Amateur Exorcisms (Hossam Metwally)

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Amateur Exorcisms carried out by NHS staff are a cunt, apparently.

In the old days it was eminent men of the cloth that carried out the expulsion of demons eg Father Lankester Merrin. Nowadays, apparently, they are carried out by random cunts eg Mr Metwally. Mr Metwally, an NHS Trust anaesthetist – how fucking terrifying is that? – is accused of administering a ‘noxious substance’ to his girlfriend during a ritual. She was left fighting for her life.

Amateur Exorcism Goes Badly Wrong

Stories like this are enough to make your head spin.

Nominated by: Twenty Thousand Cunts Under the Sea

88 thoughts on “Amateur Exorcisms (Hossam Metwally)”

  2. An interesting case, but not as odd as it might seem. I know quite well a couple who appear perfectly normal (and in many ways actually are), but who – if the truth of their private lives were to become public – are actually not.

    Hardly news though, is it?

    • Neck Boil, CS?

      Genuine question: what is this obsession of yours with changing identities?

      • It’s the same “identity”, RTC, as you were able to tell from the Gravatar which is generated by the email.

      • Of course – Farmer Giles, Sea Breeze, etc.

        Do you actually know the answer to my question?

      • Yes, I actually do not.

        Unless you’re simply attention seeking. If that’s the case, didn’t you do well!

      • I can tell that you have failed to see the wood for the trees, RTC.

        It certainly isn’t “attention seeking”, and in effect rather the opposite. Some of those Gravatars with associated images I’ve used (like the girlfriend’s bum, Winston Churchill’s “Deserve Victory” bow tie poster, the lawnmower &c) could be classed as a form of “attention seeking”, but no more so than your own Patrick McGoohan (or Vincent Price, Kenneth Williams &c).

        Do you really not know the answer to your question, RTC? It is actually extremely straightforward, completely obvious and perfectly understandable.

        (Evening all – Day Admin)

        And it’s evening from me too CS. Do you not remember my warning from the other week? – A different Admin

      • Evening CS.
        Just tell us.
        Id of thought its multiple aliases to avoid being vaped by admin?
        I liked the Lawnmower one.
        That and your own amusement.

      • I will endeavour to curb my curiosity in future.

        One final question: got any spare Quaaludes?

      • More interestingly, and back to the reply I made above, the couple I know are “swingers”. Proper, fully-paid up members of that fraternity too, involving activities that are certainly bordering on the legally-actionable.

        However they both appear 100% respectable fifty-somethings; she has worked all her life in office administration and currently has a well-paid job as a senior HR manager with a large national firm (of solicitors, as it happens!). He was a senior loss adjuster with a large insurance company, but started his own business around ten years ago after redundancy. He currently employs around 50 staff and the business generates around £10 million annually. Basically, he is now a rich man.

        Nowt queerer than folk.

        (Oops – Day Admin)

      • I suppose if you are writing different names on coffee cups for customers all day it’s hard to stop.

      • Can’t see that reply to RTC was any kind of transgression, or any hint in that directionA different admin. I was simply replying to his (slightly disparaging) inquiry. Ta for the quėer de-moderation, btw.

        Do they write names on coffee cups, Gutstick? I must admit it’s some years since I’ve been in a Cafe Nero, but there was no requirement at that time to give them your name. I can see why they might write a description of the order on the cup, but not a name.

        Funny how do you do!

      • I seem to recall CS was getting married to his imaginary girlfriend sometime around this time, in an exotic location naturally.

        I’m sure we all hope their nuptials went perfectly as planned and wish them nothing but the very best for the future.

      • You remember correctly, RTC. Nothing imaginary about it, though. I wish I could say the same for the continuing global crisis, which has rather put such matters on hold.

      • Absolutely off topic, shame on you!

        Compare penis sizes in some other forum, please?

      • No JP, my comments about the swinger couple I know were totally on-topic, the rest was in reply to RTC’s enquires. Shame on him, perhaps, but I can’t see how it matters in the slightest.

  3. Doctors doing exorcism?!!
    Well the numb bitch dated him so lack any sympathy.
    Wonder what he injected her with?
    Bet it was nanobots!!
    What was he planning on doing to her?
    He looks a bit like Jerry Lewis?
    In fact he looks like the doctor who did my covid jabs!!
    Lucky escape eh?
    Only side effects I had was a sore arse and my undercrackers were on back to front…….
    Hey!!! Wait a minute?!!!

    • I was wondering what signs of possession his girlfriend had exhibited? Speaking backwards, making the furniture move about, vomiting green slime? Or maybe she didn’t have his supper ready when he came home from a long day putting people under.? Or perhaps she walked in front of him in public?

      What a massive cunt.

  5. Apparently this ritual went on for ages.
    I thought you were only allowed to exorcise for one hour per day….

  6. The power of Christ compels thee!
    The power of Christ compels thee!

    Love a good exorcism me.
    Your mother sucks cocks in Hull!
    Right saucy bleeders them demons!
    But not they have rights just like us!
    Possession is nine tenths of the law…

      • I’ve banged worse, and on the plus side, she’s gullible as fuck, you could tell her to suck my magic bellend three times daily until you get all the medicine out.
        Silly bint.

      • None taken. I’m not as young and handsome these days, so I’ve had to let standards drop considerably. You should see the crones that pop up on tinder, make her look like Claudia Schiffer. 😒

      • Must have been the shiver of guilt that made me think it was me.
        Never mind double jabbed, double bags is more appropriate these days, one for her, and one for me if hers slips…

      • @RTC I’m far too blasé to get offended. Also, I set the bar low so that it widens my choice but I do think she’s sexy.

        @Mis I suspect that she’s currently far from upright.

    • Not bad looking at all for a mental – my lucky escapes were a lot worse, apart from the Jap one – deceptive cunts :). As my old man told me, there’s marrying and shagging types, they’re not the same (paraphrased).

  9. Diversity is our strength once again. I wonder what shithole we imported this cunt from? The NHS will probably run with it and start offering Voodoo rituals or an African witch doctor prescribing me powdered albino penis for my jippy back.

  11. He probably was injecting her with caliphate to banish the evil spirits she carried from before becoming his girlfriend
    Her body couldn’t stomach it and began to shut down
    Just like all the services and all the public amenities when a dose of caliphate is introduced

  12. Rentaghost not involved?
    Clearly a scam then.
    But some of the puns on this nom have been “hellish”!
    Mate of mine was a dyslexic devil worshipper – sold his soul to Santa..

  13. Methinks his “girlfriend” is as dumb as he is evil.
    I wonder if he purchased her?

  14. Did she shout, Mohammed is a gay, Pork chops for dinner, Muslims kiss carpets cos they hope to take a portion up the ass, he gave her a dose of Pfizer Biontech laced with AZ Oxford, triple strength.

    Lethal in the wrong arm.

    • https://youtu.be/D0bZofM6EOU
      Mark E Smith had to get one in.
      Its a right problem,
      A good exorcist charges about the same hourly rate as a plumber.
      But doesn’t have to be corgi registered.
      Me?
      Keep the ghostie!
      Chances are theyre white, remember old stuff,
      Bit of company isnt it?

      • You’d have needed more than an exorcist to sort ME Smith’s head out.
        That was filmed in the Woodthorpe, Joey Holt’s onetime abode I believe.

  16. Who is he trying to fool?

    Exorcism my arse, attempted murder more like!

    What a cunt.

  18. Unbelievable that a man of science – a doctor – can believe in spirit possession and exorcisms.

    But exorcism is on the increase. With the failure of modern medicine and psychology to resolve difficulties, demons and satanic forces are blamed.

    It seems this doctor does not believe that medicine and science is all it’s cracked up to be and instead resorts to demons.

    Exorcism and demonology is the last refuge of mentally unstable cunts.

  20. Amateur exorcists? Like professional fuckers would be better. What a load of shite. Always makes me laugh is those American cunts who do it onstage, and it’s even funnier when someone has dubbed video game noises over it.
    Anyone who believes this tripe needs sectioning.

    • That seems a bit unfair, Gutstick.

      It is probably safe to engage an exorcist provided he is trained to NVQ level four as that means that he will have taken a nine month course and an examination providing him with a ‘specialist and detailed level of learning.’ Anything less that level four would be dodgy, obviously.

    • Amateur exorcist or professional exorcist. Same Same.

      Bit like those poor people shot in Plymouth and ‘special’ prayers were offered.
      Wtf are special prayers?

  21. Fucking head the ball twat. likewise his daft girlfriend.. Would love to know what sort of ceremony he was performing could have been the golden foil hat recall of wokish spirits or such like. We are paying this cunt to fill his girlfriend with a lethal combination of drugs. Suppose suspended on full pay as per the norm, fucking bastard.

    • Innocent until proven guilty, etc, etc.

      Bet he’s in hiding in a TraveLodge somewhere alongside the M18.

      If he isn’t, he ought to be!

  22. Just learn to do exorcisms on yoochoob and save the trouble. Maybe there is a kit available with the items you would need? (Crosses, Boble, holy water, robe, & face shield for projectile vomit) From Amazon maybe?

  26. Got a really funny true story but quite long and can’t be arsed to one finger type it. Buy my autobiography if I ever write it.

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