p*nce about so unnaturally.
    But of course this is a toffs only “sport” so no cunt asks any questions. Toffs and pikeys can do what they like to horses and nobody says a fucking word. When was the last time you saw donkey rides on a beach?

    • Glad I don’t see donkeys on the beach anymore
      Donkey’s are the most depressed species of horse
      I do love pony’s though ,very forgiving
      And a Shetland pony is a joy to behold, strong cunts too

      • Ginger biscuits.
        Cheers donkeys up.
        No shit,
        Give one a ginger biscuit and its your mate for life.

      • The mecca for it is ‘The Spanish Riding School’ in Vienna. The terms are similiar to ballet.

      • Wont be long till they update it,
        Have them street dancing to hip-hop.

      • Must remember that MNC
        My grandfather was a horse carer
        He served in turkey looking after the gun carriage horses WW1
        When he returned home he still cared for horses in the felling of trees until he died, about six months after retirement . God bless him

      • I feed some donkeys when walking the dog Mecuntry.
        Something dead sad about them isnt there?
        Like theyve been dumped by the girlfriend and listen to The Smiths.
        Poor buggers.

    • Listening to Morrissey 😂😂
      If there was ever a face that describes animal farm
      It’s a donkeys

  14. When Dame Barbara Cartland was asked by a TV reporter if the British class system had chaned in her life time she replied ‘Of course it has or I wouldnt be talking to you’.
    I thought of this in the pub watching this Lady being interviewed. Her eyes just said ‘why am I talking to these plebs’.

    • Miles@
      Serious question, not a pisstake.
      Do Christians revere the donkey?
      Would of thought theyd contribute to donkey sanctuary and adopt a donkey etc.
      Sort of a thanks for everything you did?

      • Yes Miserable. Anne Widdecombe runs a charity for neglected donkeys in the Middle East.

        And there is of course the famous poem by Chesterton-

        The Donkey
        BY G. K. CHESTERTON

        When fishes flew and forests walked
        And figs grew upon thorn,
        Some moment when the moon was blood
        Then surely I was born.

        With monstrous head and sickening cry
        And ears like errant wings,
        The devil’s walking parody
        On all four-footed things.

        The tattered outlaw of the earth,
        Of ancient crooked will;
        Starve, scourge, deride me: I am dumb,
        I keep my secret still.

        Fools! For I also had my hour;
        One far fierce hour and sweet:
        There was a shout about my ears,
        And palms before my feet.

      • Nice poem that.
        Endearing animals donkeys, I remember S Lee onstage once saying ” I know you fuckers download my dvds instead of buying them, why not every time you do that, donate a couple of quid to the donkey sanctuary.”
        That’s what got me started donating to them.

  15. This being a minority sport almost exclusively the reserve of the Raif and Penelope brigade, the bbc are naturally all over it. That and the fact this particular wimminz is the most decorated female Olympian in British history etc etc blah fucking blah. Regardless of how many medals this tart has, how the fuck can they mention her in the same breath as track and field athletes? But for the beeb it’s all about medals, medals fucking medals. I can’t wait for this shit show to end, I really can’t. But then we have to endure the spectacle of these lottery funded freeloaders being showered with MBEs, knighthoods, damehoods, lifetime contracts at the bbc, sports cunt of the year awards and anything else some sycophantic cunt has dreamt up. Fuck the lot if em!

  16. I think the UK got a bronze in the shooting.
    The stabbing results aren’t in yet.

    • Should definitely come away with a medal or two in the stabbing
      Plenty of diversity representing that skill set
      Possibly gold , silver and bronze
      The sheet won’t be clean though

  17. Wimmin look great in jodpers. Pretty sure they serve no actual function besides accentuating the curves.

    But, they’re all fucking mental.

  18. Against: makes a very handsome animal look like a complete cunt.

    Neutral: really only for rich cunts. But as a riding stable owner once told me, “If you think anyone’s making money out of horses, you’re mad.” I assume she had forgotten about bookies, though.

    For: Like Fiddler, I am very much for horses, but for that one reservation. The riders are absolute obsessives, dedicated, and for the most part proud of and kind to their mounts. They never stop learning, and dressage requires an astonishing amount of control and communication with an animal which is dumb enough to let you sit on it.

    Riding is the last surviving European martial art, too.

    • When you first sit on a full horse , you know it’s something special
      The commanding position gives one a sense of what our forefathers had as means of transport and work
      I’ve been lucky to have had that experience in my youth
      I also have been kicked in the hole, stood on and bitten by bastard horses
      They call those horses with having character
      All in all I do respect the people who care for them as it’s a 24/7 job of love

  20. I have more sympathy for a classic like ‘horsemanship’ that a pile of shite like skateboarding, stupid little cunts flicking them down the high streets

    Eventing – cross country, jumping and dressage is fine but all this ‘inclusion’ in the Olympics is a joke, scrambling up a wall, ffs, it’s more like it’s a knockout without the silly costumes.

    • Same Sicky.
      Skateboarding and BMX is a fairly modern urban kids pursuit.
      Horsemanship is something our forefathers prized .
      From cavalry to the ploughman a horse was vital,
      Genghis khan and the mongols (not a punk band) prized skill on horseback,
      As did American Indians (still do)
      Wish I had learnt to ride as a kid rather than dicking about playing on rope swings.

      • We used to ride em barebacked MNC
        They weren’t our horses I can assure you
        In the piss’n rain we’d take a chance and hold on to the main
        They were usually cobs or pony’s
        Some stink off your pants when you came home to your mother’s chastising
        Happy days

  21. 2.4 trillion war in Afghanistan and the Taliban who have lots of donkeys (just to stay relevant to the thread) are walking back into Kabul resuming control as the Americans withdraw
    You’d have to wonder , the sanity of decisions made by western countries
    It must be the money
    An old ex military commander who was there during the 1940’s said on sky news to Kate burley just before the invasion of Afghanistan “ you can never buy their
    loyalty, but you can rent it for a period “
    Kate Burely went to an add break immediately
    When sky came back , the guest was no longer in the studio and never was invited for opinions ever again
    I’ll never forget that as I saw it live

  22. Have any horses taken the knee yet?

    If the lady in the pic above tires of sitting on her horse, she’s more than welcome to come and sit on my face instead.

  23. Never liked horses.

    Suspicious acting creatures.

    Downright fucking shifty if you ask me.

    Those eyes, bulging out of their sockets.

    Cannot be bothered to try and understand them,-
    they are too fussy and complicated for a simple man like me.

    Eat that ragwort you finnicky little fucker.

    Or else it’s a visit to the knacker man, – and your next appearance won’t be in the 2024 Olympics, it will be in a Tesco freezer in the form of a Value range burger.

    It is a good job horses cannot use knives.

    I’m certain the bleck ones would be stabbing each other by now if they could.

    Dressage, what is the point?

    Makes a mockery of the animal, and makes it look a bigger cunt than the cunt who is sat on the back of it.

    Finally, a word of advice…..Never trust a man in jodhpurs.

  24. That’s exactly not how to look at a horse Dickvandyk
    Never bother looking into there eyes
    Approach especially a full thoroughbred side ways so your not threatening casually admiring his or her stature occasionally glancing at their eye but not dwelling
    There a bit like doves, they live close to humans but don’t like eye contact or they flap and flutter away
    Try it sometime and your appreciation of the noble beast will be forever enhanced
    Agree with men in jodhpurs, fucking pounces

    • I’ve tried standing to the side.

      But I can’t help looking at the eyes!

      If you stand dead central, they seem to hate that even more. Do they have a blind spot in the middle?

      If you touch the nose bridge they snap their head about.

      Had some success touching the side of the jaw area.

      Soon come racing over when you’ve got some food. If no food they don’t want to know me.

      My mate has kept horses and ponies for years. Don’t get me started on them Shetland ponies. Stubborn little bastards, will not move when you want them to!

  25. Let the horsey talk to you
    Get close but don’t touch , if they settle and are happy to stay alongside you can rub there neck back towards there heart gently
    Have an old apple in the hand also builds up a bit of relationship
    But you either love em cause they won’t love you back if you don’t

  27. Would take a fair grip of the thighs to hang onto those horses, interesting muscle structure (on the lasses)!

    Could be thrilling if not hazardous if you let them on top

  28. Not even top of my list for arse-cringing so-called sports in the Olympics. They stopped synchronised drowning and have now brought it back! (WHY!) But worse appeared at Tokyo – fucking people climbing walls!!
    When they bring in worm-charming I’ll probably get a hard-on!

  29. The young piece in the picture can ride and bounce up and down on my loins any time she likes.

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