Bananas (2)

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I want a right royal, stick-it-down-yer-throat, up-yer-arse and every other bodily orifice cunting for these bendy, yellow, mildly radioactive shit-fruits!

They need banning right off the bat but our government is way too caught up in all the bullshit around this fucking coronavirus!
Speaking of the coronavirus…
Oh, BOLLOCKS!

Sorry admins, I couldn’t resist…😁😁

Nominated by: Megacunt, leader of the Decepticunts

79 thoughts on “Bananas (2)”

  1. Good for piles. They help stop the old (Emma) roid rage in my case.

    By the way, I eat them, I don’t smear them on my arsehole, just for any science cunts out there.

  2. I would have taken more notice of this nom if it correctly classified the banana as a shit berry instead of a shit fruit.

    I fucking hate fruit, berry and seed inaccuracies.

    • Alright, shit-BERRY then! Who’d have thought such squishy little bags of flesh and bone could be so pedantic over classification errors regarding native flora and fauna. Your species hasn’t even developed viable space flight yet you throw your toys out of the pram over such insignificant inaccuracies.
      Pathetic earthlings!

  3. Bananas get a free pass, but lettuce is just a crime – it’s like Ian Brown, alright in a group but not so good alone.

    • Is there anyone in the entire world that has eaten a whole lettuce?

      Mrs Cunter will buy a lettuce and use a few leaves when she wants to impress with fancy sandwiches.

      The rest of the lettuce will then be left in the fridge until it goes black and needs to be chucked out.

      Then she goes out to buy another one and does the exact same thing.

      • If some science cunt grows mini iceberg lettuces with a tiny core, I reckon he’d make a few quid.

        I’d do it myself, but I’ve got no idea how to do it and if I tried, some cunt here (probably DF) would steal my idea, patent it and get rich(er) whilst laughing in my face.

        It may also have already been done, but for some reason we never see them in shops. Google search can fuck off can’t be arsed.

    • As they once sang in a Simpsons episode, “You don’t win friends with lettuce”. Just been reading about how the Vegan Society is full of white supremacists, transphobes and practices cultural appropriation….the snake eating its tail yet again.

  4. Way back 1966 I watched a banana cargo get loaded by a string of local dark keys on one of the Caribbean islands.
    Every time one passed the gangway there stood a tallyman. Up until then I had no idea what the song was about.
    There’s a £5 prize for anyone who knows a more boring dit than that.

  5. Bananas are eaten by two types.
    Monkeys and Ducky Boys.
    I refuse to have them in the home.
    St George chiggun invented the banana butty, sadly taken before he invented anything else.
    Yanks have them with peanut butter the filthy fuckin animals.
    I like English apples and Opal Fruits.
    Thats it for fruit.
    Maybe a tangerine at Christmas?

    • I have them regularly simply because they’re cheap and I like the taste.

      • General Chiggun@
        Just get Banana Angel delight!
        Its tastier, better for you, and not phallic!
        I worked with a bloke who ate a banana once.
        Hes on Broadway now!

    • On the Christmas theme…….

      Why do people persist in buying dates?
      It’s not like they have improved in taste over the decades.

      Every household has a box of dates on the coffee table with just one eaten.
      The box will stay there until it is chucked out about mid January.

      Why not just admit that they are fucking horrible?

      ‘Eat Me’ they are called.

      Fuck right off.

      • Always have dried dates with my muesli. Dried dates, dried figs and dried apricots are just wonderful.

      • My dearly departed dad always bought The Lion of Babylon dates. They were in box with rounded ends. Fucking awful.

    • Did you know, MNC, that The Queen peels her bananas then cuts them up into discs, before eating them with a fork to avoid looking like a monkey when she eats them. Fact.

  6. Bananas? I can’t eat the fuckers. Too much Potassium in them, fucks up my kidneys apparently. So the Doc tells me anyway.

    • Don’t know about that Norman. I take potassium citrate for kidney stones. I love bananas but I’m limited to one a week now because too much potassium isn’t good for my ticker.

  7. Which country is the largest exporter of bananas in the world?

    Ireland.

    All bananas in the world are sent to Ireland for export.

    Not a lot of people know that.

    Sorry but cannot agree with the nomination, bananas wonderful things.

    • You’re right Willie, i hadn’t a clue and was trying to work out the innuendo about Ireland exporting bananas which they do of course but there not yellow there green, poor things

    • When I lived in Switzerland, there was a scandal over Swiss carrots being sent all the fucking way to Poland to be put in plastic bags. Apparently, it saved money. Being an honest sort of bloke (and not a Swiss accountant), I find that one difficult.
      As for bananas, take a pair, destalk them, slit the skins on outer and inner surface, bake in oven, Mk 8 for 20m. Deskin them, sprinkle with a bit of demerara sugar, and flambé with rum. Cream if you like.

  8. I like bananas but I wouldn’t stick one up my arse. Cucumbers are more appropriate…..so my fruity friend told me.

    • In my 62 years happy to report not much has travelled in through the out door with regards to my back passage.

      Can readily think of 3 things, a doctors finger (unfortunately the biggest finger belonging to the biggest black doctor I have ever seen), around the same time an enema when suffering from dehydration/constipation and Mrs Stroker’s tongue (on more than one occasion.

      Brave girl.

      • An ex girlfriend did that to me once. A pleasant experience but an overstimulation of the senses.

  9. Does Sasha Johnson eat them with her feet?
    Or is everything through a tube from now on?
    Just wondering…

      • Afternoon MNC…I can pop the end end of a banana in my mouth, then (without breaking eye contact with someone) use my tongue and front teeth to whittle it into the shape of a bellend.
        Then I withdraw it, show it to the person with whim I’ve had the eye contact then, as they start laughing, put it slowly back in my mouth, making my eyes wider at the same time.
        Am I a closet p00f, do you think?!

      • Evening Thomas!,👍
        Hehehe, naw your not a closet poof, your a deeply disturbed individual,
        And a mischievous pisstaker.
        Welcome to the club.
        Your membership badge and certificate is in the post!

      • Maybe you’re more a performance Artist, TtCE
        They have the share of poofs though ,the artsy world

      • Thomas@
        Rather than being seen as ducky, it wasnt so long ago that a big tash was seen as manly.
        Cowboys, coppers, outlaws etc
        Yosemite Sam.
        But the ducky boys went and spoilt it☹️
        I picture you as that bloke on the Monopoly box?
        But in a terrible eye watering shirt😀

  12. I sometimes suffer quite severe cramps in my calves during the night which I believe is linked to the statins I take following a heart attack five years ago. A doctor advised me that eating bananas might help; to do with the potassium contained therein apparently.

  15. At last, a serious nomination. However it has been trivialised by the shite posted.
    It’s a fucking disgrace.

  16. 5 noms today. I’d have left it at 4. Bananas for fucks sake. I’m off down the pub. Probably have to listen to more shite down there.

    Good job you’re not an admin then isn’t it. Or IS he? *spooky noises* – DA

    • It was just a light-hearted dig. No offence meant. I’m more pissed off that I still can’t access this site from anywhere other than home or others routers. Still getting a sly message telling me to do one. I miss most of the noms now.

  17. Well I find Bananas interesting (no tittering please), having spent many years working in a Port where we unloaded every week a ship from Columbia with Bananas (Chiquita) there are a few odd facts about Bananas, they grow all year round being tropical, hence why supermarkets love them, there is only one variety grown commercial so if it gets wiped out its good bye to your yellow fruit, also they ripen via little holes in the skin, if its faulty you get a grey banana, you should never put Bananas with other fruit it accelerates the ripening process, oh and you get lots of Mr Escobar’s finest marching powder stowed on board and big fuck off spiders.

    • Ive heard about the spiders.
      How they sneak into the UK via bananas.
      Bet within a month theyve a council house a disability car and spoiling things for native UK spiders .

  18. I think the majority of commenters already realise this but for those who can’t see beyond the end of the noses on their ugly little primate faces, this nomination was not only my first but also A TOTAL FUCKING JOKE!!!
    Read the admin’s post on where the Coof nominations have been moved to and the reference to bananas. You might get it then. I doubt it though.
    If I’ve insulted anyone or hurt anybody’s feelings… GOOD!!

    No need to be so defensive now. We also don’t insult fellow cunters on here. Rules apply to all. – DA

  19. Banana split. A banana sliced lengthways, each half placed either side of a generous scoop of Cornish ice cream. A drizzle of real maple syrup and some 100s and 1000s to serve.

    Oh and not forgetting some Askey pompadour wafers to serve.

    Yummy.

  20. A, B, C, D, E Headquarters I will buy you a sweet banana
    A, B, C, D, E Headquarters I will buy you a sweet banana
    Banana, Banana, Banana, I will buy you a sweet banana
    Shield spear and k___kerrie, soldiers in war and peace
    In war she fights with bravery, I will buy you a sweet banana
    One Two and the Depot RAR-O, I will buy you a sweet banana
    One Two and the Depot RAR-O, I will buy you a sweet banana
    Banana, Banana, Banana, I will buy you a sweet banana
    Shield spear and k___kerrie, soldiers in war and peace
    In war she fights with bravery, I will buy you a sweet banana
    Rhodesia, Burma, Egypt ne Malaya takarwa tika kunda
    Rhodesia, Burma, Egypt ne Malaya takarwa tika kunda
    Muhondo, Muhondo, Muhondo Inorwa no kushinga
    Nhowo pfumo netsvimbo ndiyo RAR-O
    Muhondo ne runyararo ndichakutengera sweet banana
    A, B, C, D Support Headquarters ndidzo ndichapedza hondo dzoze
    A, B, C, D Support Headquarters ndidzo ndichapedza hondo dzoze
    Banana, Banana, Banana ndichakutengera sweet banana
    Nhowo pfomo netsvimbo ndiyo RAR-O
    Muhondo ne runyararo ndichakutengera sweet banana

    Bananas have a special place in my heart cunters!!!

  22. Smoking dried banana scrapings gets you high.

    Not a lot of people know that.

    • B&WC was recently outed as the love child of Dianne Flabbott and Commie Corbyn. He was so ashamed that he vowed never again to set foot in the hallowed corridors of the mighty castle ISAC.

      • I thought he’d come a cropper during
        ‘ Operation Lady ‘s Back Garden ‘
        An arsehole too far.
        Rampant dysentery.
        It was only a matter of time.
        The filthy degenërate.
        Evening, Thomas.

      • Things are going pretty well. Getting a few weekends away. Recently, we’ve managed to mither the good folk of Northumberland, Worcestershire and Anglesey.
        Work is busy and I can’t get over how quickly this year is passing.
        Things ok with you ?

      • Damned right! Finally got rid of the old bag (cost me vast amounts of money but worth every penny) and am now happily growing great quantities of very high quality naughty green stuff…being single fucking rules!

      • Before you know it, you’ll be staying up late 😀
        Speaking of which.
        Time for bed.

  25. Foreign bananas make your skin darken, hair curly and are banned here. New Holland is self sufficient in bananas, Prince Philip brought them to us in 1952. Praise be unto Yasur.

  27. So now I’ve incurred the ire of the high and mighty admins! BIG FUCKING DEAL! Unless you hadn’t noticed, oh holier than thou arbiters of everything bullshit in the world; I’M A MISERABLE FUCKING SARCASTIC CUNT! IT’S WHAT I DO!
    I’m leader of a group of alien robots whose only purpose for existence is to be a complete bunch of cunts to every other life form in the universe! We’ve come to this planet in the form of total fucking cunts and to disguise ourselves, we transform… into total fucking cunts! If this is too much for you then we shall take our cunting elsewhere where it’ll be appreciated. Farewell ugly bags of mostly water!!

    (P.S. This is simply caricature stuff. If I have offended or insulted others on this board it was not my intent and I apologise. I just wanted to have some fun with a few like-minded people. The part I said about being a miserable fucking cunt is true though. Thanks.)

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